Today I want to talk about how to keep your child in their own bed. Let me first take a minute to explain that your child will be healthier, do better in school, be more pleasant throughout the day, and just feel better overall, if they are getting enough sleep (no matter where that may be: your bed, their bed or somewhere else).
Now, we do not co-sleep (well- if the kids aren’t feeling well, if they are running a fever, or if there is a thunderstorm, they do sleep in our rooms), but for the most part, we don’t co-sleep because I am a huge worrier!
I am up all night worrying about if they are breathing or if a pillow is on their face or if they are sleeping all night or waking up. If I have to sneeze or cough- forget about it… I will just hold it because I don’t want to risk waking them.
All in all, I just don’t relax when they are in our bed. My husband won’t sleep, either, because he worries about rolling on top of them. I know that those things probably will never happen, but I just worry so much, so we all sleep better when they are in their bed and we are in our bed.
With that being said, I try to remember “Different Strokes for Different Folks”, so whatever works for your family is what works. Period!
So- let’s get back to keeping your child in their own bed. I’m not saying that my kids always sleep through the night, just that it is better for their development when they do. Trust me; my kids have all woken up for weeks or months at a time at some point during their young lives. I just do my best to get them back onto their natural sleep patterns to help them be the healthiest and happiest that they can be!
Here are the reasons that I want my child to STAY IN HIS/HER BED AT NIGHT:
- I am uncomfortable knowing that our sons or daughter would be walking around when I am asleep. I just can’t have this. What if they fell down the stairs? What if they got themselves a drink and aspirated without me knowing? What if they got into something dangerous (we keep the house child-proofed, but you just never know)? For these reasons, we have a rule that they must stay in their beds until 7:00 am .
- Kids need 10-12 hours of sleep a night. Younger toddlers and babies need even more. This is why we put our kids to bed at 7:00.
- Well-rested kids = happier kids. Well-rested kids = kids that can focus better. It just works for us.
- I don’t want to be ‘tucking them in’ five times a night. I have already had time lying down with each one of them, and they need to go to bed.
A quick background on our family. Our older two boys always stay in bed (they are six and eight).I don’t know what we did differently, but they never attempted to come out of bed. The two younger ones are still in the learning process (2 and 4).
I love the cuddle time with each one of our kids. This is why when they say “Mommy, will you lay with me?” I always say YES! However, laying with them and having them coming into my room and bed at all hours of the night are two totally different things.
“Why Is My Child Coming Out Of Bed and How Do I Stop It?”
I get this question a lot, so let me offer the advice that worked for us.
(PS- BEFORE YOU START, MAKE SURE THAT YOUR CHILD ISN’T SICK, THIRSTY, OR HAS TO USE THE BATHROOM).
The very first time that they come out of their bed, correct them.
My story: When our daughter moved to a toddler bed, I watched her on her video monitor.
The second that I saw her climbing out of her bed, I ran in and said “No, Ma’am. Back into bed, please. ” I told her “If you need Mommy, you say ‘MOMMY!’ and I will come in. You DO NOT get out of your bed. I will be scared if I know that you aren’t safe in your bed. Do you understand? ”
She answered with an “Uh-hum.” She then started to cry, knowing that she didn’t make the right choice and she put her hands over her eyes (this is what she does when she is upset). She didn’t come out of her bed again, until several months later.
Fast forward- Several months later, she made her second attempt. She is still only two, and I am not comfortable with her walking around without me knowing because it isn’t safe, so when I saw her, I put her back into her bed and said the same thing. She immediately climbed back out. This is where the ‘real teaching’ comes into play.
Let me tell you how it worked with our son (because it explains why we did this again with our daughter) I saw this method on Super Nanny, and I have had to do this with our third son when he was two years old. It works. I promise you. It is ALL ABOUT CONSISTENCY.
After you have verbally corrected them once, from then on, take them by the hand and firmly, but GENTLY place them back into their beds. Do not lose your temper. I did this with our son (when he was two years old) over 100 times!
Now, I know that number sounds outrageous, but on the show, SuperNanny, some parents did it hundreds of times (like 300+).
It works. It really does. (Remember- bad habits can take up to three days to break, so give it three days!)
It just works.
Extreme or not.
I was not mean.
I didn’t use force.
I did not yell.
I was not angry.
I show consistency.
How To Get A Child To Stay In Their Bed? (The exact steps)
Let me give you an example of one of our sons. I sat outside his door and waited for him to come out again, and again, and again.
It took one night of putting him back to bed over and over and over and over until he stopped coming out.
By night #2, it happened about 10 times.
By night #3- zero times.
It has been several years, and he has not come out of his bed unless he has been sick or scared or had to use the bathroom. If he needs us, he calls for us, but that is not often. After we read with him, give him a sip of water, lie down with him, and sing his goodnight songs, he goes to sleep.
RELATED–>> We also do this trick to help him sleep all night long (if your child wakes up in the middle of the night, this tip is a game-changer! It can help your child sleep all night long!)
You can read about it by clicking on this picture:
So, back to our two-year-old daughter: I did this with our daughter a few weeks ago (the two-year-old) but it only took four times of putting her back into her bed before she figured out that this was not going to work. The promise to leave her door open like her brothers helped, too. Haha!
Other tricks to try:
- Leave the door open
- Leave on a night light
- Skip nap time, but put them to bed sooner (a tired child sleeps well. An over-tired child is restless).
- Use a sticker chart
- Get this noise machine projector (our niece loves this- she is three)
- Or you could get this clock that changes color when they can wake up!
- Remember that this will be hard and tiring, but if you want your child to stay in their own bed, this will hopefully help you to accomplish that. In the end, you need to do what works for you and your family. No matter what you read or hear, make it work for your family.
FOR OUR OLDER KIDS:
Our older kids (born in ’06 and ’08) were coming out of their beds for a drink, a tissue, to say goodnight to the dog again, etc… (it was lasting over an hour some nights!) and we finally said that if they come out when they don’t need anything, we would have to give them an extra “not fun” chore. They could come out & help themselves (use the bathroom, etc…) but to come to get us to tuck them back in for the 9th time in an hour was just too much. It was getting OUT OF CONTROL. This stopped it after day 2 of the chores.
PS- here are the affiliate links to the products that I mentioned:
I hope that helped! Remember, don’t let the rules for bedtime interfere with your child’s need for a good snuggle now & then. ♥ Read this one when you have a second:
Need More Advice?
Try These:
1. Join my FREE sleep course (sent via email)
2. Why our kids are in bed by 7:00
3. Mommy, will you lay with me?
MOMMY, WILL YOU LAY WITH ME?
