Why I put my kids to bed at 7:00 … it is a hot topic, that’s for sure! Yes, our kids are in bed around 7:00 every night and asleep by around 7:30 every night.
Our older kids are in bed later (around 8:00 or 8:30, because they need less sleep, but that didn’t start until they turned nine years old. If they are younger than 9, they go to bed between 7 & 7:30.)
Before I begin- remember that this works for us, not for everyone. ♥
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Last week, a fellow blogger shared my post about what to do when your 2 year old is still waking at night. In the post I talked about our early bedtime and gave some life-changing advice for our toddler that was waking up. That post led someone to leave the comment “Who puts their kid to bed at 7:00 pm?”
WE DO.
Yes, We have always gotten a lot of negative feedback on this, but it works for us. I know that 7:00 is early. I know that it cuts into their day, but I can tell you that I would rather have happy kids for 12 hours a day than tired or grumpy kids for 13 hours a day. (Our older kids wake up at 7:00 no matter what time they go to sleep. Really!)
Our four YOUNG kids play hard during the day. They run around a lot and they spend a lot of time outside with us.
This means that at the end of the day… they are TIRED. They DO NOT nap anymore and they are just plain worn out by 7:00, even if they don’t want to admit it (and they never do! haha!) We have tried to push this back when we are on vacation, but they just aren’t as relaxed and easy-going the next day. They are a little more on edge, just like we are (as adults) when we don’t get the rest that we need. I put them to bed early because I want them to be smiling & ready to take on the day. 🙂
Plus- the are usually asleep in 5-15 minutes, so I know they are tired.
Do they ever stay up late?
YES! Once a month they each stay up late for Their Special Night. Plus, every night, our oldest son gets to have Read-Alone time in his room before bed, too. Or they can read their spelling words while they fall asleep with this little hack.
If that have football or wrestling, they are up even later, but we AIM for an early bedtime! Our younger children have a really hard time waking up for school at 7:00 am when he doesn’t get his full 12 hours of sleep, so I do try to get him to bed as early as possible. I want him to be able to focus at school, be energetic in play and at his sports and be happy at home! This little chart can help you to know how much sleep they truly need…
Kidshealth.org says:
“Most kids between 5 and 12 get about 9.5 hours a night, but experts agree that most need more. When your body doesn’t have enough hours to rest, you may feel tired or cranky, or you may be unable to think clearly. You might have a hard time following directions, or you might have an argument with a friend over something really silly. A school assignment that’s normally easy may feel impossible, or you may feel clumsy playing your favorite sport or instrument.
One more reason to get enough sleep: If you don’t, you may not grow as well. That’s right, researchers believe too little sleep can affect growth and your immune system — which keeps you from getting sick.” All in all- sleep is important! Your kids need it, even if they don’t WANT it.”
I am not saying that this is right for you. My husband and I both work from home, so this works for us. Two of our kids are home with us during the day and our other two kids are home from school by 3:30 every day, so we have plenty of time with them.
Before he worked from home, I used to have the kids showered and in their pajamas before he got home, to give us more time together. Remember that it is quality over quantity.
This does not happen every night, but it’s our goal. Most nights, one of our kids will be at practice until 8:00, so of course bedtime is later on that night. (A few years ago, when my youngest kids were 3 & 5, they would fall asleep in the car at 6:00 on our way to drop the older kids off at practice… and I just take them up to bed and they sleep ALL NIGHT LONG. They never wake up during the transition to bed. I know it’s crazy, but when I try to wake them, they are NOT happy, so on those nights, I just let it go).
Oh- and one last thing… it is good for your marriage. My husband and I see each other all day long while we work from home or while we are spending time with the kids, but at night we have time to watch a show, play a board game, etc… Now, I am not saying that this is why we put them to bed early or that it is why we started, because it’s not, but we do enjoy that time together. Did you know that the #1 fear of preteens and teenagers is divorce among their parents? Quality time together, with your spouse, reduces this risk greatly.
Remember- our bedtime certainly isn’t for everyone, but it works for us. It is healthy for our kids to get that amount of sleep and it helps them overall. Quality sleep + healthy foods make a huge difference in our kids.
On the other hand, for those of you that have a late bedtime, my very dear, long-time friend, Julia, keeps her kids up well past 10:00 and it works for them. I know that I need to wait until 11:00 or later to talk to her on the phone.
Do what works best for your family.
I hope this helped to shed a little light on families with early bedtimes. Sleep well… no matter the time!♥
Ps- more posts you might like:
When you have another minute- my favorite posts… Dear 4th child and When you realize that you are done having babies…
Belinda says
I’m in complete agreement with you! It’s so, so important for kids to get the sleep that they need, for all of the reasons that you cite. We aim to get our two children (aged 2 and 4) to bed by 7pm, and they generally wake up some time between 7 -8am in the morning.
It’s also important to my husband and I to have some quiet time together every evening, once the kids are in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- so true! Ours wake around the same time. 🙂
Tina Kachmar says
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Remember that next time someone makes you feel guilty enough to make you have to explain yourself. Keep doing your thing. There will always be someone doing something different. Happy to read that you and your husband make time for each other. That’s what people should be complimenting you on. Just my two cents.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks!! 🙂
Kim Howell says
I totally agree, I have custody of my son’s son he is six yrs old. I put him to bed now later than 8pm, but we are laying in bed by 7pm watching the goodnight show and various. This time is our cuddle slow down time. My grandson is the first child I know that if our schedule gets pushed back he’s tugging on me beginning cmon nan it’s time for bed. I should mention this is on top of a two hour nap that he refuses to go with out. I should mention he is disabled he has autism and epilepsy and still sleeps with me he came to me at 4 Mo having night terrors so if anyone can help me get him in his own bed. I have tried many things including letting him fall asleep on the couch and sneaking off to bed but by 1am he comes crying and stumbling into my room to crawl in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH wow- that’s great that you are able to take care of him like that.
Carie says
I agree 100%! If it works for your family, why should anyone feel they need to voice their negative opinion! I have an almost 11 year old and 9 year old. They go to bed by 7:30 as often as I can manage. They are asleep within a few minutes and pleasant the next day!!!
ag says
My sibling is withholding her children (my niece & nephew) from important family events. The kids miss out due to strict parental bedtime rules (mostly her husbands rules). My Niece and Nephew have missed out on family weddings, every single birthday, Christmas night, and the list goes on. They are 4 and 5 years old… imagine not attending one single event because the parents are afraid the kids being a bit ratty the next day. These kids are a huge part of my life, and they missed my wedding because their parents couldn’t deal with the kids being a bit agitated the next day… I was incredibly upset, I included the kids in the wedding party, however they were whisked away before the reception :_(
Jessica says
It actually sounds like the rest of the family is being insensitive to the fact that they have kids and need to plan things earlier if it’s that important to you that they be there. I’m sure they want to be there but as a mom of 3 kids (6yo 3.75yo, 3.5 months) I have missed things because of bedtime and when I choose not to it takes more than one day to right the ship and I regret it and say it won’t happen again! It sounds like you don’t have kids and maybe everyone else has forgotten what it’s like to have little kids. I’m surprised your parents especially your mother hasn’t said as much to you. Try walking in her shoes and watch the kids for a week and keep them up like you say and see what happens. Trust me you’ll be changing your tune, lol. Not trying to be mean here but before I had kids I thought I knew better too but really I just had no clue!!! 😉
Jennifer L. says
I know this is old, but wow! Your sibling is doing you an enormous favor by not having her 4 and 5-year-old kids attend late night family events! Wired small kids are not a lot of fun. If she weren’t whisking them off to bed, they’d be climbing the XMas tree, diving into the wedding cake or laying on the floor screaming. You might think young kids are fun after 8 pm, but the novelty wears off on the people who have to set limits for them. If they stay up for some special occasion, they won’t just politely go to sleep after like mature humans. They’ll scream, whine and writhe on the floor when we attempt to put their PJs on and forget getting teeth brushed. I have three kids and we never do late night outings any more. The after effects are just a beast. Maybe you could offer to put the kids to bed for your sibling after some late night family gatherings and see how that works out. And no, you can’t pass the torch back to the parents when they’re up at 1 a.m. still and screeching like wild animals and running in circles around the house insisting that they’re not tired! Even if you’re tired and ready to pass out on the floor. You must stay awake and get them to sleep! It’s a ton of fun! I’d rather miss the wedding, quite honestly!
