Why I put my kids to bed at 7:00 … it is a hot topic, that’s for sure! When our children were younger, we had all of our kids in bed around 7:00 every night. They were asleep around 7:30 every night.
UPDATE: This post was written several years ago in 2014, when our kids were much younger, but I believe that it is important. We still maintain a regular bedtime, but they no longer go to bed as early as they once did.
I owe so many well-rested nights and happy children during the day to the fact that we have a regular and early bedtime for our children. In fact, many Dutch parents put their kids to bed between 6:00 & 7:00 for very similar reasons that we have an early bedtime.
Before I begin- remember that although this works for us, it is not for everyone. As with all of my advice, do what works best for your family. ♥
Our kids (ages 2-9) are in bed by 7:00
Yes, our young children are in bed at 7:00. It is 2014, and my children range from 2 years old to 9 years old. Our 9 year old now goes to bed at 8:00, because he is older and needs less sleep. Until they are 9 years old, 7:00 remains their bedtime.
Last week, a fellow blogger shared my post about what to do when your 2 year old is still waking at night. In the post I talked about our early bedtime and gave some life-changing advice for our toddler that was waking up. That post led someone to leave the comment “Who puts their kid to bed at 7:00 pm?”
WE DO.
Yes, We have received mixed feedback about this, but it works for us. I know that 7:00 is early. I know that it cuts into their day, but I can tell you that I would rather have happy kids for 12 hours a day than tired or grumpy kids for 13 hours a day. (Our older kids wake up at 7:00 no matter what time they go to sleep. Really!)
Playing hard in the day makes kids tired by bedtime!
Our four YOUNG kids play hard during the day. They run around a lot and they spend a lot of time outside with us.
They are busy in the day, so they are tired when 7:00 rolls around.
They DO NOT nap anymore and they are just plain worn out by the evening, even if they don’t want to admit it (and they never do! haha!)
We have tried to push this back when we are on vacation, but they just aren’t as relaxed and easy-going the next day. They are a little more on edge, just like we are (as adults) when we don’t get the rest that we need. I put them to bed early because I want them to be smiling & ready to take on the day. 🙂
Plus- the are usually asleep in 5-15 minutes, so I know they are tired.
Do they ever stay up late?
YES! Once a month they each stay up late for Their Special Night. Plus, every night, our oldest son gets to have Read-Alone time in his room before bed, too. Or they can read their spelling words while they fall asleep with this little hack.
If that have football or wrestling, they are up even later, but we AIM for an early bedtime! Our younger children have a really hard time waking up for school at 7:00 am when he doesn’t get his full 12 hours of sleep, so I do try to get him to bed as early as possible.
I want him to be able to focus at school, be energetic in play and at his sports and be happy at home! This little chart can help you to know how much sleep they truly need…
Kidshealth.org says:
“Most kids between 5 and 12 get about 9.5 hours a night, but experts agree that most need more. When your body doesn’t have enough hours to rest, you may feel tired or cranky, or you may be unable to think clearly. You might have a hard time following directions, or you might have an argument with a friend over something really silly. A school assignment that’s normally easy may feel impossible, or you may feel clumsy playing your favorite sport or instrument.
Sleep Impacts Growth & Health
One more reason to get enough sleep: If you don’t, you may not grow as well. That’s right, researchers believe too little sleep can affect growth and your immune system — which keeps you from getting sick.” All in all- sleep is important! Your kids need it, even if they don’t WANT it.”
Do you have time with them in the evening?
I am not saying that this is right for everyone, so please hear me out. My husband and I both work from home, so this works for us. Two of our kids stay home with us during the day, and our older children go to school until 3:30. We have plenty of family time daily from 3:30 until bedtime.
Before my husband worked from home, I used to have the kids showered and in their pajamas before he got home, to give us more time together. Remember that it is quality over quantity.
Does it happen every night?
7:00 bedtime does not happen every single night, but it’s our goal every night. Most nights, one of our kids will be at practice until 8:00, so of course bedtime is later on that night.
Sometimes, it’s even earlier than 7:00. A few years ago, when my youngest kids were 3 & 5, they would fall asleep in the car at 6:00 on our way to drop the older kids off at practice… and I just take them up to bed and they slept ALL NIGHT LONG. They never woke up during the transition to bed. I know it’s crazy, but when I try to wake them, they are NOT happy, so on those nights, I just let it go.
It’s good for your marriage:
My husband and I see each other all day long while we work from home or while we are spending time with the kids, but at night we have time to watch a show, play a board game, etc…
Now, I am not saying that this is why we put them to bed early or that it is why we started, because it’s not, but we do enjoy that time together. Did you know that the #1 fear of preteens and teenagers is divorce among their parents? Quality time together, with your spouse, reduces this risk greatly.Make it a point to tell your children that you are going to spend time with your spouse.
Children Need Sleep
Remember- our bedtime certainly isn’t for everyone, but it works for us. It is healthy for our kids to get that amount of sleep and it helps them overall. Quality sleep + healthy foods make a huge difference for children (and adults).
On the other hand…
I wanted to share a story, for those of you that have a late bedtime. My very dear, long-time friend, Julia, has always had a late bedtime and her children follow her lead. They stay up well past 10:00 and it works for them. They sleep in every morning and they are happy, healthy, smart children. Her children are the same ages as mine. I know that I need to wait until 11:00 or later to talk to her on the phone. 🙂
All of that to say that this is what works for us, but it is up to you to find out what works best for your family.