Cheri says
I love love love that you use super nanny, I plan to as well!!! Why because I have seen the struggles of my parents try to get young kids to sleep and then end up letting me go to bed whenever they felt like it because it was just easier because it was a quick fix. I do not believe co sleeping is beneficial to anyone! there comes a point where you have to give it up so for me there is no point in starting it. People think I am a bitch for believing in this but my sisters slept with my mom and dad all the time NO ONE EVER got good sleep. People think the super nanny’s are too hard for using this method but I find it completely brilliant!! As you said they are not harsh or angry it’s all about consistency.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh I’m with you- it can be done in the most kind way… as long as you are consistent. Constancy is the key to not yelling or needing to get angry in so many situations. 🙂
Melissa says
Both of my kids are extremely smart, confident, and compassionate, and I’ve coslept with them their entire lives. They sleep until they aren’t tired, and I never have to worry about them getting up during the night. I highly recommend that every mother learn about cosleeping. Two is awfully young to have a baby sleep alone.
Margarita says
I totally agree with you… We both (me &my husband) loved the cosleeping period with my daughter. She used to sleep with us from 10 months until she was 4. Then one day she decided that she wanted to sleep at her bed. She is a confident and indepented little lady! (she is 8 now) 🙂
Steph says
I love co sleeping but when my second come along four in the bed was too much for all of us so that’s why we introduce a toddler bed in our bedroom for my 2 year old while the baby slept with us or in his bassinet next to my bed also. this has worked well for us as it makes my 2 year old know that we are close and he is safe and i sleep a little bit better knowing that i have both my children in my room where i can see them and know that they are breathing throughout the night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We had to do that when our little guy got the flu. We just moved his toddler bed into our room for about a week. 🙂
Andra says
My son slept on his own since he took his first breath. Not ONE problem with him. If you co sleep, why did you read this article? Just to criticize? I prefer my husband. Keeping him happy. How do you even have sex?
Jane says
It doesn’t have to happen in a bed, in the bed room, at night. Co-sleepers get creative!
helen says
I agree. There are studies about how co sleeping makes more independent adults. My husband went in to sleep with his parents every night until he was 12!! Today he is a very successful business owner and we never push our kids out of our room. His sisters who didn’t sleep with their parents are , let’s say, way more dependent individuals and don’t have the independence and success my husband has.
richie says
1. To think that something as small as sleeping with your parent, alone, contributes to and “independent” or “dependent” probably means you have missed the whole point. Children are supported differently at different times in their lives. Not to mention each child’s needs are different at different ages. To attribute your husbands co-sleeping to the fact that he is successful is probably inaccurate.
2. Its’ kind of sad your comparing your husbands family members.
3. This articles says it in the first three sentences that they don’t sleep with their children, not that you shouldn’t.
Mia says
To all you first time moms out there:
Do what works best for YOUR family and ignore all the haters out there. If you co-sleep, great. If you don’t co-sleep, great. Motherhood is rewarding and challenging and so is being a wife…do what works for you.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
completely, 100% agree.
Stephanie says
Great info for new moms! Our girls are now ages 14 & 16, and we implemented great habits from the time they first came home from the hospital. We put them in their cribs from day one (yes, I nursed), put them in the toddler bed around age 2.5 years, & they have been incredible sleepers ever since. Thankfully, they didn’t “explore” the house & stayed put. They were always tired & ready to sleep. It’s funny – I recall them always yawning as soon as they hit their rooms & I think it’s because they were conditioned to good schedules & were ready. I tended to them as needed, but they’ve never come into our room.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! I think that is probably true!
Kristen says
I bet you money you are a SAHM!! Yet, you can write about a “modern family”. A modern family has a working mom that can’t “put her kids to bed at 7” because she is just getting home from work. Talk to me then. The modern family has a working mom who is too tired from working 45+ hours a week to get up 100+ times to “be consistent”. I have one kid who sleep walks and hasn’t slept “through the night” for 9 years (we send him back every night). I also have a kid who has never left her bed in 7 years. Very frustrating for me to read this article!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I do work… I am a play therapist, so I work with children birth through age three with developmental delays. I was also an elementary teacher before I started my job as a therapist (more flexible hours). I have been studying children through my education & profession for over 15 years, so I just write what I have found to work for the children that I work with and with my own children. 🙂
a says
I must commend you on your diplomatic and kind response to the “obviously you are a sahm comment.” I have been both a working mother (Medical Social Worker with a 40+ hour work week plus on call hours) as well as a “sahm.” I have found that having routine and getting my kids to bed at a reasonable hour was beneficial in both roles. I liked knowing that my kids were going to get enough sleep so that we could get up early enough to have some quality time without rushing frantically out the door. I also liked knowing that the couple short hours I had with my children in the evenings were not going to be wasted with me frustrated or irritated by them because they were tired. I feel this article can speak for the families it would be useful for whether the mother us working or at home with the kids.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you. That was so kind of you to say that. 🙂 I completely agree- tired kids (& adults) make for short fuses and that ruins it for everyone. 🙂
Zee says
Thanks for this article. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. My son is 7 next month. He is driving me crazy. He used to come into my bed every night and I honestly would be too tired and wouldn’t move him back. I wouldn’t have had a problem with this (especially since I’m divorced and single) and it would have been fine to co-sleep. Problem is he kicks and hits me in his sleep. I would wake up with bruises. His feet would dig into my back so deep I would wake up repeatedly through the night in pain. It made me angry and also it made too tired to work (I was completing my PhD thesis). Eventually I started moving him into his bed when he’d come to my room. Also I stopped reading to him until he slept. Taught him to read to sleep with a little night light. That hasn’t lasted long, and now in order to get me to stay with him he demands and yells and screams. Then when he finally does sleep, he wakes up 3-4 times a night screaming at the top of his lungs to wake me.. why? Because he wants a hug, or to be tucked in again. Please, any advice would help, I’m starting to not really not enjoy being around him as I feel suffocated by him. I love my child more than anything, but I’m starting to feel unhappy all the time 😞
jessica paulsen says
I was wondering if you have any advice for sleep training a 6 year old with autism? I currently sleep in his room with him and would like to phase out of his room even if it’s just until he falls asleep so he can learn to fall asleep on his own .
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I don’t. I’m sorry. I am a play therapist, but I only work with children up to age 3. I work for Learning Connections Unlimited in Huntersville. I’m wondering if Pam could offer you help over the phone as a service? She is truly amazing!
MNM says
I’m in the same boat. What do you do when they are already 9 or 10????? I need help.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh gosh- I don’t know. Our 8 year old doesn’t come into our room anymore. He did for about a week, but we just told him, nicely, that it had to stop. I said “I am not getting enough sleep and it has to stop. I am grumpy when I don’t sleep and I don’t want to be grumpy with you, so you have to stop coming into my room unless you are sick.”
melissa says
I like that. I find that when you speak to them rationally (even my 3 year year old) and are consistent with it they listen to you. You’re stating facts. And when you behave in a way that shows facts speak for themselves kids will follow suit.