Ramona says
I know how you are feeling,i am from Romania (Europe). I always feel I have to explain why my 18 months toddler is in bed by 6.45 pm (she sleeps all night, no wake ups) and sleeps 11-12 h/night. If I am trying to put her at 7.30 pm she is so tired that she will sleep less (like 10 hours and her sleep is so agitated). I am getting so frustrated so many times when I have to explain myself why I am doing this. For me this is working… indeed, during the summer days I would like to go out with her later(because of the heat) but we manage that also, it is also frustrating that all of the toddler programs (groups working together, playing, English classes, etc) start from 6pm. But we manage to have QUALITY time together.
Anastasia says
Thank you so much for such a wonderful article. I love it. I also put my 2 year 3 month old in the bed by 7pm.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our kids just do better with an early bedtime. Looks like yours do, too. 🙂
Stacie says
Hi- I stumbled across this article today. I am quite curious to know how you get all four kids ready for bed in one hour and including dinner? We have four kids as well. To get dinner, cleanup, pjs, toothbrushing and family worship time all done in one hour sounds amazing. I am intrigued. Right now it takes us from 7-8:30pm to get all that done (often not including dinnertime).
Also, how does this work when the sun starts to stay out longer?
Our kids start kindergarten in the fall and we need to figure out how to get bedtime routine to not take so long.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our 3 boys take showers, so they are about 10 minutes & can do it by themselves. I just have to give our daughter a bath. They come down for dinner in their PJ’s, so its just dinner (which lasts about 20 minutes. If it takes much longer than that, they are just ‘goofing off’ and dinner ends. They know this. If they are eating or talking to us, no rush- but if not, we don’t really let them just “play around” or anything). They usually get a quick snack after dinner (an orange, a cup of frozen yogurt, a cup of yogurt, a handful of goldfish). So now its around 6:30. They clean up the kitchen with us (everyone clears the table) and then they go right upstairs to brush their teeth and use the bathroom. Lately we have been doing prayer time with each of them alone, so I tell them to each go into their room & pick out their bible story. IF they are in the beds, ready, we get to read the story & then I lay with them, etc…
If they are NOT in their beds, waiting for me, I read the story and put them to bed. I tell them that they have LOST time with me because they were being silly. They don’t like this, so they always want to go right to sleep.
The sun being out later is hard, but we don’t waiver on bedtime. I just tell them the truth- the sun is out because people used to work on farms, even the kids, and they needed it to be lighter longer. They were not busy working on the farm all day and they will not be staying up late like the farmers did. 🙂 They don’t argue with me at all on this because it wasn’t even an option to stay up (except on weekends – which is usually around 7:30 or 8).
Hope that was helpful!! 🙂
Nohra says
I do the same. My son is 9 years old and since he started Pre-K he has been going to bed by 7:30 – 8:00 pm, except Fridays and Saturdays, because on Sunday we go back to 8:00 pm . It has worked great for me. Children do need at least their 10-12 hours of sleep especially during the school nights. My son never has problems waking up in the morning to go school. Does great when in his school, has played in a soccer team which practiced twice a week and still I managed to have him in bed by 8:00pm. I learned this from my sister how she would put my nephew to be a specific time in be, and boy have that been a plus in my life. Thanks for your post and like others have said, if it has worked for you keep it up. Also it has helped me to avoid him watching or hearing inappropriate advertisements that come on TV past 6:30pm which we have no control over even on rated G or family programs.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree- they just wake up feeling better when they have had enough rest.
PS- great point about the TV advertisements!
Linaka says
Thank you for writing about this. I get a lot of flack from friends and family for the 7 pm bedtime. We played around with having my son go to bed later, but he’s really a bear the next day. The later he goes to bed, the earlier he wakes up! He just turned 6 and is still sleeping 12 hrs on average. He’s really tall (4’5″), so maybe I should keep him up so he’ll stop growing so much. 😉
We have dinner at 5:30, bedtime prep starting at 6:30. When he had t-ball we had to move his schedule a little later, but he ate in the car on the way and usually got to bed only 15-10 min late. It is workable.
By the way, daylight savings is not for farmers. It was started by the Germans during the WW1 to save on fuel costs. Check out John Oliver Daylight savings time, why is this still a thing? We have black out blinds and curtains, so it’s nice and dark in the bedroom yr round.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh no way- good to know!!
natasha says
I agree with you, I’m a single mom with two kidz, I drop them of at 6:00 and only see them just before 5:00. Then its homework, bath, supper and you want to spent some time with them. 7:00 is just not an option in our lives……even at 8:00, I feel sad to put them in bed………
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That would be really hard. I work from home and now my husband does, as well. We really get to be with them most of the day, so it works well for us. You have to find what works in your family and stick with that. 🙂
Bettina says
I liked your reasoning on putting the children to bed early. We put our boys to bed at 8pm from the first day they came home, of course they got up for feedings back then and only slept in our room till they were about 2 months but they never left their bed rooms at night for feedings the rocker was set up in their room.
The time was important to pick up the house, relax and spend time with each other. When they were teens and old enough to negotiate for a different bed time we listened. now I am a grand mother and it is hard to see the grand children are not on a schedule, my son wants one but his wife doesn’t help get that done. anyway not my job they get to hear the whinning. LOL
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 lol!
Rosa says
Hello!
My name is Rosa and I’d like to tell you that I agree to what you say about sleep time.
I am alone with a 27 months daughter. I don’t work since she was born and I spend all the time with her.
I try to put her in bed early but she doesn’t want to as you already mention. So I put her in bed at 20:00 and she sleeps at 20:30. In the morning she wakes up between 06:30-08:00. During the day she sleeps 1-2 hours. Generally our day is quiet,so she doesn’t get tired.How can I make her go at 19:00? I don’t like it when she cries. I want her to sleep in peace. Should I change something or leave it like it is.?
Tnx in advance
april ohlson says
my kids get that bedtime too and it gives me me time at night. they don’t sleep until 9pm but my daughters teacher told her bedtime at 7pm and she is only 5
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I love that her teacher told her that!!!!
Daria says
Completely agree! Its about the family as a whole. But it is clear that children need as much sleep as they can possibly get in order to achieve healthy development.