I hope this helped to shed a little light on families with early bedtimes. Sleep well… no matter the time!♥
Belinda says
I’m in complete agreement with you! It’s so, so important for kids to get the sleep that they need, for all of the reasons that you cite. We aim to get our two children (aged 2 and 4) to bed by 7pm, and they generally wake up some time between 7 -8am in the morning.
It’s also important to my husband and I to have some quiet time together every evening, once the kids are in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- so true! Ours wake around the same time. 🙂
Tina Kachmar says
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Remember that next time someone makes you feel guilty enough to make you have to explain yourself. Keep doing your thing. There will always be someone doing something different. Happy to read that you and your husband make time for each other. That’s what people should be complimenting you on. Just my two cents.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks!! 🙂
Kim Howell says
I totally agree, I have custody of my son’s son he is six yrs old. I put him to bed now later than 8pm, but we are laying in bed by 7pm watching the goodnight show and various. This time is our cuddle slow down time. My grandson is the first child I know that if our schedule gets pushed back he’s tugging on me beginning cmon nan it’s time for bed. I should mention this is on top of a two hour nap that he refuses to go with out. I should mention he is disabled he has autism and epilepsy and still sleeps with me he came to me at 4 Mo having night terrors so if anyone can help me get him in his own bed. I have tried many things including letting him fall asleep on the couch and sneaking off to bed but by 1am he comes crying and stumbling into my room to crawl in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH wow- that’s great that you are able to take care of him like that.
Rebecca says
What a great grandma you are! Have you tried putting his bed in your room so he is still close to you, but not in the same bed? Maybe a sticker chart or reward system would help?
Carie says
I agree 100%! If it works for your family, why should anyone feel they need to voice their negative opinion! I have an almost 11 year old and 9 year old. They go to bed by 7:30 as often as I can manage. They are asleep within a few minutes and pleasant the next day!!!
ag says
My sibling is withholding her children (my niece & nephew) from important family events. The kids miss out due to strict parental bedtime rules (mostly her husbands rules). My Niece and Nephew have missed out on family weddings, every single birthday, Christmas night, and the list goes on. They are 4 and 5 years old… imagine not attending one single event because the parents are afraid the kids being a bit ratty the next day. These kids are a huge part of my life, and they missed my wedding because their parents couldn’t deal with the kids being a bit agitated the next day… I was incredibly upset, I included the kids in the wedding party, however they were whisked away before the reception :_(
Jessica says
It actually sounds like the rest of the family is being insensitive to the fact that they have kids and need to plan things earlier if it’s that important to you that they be there. I’m sure they want to be there but as a mom of 3 kids (6yo 3.75yo, 3.5 months) I have missed things because of bedtime and when I choose not to it takes more than one day to right the ship and I regret it and say it won’t happen again! It sounds like you don’t have kids and maybe everyone else has forgotten what it’s like to have little kids. I’m surprised your parents especially your mother hasn’t said as much to you. Try walking in her shoes and watch the kids for a week and keep them up like you say and see what happens. Trust me you’ll be changing your tune, lol. Not trying to be mean here but before I had kids I thought I knew better too but really I just had no clue!!! 😉
Jennifer L. says
I know this is old, but wow! Your sibling is doing you an enormous favor by not having her 4 and 5-year-old kids attend late night family events! Wired small kids are not a lot of fun. If she weren’t whisking them off to bed, they’d be climbing the XMas tree, diving into the wedding cake or laying on the floor screaming. You might think young kids are fun after 8 pm, but the novelty wears off on the people who have to set limits for them. If they stay up for some special occasion, they won’t just politely go to sleep after like mature humans. They’ll scream, whine and writhe on the floor when we attempt to put their PJs on and forget getting teeth brushed. I have three kids and we never do late night outings any more. The after effects are just a beast. Maybe you could offer to put the kids to bed for your sibling after some late night family gatherings and see how that works out. And no, you can’t pass the torch back to the parents when they’re up at 1 a.m. still and screeching like wild animals and running in circles around the house insisting that they’re not tired! Even if you’re tired and ready to pass out on the floor. You must stay awake and get them to sleep! It’s a ton of fun! I’d rather miss the wedding, quite honestly!
Rebecca says
I think you are being a bit insensitive to the needs of the children! My kids aren’t just a wreck the next day if they stay up way past bedtime, it’s about 3 days of horrible behavior and meltdowns. So if someone schedules something that late at night, we usually skip it for everyone’s sanity!
Christina says
Hey! I have a 7, 8, and 11 year old. Just wondering what time your kids wake up in the mornings when you put them to bed at 7:30 at night. I’ve been wanting to get my kids in bed earlier, but hubby isn’t quite on board and he gets home at various times in the evening so is worried about spending time with them… add that to my less than stellar (to put it mildly) scheduling routine and… yeah. thanks!
Becky Mansfield says
When they went to bed at 7, they usually woke up between 7 & 8 in the morning.
Ramona says
I know how you are feeling,i am from Romania (Europe). I always feel I have to explain why my 18 months toddler is in bed by 6.45 pm (she sleeps all night, no wake ups) and sleeps 11-12 h/night. If I am trying to put her at 7.30 pm she is so tired that she will sleep less (like 10 hours and her sleep is so agitated). I am getting so frustrated so many times when I have to explain myself why I am doing this. For me this is working… indeed, during the summer days I would like to go out with her later(because of the heat) but we manage that also, it is also frustrating that all of the toddler programs (groups working together, playing, English classes, etc) start from 6pm. But we manage to have QUALITY time together.