You stated you’re too tired to be a mom if he’s going to wake you up and he understood.
Shawna says
I’m a working mom. In fact I truly believe I am the text book definition of tired. 3 kids at difficult ages…(12, 3.5 and 14 months) so I have preteen, preschool and baby/toddler. My 2 youngest are bad sleepers. To make it worse I work 40+ hours/week, I am on call after work Monday – Friday AND every other weekend. My husband is up for work between 4-5am most days so is no help at night and is on call Monday – Thursday. I sometimes shop at our 24 hour grocery store at insane hours (2 or 3 am) because that’s my only window to do it without dragging all 3 of them out in the evening. I’m not trying to be rude but your “you must be a SAHM” comment was ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if you work or not, your children come first and if they need help to become good sleepers so they can be well rested then you suck it up and do what needs to be done. There’s no such thing as I’m too tired when you have kids. You have time and energy to read and comment on blogs obviously. Use that time to help your kids.
Morikun says
Yeah, the “in bed at 7” advice just doesn’t work at all for everyone. Unless you live in a region where the sun sets early and in a slightly closed in area away, surrounded by trees and away from sound pollution, I can’t fathom a kid being able to sleep in 30 minutes after 7pm. That advice doesn’t work for parents who live in an apartment where the quiet hours start from 10 pm. I’m pretty it’s rare for other places to have “silence hours” any time before 8 or 9 pm. The only way a parent could get a kid to sleep at 7 pm, especially during a Friday or Saturday night, is if they tend to be a heavy sleeper even if the next door neighbor is having a party or the hoarder downstairs who occasionally moves heavy furniture around.
JoB says
I’m not really sure how being a SAHM doesn’t make you a ‘modern’ woman. There are equal pros and cons, whether you work outside the home, or in. Maybe things change once your child(ren) get into school all day…I can’t speak to that since my son is still young, and I don’t get that break. I have alot of respect for women who work outside the home all day, then come home to work at home all night. However, I am also working all day and night, just at different things, with much less adult interaction, LOL! I really wish that ALL moms could just support the choices we each make for our families, and recognize that there is no right/wrong way to do ANYTHING involving parenting, since we are all different, and raising different children.
We don’t co-sleep. Not because we feel strongly for/against it, but because we’re all ‘dont touch me while I’m sleeping’ people…even my son. The few weeks here and there that the little has ended up in our bed, NONE of us get decent sleep. ? If other parents co-sleep, good for them! I can’t imagine it, because we cannot enjoy it, but I’m happy for them if they can!
What it comes down to is that we each have to do what we feel is best for our own families. I think this author does very well expressing that. I quite appreciate that, and thanks to these sleep posts, have a few new tools to try to help us all get enough sleep!
Natalie says
Yes!!!
teresa says
My two go through diff phases of sleeping through and waking up and while ive stopped them getting into my own bed as there is no room i go and get in theirs i do not know if it is a good thing or a bad thing but they grow up so fast id like to spend the time they want me with them rather than shoo them away to sleep on their own or be scared like i used to be .
I dont do it every night and i love to sleep in my own bed but im sure when theyre ready and they start nit to wake up in the night theyl be fine .
I may be waffling on a bit now but i want them to know that im there when they need me even in the night xxx
Ter says
parents are tired these days and take the easier way out. Which I don’t blame them. But I think if they would take a long weekend and to make changes it will change their lives. As a home daycare provider I see it all. Kids come have eaten candy or cookies for breakfast, blame parents for not having gloves, backpack, boots, whatever. I am sorry if you can put it on your self you should be responsible for it, there should be very little negotiations. You clean your room and then you get to your baseball game. It would only take 1 time off missing a practice or a game that they would figure ot you mean business.
Having 10 kids here most of the day, most of my kids can do things themselves, even the little 1 1/2 year old. If you put in a little time you get big pay off.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I seriously and right there with you – read my post called “STOP doing that for your kids”. 🙂
Beth says
My 3 year old gets up every night to use the bathroom. She wants our help and then wants us to bring her back to bed. I can’t get mad that she has to go to the bathroom. Any advice to get her to go on her own and just go back to bed?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
LOL- I would either put a night-light out there to help her or move the training potty into her room with many towels under it. We did this with our son when he was two and it was all that we had to do. We practiced everything many times before bed, but from night #1 – he did awesome & didn’t need our help anymore. 🙂 I could still hear him, but I didn’t have to go in there anymore & soon he just slept through the night & held it all night.
Amanda says
What do you if she wakes up in the middle of the night? Restart the process? My daughter slept through the night at two weeks, but at 2 she learned how to climb out of her crib and for the last six months leaves her room multiple times at night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
You should read my post on “my 2 year old still wakes up at night” – it was a huge life-saver for us! 🙂
Najma says
I am a SAHGM and my daughter runs her own ceramic art business from home and I have the pleasure of looking after my one year old grandson twice a week when my daughter has errands to run or delivering orders and I completely understand how busy these little people can get and how tired the mothers can get because my grandson keeps the whole family on their toes. However, I think Becky’s tips are excellent and should work for any family whether you are working parents or not. If you are complaining about being a working mom and you are too tired to sacrifice 3 days teaching your child 300 times to go back to bed, then I’m sorry to say that the problem is with you because then you will end up having to suffer for 9 years plus because you were too tired to make the initial sacrifice…just saying.!!!
Bozena says
Our 2.5 year old daughter wakes up every night and comes in our bed. She has been doing it for over two months now. She uses the ‘I need a wee’ strategy but then refuses to go back to her own bed. We tried to put her back but she starts to cry hysterically, what wakes her little sister up (1 year old) who she shares the room with. If that happens, the little one would cry for up to 2h and would not be calmed. What would you suggest we do? Really desperate now and putting them in separate rooms is not an option.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh that is really hard. I am going to post it on my Facebook page tonight for the readers to see – they are so helpful!
Facebook.com/Yourmodernfamily
Amanda S. says
I would go and settle her back in her room, either sitting with her for 5 minutes, or patting her until she goes back to sleep. My daughter had a period when she was around this age where she woke up, terrified, in the middle of the night, several times a week. I would literally run to her room, tell her “Everything is ok, mummy’s here” and sit with her and it would only take a minute or two. She soon stopped waking up.