Sherree says
I have two girls, ages 3 and 4. Their bedtime is 7 pm. I hadn’t thought it when my first was born but my pediatrician recommended “Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Marc Weissbluth. She questioned us regularly about sleep habits and encouraged us to develop a consistent routine and bedtime. I am a strong believer in it now. We have several neighbors with children the same age and younger. They regularly go to bed between 9 and 11 pm. I see the difference in behavior and health. My daughters have had very few colds, no other illnesses, despite being in preschool. They are generally well behaved. Sometimes it doesn’t seem so to me but when I see the behavior of the children around us I see an astounding difference. I do not want to judge other parents but how do you deal with the impact on your children by others who don’t see the value and importance of sleep and an appropriate bed time? I am so frustrated by the activities that are scheduled well past by children’s bed time. I have gotten the looks and comments more times than I can count when I say that my children’s bedtime is 7 pm. Our society as a whole does not share these values. Holiday cartoons aimed at children are coming on at 8 pm or even later. My children are already asleep! My local fire department has decided it is a good idea to ride through the neighborhoods with sirens blaring with Santa on the truck at 8 pm. I am so frustrated by being treated like a freak or a tyrant for putting my child to bed at an appropriate time. Does anyone have any coping strategies?
AG says
My kids, newly 2 and 4, never slept on their own and still go to bed with me – even later than your neighbor’s kids. This is because I am a night owl with intermittent insomnia issues still needing 10 hours a night, and could not fall asleep earlier than midnight even while working a 7-4 office job. Anyway – my kids are both happy, bright (fighting over who gets to name the countries on the world map shower curtain bright) and small on the charts (as was I) but growing well and rarely sick. Never sick enough for a doctor’s visit, actually. No one would EVER guess we have such a weird sleep schedule for the time being. I personally feel like I have to defend myself much more than a parent putting their kids to bed earlier than some norm, because sleeping late seems to automatically equate to a lack of discipline – which in our case, it most definitely is not. If my kids were up at 7am I would be a wreck of a mom, so unfortunately this is what we have to do to ensure everyone is well-rested. And, hey, the kids are loved and THRIVING, so – just thought I’d chime in from the other side 🙂 Different strokes, after all.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol! Exactly- different strokes 🙂
MImom says
Sherree….
You want coping suggestions for putting your kids to bed early and missing out on activities? How about you just record the shows and watch them at a different time? (FYI some of these shows come on at an earlier time in different time zones). Or you don’t get to go to some things because you are a parent and that means sometimes you have to sacrifice. Does Santa ride through the neighborhood nightly? Or is it a one time deal? I mean, really, that’s not a huge deal if it’s one time. So other people don’t put their kids to bed as early as yours. Its your family and you do what is best for you and yours. And others will do what is best for them. We go to bed between 9 and 10 because my kids don’t have to wake up early. And my husband sometimes doesnt get home until 7 or later. An “appropriate” time isn’t as important as the length of sleep. Just because others don’t do things the same way as you doesn’t mean they are wrong. People can value sleep without having their kids in bed by 7. My kids sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning and we miss out on some cartoons, community activities, and play groups, especially on the weekends. But I’m not over here expecting shows to be on at a different time or everyone to stay quiet until my kids wake up. Here is the best “coping” strategy: don’t worry about what others do with their families. Take care of your family and let others do the same. Raise your family the best you can.
kseahag says
For the cartoons you could tape them and watch at your convenience.
As for Santa perhaps one time the bedtime could be adjusted for this.
GAIL KOHR says
I AM OLD SCHOOL , A SENIOR CITIZEN, BUT WHEN MY KIDS WERE GROWING UP MY KIDS WENT TO BED AT EARLY AS POSSIBLE TOO, IT TOOK A LOT OF SLEEP FOR THEM, AND WHEN THEY WERE SMALL THEY ALSO TOOK NAPS TOO.. THEY ALL JUST NEEDED A LOT OF SLEEP… BUT THEY ALWAYS DID REALLY GOOD IN SCHOOL, BECAUSE THEY WERE RESTED. I FEEL SORRY FOR THESE KIDS NOWDAYS, THEIR PARENTS DRAG THEM TO WALMART AT 10PM AT NIGHT WHEN THEY SHOULD BE IN BED, AND THEY ARE JUST DRAGGED AROUND THEY HAVE NO ROUTINE, EVEN THE NEWBORNS,, I SEE AT WALMART AT 10 AND 11PM AND MY HUSBAND AND I ARE THINKING ARE THESE PARENTS JUST CRAZY OR WHAT, THEY JUST DO NOT CARE THEY STAY UP ALL NIGHT TOO, SO I GUESS THE KIDS DO TOO.. SO ,SO, SAD… BUT YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING… MY KIDS FRIENDS USED TOO MAKE FUN OF THEM BECAUSE THEY WENT TO BED EARLY, BUT MY HUSBAND AND I BOTH WORKED AND THAT GAVE US TIME TO REGROUP WITH EVERYTHING AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT DAY… I THINK YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU, PS. ALL OUR KIDS WERE RAISED WITH RULES OF THE HOUSE. AND WE HAVE NEVER, NEVER DEALT WITH DRUGS OR JAIL TIME OR ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE YEARS AGO I HAD A 90 YR OLD WOMAN TELL ME SOMETHING , SHE SAID IF YOU WANT GOOD KIDS AND TO GROW INTO GOOD ADULTS, REMEMBER THIS LITTLE SAYING. NO MATTER IF YOU EVER FEEL GUILTY FOR SPANKING ONE OR WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO CORRECT THEM…. AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID…….WHAT YOU DO FOR TODAY IS FOR TOMORROW……. JUST REMEMBER THAT AND LIVE BY IT AND YOU WILL RAISE WONDERFUL CHILDREN… AND TO BE WONDERFUL ADULTS……. SO GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND REMEMBER THAT LITTLE SAYING ……..LADY FROM TEXAS……
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- we see a really big change in them if they have to stay up later than normal. I prefer them to be in bed and get a good night’s rest. We all (adults included) feel better with adequate hours of rest. 🙂
Thank you for your sweet comment!
Sabine says
I like the article and appreciate how non-judgmental it was. Not impressed by the self-righteous tone of some of the comments left by the readers. Hey crazy Texas lady, maybe go easy on the all caps eh? Not sure avoiding drugs and jail are the gold standard of successful parenting either…just saying. I think it’s true that everyone has to find what is right for them. My kids go to bed around 8 and sleep fairly late. I’m not a morning person so I really don’t want them waking up extra early. We live close to school and have a pretty solid half-hour routine for getting out the door. If I put the kids in bed before 7, I wouldn’t get much time with them since I work.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Sabine. 🙂
Joanne says
To Sebine (the previous commenter): Nice to know we can all comment on not being impressed with the self righteous comments and then turn around and call someone a senior citizen a “Crazy Texas Lady”.
laura says
I agree with you wholeheartedly. They will retain more and be less troublesome with appropriate rest.
Alyssa says
We also put our 3 kids to bed at 7:00pm. Not only does it avoid the late night arguing, whining, and extra messed it allows me and my husband to have daily time together to chat, unwind, and play games together and reconnect. We totally can relate to the criticism from friends but I chose not to listen and do what WE know is best! Great job moms!!
Mel says
Exactly!!!
The best advice my doula ever gave me, when our daughter was a month old, was to put her to bed early, like at 4pm. I started doing it back then, and she would only wake up for nursing through the night, but would otherwise sleep like an angel till the morning.
Now at two years old, we have pushed it slowly back to 6-6:30pm and she sleeps through the night (and even through the diaper change we do, before we go to bed) until 7-30am.
I am so glad, we are doing it this way, not only for her, but for us, we have wonderful evenings with friends over or just us as a couple, and no over tired kid, driving us all nuts.