Anastasia says
Thank you so much for such a wonderful article. I love it. I also put my 2 year 3 month old in the bed by 7pm.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our kids just do better with an early bedtime. Looks like yours do, too. 🙂
Stacie says
Hi- I stumbled across this article today. I am quite curious to know how you get all four kids ready for bed in one hour and including dinner? We have four kids as well. To get dinner, cleanup, pjs, toothbrushing and family worship time all done in one hour sounds amazing. I am intrigued. Right now it takes us from 7-8:30pm to get all that done (often not including dinnertime).
Also, how does this work when the sun starts to stay out longer?
Our kids start kindergarten in the fall and we need to figure out how to get bedtime routine to not take so long.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our 3 boys take showers, so they are about 10 minutes & can do it by themselves. I just have to give our daughter a bath. They come down for dinner in their PJ’s, so its just dinner (which lasts about 20 minutes. If it takes much longer than that, they are just ‘goofing off’ and dinner ends. They know this. If they are eating or talking to us, no rush- but if not, we don’t really let them just “play around” or anything). They usually get a quick snack after dinner (an orange, a cup of frozen yogurt, a cup of yogurt, a handful of goldfish). So now its around 6:30. They clean up the kitchen with us (everyone clears the table) and then they go right upstairs to brush their teeth and use the bathroom. Lately we have been doing prayer time with each of them alone, so I tell them to each go into their room & pick out their bible story. IF they are in the beds, ready, we get to read the story & then I lay with them, etc…
If they are NOT in their beds, waiting for me, I read the story and put them to bed. I tell them that they have LOST time with me because they were being silly. They don’t like this, so they always want to go right to sleep.
The sun being out later is hard, but we don’t waiver on bedtime. I just tell them the truth- the sun is out because people used to work on farms, even the kids, and they needed it to be lighter longer. They were not busy working on the farm all day and they will not be staying up late like the farmers did. 🙂 They don’t argue with me at all on this because it wasn’t even an option to stay up (except on weekends – which is usually around 7:30 or 8).
Hope that was helpful!! 🙂
Nohra says
I do the same. My son is 9 years old and since he started Pre-K he has been going to bed by 7:30 – 8:00 pm, except Fridays and Saturdays, because on Sunday we go back to 8:00 pm . It has worked great for me. Children do need at least their 10-12 hours of sleep especially during the school nights. My son never has problems waking up in the morning to go school. Does great when in his school, has played in a soccer team which practiced twice a week and still I managed to have him in bed by 8:00pm. I learned this from my sister how she would put my nephew to be a specific time in be, and boy have that been a plus in my life. Thanks for your post and like others have said, if it has worked for you keep it up. Also it has helped me to avoid him watching or hearing inappropriate advertisements that come on TV past 6:30pm which we have no control over even on rated G or family programs.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree- they just wake up feeling better when they have had enough rest.
PS- great point about the TV advertisements!
Linaka says
Thank you for writing about this. I get a lot of flack from friends and family for the 7 pm bedtime. We played around with having my son go to bed later, but he’s really a bear the next day. The later he goes to bed, the earlier he wakes up! He just turned 6 and is still sleeping 12 hrs on average. He’s really tall (4’5″), so maybe I should keep him up so he’ll stop growing so much. 😉
We have dinner at 5:30, bedtime prep starting at 6:30. When he had t-ball we had to move his schedule a little later, but he ate in the car on the way and usually got to bed only 15-10 min late. It is workable.
By the way, daylight savings is not for farmers. It was started by the Germans during the WW1 to save on fuel costs. Check out John Oliver Daylight savings time, why is this still a thing? We have black out blinds and curtains, so it’s nice and dark in the bedroom yr round.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh no way- good to know!!
natasha says
I agree with you, I’m a single mom with two kidz, I drop them of at 6:00 and only see them just before 5:00. Then its homework, bath, supper and you want to spent some time with them. 7:00 is just not an option in our lives……even at 8:00, I feel sad to put them in bed………
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That would be really hard. I work from home and now my husband does, as well. We really get to be with them most of the day, so it works well for us. You have to find what works in your family and stick with that. 🙂
Rebecca says
My 4.5yo and 10yo are in bed at 7/7:30 every night- we eat dinner by 5:30, dine by 6. One of us will tackle shower/bath while the other cleans up from dinner (they only shower every other day unless they are extra dirty). Once they are in PJ’s, they don’t go back downstairs, otherwise they get wound up. I give them a small snack if they need it, then we do teeth, faces and get in bed. The 4yo gets read to first (usually while the 10yo is still getting her teeth and stuff done). Then she gets lights out and I move on with the 10yo- we will read and/or watch a quick Ellen video and it’s lights out for her also. I lay with the 10yo until she falls asleep, which is usually within 5-10min of lights out.
We started the early bedtime when my 10yo started pre-k. She was going to bed around 8:30 and it wasn’t working anymore. I slowly moved her bedtime up by a few minutes every couple days until we were at 7. The 4yo has never known anything different.
Bettina says
I liked your reasoning on putting the children to bed early. We put our boys to bed at 8pm from the first day they came home, of course they got up for feedings back then and only slept in our room till they were about 2 months but they never left their bed rooms at night for feedings the rocker was set up in their room.