Tosha says
I have to disagree! Our 3yr old twins slept in their cribs from day one until introduced to toddler beds, since then they have slept with us. Yes, all four if us in a king size bed. They are smart, well behaved, independent little girls. I dont think about losing sleep & being grumpy with my kids. Yes im tired but I sleep/rest much more comfortably knowing they are in bed ‘with me’. And no, my marriage is not suffering bc of the lack of time my husband and I get! Your children are only little once.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I think if it works for you, it works. 🙂 As I always say “Do what works for your family – different strokes for different folks.” 🙂
Katie says
Epic fail over here. For the last month or so my newly 3 son had been getting out of his room repeatedly and not wanting to go to sleep. I read your article and excitedly put it into action Tuesday night. I ended the night on tears because he came out probably 100 times (wayyyyyy more than usual) and when I would take his hand to guide him back he would go lax in the legs. Didn’t get to bed until 1030 that night (bedtime is 730 and fees usually asleep between 830-9). I was discouraged but still saw the light at the end of the tunnel on day 3. Now we’re on night 5 and he’s still coming out. My husband just resorted to yelling at him and now he’s staying in bed. What did I do wrong…
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I just emailed you that I am trying to find a different plan for you. I called our neurologist and pediatrician so I will keep you posted.
Michelle says
I have tried doing what you said and my daughter (2.5 years old) thinks it’s a game. She gets up, I take her back, she runs back to her bed and throws herself into it, which sometimes results in her hitting her head on the wall. Then she cries and I have to comfort her, etc, so we get derailed. Also, I have to do this myself since she flat out refuses to have anything with my head a and after bedtime routine. If he tries putting her back she gets hysterical. I get frustrated and angry, but I try to remain calm on the outside so my daughter won’t get upset, but she ends up crying anyway if I keep putting her back in her bed. Please help!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I wish I knew what to tell you. This worked for our kids, but all kids are different. My biggest tip is just to be consistent with whatever you decide. Let me know how it turns out!
Trish says
Do you have any tips for middle of the night tantrums?? We just had a baby October 2nd, and my son who was always a great sleeper had a nightmare around Thanksgiving.. Since then, my husband had to lay with him until he fell asleep.. Then he would wake up screaming at all hours of the night when he discovered my husband left. Our ped told us to let him cry it out.. We tried but then he started getting out of bed and screaming and throwing a tantrum for over an hour each time. We ended up moving his mattress in our room so we could reestablish a healthy sleep pattern for him. He sleeps through the night, but we have to get him back into his room. He claims that he misses us. I know part of this is the new baby. She is now in her crib in her room. I thought if he saw her move in there this would end but it hasn’t. Any tips would be appreciated.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I don’t. We just make it a point not to lay with them if it is more than one night, because they expect it (I’ve learned that the hard way!) How old is your son?
Trish says
He’s 3.5. I think it’s a combination of adjustment to his sister, and being genuinely scared of having another nightmare. Don’t know what to do. How did you get out of the habit of laying with them?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- yeah. That’s a hard age.
I had to do it the hard way (stop laying with him). We took a weekend and started it. Friday night he came strolling in and we put him back to bed. We took turns (we knew it was going to be a very long night). We told him “We are not sleeping with you tonight.” We bought him a bright night-light, a new stuffed animal to sleep with and we kept his door open. I sat by his bed until he feel asleep, so he could see me. On night #2, I sat by his door (a little further away). ON night #3, I sat outside of his door, but let my feet be inside, so he knew that I was there. On night #4 he didn’t need me. I know it sounds super crazy & over-the-top, but it worked. 🙂
JoB says
My son is now 4, but at 3.5 he was suddenly having nightmares and wanted me to paint his walls black, so he “wont see the shadows dat move.” We used ‘Monster Spray’ aka a spray bottle of wayer with a couple drops of lavender oil, labeled with the pic of the scariest monster he could find and the Ghostbuster circle with a bar over it, on the label. Every night, right before bed, we went around to any area that could harbor a monster/shadow/anaconda/velociraptor and sprayed the ‘keep away’ spray. Eventually, he would do it himself. It really helped give him the peace of mind to relax and get to sleep, as well as reducing his frequency of nightmares!
Leah says
2 of my sons had night terrors when they were younger. Their little bodies were growing so fast that it could cause their limbs to ache painfully at night, often leading to nightmares. Epsom salt soaks are great to help with this as is a gentle massage. It took me so much time to figure this out though, so maybe this will help someone else who is having trouble with their little ones.
Crystal & Co. says
Bedtime is a nightmare at our house! Great tips.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!!
Kris says
I always find articles addressing this “problem” rather puzzling because globally, most families share one bed until the child “moves out” on his own. Our country is one of the very few countries that insist on kicking our kids out of our bed and, therefore, have created this “problem” by doing so. Doing what comes naturally and is most beneficial for the child and parent, does not lead to all these “problems” demanding a plethora of (trial and error) “solutions.
We have never had bedtime issues, sleeping problems or anything of the sort. Bedtime always was a joy, the final embrace of peace and love that surrounded our family each day. We all got amazing rest – from newborns to toddlers to parents. Now I watch my children embrace their own babies every night in the “family bed” and see the continuation of peace and rest and being a family just as we all were created to be.
If something really works, is really meant to be, there is no need for “tips” or “ideas” or “solutions.” Instead of trying to fix something that is broken, stop causing the breakage.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree that what works for your family is what you should do. 🙂
Leasa says
AGREE AGREE AGREE…Our babies are now 17 and 19 years old. They are amazing, confident, intelligent, independent young adults. There are few things in this life nicer than holding your children in your arms as they peacefully drift to sleep. You don’t roll on them, they feel safe and you don’t need to worry about them getting out of bed. My two had their own rooms with their own beds and when they wanted to use them they did…. eventually every night.
Beth says
If you are a parent and this doesn’t work for you don’t beat yourself up. I did everything to the letter and 9 years later he still comes in at night. Not every child is going to fit the mold. It turns out my son has aspergers and it was just one of the signs of his condition.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH wow- good advice. 🙂
Karmellah says
I do all of this and she still wakes and gets out of bed. She sttn since about 3 months old. she was fantastic (2.5 now) and as soon as I brought her brother home from the hospital, she has stopped sttn. I try being as consistent as possible, but she has developed night terrors and nightmares. 5 nights out of 7 she wakes. its very tiring.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Have you tried my tip on my post about “my 2 year old still wakes at night” ? It might be helpful! 🙂 I hope!
Kerri says
Hi, my friend linked me to your article as I am having this issue with my 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Just one question, when using your method hoe long do you lay in bed with them?