Rebecca Taylor says
Couldn’t agree more with you, my son is nearly 3 and has had a bedtime of 7 since he was born. I remember sitting in his room at 6 weeks old to settle him down. He plays extremely hard all day and is exhausted. He needs his sleep in fact he is very aware what time bath and bedtime is and even says it is soon and he needs to get ready. He functions better with sleep, is happier with sleep and as he says he grows and mends any ow ows when he has his sleep. As parents we appreciate that he settles well and we can have the evening to ourselves to catch up with the things we can’t do in the day. It shocks me to see people out with their children at 8, 9pm and then these same parents complain that their children won’t go to bed when they do want them to have an early night. Yes this has been detrimental to us being able to go out late, yes as adults our lives have been put on hold for a period of time, but that is it a period of time and our son getting enough sleep to allow him to grow and develop into the charming little character he has become is more than worth it. I am so pleased we are not alone. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Def. not alone here!!
Ana says
I 100% agree!! I have two sons aged 3.5 and 5.5. Bedtime is 6pm every night. We have the same routine of bath/shower, story time then cuddles and maybe a song in bed. Some nights we may be a bit later but rarely any later than 7pm and sometimes as early as 5.30pm (when mummy has HAD ENOUGH!) My boys are full-on and being a single mother I NEED my alone/downtime to relax and unwind. I get a bit upset when I see parents regularly keeping their kids up far too late at night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 haha. yep!
Becca says
To get my kids into bed by 7 would mean I would only see them in the weekends due to my work schedule. Boy do they grow up fast the years flash by before your eyes. My partner and I never seem to get time without them but that suits us fine because unlike many parents we actually enjoy their company. Our kids go to bed later than most yet we know that a lot of children go to bed early but don’t actually sleep and we believe this is so the parents can get “rid” of them. We would prefer to spend those precious moments with them before they disappear. Our kids don’t seem to be at affected by less sleep than their peers health and education wise. Yet people have described us as a bad parents for letting them stay up later. I personally have terrible memories being a child spending countless hours sitting alone in my room because my parents “got rid of me” nice and early for the night. Parents like this always come across to society as the good parents. I am a bad parent but I don’t care because I know that my children will grow up instead with happy and fun memories of us doing things together as a family while all their friends are lying for endless hours staring at ceilings. My kids are incredibly active yet nothing ever is enough to be able to get them to sleep before 9pm so forcing them any earlier just is hopeless and I know this not through lack of trying. They still end up averaging 10 -11 hours a night and based on how the are the next day must mean that is enough. Even if they only get only 9 hours it seems to make no difference. Just my point of view and I don’t blame single parents or stay at home mums. If you you get sick of the sight and sound of your children throughout the day then maybe it is best for everyone’s sanity that you part ways early in the evening like you say you have to do what works for your individual situation. If your child is lucky enough to be able to go straight to sleep at 7pm then that’s wonderful and obviously they need lots of extra sleep to function. I see this with my nephew he is a nightmare and cannot cope the next day if he has a sleepover and has a late night but that is how he is wired his mother is the same. My children’s father and I are night owls and our children share that gene. I just wish people weren’t so critical about night owls we cannot help the way we are wired. As for our childrens bedtimes we have our reasons we know what works for our kids.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh goodness- I could ever get sick of them. <3 Different strokes for different folks, but when our kids go to bed at 7, they are usually sound asleep by like 7:15 (no joke- usually sooner!) Our 2 and 4 year old are asleep by like 7:02! haha. Exhausted!! I even have to wake the little ones the next morning to take their big brothers to school. 🙂 The older ones wake up between 6:50 & 7:45. (I have to wake them up by 7:45 to get ready for school).
Quick Question says
Hi – my first time reading your blog as I stumbled across this post searching for tips on my current situation! We have a very similar parenting philosophy and a similar family structure (kids same ages). I have one question though – are your kids in separate bedrooms? All my hard work is starting to unravel as cheeky mr 4 is creating bedtime chaos. He’s exhausted as are his brothers, but they find it so exciting to be in the same room. A mix of giggles, singing and getting in and out of bed shenanigans end up waking their little brother (18 months) who sleeps in the sunroom. I despise my last words being cross ones to them, but I do invariably end up being cross, taking away cuddlies or sending one to fall asleep in our bed (to transfer back later). They are never usually quiet until 745/8pm. The same child is also an early riser, so anytime around 6am I have him awake and calling to wake everyone else up! Any tips/advice for this scenario? I am genuinely interested in suggestions that we could try. Thanks so much!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- they are all in different rooms. We used to have our oldest kids together but decided to moe them to their own rooms. When they were in the same room, I would sit in the room with them and read a book (to myself) for about 10 minutes until one of them was asleep, or I would stagger their bedtimes. In the morning, I would let the oldest one look at a book in his bed if he was quiet, or use the Kindle with wireless headphones.
I’m sorry- I wish that I could be of more help!
AG says
Becca, I am exactly the same – a night owl, and whether my kids are or just naturally adapted to my odd clock and need for a later schedule I’m not sure. But, I need 10 hours a night myself, and my kids go to bed with me, never having slept on their own even as babies (smart little guys). So, late to bed and late to rise, cause early just might be the death of me 🙂 I hear you on feeling some parents who put their kids to bed so early are just trying to be done with them for the day! However, I hate feeling judged by others simply having my kids up and about with me “late” – as if that by itself is a sign of neglect or lack of discipline and consideration. Obviously we know it’s not, at least for us!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Just remember “different strokes for different folks”, as my grandma used to say. What works for one family doesn’t always work for another. 🙂
Melissa says
Firstly, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You’re doing an amazing job!
Secondly, it’s important that as adults we get some “me” and “us” quality time and we use this time for this. Without it we’d never get to relax and connect.
Lastly, it’s hard enough being a parent and we judge ourselves enough without others doing it too.
Thank you
Yasmina/Mina and Her Blog says
Becky, my kids are going up at 7:00 pm too! After a busy day , i don’t know why i would put them later than 7 pm. They get soo cranky the following morning. I do know a lot of mothers put their children 9 pm or 10 pm and their kids wake up very cranky on school days..I don’t find it very healthy.
The only time I find makes sense for me, when it’s summer time they get to sleep from 8 to 9 pm.
Everyone has his own way.
But i do agree with you!!
Yasmina
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, exactly! 🙂
Cari says
My boys are 21, 14 & 12 (the oldest just happens to have Down Syndrome, OCD, ADD, and ASD as well as sleep issues, as in doesn’t stay asleep, falling asleep usually isn’t the issue). The boys are all in bed by 8:30p on a school night (well the 14 year old is sometimes up later doing homework much to my dismay). I really suspect my youngest (12) still needs a 7:30-8p bedtime but he typically fights sleep if his brothers stay up later than he does. Reason I suspect he needs more? He gets up at 5:45a so he can catch his bus at 6:30a (we leave the house to go to the bus stop around 6:20a) and has a full day. (The 14 year old runs on the same schedule and he probably needs more as well, but too many late nights while at band camp this summer messed up his sleep schedule so he really fights sleep until he is totally worn out.) Both the younger boys will now sleep until 10a or later on the weekends if we let them (another indicator, to me at least,) they aren’t getting enough sleep. I applaud families that keep earlier bedtimes for their kids, in today’s world it is often that to do so requires swimming upstream
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
6:30 am bus- that is going to be hard for us in HighSchool! (they start early, too!)