The time was important to pick up the house, relax and spend time with each other. When they were teens and old enough to negotiate for a different bed time we listened. now I am a grand mother and it is hard to see the grand children are not on a schedule, my son wants one but his wife doesn’t help get that done. anyway not my job they get to hear the whinning. LOL
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 lol!
Rosa says
Hello!
My name is Rosa and I’d like to tell you that I agree to what you say about sleep time.
I am alone with a 27 months daughter. I don’t work since she was born and I spend all the time with her.
I try to put her in bed early but she doesn’t want to as you already mention. So I put her in bed at 20:00 and she sleeps at 20:30. In the morning she wakes up between 06:30-08:00. During the day she sleeps 1-2 hours. Generally our day is quiet,so she doesn’t get tired.How can I make her go at 19:00? I don’t like it when she cries. I want her to sleep in peace. Should I change something or leave it like it is.?
Tnx in advance
april ohlson says
my kids get that bedtime too and it gives me me time at night. they don’t sleep until 9pm but my daughters teacher told her bedtime at 7pm and she is only 5
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I love that her teacher told her that!!!!
Daria says
Completely agree! Its about the family as a whole. But it is clear that children need as much sleep as they can possibly get in order to achieve healthy development.
Sherree says
I have two girls, ages 3 and 4. Their bedtime is 7 pm. I hadn’t thought it when my first was born but my pediatrician recommended “Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Marc Weissbluth. She questioned us regularly about sleep habits and encouraged us to develop a consistent routine and bedtime. I am a strong believer in it now. We have several neighbors with children the same age and younger. They regularly go to bed between 9 and 11 pm. I see the difference in behavior and health. My daughters have had very few colds, no other illnesses, despite being in preschool. They are generally well behaved. Sometimes it doesn’t seem so to me but when I see the behavior of the children around us I see an astounding difference. I do not want to judge other parents but how do you deal with the impact on your children by others who don’t see the value and importance of sleep and an appropriate bed time? I am so frustrated by the activities that are scheduled well past by children’s bed time. I have gotten the looks and comments more times than I can count when I say that my children’s bedtime is 7 pm. Our society as a whole does not share these values. Holiday cartoons aimed at children are coming on at 8 pm or even later. My children are already asleep! My local fire department has decided it is a good idea to ride through the neighborhoods with sirens blaring with Santa on the truck at 8 pm. I am so frustrated by being treated like a freak or a tyrant for putting my child to bed at an appropriate time. Does anyone have any coping strategies?
AG says
My kids, newly 2 and 4, never slept on their own and still go to bed with me – even later than your neighbor’s kids. This is because I am a night owl with intermittent insomnia issues still needing 10 hours a night, and could not fall asleep earlier than midnight even while working a 7-4 office job. Anyway – my kids are both happy, bright (fighting over who gets to name the countries on the world map shower curtain bright) and small on the charts (as was I) but growing well and rarely sick. Never sick enough for a doctor’s visit, actually. No one would EVER guess we have such a weird sleep schedule for the time being. I personally feel like I have to defend myself much more than a parent putting their kids to bed earlier than some norm, because sleeping late seems to automatically equate to a lack of discipline – which in our case, it most definitely is not. If my kids were up at 7am I would be a wreck of a mom, so unfortunately this is what we have to do to ensure everyone is well-rested. And, hey, the kids are loved and THRIVING, so – just thought I’d chime in from the other side 🙂 Different strokes, after all.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol! Exactly- different strokes 🙂
MImom says
Sherree….
You want coping suggestions for putting your kids to bed early and missing out on activities? How about you just record the shows and watch them at a different time? (FYI some of these shows come on at an earlier time in different time zones). Or you don’t get to go to some things because you are a parent and that means sometimes you have to sacrifice. Does Santa ride through the neighborhood nightly? Or is it a one time deal? I mean, really, that’s not a huge deal if it’s one time. So other people don’t put their kids to bed as early as yours. Its your family and you do what is best for you and yours. And others will do what is best for them. We go to bed between 9 and 10 because my kids don’t have to wake up early. And my husband sometimes doesnt get home until 7 or later. An “appropriate” time isn’t as important as the length of sleep. Just because others don’t do things the same way as you doesn’t mean they are wrong. People can value sleep without having their kids in bed by 7. My kids sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning and we miss out on some cartoons, community activities, and play groups, especially on the weekends. But I’m not over here expecting shows to be on at a different time or everyone to stay quiet until my kids wake up. Here is the best “coping” strategy: don’t worry about what others do with their families. Take care of your family and let others do the same. Raise your family the best you can.
kseahag says
For the cartoons you could tape them and watch at your convenience.
As for Santa perhaps one time the bedtime could be adjusted for this.