Also when putting them back to bed after they get out, what happens if they struggle and try and fight you? My daughter does then when I try and take her back to bed and she screams and drops to the floor so she won’t work and if I pick her up, kicks. Then it’s a struggle to get her back in bed. Any advice would be good. Loved your article and really hope it can work for us, as she was a fantastic sleeper in her cot and would like that again now she is in a bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
When I lie our kids down for bed (the first time), its about 5 minutes- about 2 minutes of talking, prayers, and a song. After that, I no longer lie down with them at all (unless they wake up sick or scared, etc…)
I know that it is really, hard but I would just keep putting her back to bed. It might not work, but it worked for us and many of our friends. Good luck!!! 🙂
Naomi says
I love this post. I have one problem. My children share a room. My youngest daughter (2 ) is giving us a problem staying in her bed. She will wake her sister(4) or talk to her or just be a pest to her in order to stay awake. I have to admit keeping my cool at night is difficult. She uses every excuse including having to go potty. I am at a loss. I have considered not giving her a nap but that is trouble as well because she will fall asleep anywhere when she is tired. None the less this post was encouraging.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- that’s really hard! I will ask this question tomorrow on my Facebook page at 10:00 am, so you can check it for some great answers (my FB fans are great at answering). 🙂
http://www.facebook.com/Yourmodernfamily
Meet Mot & Pea says
Yes! I am loving this, we are a co sleep to Montessori floor bed family, and once we transitioned both of ours to their own rooms at 9 months, we immediately answered to their cry or calls for mommy. We wanted to establish trust, and for them to know we would be there if they needed us. Here is our post on our transition, feel free to share if you like 🙂 http://www.pinterest.com/offsite/?token=106-265&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmontessorimeetmot.blogspot.com%2F2014%2F06%2Fco-sleeping-transition-to-montessori.html&pin=52495151881530007
susie says
At what age can you start? My children have all learned to climb out of their crib and open doors before 2. Do you start as soon as they are able to get out of bed?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I started as soon as I moved them out of their cribs.
Chan says
My 9 year old has a heart condition and is and suffers from insomnia. He starts in his bed and wonded around the house during the night, then ends up in ours. Usually at some point after that I end up with the 6 year old in his bed. My husband and I have a very good and loving relationship, and so neither of us have a problem with this nightly ritual. It seems to work for us, but I guess I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone. At some point I know they are no longer going to want those cuddles in the middle of the night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
True!!
Heather says
I love this. I have three kiddos. My older two had no trouble. But our youngest – 3 year old girl – every night she’s in our bed. The catch is I can’t just let her kind of cry it out….she throws up when she gets upset. So I feel trapped between letting her in my bed or cleaning up puke. Any ideas?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Hmmm… not really, but at 3, I would talk to her and maybe even do a sticker chart or fill a basket with $1 toys & tell her that if she stays in bed, she will get one?
Lei says
Hello, thanks for this article. I have tried another method, but now I really don´t like it, but feel I am still in time to change because my daughter is 2 years and 8 months. So, my question is. What do you tell your kids during the method? Do you just put them in bed? What do I do if she cries when I know she is fine and she use it as manipulation (or this is what I have read from psicologist books, that is what they do, although I do feel she sometimes tests me)?
I am sorry for the bad comments you have been getting even though you mentioned that with every family is different. I do respect everyones opinion, but for myself, if I don´t sleep, I am not a normal person, I need at least 6 of those 12 hours sleep my kids get. They do sleep well, I just want her to learn on her own with my guidance and support.
Thanks again
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! Exactly!
So if she cries, I would go in and just say that it is time for bed. Then do it again. What I did was got a video monitor so I could see if she needed me. 🙂 lol. It worked out great!
Lei says
Thanks!!! Sorry one more question. What do you do in between the laying down the child and waiting and repeating. Nothing to not distract the child or read a book or use the phone?
Thanks again for the method
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I think you could read a book or play on your phone. You aren’t trying to make them fall asleep, just stay in their bed. 🙂
Lei says
That’s right…I hadn’t thought about it like that. Excellent! Thanks.
Jen c says
thats great but my problem- and I’ve never actually seen a solution for this- is that I don’t even have time to get back to the door to wait for him to get up again. It takes about 2 times of me putting him back in bed for him to figure out this is a hilarious game and he hops out of bed basically before I’ve finished putting him in it. What should I do then?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I would just say “We need to stay in our bed” and then stand at the bottom of the bed (or sit) if you have to, to continue to put him back in. Good luck- thats a hard one.
Lauren says
I am so trying this with my daughter. she is a hot mess right now.. getting out of bed every single night. I am so over it, but she makes herself throw up when I force it. (yup… thats my girl..) Maybe this will work.. i will try anything 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! Love that you said “hot mess!” 🙂 Good luck!
Judith says
I am not a fan of co-sleeping, but to each their own and what works for their family. Our daughter was in the NICU until she was 4 weeks old (she was born at 31 1/2 weeks). She slept in a bassinet next to our bed for two weeks when she came home, and at 6 weeks of age started sleeping in her crib. She moved to a toddler bed at 2 1/2 and to a full bed at 3 1/2 and has always, with the exception of the normal infant behavior, slept through the night. In May of 2014, at 6 1/2 years old and still continuing, she is up from 1-8 times a night. We are CONSISTENT. We always take her back to her room. She does not sleep with us. We have set up rewards systems, punishment, had a sleep study done, made dream catchers, have magic spray, everything you can think of. Nothing is working. Around 3:00 am, the last time she is normally in our room, is usually the last and then she will sleep ubtil 6-7.
Judith says
I hit post before I finished. Any advice is welcome! EXCEPT have her sleep with us or one of us in her bed
Thanks!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Honestly, at 3 1/2 I would have a real talk. I would explain that it makes you tired and grumpy. Then I would get like 10 toys from the dollar store or dollar section of Target and I would put them in a basket. I would tell her that IF she stays in her bed and does not come into your room until the sun comes up or it is 7 or whatever, then you will let her pick a prize from the basket. Make a big deal about it. 🙂 We had to do this once.
Jill says
My niece had a similar issue, though not as extreme. The thing that ended up working was a huge stuffed animal (31/2 feet tall) and a framed picture of her mom and dad. It seemed to make her feel safer. I know this sounds a little crazy but maybe you should give her a video monitor for a few weeks so she can see that you guys are really just down the hall in your room and she doesnt have to get out of bed to see it.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh that’s a great idea!
Kristi says
I do so agree that consistency is important in parenting. I don’t like to sleep alone and I can guarantee I wouldn’t enjoy being alone in my room. I understand the reasoning as I, too am a worrier. Still, I wonder how this technique affects the connection between parent and child. It seems to me there are other ways that use consistency while still fostering a connected and mindful relationship.
Liz says
I just commented a bit ago on your other post (about sleeping/staying in bed longer in the AM)- so this sort of goes hand in hand. My daughter (3) has a bunk bed (full/twin combo) and sort of “stands” on the side edge of her bed. She’ll occasionally get off and look out her window or fix a stack of books or get socks out or something quirky but runs back to bed and continues “standing” talking/singing, etc. It’s annoying and standing keeps her from relaxing, laying down and falling asleep so I’m wondering if you think this method would still work for her? (IE- going in, laying her under her covers and walking out?) I KNOW she is exhausted come bedtime but she gets wound up and it can take an hour for her to fall asleep…thoughts? Thank you so much!!! -Liz
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I think I’d try cutting the nap & just giving her books, etc…. at naptime. Try it for 3 days. I give our daughter naps on the weekends when she can stay up later and it doesn’t matter (we don’t have to be up early for anything, except church on Sunday, but not as early as when I have to get her up to take her brothers to school.)