Tammy says
Cari, I certainly can relate to many things you have said. I have 7 children 24, 23, 21, 17, 15, 13, & 10; when my oldest three were little things ran pretty smoothly and bed time was around 8:30. They would sleep in till about 9 a.m. and that was fine with me since I was a stay at home mom and needed my sleep too. As my fourth and fifth child came along things were for the most part were about the same and bedtime was still at 8:30. When my oldest child was a freshman in high school and I had my seventh child things were a lot more chaotic and the younger ones wanted to stay up later since the older ones would stay stay up to 9, 9:30 or sometimes 10 p.m. since she was in marching band. It became a power struggle which became an everyday battle to get the youngest 4 to bed. I didn’t get much help with my spouse and he would complain that I never had time for him but, he didn’t make it any easier. I guess I kind of failed and became a mean mom and would threaten them to go to bed because I needed my quiet time which I never seemed to get unless I stayed up late and would sometimes go to bed at midnight. It was a vicious cycle, I wish I could say it has gotten better, but it hasn’t. I am now going through a divorce, and by myself in raising the last 5. No one wants to “ever” sleep especially my two high school students, who I know are most likely sleep deprived, because they have to get up at 5 a.m. for early morning seminary, but you can’t tell a teenager that! I am tired of the constant struggle to get them to bed for their own good! They barely get 5 hours sleep sometimes! At times I wish they were younger again because that was so much easier and they did what they were told and didn’t talk back or think they were going to miss out on something if they didn’t stay up. :/
Lisa says
This comment by Tammy is the only comment I can relate to. I want to get my 3 kids to bed earlier, but have very very little help from my husband. In fact, he’s pretty much against getting them to bed earlier than 10pm. I struggle every night to get them to bed by 8:30pm- and that’s early for my husband who uses it as part of his excuse to not help me. He won’t read to them and now refuses bath time. I know he’s in his office looking at Reddit most of the time instead of doing all the “work” he’s claiming needs to be done. I’m trying my best, but getting only about 4 to 5 hours of sleep myself and that is not straight sleep- I’ve finally caved to co-sleeping with my 8 month old most nights because all my kids are in one room and she wakes them up. I want so badly to have this perfect thing going like everybody else, but no matter how hard I try I just can’t do it all. 🙁
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m so sorry- it has to be hard feeling like you are doing it all. Sending you a virtual hug for a job-well-done. I don’t really have any advice, just wanted you to know that I’m cheering for you.
Jocelyn says
I know this is an old post but I just had to reply. My heart goes out to you Lisa. I really do hope your situation is better now.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m so sorry, Tammy. I’m praying for you to get through this season in your life. You can do this and you can still have an awesome relationship with your kids. Wish that I could offer more advice…
Tricia says
This sounds exactly like our house! A 4 yr old, 20 month and 8 month old. We run on the exact same schedule for the exact same reasons. If I drive anywhere mid afternoon he is passed out! But can’t nap either for the sake of not being up til 10pm.
Also he gets up in the middle of the night as well as the other two
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
exactly!
kelly says
My 6 month old sleeps from 5:30pm to 7am, morning naps for 1 hour and afternoon naps for 1.5 hours! My 3 year old goes to bed at 6:30 and afternoon naps 1.5 hours. We are huge believers of early bed times. They are hardly ever cranky. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It makes SUCH a difference!
lolla says
Can l aske you how you make your baby sleep at 5pm &wakeup at 7 am I have a 3 months old baby I wish she sleep at night well. when I read this article l feel that I am a loser mom!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- 3 months old would be so hard. When our baby was that age, she went to bed around 6, but woke up at midnight, 5 am & 9 am to eat. Sorry- but hang in there!
Ais'Lynn says
Sweetie, no, you are so not a loser mom. At 3 months infants still require feeding every 3-4 hours. She will begin to sleep through much better after she starts solid foods at about 6 months. I would also like to let you know that some babies are sleepers and some just are not. I have 9 children and out of those 4 are long 10+ hours sleepers, 3 don’t sleep more than 5 hours a night even at 6, 8, and 18. And 2 sleep an average 8 or 9 hours nightly.
You are still in that horrible adjustment to mommyhood stage where you doubt everything you do. Not enough sleep makes that worse. Relax and forgive yourself little momma, you’re doing fine!
Erica Coles says
I wish our school started at 8 around here! Mine are too little for school still. Before I had them I taught kindergarten and school started at 7:35. Now, it’s been moved even earlier and starts at 7:05!! We are in a rural area, so kids that ride the bus have to leve their house as early as 6am. My opinion is that is not healthy for them. Those that play sports are sometimes not even home until 9 or 10. Lots of kids don’t even get picked up from daycare until 6pm. There just isn’t enough time in the day for some families to get their child the sleep they need. Not with school starting so early. Lots of times the younger kids are stuck out at these sports events of brothers or sisters, too.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My nephew starts Kindergarten at 7:00- I always feel so bad knowing that he has to be up at 6:00!
Yes- sports are hard. Thankfully, my husband coaches, so he brings them home after practice and the little ones are already asleep. (twice a week)
Christina says
Yes, My kids are on the bus at 6:38 in the mornings. Ugh.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow! I don’t think I would be able to do that (let alone the kids… haha!) Good for you!
Lauren Tamm says
I am so behind you on this Becky! I’m serious. We are determined to maintain an early bedtime in our home because our marriage is the foundation of a strong family. My husband and I need an early bedtime to enable adult time and invest only in each other. Keep doing what you are doing. I’m right behind you!
Lauren
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Lauren!
Kristen @CountryFitFamily says
My kids have exactly the same schedule at 2 and 4 years old. They are very busy and active little boys. They definitely need 11-12 hours of sleep every night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!!
Suzan Wilhoit says
I agree. All of my girls are in bed at 7 during the week and 8 on weekends. It just works so much better for them and me. I’m a single mom with 3, the oldest is 6.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Agreed!
Suzan Wilhoit says
If they are not in bed on time they go into meltdown. Even the weekends when they go to sleep around 8, I still lay them down with a movie by 7. That’s their treat for a week well done at school. A lot of people don’t understand because it seems hard in the beginning to get them on that schedule, but if they’d try for even a week, they’d understand.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yep- same here!
Sarah says
We have a 3yr old, same issue if she naps.. So she is usually asleep by 6/6:30. It’s so nice for everyone!
Natalie says
I love this! I have always been very big on my son getting enough sleep. I could go in to my tirade about how I feel our society undervalues sleep (i.e. “Sleep is for the weak”) but I will refrain…LOL. Healthy sleep habits must be TAUGHT…just like any other habits we teach our children. Good for you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
hahaha! I could have, too… 😉 lol
Lynne Czender says
My Daughter has just had her sixth baby. Her two older boys, 6 and 7, are generally in bed by 7pm. Her younger ones, girls 4 and 2, and boy 1, are all in bed by 6-6.30. They are an energetic bunch who like to play outside a lot as well. With a big family my Daughter and SIL like to have some time to themselves and go to bed early themselves.
Patti says
I too put my kids to bed early. 4 y/o twins At 7pm, 8 y/o by 8pm. I know I am doing the right thing for one easy bit of proof, my kids are asleep in 30 seconds and aleep straight thru to 7am. They are tired.