GAIL KOHR says
I AM OLD SCHOOL , A SENIOR CITIZEN, BUT WHEN MY KIDS WERE GROWING UP MY KIDS WENT TO BED AT EARLY AS POSSIBLE TOO, IT TOOK A LOT OF SLEEP FOR THEM, AND WHEN THEY WERE SMALL THEY ALSO TOOK NAPS TOO.. THEY ALL JUST NEEDED A LOT OF SLEEP… BUT THEY ALWAYS DID REALLY GOOD IN SCHOOL, BECAUSE THEY WERE RESTED. I FEEL SORRY FOR THESE KIDS NOWDAYS, THEIR PARENTS DRAG THEM TO WALMART AT 10PM AT NIGHT WHEN THEY SHOULD BE IN BED, AND THEY ARE JUST DRAGGED AROUND THEY HAVE NO ROUTINE, EVEN THE NEWBORNS,, I SEE AT WALMART AT 10 AND 11PM AND MY HUSBAND AND I ARE THINKING ARE THESE PARENTS JUST CRAZY OR WHAT, THEY JUST DO NOT CARE THEY STAY UP ALL NIGHT TOO, SO I GUESS THE KIDS DO TOO.. SO ,SO, SAD… BUT YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING… MY KIDS FRIENDS USED TOO MAKE FUN OF THEM BECAUSE THEY WENT TO BED EARLY, BUT MY HUSBAND AND I BOTH WORKED AND THAT GAVE US TIME TO REGROUP WITH EVERYTHING AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT DAY… I THINK YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU, PS. ALL OUR KIDS WERE RAISED WITH RULES OF THE HOUSE. AND WE HAVE NEVER, NEVER DEALT WITH DRUGS OR JAIL TIME OR ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE YEARS AGO I HAD A 90 YR OLD WOMAN TELL ME SOMETHING , SHE SAID IF YOU WANT GOOD KIDS AND TO GROW INTO GOOD ADULTS, REMEMBER THIS LITTLE SAYING. NO MATTER IF YOU EVER FEEL GUILTY FOR SPANKING ONE OR WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO CORRECT THEM…. AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID…….WHAT YOU DO FOR TODAY IS FOR TOMORROW……. JUST REMEMBER THAT AND LIVE BY IT AND YOU WILL RAISE WONDERFUL CHILDREN… AND TO BE WONDERFUL ADULTS……. SO GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND REMEMBER THAT LITTLE SAYING ……..LADY FROM TEXAS……
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- we see a really big change in them if they have to stay up later than normal. I prefer them to be in bed and get a good night’s rest. We all (adults included) feel better with adequate hours of rest. 🙂
Thank you for your sweet comment!
Sabine says
I like the article and appreciate how non-judgmental it was. Not impressed by the self-righteous tone of some of the comments left by the readers. Hey crazy Texas lady, maybe go easy on the all caps eh? Not sure avoiding drugs and jail are the gold standard of successful parenting either…just saying. I think it’s true that everyone has to find what is right for them. My kids go to bed around 8 and sleep fairly late. I’m not a morning person so I really don’t want them waking up extra early. We live close to school and have a pretty solid half-hour routine for getting out the door. If I put the kids in bed before 7, I wouldn’t get much time with them since I work.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Sabine. 🙂
Joanne says
To Sebine (the previous commenter): Nice to know we can all comment on not being impressed with the self righteous comments and then turn around and call someone a senior citizen a “Crazy Texas Lady”.
laura says
I agree with you wholeheartedly. They will retain more and be less troublesome with appropriate rest.
Alyssa says
We also put our 3 kids to bed at 7:00pm. Not only does it avoid the late night arguing, whining, and extra messed it allows me and my husband to have daily time together to chat, unwind, and play games together and reconnect. We totally can relate to the criticism from friends but I chose not to listen and do what WE know is best! Great job moms!!
Mel says
Exactly!!!
The best advice my doula ever gave me, when our daughter was a month old, was to put her to bed early, like at 4pm. I started doing it back then, and she would only wake up for nursing through the night, but would otherwise sleep like an angel till the morning.
Now at two years old, we have pushed it slowly back to 6-6:30pm and she sleeps through the night (and even through the diaper change we do, before we go to bed) until 7-30am.
I am so glad, we are doing it this way, not only for her, but for us, we have wonderful evenings with friends over or just us as a couple, and no over tired kid, driving us all nuts.
Rebecca Taylor says
Couldn’t agree more with you, my son is nearly 3 and has had a bedtime of 7 since he was born. I remember sitting in his room at 6 weeks old to settle him down. He plays extremely hard all day and is exhausted. He needs his sleep in fact he is very aware what time bath and bedtime is and even says it is soon and he needs to get ready. He functions better with sleep, is happier with sleep and as he says he grows and mends any ow ows when he has his sleep. As parents we appreciate that he settles well and we can have the evening to ourselves to catch up with the things we can’t do in the day. It shocks me to see people out with their children at 8, 9pm and then these same parents complain that their children won’t go to bed when they do want them to have an early night. Yes this has been detrimental to us being able to go out late, yes as adults our lives have been put on hold for a period of time, but that is it a period of time and our son getting enough sleep to allow him to grow and develop into the charming little character he has become is more than worth it. I am so pleased we are not alone. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Def. not alone here!!
Ana says
I 100% agree!! I have two sons aged 3.5 and 5.5. Bedtime is 6pm every night. We have the same routine of bath/shower, story time then cuddles and maybe a song in bed. Some nights we may be a bit later but rarely any later than 7pm and sometimes as early as 5.30pm (when mummy has HAD ENOUGH!) My boys are full-on and being a single mother I NEED my alone/downtime to relax and unwind. I get a bit upset when I see parents regularly keeping their kids up far too late at night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 haha. yep!