Alex says
My two year old got transitioned to a toddle bed sooner than I expected because I was put on bed rest and absolutely could not pick him up. We’ve been at it for 6 weeks! Night after night I walked him back to bed, 10, 20, 30 times. I sat in front of his door and walked him back 60 times one night!! The only thing that has kind of worked is if I sit in front of his door with it open a little and he knows I’m there. If he goes to get up, I say lie down and he does. Takes about half an hour and he eventually falls asleep. I’m tired, very pregnant, and my son is exhausted too! Note: he’s had the same bedtime routine since he was 7 weeks old and used to sleep 13 hours a night, no questions asked, until we transitioned.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I wish that I had more advice, but check out what the previous comment states. It explained the reasoning behind it. Are you interacting during that time? Could your husband take over? (That makes a big difference in our house- having another parent take over).
Alex says
Thanks! I know, I have no idea why he has gotten so willful and difficult, it’s entirely out of character for him! When I walk him to bed I barely even make eye contact. Hubby on the other hand is not so good at not communicating, which was why I took this on. my son was actually laughing and trying to clap his hands to get my attention! This has been a true test of willpower!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh my gosh- that makes me laugh (funny on my side, but not when you are the mom watching him try to clap to get your attention!) lol.
Well I’m praying for you to get some rest!
Kayla says
great tip! Before I decided to stay home with our daughter, I was a behavioral therapist for kids with special needs. It’s amazing how those skills (very similar techniques as Super Nanny) play a role in typical everyday parenting but most parents just don’t get the big picture. It’s so tempting to give up, but when it’s he hardest, it’s actually called an “extinction burst” which basically means it’s going to get worse before it gets better. This is why hundreds of times might be necessary before the storm subsides. Kids. They are such a trip!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh you’re kidding! I am a play therapist, so I do behavior therapy quite a bit.
Ps- I say that with potty training two. Day two is always worse than day one! 🙂
Shel says
Thank you for the Tips! I am a single mother struggling to get my 2 yr old to sleep in her own bed. She was extremely sick as a child which led to cosleeping and as a healthy two year old she’s refusing to sleepin in her own bed. These will hopefully help!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- being sick does throw a wrench into the bedtime routine, doesn’t it?!
Angie says
Any thoughts or tips for a non verbal child? Cognitively fine just non verbal so she wouldn’t be able to call for me! I do have a video monitor
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Can she understand you? Many times just because they aren’t speaking doesn’t mean that they don’t fully comprehend what you are saying.
Kelly C says
So, we are way past this stage. We took our oldest to college a month ago, but we had such great success with this issue with our boys that hearing young parents talk about it always peaks my interest. We did not practice co-sleeping in our house. We once had one of our kids sleep in our bed as a newborn and I awoke in the middle of the night to find the sheet covering his head. He was fine, but I was not. From then on they slept in their own beds/cribs. The trick that seemed to work for us was that from the time they were able to climb down from our bed, when we would bring them in in the morning, we made them ask permission before they could climb down. “Permission” was just one word—please. By the time they could physically manage climbing down from the bed, they understood and could sort of say the word please. My friends thought I was crazy and over the top. But it worked! They learned quickly and early, before they were out of their cribs, to ask permission to leave the bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- I love that idea. I think it’s great!
Angela says
We’ve been doing the “Super Nanny” with my 19 month to bed for 5 months… Yep. He started climbing out of his crib at 14 months and we ended up just transitioning to a toddler bed early. Some nights it’s just once, but it’s usually 25+ times a night over several hours. Obviously this strategy isn’t working, so any other ideas?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh no! I’m really surprised, because usually consistency is key and as long as you aren’t letting him sleep in your bed at all, he should understand that coming to get you won’t get him anywhere. I wish that I had a better answer, but I will ask on my Facebook page for you. 🙂 I’ll ask it now, so check back when you can at http://www.Facebook.com/Yourmodernfamily
Megan says
Our 3.5 year old has been struggling with sleep for the last 8 months. We have tried everything! Night light, fan, clock that changes color, cutting nap, reward chart…she comes out of her room sometimes for two solid hours and then also several times in the middle of the night. We have no idea what else to do. I’m not so sure the 3 night plan works for every child but willing to try anything at this point. Exhausted parents here:(
Martina says
It’s like you wrote this just for me. Everything you said is exactly my situation! Especially the worrying while co-sleeping bit for all the same reasons. Im now convinced to give this a go.
Lauren says
My son is 2.5 and gets up 2+ times a night. He has no issue with going to bed or going back to bed. He even has a night light that he loves. But it has been happening for months and I do just take him back to bed like you say but it keeps happening! He was such a great sleeper then started climbing out of his crib and made the switch to big boy bed and it still happens.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We just had a sleep study done on our son and it was sleep apnea. It was keeping him up and waking him up almost every hour (that’s why we took him in). I would check with your pediatrician to make sure that nothing else is going on.
Juliana says
Great article for younger kids who are starting out in toddler beds, but what about an almost 4 year old, who has done so well up until now. All of a sudden he’s feeling very independent and waking up way earlier than normal and going upstairs to help himself to whatever he wants. We discuss that he cannot do that without mommy or daddy for the whole day until bedtime, he acknowledges what we are saying but does it again the next morning. We even have one of those clocks that we have been using for well over a year, he’s done well with it but doesn’t seem to care now. I’m at a loss.
Kristin Zinger says
Hi! I read your post and I wanted you to know I am linking to it in my post tomorrow at http://www.momtannica.com We used the same methodology, with different words. I LOVE your message to “find what works” for your family.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks. 🙂
Dannielle says
My daughter is 5 goes to school sleeps through the night but won’t sleep in her bed anymore and I don’t know why. why could this be?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Is she scared? Our son went through this, as well.