The other thing you did not really touch on, but I will admit is that I, too, am a stay at home Mom. My husband does not get home until after 8pm. I need a little time to myself in order to stay sane. Ha. So, at 8pm when I can sit down with a cup of tea and an episode of Real Housewives of whereever, I very much enjoy my decision about the kid’s bedtime.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! Great proof! 🙂
ps- I’m with you on time after they go to bed. Makes us better moms when we refuel!
adriane says
I couldn’t agree more with your article! I am also a sahm and I keep my toddler running and learning all day. My daughter is exhausted by 6 or 7! We also get up early around here due to my older sons being in school. I would like to add though that another major bonus to the kids going to bed so early is that parents get alone time! We get to talk about our day..watch something other then children’s shows and cuddle!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!! 🙂
Lara says
I would love my 2yr old to go to bed at 7pm, but between working full time, trying to get dinner and bathtime done and actually spend a bit of time with my child it is 7.30-8pm. But it works for us. Our daughter is a 10hr sleep over night child. If I had her in bed at 7 she would be up before 5am, and I just cant handle that. She sleep a good 2-3 hrs during the day, even at day care so it works for us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
A 2 hours nap is great!
Danielle says
Our daughter (2 years old) goes to bed at 7:30. When she was an infant, we learned by experience that she needed to be asleep by 6-6:30. It was very rough, because I worked over an hour away from home and couldn’t pick her up until 6. So we headed straight home and to bed. After a few months of this, I left my job for one only 10 minutes from home. It paid a little less, but it was worth it to be able to spend time with her, and have less stressful evenings, while still adhering to the bedtime her body needed.
I used to (and still do, but to a lesser degree) get a lot of flak from people (particularly my in laws) about putting her to bed so early. Sure, it impacted our social life, and we had to do dinners and such with family earlier and leave earlier. But, as I always explained, it is not my daughter’s obligation to sacrifice her biological needs for adult’s desires. My daughter had/has no say or control over these things, and it was MY job as her parent to make decisions that are in her best interest and protection. Other adults can choose to be flexible, particularly if they wanted to see her. It isn’t fair to leave her overtired, cranky, suffering poor sleep, etc. just to please the whim of adults.
There are also several studies that have found later bedtimes (some say by 8 is ideal, others say 9 is the absolute cap) contribute to behavioral problems, poor attention span, illness, trouble learning, etc. One study looked at several kids with late bed times, and then had the parents put the kids down by 8. The results were dramatic. Behavior in class and at home was markedly improved by the NEXT DAY! And with consistency in earlier bed times, the kids grades went up. That’s reason enough right there!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh yes- exactly!!
Mara says
Totally agree!! The kids need to rest well so they can be in a good mood all day long!!!
Jenny says
My 6 and 7 year olds are in bed at 7pm and up at 6:30am. They are ready for bed and on the weekends will sleep until between 7 and 8. Sleep is sacred.
T Jaime says
I wish I could put my 3 yr old to bed that early. If he goes to bed any earlier than 9 he wakes up around midnight and doesnt fall back to sleep til around 2. Also some nights my husband works til 10 (30 min away) and if i needed tbe car that day, my son and i have to go pick him up =/ Then again we do sleep in most of the time til around 9. But it would be nice to have some time alone at night. If we want time to catch up on shows or spend time together, my husband and I don’t get to bed til about 2 or 3am. But i fully support the mothers who can have their kids to bed that early! =)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh man- that’s so tough! Good for you for hanging in there – I”d be exhausted. lol (oh wait.. . I am exhausted!) haha!
Christina says
I try hard to get our kids (ages 8 & 3) in bed between 8-8:30pm. I agree that sleep is so very important. My 3 year old is the same way–will fall asleep in the car if we go anywhere in the afternoon and then be awake later through the evening–she otherwise does not nap in the afternoon. She usually has quiet time to watch cartoons or a movie to rest a bit. And this momma needs a little quiet time in the evenings, so I can unwind/recharge for the next busy day! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
yes!! 🙂
Jacqui says
I 100 percent agree with you, I only have one child however she has slept and woke for the same time since FOREVER, once she stopped napping she still slept early and still woke early, it’s totally works for us and I have NEVER EVER had one day that I had a rough time waking her up, generally she is awake on her own and her teachers have always commented that she is very alert and refreshed in class, once she is in bed, she stays in bed and sleeps wonderfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way…..
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
agreed!
Amanda @ The Anti Mom Blog says
I love everything about this post! I am a firm believer in putting kids to sleep early so they get the max amount of sleep they need a night. When my kids go to sleep later than their 7:30-8 bedtime, they wake up extra early for some reason and are cranky/crabby the entire next day. I have heard snide remarks from certain relatives (believe it or not!) that try to keep my kids up later than normal when they babysit. It only hurts them and us the next day! It works for us, and especially makes them happier kids when they get their sleep.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha- me, too!!! (remarks!) 😉 I’m w/ you!
Sara K. says
My 8 year old daughter has an 8pm bedtime on school nights (I relent a little on Friday and Saturday nights, but even then I think it’s usually 9pm). I started a new routine with her this school year. We head upstairs at 7pm. This gives us an hour to do showers, picking out clothes, and just spending some time together! By 7:45 to 8 we are curled in her bed for some reading or looking at I-Spy books. Some nights she has trouble going to sleep and it might be 8:30 or so before she’s out, but most nights she falls asleep quickly. She’s TIRED at the end of a long day! (And so am I).
Even going to bed around 8pm, I usually have to drag her out of bed at 7am. Adequate sleep is so important not just for kids, but for adults too. I’m usually asleep just past 9pm and wake up at 5:30.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- that is how our kids are, too. If they go to bed at 8:00, it is a struggle on school mornings!
Angie says
I’ve raised 7 kids and take care of a few of my grandkids while their parents work. I believe in early bedtime routines for kids because (1) they are small and need more sleep; (2) small children tend to be early risers, no matter what time they go to bed; and, (3) my hubby and I needed those quiet hours at night for ourselves and each other.
April says
I agree completely, my daughter has gone to bed at 7 since she stopped taking naps and would even ask to go to bed. She’s 9 now and just started going to bed at 8:30.
Judy says
My girls always had a seven o’clock bedtime and slept for 10-11 hours all the time. That changed when they could get up on their own for school, for one it ended about grade 7 and the other daughter around grade 9 and this child still takes a nap when she can. Many people don’t know the power of sleep to a growing child, it can be one of the most stressful for many parents, but could also be one of the most priceless bonding and treasured memories of the parent and child.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Don’t you wish that we could take naps, too?!
Shannon says
I totally agree with you. I have 2 children, son who is 6and my daughter who is 4, if they go to bed later then 8pm I have 2 very cranky kids. They have always been in bed around 7 or 730pm. Unless like you said its their special night. Which never happens on a school night only on a Friday or Saturday.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 yep!!
Silvie Armas says
I am in total agreement. We usually have dinner around 5pm when my husband gets home, and start our bedtime routine right after, with quiet time, showers and heading to bed. We do this so that they’re in bed by 7 and asleep by 7:30. Except on Soccer practice nights. Then they’re asleep by 9. They have been so much alert in the mornings since we started doing this last year. Grades have improved as well as attitudes. I love that it gives my husband and I time to ourselves. 🙂 As always great post Becky!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
exactly! 😉 (ps- thanks!!)
Gina @ Oaxacaborn says
I appreciate that you added “Do what works for you” at the end of this post. My husband gets home from work at 7pm each night, which is when we have dinner as a family. Needless to say, our daughter goes to bed later than 7pm each night. Unfortunately, not every one is able to take the context of the situation into consideration, and all they hear is “she goes to bed later than 7pm” so I’ve faced LOTS of criticism from other parents for our decision. Truly whatever works for you and your family.