Becca says
To get my kids into bed by 7 would mean I would only see them in the weekends due to my work schedule. Boy do they grow up fast the years flash by before your eyes. My partner and I never seem to get time without them but that suits us fine because unlike many parents we actually enjoy their company. Our kids go to bed later than most yet we know that a lot of children go to bed early but don’t actually sleep and we believe this is so the parents can get “rid” of them. We would prefer to spend those precious moments with them before they disappear. Our kids don’t seem to be at affected by less sleep than their peers health and education wise. Yet people have described us as a bad parents for letting them stay up later. I personally have terrible memories being a child spending countless hours sitting alone in my room because my parents “got rid of me” nice and early for the night. Parents like this always come across to society as the good parents. I am a bad parent but I don’t care because I know that my children will grow up instead with happy and fun memories of us doing things together as a family while all their friends are lying for endless hours staring at ceilings. My kids are incredibly active yet nothing ever is enough to be able to get them to sleep before 9pm so forcing them any earlier just is hopeless and I know this not through lack of trying. They still end up averaging 10 -11 hours a night and based on how the are the next day must mean that is enough. Even if they only get only 9 hours it seems to make no difference. Just my point of view and I don’t blame single parents or stay at home mums. If you you get sick of the sight and sound of your children throughout the day then maybe it is best for everyone’s sanity that you part ways early in the evening like you say you have to do what works for your individual situation. If your child is lucky enough to be able to go straight to sleep at 7pm then that’s wonderful and obviously they need lots of extra sleep to function. I see this with my nephew he is a nightmare and cannot cope the next day if he has a sleepover and has a late night but that is how he is wired his mother is the same. My children’s father and I are night owls and our children share that gene. I just wish people weren’t so critical about night owls we cannot help the way we are wired. As for our childrens bedtimes we have our reasons we know what works for our kids.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh goodness- I could ever get sick of them. <3 Different strokes for different folks, but when our kids go to bed at 7, they are usually sound asleep by like 7:15 (no joke- usually sooner!) Our 2 and 4 year old are asleep by like 7:02! haha. Exhausted!! I even have to wake the little ones the next morning to take their big brothers to school. 🙂 The older ones wake up between 6:50 & 7:45. (I have to wake them up by 7:45 to get ready for school).
Quick Question says
Hi – my first time reading your blog as I stumbled across this post searching for tips on my current situation! We have a very similar parenting philosophy and a similar family structure (kids same ages). I have one question though – are your kids in separate bedrooms? All my hard work is starting to unravel as cheeky mr 4 is creating bedtime chaos. He’s exhausted as are his brothers, but they find it so exciting to be in the same room. A mix of giggles, singing and getting in and out of bed shenanigans end up waking their little brother (18 months) who sleeps in the sunroom. I despise my last words being cross ones to them, but I do invariably end up being cross, taking away cuddlies or sending one to fall asleep in our bed (to transfer back later). They are never usually quiet until 745/8pm. The same child is also an early riser, so anytime around 6am I have him awake and calling to wake everyone else up! Any tips/advice for this scenario? I am genuinely interested in suggestions that we could try. Thanks so much!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- they are all in different rooms. We used to have our oldest kids together but decided to moe them to their own rooms. When they were in the same room, I would sit in the room with them and read a book (to myself) for about 10 minutes until one of them was asleep, or I would stagger their bedtimes. In the morning, I would let the oldest one look at a book in his bed if he was quiet, or use the Kindle with wireless headphones.
I’m sorry- I wish that I could be of more help!
AG says
Becca, I am exactly the same – a night owl, and whether my kids are or just naturally adapted to my odd clock and need for a later schedule I’m not sure. But, I need 10 hours a night myself, and my kids go to bed with me, never having slept on their own even as babies (smart little guys). So, late to bed and late to rise, cause early just might be the death of me 🙂 I hear you on feeling some parents who put their kids to bed so early are just trying to be done with them for the day! However, I hate feeling judged by others simply having my kids up and about with me “late” – as if that by itself is a sign of neglect or lack of discipline and consideration. Obviously we know it’s not, at least for us!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Just remember “different strokes for different folks”, as my grandma used to say. What works for one family doesn’t always work for another. 🙂
Melissa says
Firstly, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You’re doing an amazing job!
Secondly, it’s important that as adults we get some “me” and “us” quality time and we use this time for this. Without it we’d never get to relax and connect.
Lastly, it’s hard enough being a parent and we judge ourselves enough without others doing it too.
Thank you
Yasmina/Mina and Her Blog says
Becky, my kids are going up at 7:00 pm too! After a busy day , i don’t know why i would put them later than 7 pm. They get soo cranky the following morning. I do know a lot of mothers put their children 9 pm or 10 pm and their kids wake up very cranky on school days..I don’t find it very healthy.
The only time I find makes sense for me, when it’s summer time they get to sleep from 8 to 9 pm.
Everyone has his own way.
But i do agree with you!!
Yasmina
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, exactly! 🙂
Cari says
My boys are 21, 14 & 12 (the oldest just happens to have Down Syndrome, OCD, ADD, and ASD as well as sleep issues, as in doesn’t stay asleep, falling asleep usually isn’t the issue). The boys are all in bed by 8:30p on a school night (well the 14 year old is sometimes up later doing homework much to my dismay). I really suspect my youngest (12) still needs a 7:30-8p bedtime but he typically fights sleep if his brothers stay up later than he does. Reason I suspect he needs more? He gets up at 5:45a so he can catch his bus at 6:30a (we leave the house to go to the bus stop around 6:20a) and has a full day. (The 14 year old runs on the same schedule and he probably needs more as well, but too many late nights while at band camp this summer messed up his sleep schedule so he really fights sleep until he is totally worn out.) Both the younger boys will now sleep until 10a or later on the weekends if we let them (another indicator, to me at least,) they aren’t getting enough sleep. I applaud families that keep earlier bedtimes for their kids, in today’s world it is often that to do so requires swimming upstream
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
6:30 am bus- that is going to be hard for us in HighSchool! (they start early, too!)