Shannon says
This is my current issue and I feel it has more to do with swapping between mommy’s house and daddy’s house. Different expectations, different bedtime procedures etc. It’s more a problem at the beginning of my week with her than it is later in my week. But I am going to try using a reward chart and also the “stirring them to alter their sleep pattern” as suggested in the link you provided. Thank you so much!
nelle says
Hi – i just want to know – what do you use in the line of ‘discipline’ for a 5 year old who is noisy when waking up? My oldest three share a room – aged 7,5,3… – baby (10month old, is in our room, but once she stops nursing at night, will also move into theirs). My kids go to bed between 18:30 and 19:30, and then get up between 06:30 and 7am. I have a night light/alarm clock that goes on at 06:30, so that is when they are allowed to come out of the bedroom. Depending on how much rest they need, they often sleep past when the night light switches on, but also, often enough, they will wake up before the night light goes on. Now the 7 year old stays quiet as a mouse until she is allowed out, no hassles. The 3year old normally just needs a verbal warning IF his 5 year old brother got him all worked up, to settle again. If 5yr old brother is still sleeping, he stays quietly in bed until it is time to get up. My issue is with my 5yr old, who has a bit of a rebellious streak, so he tends to do the exact opposite of what I ask him to (24/7, not just related to bedtime). (let me just add, it wasn’t like this always, the whole thing of the night light etc came as a result of me training them to sleep in later because the 5yr old used to wake up at 04:30!! and the other two not much past 5:30am) My question is this then – when the 5yr old does wake up earlier, and he is rowdy so that he ends up waking up his brother and sister – what can I ‘use’ as tools with which to discipline him? We don’t really watch tv, so to just say he’ll lose tv time if he doesn’t quiet down, doesn’t really work, because we might not even watch tv on that day. This morning I said to him that if he is rowdy and wakes his brother and sister up, he’ll have to stay in bed longer, and it seemed to work today, but it hasn’t worked in the past. So i don’t know whether I was just lucky today, or whether he is starting to ‘grasp’ the concept of what will happen (seeing that I have once or twice kept him in longer for being disobedient). Do you have any suggestions perhaps aside from this? Or is it a good enough disciplinary measure which just has to be applied consistently to see lasting results? 😀
kids bed rails says
I enjoy reading an article that can make people think.
Also, thanks for allowing for me to comment!
Daniela Essman says
I have a 5 year old and 3 year old that won’t sleep in their beds. They also share a room. They stay up too late. What advice would you have to get me started getting them to sleep in their rooms. One at a time? At the same time? How do I make the bedtime earlier? Slowly move it until I get it where it helps?
Justine Karl says
Hi Becky! I LOVE this article! Thanks for taking the time to share your tips! I do have a question for you regarding our 4 1/2 year old son. His current excuse for not going to sleep for the past 2 months has been “I don’t want to sleep all alone, I don’t like to be alone, I want to sleep with someone, etc.” I have already made the HUGE mistake of letting him sleep with us once in awhile when I was tired and lazy. (my fault, i know) The main and only reason my husband and I are having a difficult time doing what you have done (the sitting outside of his room and consistently putting him back to bed 100 or more times, is because we have a 2 year old son who sleeps right next to our older son’s room and we live in fear of our feisty 2 year old waking up because of the screaming, crying and yelling that takes place with our 4 year old when he realizes we are not giving in and making him sleep in his own room! We can’t handle TWO toddlers being up at night during our only “winding down time”!! Any advice? Was this a fear of yours too or did your son(s) not cry and scream when you were doing this? I appreciate any advice you can give. We are really at our wit’s end.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh boy.. I”m sorry.
Here are a few suggestions:
1- At one point, we printed out like 15 pictures of things that our son liked (when he started to be scared in his room), like his bike, friends, family, our Elf on the Shelf… and taped them near his bed.
2- We bought extra night-lights. It was bright in there!
3- We did a chart for nights that he stayed in bed and every single day is a little reward (like a dollar-store toy or something)
4- Take away electronics the following morning if he comes out of bed (explain it that night & then follow-through the next night).
I hope those things help!! 🙂
Jennifer Kulp says
I think you tips were helpful..it definitely took 50+ times walking her back into her room and tucking her back into bed but she finally stayed. I am a full time single working mommy to my 2.5 year old diva and i know tired and how much work parenting is no matter what. Your words are inspiring and well written. You have given great tips and suggestions and sharing what has worked for you and your family. I appreciate your tips and thank you. Keep writing and i will keep reading and trying and cheering you on! Jennifer-Seattle
Lindsay says
I tried this method with my kids. My oldest I told him once not to climb out of bed but to call me and I never had another problem with him. But with my other kids this doesn’t work. I’ve been consistently trying this method for a few months now with my twins. 3+ hours of standing outside their rooms constantly walking them back to bed, every night for 4 months, and it doesn’t stop until I give up and let them come downstairs and sit on the couch at 11pm, when they finally fall asleep. My almost 5 year old? I’ve been trying this method since he started climbing out of his crib at 18 months. Every couple months I try something else for awhile, I always come back to this because I believe it SHOULD work. But after 4 years I’m at a loss, and everyone and everything just says “give them a routine” “keep it consistent,” but after so many years of none of that working I’m exhausted and my schoolwork and job performance are slipping. How many years is this stuff supposed to take??
Lily Peacock says
I did the 100 walks method. First night 30 x, second night 15 x, third night 4 x, then fourth night 15x… and basically continued. I was firm and gentle and consistent. She just kept coming out. So then I put a gate up at her door. She can open the door even with the knob thing on (she is 25 months, and tall). So now I put her to sleep (at sevenish) read many books, then say good night and leave. I give her one chance without the gate. She comes out, then I say ok, i’ll put up the gate. Then she cries and cries at the gate for hours now. She never did this in her crib. We are about 1 month out. So I’m not sure why the 100 walks didn’t work, or this consistency is not working. Sometimes I feel like she isn’t tired. One night she stayed up til midnight (not crying but chattering/playing), and woke up at 7:30. She usually goes to sleep around 9 or 10, with intermittent crying at the gate/playing/chattering. So I’m being consistent. I’m not going to get her. But I don’t know why she isn’t just falling to sleep nor staying in her bed. I’m not used to the crying thing, as she never did this in her crib. Transitioned at 2 because she climbed out.
Leah says
Same story here. You’re not alone.
Sarah says
I cannot thank you enough for this blog post. I came across it on Pinterest and knew I needed to try it with my almost 2 year old. Since switching to a toddler bed saying bye bye to her pacifier, she has needed extra snuggling and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) fall asleep on her own. I tried this last night and have ALREADY seen a dramatic improvement. I was prepared to put her back in her bed over 100 times (thanks for your honesty about that) but it only took 63 before she gave in and snuggled in her bed. There were lots of tears and even some screaming, but I stuck with it, stayed calm, and put her gently back in bed each time. Then she woke up at 5am and it took 23 times. We also got a toddler clock, so I’m trying to get her to stay in bed later (until 6am, then we’ll get to 6:30). She woke up again at 5:40 and I repeated the process again, but made one mistake. She was grabbing at her diaper, so I changed it after about 13 tries. BAD IDEA. She started using it as a negotiation! Toddlers are too smart. Anyways, we repeated the process until the clock turned green, then we talked about what the green clock means and started our typical morning. For her nap, it only took 9 times and very few tears!
I am so grateful you wrote such an honest and thorough post that gave me the confidence to help my little one sleep better – and help mama and papa sleep better too!!!
Ester says
Hi i wanted to know how you put your daughter back to her bed , being that every time i put her back to her bed , she wakes her 18 months sister.. and then i end up staying up with both ..