The other facet here which may come into play for a lot of families is that, plain and simple, some babies and kids are really good at sleeping and some are not! My friends often talk about their children falling asleep during shopping trips or in the car — my daughter is nearly four years old and after the age of about 3 months has never ever fallen asleep in a shopping cart or while visiting friends. I just can’t relate. So, anyway, I send grace and encouragement to those mamas whose schedule may not allow for vast periods of interrupted sleep, whose living situations may not offer quiet times, or whose children aren’t the kind of kids who can just plop down anywhere and snooze! You’re going a great job!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, if my husband worked until 7, it would be a different story. 🙂
Emilie says
My husband and I both work full time and our children (12 and 14) play BB. We also have an 8 year old. He goes to bed at 9. My 12 year old at 10 and my 14 year old is often still up at 11. They are still hyped up when they get home and often have homework to do as well…many nights at 8:00. We are starting to eat dinner at 8:00 some nights as that is when everyone is finally all home. it is a crazy season of our lives but we still find time to be together. Luckily they can sleep til 7:00 on school days as wed o not leave the house til 7:35.
Everyone had to do what is right for their family and not compare ourselves to others. No two moms or families are living in the exact same situation.
As a teacher, I know how important sleep is, but I also think my children need time to be in school, do homework, play sports, practice their faith, spend time with family and relax so we are making it work.
Marjory says
We have a newly adopted 14 year old daughter whom we have had for three months now and her bedtime is 8pm.We have supper between 530 and 6 and then she does her homework.Around 7:30,she goes in a takes a quick shower,then after the shower she comes into her room and since she is a bedwetter,i put her cloth diapers and rubberpants on her,then she puts her nightie on and it into bed by 8 pm.
kristen says
7:00pm would never work at my house considering my husband doesnt get home until 7 and he likes to see his kids for awhile and spend some time with them. However my kids go to bed at 9 and wake up at 9 so they still get their 12 hours 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, if my kids could sleep in and if my husband worked late, I would have to move it back. 🙂
Tiffney says
We have put our kids to sleep at 7:00 for as long as I can remember. It works great for us!
jennifer says
Wow, well at first I did question the bedtime and clucked on the link to see why? So helpful that you explained, and it titaly makes sense. My seven year old wakes up at 6:30am and I find it so hard to wake him up in the mornings. I will definitely be trying bedtime earlier thank you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- thank you for having an open mind to it!!! 🙂 & for the sweet comment!
B says
I totally understand how this schedule works for a lot of families and kids. It totally doesn’t for our two working parents get home at 6:00-6:30pm family.
Since our daughter was a baby she has had an 8:30-10pm bedtime. At 2.5 her schedule is up at 6:30am, nap from 2:30-4:30, to bed at 8:30-9:00. On weekends she sleeps in until 8:30am, but then having gotten 11-12hrs overnight will generally not nap in the afternoon.
The only downside I really see with very early bedtimes is being able to attend family functions, evening school events etc. Obviously there are times as parents we break our own rules, but we are out with our daughter ALL the time after 6:30-7:000pm and she isn’t cranny or cranky because it isn’t a change to her schedule.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- if we worked late, it would be a different story. 🙂
Sheri says
When is family dinner when bedtime is between 6 and 7? My hubby is not home from work at 4.30 or 5. Also, my kids get energized by their dinner. We aim for 6 pm dinner, hopefully with Daddy and 7.30 bath & bedtime. Usually its 8 pm when actually in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I have it ready when my husband comes home at 6:00. We eat from about 6-6:20. (I usually give them a bath before dinner… if not, my husband will help, but normally its around 5:45). So from 6:20-7:00 its just reading together, doing a family devotional, laying with the kids, etc… 🙂
Ed says
Does that mean you have to do all the cooking for this to work? Seems like kind of an uneven division of work, and I would think that causes stresses of its own.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- I do all of the cooking. My husband enjoys cooking, but I do it while he works. I sort of think of it like taking care of the house/kids/meals while he is at his job is sort of my job. When he gets home, he helps with things like laundry, etc…
I like to have dinner on the table when he gets home (he actually would rather wait an hour or so after he gets home to eat, but I like all of us to eat together because the kids are hungry by then.) 🙂
PS- Its really no extra stress… thank you crock pot! 😉 haha!
Jenifer says
Our current bedtime is 730 for our three month old and 8 for our two year old. I’d love it to be earlier but our two year old already wakes before 6 many days! Since our two year old was born her bedtime has been between 7 and 8 – adjusted to try and get her to sleep in – but we’ve been stuck at 6AM or earlier for a while. What time do they get up when they go to bed at 7?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
They all wake up at different times:
Our 8 year old- 7:00
Our 6 year old- I wake him at 7:30 for school
Our 4 year old- I wake him up around 7:45 on preschool days
Our 2 year old- she wakes up about 8:00 or 8:30 most days
Jenifer says
Wow.. I may need to try my 2 year old at 7 or 730 again. My husband works out of town so is gone Sunday through Friday and I could use even an extra half hour to clean and decompress at night! Thank you!
Kristie says
I respect your choices and I get the need for time with the husband. What don’t understand is how the kids get time with Daddy daily. I have a seasonal job but mostly I’m a SAHM and I have 2 adult kids and a 9 year old. My husband works long days and an early evening is 6:30. Bedtime is between 8:30 and 9 …any earlier she misses Daddy. I always wondered about folks that put there little babies to bed at 6:00pm. No judging here, just very curious.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My husband is home by 6, so he gets the good time with them… we eat together, he helps with bath time and reading time. He puts them to bed and lays with them. On nights where he is at practice, he is with our older boys for three hours straight, so he doesn’t get to see our little ones on those nights, but I can’t keep them up until 9. They FaceTime w/ him in the day & talk to him about 5 times a day on the phone. haha!!
He is home on weekends, so he really uses that time to its full advantage. We do a lot of family-activities on Sat & Sun.
Ps- I appreciate how kindly you asked that question! You wouldn’t believe the way that some people react to our bedtime. 🙂
ashley burke says
I totally agree, I try to get my kids to bed at 7:30 we wake up at 5 so I can go to work, and honestly you do need your own time especially with your spouse, to keep the relationship happy and healthy, and kids need a lot of sleep, even at 7:30 I dont feel they get enough sleep, they’re always so cranky but we dont get home till 6, I make dinner in the crock pot every day on my break so I dont have to cook but then we still have homework and bath time! Love this post and thanks for all the wonderful tips!! Im a single mother to three so this helps lol
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- lack of sleep makes them SO cranky here, too!!
Jeanette LeMarr says
I am so behind you on this. All of my kids- age 7, 11 and 13– have a 7:30 bedtime. We have a 25 acre farm and the day starts at 5am around here. Chores are done and animals fed before breakfast and school. School is a 20 minute drive and school starts at 7:50am. After school is homework, farm chores, youth group on Wednesdays, dinner, baths and bed. Weekends are family and church family time, and projects/seasonal cleanup around the farm. Still the early bedtime. The 13 yr old doesnt even complain about the early bedtime…she is pooped!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I bet!! That’s so awesome that guys all work on the farm together.
tania zuniga says
I have a three year old I’m a single mother I work a ten hour shift. Is very hard to pit him asleep at eight if he doesn’t see my family or if he hears sounds light on he won’t sleep and he won’t listen to me he would start crying. Any tips to help me
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I am working on a post about how to keep your kids in bed. 🙂
Cathy says
My children, twin boys age 5, have always gone to sleep about 8-8:30 pm but they sleep until 9-9:30 am. I don’t complain. I let them sleep. We had a nanny who came in while I worked but now I retired and keep their schedule the same. I let their boys sleep….as long as they need to. They have always slept long hours and we have late starts to our days…..again, no complaints. It is okay since I don’t have to send them to school or daycare. I plan to home school so I don’t anticipate any problems with this. What ever works for your children and your family….DO IT!! ( I love quiet time in the morning by myself….and my husband and I stay up late.)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s awesome. Our kids have to be up early, so I can’t let them sleep until 9:30… but enjoy it!!!! 🙂 yay!