Tammy says
Cari, I certainly can relate to many things you have said. I have 7 children 24, 23, 21, 17, 15, 13, & 10; when my oldest three were little things ran pretty smoothly and bed time was around 8:30. They would sleep in till about 9 a.m. and that was fine with me since I was a stay at home mom and needed my sleep too. As my fourth and fifth child came along things were for the most part were about the same and bedtime was still at 8:30. When my oldest child was a freshman in high school and I had my seventh child things were a lot more chaotic and the younger ones wanted to stay up later since the older ones would stay stay up to 9, 9:30 or sometimes 10 p.m. since she was in marching band. It became a power struggle which became an everyday battle to get the youngest 4 to bed. I didn’t get much help with my spouse and he would complain that I never had time for him but, he didn’t make it any easier. I guess I kind of failed and became a mean mom and would threaten them to go to bed because I needed my quiet time which I never seemed to get unless I stayed up late and would sometimes go to bed at midnight. It was a vicious cycle, I wish I could say it has gotten better, but it hasn’t. I am now going through a divorce, and by myself in raising the last 5. No one wants to “ever” sleep especially my two high school students, who I know are most likely sleep deprived, because they have to get up at 5 a.m. for early morning seminary, but you can’t tell a teenager that! I am tired of the constant struggle to get them to bed for their own good! They barely get 5 hours sleep sometimes! At times I wish they were younger again because that was so much easier and they did what they were told and didn’t talk back or think they were going to miss out on something if they didn’t stay up. :/
Lisa says
This comment by Tammy is the only comment I can relate to. I want to get my 3 kids to bed earlier, but have very very little help from my husband. In fact, he’s pretty much against getting them to bed earlier than 10pm. I struggle every night to get them to bed by 8:30pm- and that’s early for my husband who uses it as part of his excuse to not help me. He won’t read to them and now refuses bath time. I know he’s in his office looking at Reddit most of the time instead of doing all the “work” he’s claiming needs to be done. I’m trying my best, but getting only about 4 to 5 hours of sleep myself and that is not straight sleep- I’ve finally caved to co-sleeping with my 8 month old most nights because all my kids are in one room and she wakes them up. I want so badly to have this perfect thing going like everybody else, but no matter how hard I try I just can’t do it all. 🙁
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m so sorry- it has to be hard feeling like you are doing it all. Sending you a virtual hug for a job-well-done. I don’t really have any advice, just wanted you to know that I’m cheering for you.
Jocelyn says
I know this is an old post but I just had to reply. My heart goes out to you Lisa. I really do hope your situation is better now.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m so sorry, Tammy. I’m praying for you to get through this season in your life. You can do this and you can still have an awesome relationship with your kids. Wish that I could offer more advice…
Tricia says
This sounds exactly like our house! A 4 yr old, 20 month and 8 month old. We run on the exact same schedule for the exact same reasons. If I drive anywhere mid afternoon he is passed out! But can’t nap either for the sake of not being up til 10pm.
Also he gets up in the middle of the night as well as the other two
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
exactly!
kelly says
My 6 month old sleeps from 5:30pm to 7am, morning naps for 1 hour and afternoon naps for 1.5 hours! My 3 year old goes to bed at 6:30 and afternoon naps 1.5 hours. We are huge believers of early bed times. They are hardly ever cranky. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It makes SUCH a difference!
lolla says
Can l aske you how you make your baby sleep at 5pm &wakeup at 7 am I have a 3 months old baby I wish she sleep at night well. when I read this article l feel that I am a loser mom!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- 3 months old would be so hard. When our baby was that age, she went to bed around 6, but woke up at midnight, 5 am & 9 am to eat. Sorry- but hang in there!
Ais'Lynn says
Sweetie, no, you are so not a loser mom. At 3 months infants still require feeding every 3-4 hours. She will begin to sleep through much better after she starts solid foods at about 6 months. I would also like to let you know that some babies are sleepers and some just are not. I have 9 children and out of those 4 are long 10+ hours sleepers, 3 don’t sleep more than 5 hours a night even at 6, 8, and 18. And 2 sleep an average 8 or 9 hours nightly.
You are still in that horrible adjustment to mommyhood stage where you doubt everything you do. Not enough sleep makes that worse. Relax and forgive yourself little momma, you’re doing fine!
Erica Coles says
I wish our school started at 8 around here! Mine are too little for school still. Before I had them I taught kindergarten and school started at 7:35. Now, it’s been moved even earlier and starts at 7:05!! We are in a rural area, so kids that ride the bus have to leve their house as early as 6am. My opinion is that is not healthy for them. Those that play sports are sometimes not even home until 9 or 10. Lots of kids don’t even get picked up from daycare until 6pm. There just isn’t enough time in the day for some families to get their child the sleep they need. Not with school starting so early. Lots of times the younger kids are stuck out at these sports events of brothers or sisters, too.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My nephew starts Kindergarten at 7:00- I always feel so bad knowing that he has to be up at 6:00!