So i wonder maybe i should do the 3 days consistency method .. even if it means my baby will wake up too .. but hopefully by the end of these days they will learn how to sleep .. and my toddler will stop coming to my bed at night ..? Or is there another way so the baby doesn’t wake up? Would you have an advice to reassure the baby to not wake up if i came to their room to put back the toddler .. maybe the baby feels like it’s day if i come , amd she thinks she has to wake up ..
Alison says
Thank you for this! Did you do anything similar to this when your kiddos got up early? Did you consistently walk them back over and over like night time? And if so, did you just stop if it got to 7:00? Just wondering how to be consistent in handling an early wake up and teaching my almost two year old they need to stay in bed until 7:00. 🙂
Veronica Mitchell says
As much as I want to have all my children sleep with us at night, it was not the best idea because I should also consider my husband. We co-sleep our kids when they were still babies but when they turn around 2 years old, we train them to sleep in their own room. We let them choose their own bed sheets and pillowcases. And also, we allow them to have a toy beside them.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, our daughter sleeps with a baby doll and our sons slept with their blankey’s for many years when they were younger.
Deanna says
But what about when the child goes to sleep fine but then wakes up in the middle of the night and rummaged through everything and plays with things he shouldn’t without waking you up? My 4yo son is very sneaky!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh no – I’d keep a video camera in his room with the volume up so you can hear him if he gets up. 🙂
Nikita says
It is impossible to get my kids to sleep later than 5am.
Bedtime is at 7pm and they wake up at 5am. If I try to get them to bed later they still awake at 5am. If I try to get them to be earlier they wake up earlier. They refuse to nap during the day. How do I get them to sleep longer? If they in there own beds they wake during the night around 1 & 3am and climb in our bed. Both are the same. Ages 4 & 6 boys.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Try this: How we taught our kids to sleep later
Lindsay says
I’ve tried this for a week, and my 2 1/2 yr old son is STILL going strong. He is a very strong-willed child and I have to be really creative in order to help him learn and grow-he has meltdowns often and I really have to stay calm and consistent in all things, but while also showing that I am still in charge and sometimes the answer is just a No. Do I just continue in this? Has anyone gone longer than a week with this bedtime strategy?
Megan Adler says
Thanks for all the tips on getting your child to stay in their bed. I have a 2-year-old and we’ve been struggling to keep him in his bed at night. We’ve tried different methods but none seem to work. Tonight I’m going to try what you suggested and when he gets up I’ll take him back to his bed without saying a thing.
Kristin says
What would you recommend for a 4 year-old who has explosive tantrums and hits/kicks/punches? She is not autistic, but it’s very possible she has ADHD and she is strong as an ox. If we try to “walk her back to her bed” she throws herself on the ground screaming, kicks the wall, kicks anything near her. Also hits us, pulls our hair, etc. Slams her door, knocks things over. We haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a month.
Becky Mansfield says
Have you seen a therapist or a neurologist? I wonder if she has a sleep disorder? Our son did, and it very much resembles ADHD, due to lack of sleep. Along with it was temper tantrums, etc…. Once we figured it out and got the help we needed (CPAP), it was a night and day difference.
Sarah says
It *feels* like we’re about at the end of our rope. Son, 3yr3mon, is very tender but VERY strong-willed. We’ve learned a lot as parents, and we have a strong-relationship with him once we shift parenting tactics when he was 2. But bedtime and wakeup times are still rough.
He wakes around 5-6. (We’re trying for 7.) Naptime is 1:30-3:00, and bedtime is 7:30. He doesn’t wake at night and self-potty trained at night a few weeks ago. Just decided to stop wearing diapers and he’s dry in the morning. (Praise!) We’ve had a lock on his door since he was 2, because he will wander the house and I’m just not okay with that. But he’s old enough know that he knows the door is locked, and he freaks out. But when he unlock the door, he comes out. After that, the door is locked. He knows the consequences. So when he wakes up between 5-6 in the mornings, he screams for us to come get him. It wakes everyone up, including our 1-year-old in the next room. The same happens when he’s going down for nap 1/2 the time. He bangs on the door, yells, etc.
We’ve tried taking away TV privileges. ( He gets an hour of Sesame Street each day.) Sticker charts. We’ve tried returning him to his bedrooms (+100 times), but it’s hard to stay calm when he’s yellowing and buckling his legs, even though we’r being really calm.
Do we just move our daughter to the basement for a week (and one of us sleep down there with her) so that he can kick and scream without a parental response and let him get it out of his system and learn that we don’t respond to that kind of behavior?
Becky Mansfield says
I would contact a neurologist, just to be sure there is nothing going on. Our son had central sleep apnea, so he woke often, and didn’t know why. I always suggest seeing a doctor if your kids are waking, before you start sleep training, just to be sure everything is ok. 🙂
Amanda says
I wonder if my mom would have slept better if she had had these tips when I was a child? 🙂 Once I was out of my crib and into a bed, I shared a room with my older sister. But then we moved and I got my own room, and apparently, I didn’t like that. Night after night, I would get up and go in my mom’s room and just stand there, waiting patiently, until my mom woke up. I didn’t say anything, but I guess she heard me breathing with that supermom hearing that comes with having raised three babies. She would always wake up and, exasperated, throw back the covers and let me in. There was one occasion when I invited myself into the bed before she woke (maybe she was more tired than usual and didn’t wake up like normal), and I fell sleep in the process of crawling over her. She woke up gasping for air because I was right across her stomach. Mothers need much patience, don’t they? 🙂
What she actually did was wait for me to fall asleep in her bed, and then pick me up and carry me back to my room, where I would sleep through the night just fine. I guess after waking in my own bed enough times, I just got used to the environment and stopped migrating to my mom’s room. Probably walking me back to my room would have been faster… but I guess letting me fall asleep first was easier.
Thanks for sharing. It will be useful information if my husband and I ever decide to have children!
Lindsay Ingram says
Aww- I love that! Thanks for sharing!
Kate Ross says
I love the way you show consistency as the key for a successful parenting, I couldn’t agree more.
Eventually, whenever we are angry and tend to yell, or show a more aggressive behavior, the only thing the child sees is the ANGER and not the MESSAGE we are trying to convey.
Keep sharing these top notch tips and experiences, we all appreciate it!
Kate.
Lindsay Ingram says
Aww- I love that! Thanks for sharing!
thepsychdaily says
Wow! great article
It was quite informative and especially the comments section. Many other mothers have shared their experiences and I really loved reading it. I am going to try some of these tips to keep my child in bed.
Lindsay Ingram says
Great! I’m so glad that you were able to find this post. Good luck!
Leilani Kalaiwaa says
Yes, OMG this has been happening with my nephew. he falls asleep in my bed some times and I wake him up and explain to him that he has his own bed for a reason. I help him wake up, and carry/walk him to his room and his own bed. He always tells me he doesn’t want to sleep by himself but I remind him that he is in a house filled other family members. Thank you for your insight, I was hoping I handled the situation the best I could.