Ashley Kim says
I totally agree. We have 3 kids 8,6 and 4. Up until last year, their bedtime was 6:30 pm. Now it is 7:30 pm. With the 2 older ones in school and my little guy being very active throughout the day, It is important to us that they get enough sleep. For little guys to have to get up at 6:30 am to get ready for school and then go to school all day, come home to do homework, and then play outside for a couple hours, sleep is essential. They have no problem going to bed that early because that is all they know. And as a couple, I think it is very important to have time to ourselves and just reflect on the day and sometimes just get some peace and quiet. I personally feel bad for those who dont put their kids down til later in the evening…….they are missing out on sanity lol.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! I know- I love that time with just my husband and I. 🙂
Janee says
When our girls were little they had to be in bed by 8pm. I would have preferred a little earlier but had a hard time getting them to bed that early. They had to get up around 7 to get ready for school and if they went to bed later they were tired. Now that we homeschool bedtime is much more flexible and I like it better. My 8 year old gets much more time with his dad by being up later and then sleeps in a bit so I can get things done before schooling him. The girls are teens so they are free to make their own schedule now. Sleep is very important though so I encourage everyone to be in bed my 9-10 so they can get enough rest.
Erika Almanza says
I agree with this article and as much as I would like to follow I can’t seem to manage my schedule with my children’s schedule if someone can give me some tips I would appreciate it.. I work 8:30am until 5:30pm by the time I pick kids up in day care at 6pm and get home at 6:30pm and then have to do dinner. Our Dinner is usually until 7:15 pm. after dinner it’s homework time and then shower and read a book by the time they go to bed it’s 9pm… she wakes up at 6:50 am so I know she isn’t getting the sleep she needs. How can I help her get the sleep she needs??
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- yes… that’s really hard. I would just try doing crock pot meals for a few weeks, so dinner will be ready at 6:30. That will move things up a bit so you can have bedtime around 8:15. Worth a try. 🙂
Laurel says
I completely agree. My little guy goes to sleep at 7 every night, otherwise he is miserable throughout the day. It’s harder in the summer when it’s still light outside but I can just tell we are all happier, more productive people when he gets a good 12-13 hours of sleep. Not to mention, its nice to connect with your husband at that time. Great read!
Jono says
my son is 9. I like him in bed going to sleep by 8:30 but most of the time, it’s after 9 pm until he’s even getting in bed.
Here is what happens after school- I’m a SAHM and I get him at school at 3:30, we live next door to his grandparents so he goes over there to play till 4:30 (some one on one time with his grandma). I start fixing dinner and we eat at 5:00 pm. My husband is self-employed, and is dirty when he comes home, so he takes a bath as soon as he gets home. We eat dinner, I clean up the kitchen while my husband and son play together.
Then I try to get my son to get any homework done, and he is supposed to read to an adult for at least 20 minutes. Then I have my son take his bath. This is what I wish would happen, but my son usually protest and wants to keep playing. Before I know it, it’s 7 pm, and he is STILL playing.
When reading, and home work are done, and I make him get in the tub, of course he wants to play in there. When I DO finally get him in bed at 8:30, he wants me to read to him and hold his hand while he falls asleep. ( I don’t mind holding his hand while he falls asleep) I still have to take a bath and I wash my hair and shave every other night and it takes me 30 minutes for a bath on these nights.
So, most nights, I finally get some alone time with my hubby and by this time, it’s 10 pm, watch the news and go to bed.
I don’t know how to speed things up so my son is asleep earlier. I would love for him to be in bed by 7:15. I read to him, then Daddy comes in and says good night, then I talk to him and tell him good night, hold his hand if he wants me to.
I guess my ? Is- how do I get him in bed at a decent time, so I can have time with my husband to watch a whole show together at night?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
WE do homework right after school & get everything else done (pajamas, etc..) before dinner when my husband gets home. 🙂 that might help. ??
Beardmouse says
I don’t know if this will help Jono but this is what we do with our 10 year old:
School pick up is 3pm. We’re home by 3.10 at the latest as we just live around the corner.
Homework is done once coats and shoes are of, accompanies by a snack and music if he fancies. We find this works because he is still in ‘school mode’. It always seemed to be more of a battle to get homework done once he’d unwound and so once it’s done it’s out of the way. Even my son admits it’s much better.
For shower time, have you tried letting him help make a playlist of his favourite songs to play while he’s in there? If you make it last the length you expect the shower and drying up should take then it might make it feel a little more fun. We can usually hear my son singing at the top of his voice, lol!
For everything else we have alarms (except showering as he prefers to shower in the morning ).
Alarm 1 – 8.15pm
This is ‘get ready for bed’ alarm’. He has half an hour which also includes story time so the impetus is on him not to mess around. The quicker he’s ready the more story time he has.
Alarm 2 – 8.45pm
Bedtime alarm. He hops off to bed for personal reading time.
Alarm 3 – 9pm
Lights out and go to sleep!
If you like the alarms idea then you could incorporate a shower/bath time alarm.
The great thing about the alarms is that there are no battles. He can’t argue with an alarm or try to negotiate with it! ;D And they set his body into a pattern. Some nights the first alarm goes off, he just disappears without a word, returning all washed and brushed ready for bed!
Hope that’s of some help?
x
Nina says
I am a preschool teacher at a child care center most of our children do not leave till 6:30pm and some have 30 min ride homes I see it with these children who do not get enough sleep by 9am there cranky but I feel bad for the entire family . By time they get home unwind eat dinner get a bath it’s well after 8pm . I am lucky that I have a great sleeper my son is 3.5 and we go to bed at 8pm and up at 6:45am but he naps usually 2.5 hrs at nap . I’ve tried the 7pm bedtime but than he wakes up at 1am and is hard to return to sleep. I agree that kids need their rest to get through their day ! You should not have to explain your lifestyle to anyone everyone’s home is run different !
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol- thanks! 🙂
Sofia says
I am sorry but I still didn’t get it. I agree that you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody and whatever works for you is what you should be doing. I didn’t understand why, though, putting them to bed at 7pm. My 18month old takes a nap of two hours at noon and then goes to bed at 9pm. He still gets up at 9am approx, so he is not missing any sleep. Why would it be better for me to put him to bed at 7pm?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
No- I was just saying that our kids get up at 7, so I put them to bed at 7. 🙂
Francesca says
I am reading your comments with a little envy. You are sooo lucky and I wish I could do that. My child who is 5 has NEVER slept more than 10 hours, he regularly sleeps between 9 and 10 hours a day and I never put alarm clock because he always wakes us up. I wish I could put him to bed at 7!!! If I do, he’ll wake up at 4 in the morning!!! I always struggle to get some sleep myself, and some days it is really hard for me to cope with a child who needs little sleep. I feel I need it more than him!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I would give it a shot by moving it up a 1/2 hour a week. 🙂 I bet your little one will sleep later than you think. (well hopefully!)