Yes- sports are hard. Thankfully, my husband coaches, so he brings them home after practice and the little ones are already asleep. (twice a week)
Christina says
Yes, My kids are on the bus at 6:38 in the mornings. Ugh.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow! I don’t think I would be able to do that (let alone the kids… haha!) Good for you!
Lauren Tamm says
I am so behind you on this Becky! I’m serious. We are determined to maintain an early bedtime in our home because our marriage is the foundation of a strong family. My husband and I need an early bedtime to enable adult time and invest only in each other. Keep doing what you are doing. I’m right behind you!
Lauren
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Lauren!
Kristen @CountryFitFamily says
My kids have exactly the same schedule at 2 and 4 years old. They are very busy and active little boys. They definitely need 11-12 hours of sleep every night.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!!
Suzan Wilhoit says
I agree. All of my girls are in bed at 7 during the week and 8 on weekends. It just works so much better for them and me. I’m a single mom with 3, the oldest is 6.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Agreed!
Suzan Wilhoit says
If they are not in bed on time they go into meltdown. Even the weekends when they go to sleep around 8, I still lay them down with a movie by 7. That’s their treat for a week well done at school. A lot of people don’t understand because it seems hard in the beginning to get them on that schedule, but if they’d try for even a week, they’d understand.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yep- same here!
Sarah says
We have a 3yr old, same issue if she naps.. So she is usually asleep by 6/6:30. It’s so nice for everyone!
Natalie says
I love this! I have always been very big on my son getting enough sleep. I could go in to my tirade about how I feel our society undervalues sleep (i.e. “Sleep is for the weak”) but I will refrain…LOL. Healthy sleep habits must be TAUGHT…just like any other habits we teach our children. Good for you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
hahaha! I could have, too… 😉 lol
Lynne Czender says
My Daughter has just had her sixth baby. Her two older boys, 6 and 7, are generally in bed by 7pm. Her younger ones, girls 4 and 2, and boy 1, are all in bed by 6-6.30. They are an energetic bunch who like to play outside a lot as well. With a big family my Daughter and SIL like to have some time to themselves and go to bed early themselves.
Patti says
I too put my kids to bed early. 4 y/o twins At 7pm, 8 y/o by 8pm. I know I am doing the right thing for one easy bit of proof, my kids are asleep in 30 seconds and aleep straight thru to 7am. They are tired.
The other thing you did not really touch on, but I will admit is that I, too, am a stay at home Mom. My husband does not get home until after 8pm. I need a little time to myself in order to stay sane. Ha. So, at 8pm when I can sit down with a cup of tea and an episode of Real Housewives of whereever, I very much enjoy my decision about the kid’s bedtime.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! Great proof! 🙂
ps- I’m with you on time after they go to bed. Makes us better moms when we refuel!
adriane says
I couldn’t agree more with your article! I am also a sahm and I keep my toddler running and learning all day. My daughter is exhausted by 6 or 7! We also get up early around here due to my older sons being in school. I would like to add though that another major bonus to the kids going to bed so early is that parents get alone time! We get to talk about our day..watch something other then children’s shows and cuddle!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!! 🙂
Lara says
I would love my 2yr old to go to bed at 7pm, but between working full time, trying to get dinner and bathtime done and actually spend a bit of time with my child it is 7.30-8pm. But it works for us. Our daughter is a 10hr sleep over night child. If I had her in bed at 7 she would be up before 5am, and I just cant handle that. She sleep a good 2-3 hrs during the day, even at day care so it works for us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
A 2 hours nap is great!
Danielle says
Our daughter (2 years old) goes to bed at 7:30. When she was an infant, we learned by experience that she needed to be asleep by 6-6:30. It was very rough, because I worked over an hour away from home and couldn’t pick her up until 6. So we headed straight home and to bed. After a few months of this, I left my job for one only 10 minutes from home. It paid a little less, but it was worth it to be able to spend time with her, and have less stressful evenings, while still adhering to the bedtime her body needed.
I used to (and still do, but to a lesser degree) get a lot of flak from people (particularly my in laws) about putting her to bed so early. Sure, it impacted our social life, and we had to do dinners and such with family earlier and leave earlier. But, as I always explained, it is not my daughter’s obligation to sacrifice her biological needs for adult’s desires. My daughter had/has no say or control over these things, and it was MY job as her parent to make decisions that are in her best interest and protection. Other adults can choose to be flexible, particularly if they wanted to see her. It isn’t fair to leave her overtired, cranky, suffering poor sleep, etc. just to please the whim of adults.
There are also several studies that have found later bedtimes (some say by 8 is ideal, others say 9 is the absolute cap) contribute to behavioral problems, poor attention span, illness, trouble learning, etc. One study looked at several kids with late bed times, and then had the parents put the kids down by 8. The results were dramatic. Behavior in class and at home was markedly improved by the NEXT DAY! And with consistency in earlier bed times, the kids grades went up. That’s reason enough right there!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh yes- exactly!!
Mara says
Totally agree!! The kids need to rest well so they can be in a good mood all day long!!!
Jenny says
My 6 and 7 year olds are in bed at 7pm and up at 6:30am. They are ready for bed and on the weekends will sleep until between 7 and 8. Sleep is sacred.
T Jaime says
I wish I could put my 3 yr old to bed that early. If he goes to bed any earlier than 9 he wakes up around midnight and doesnt fall back to sleep til around 2. Also some nights my husband works til 10 (30 min away) and if i needed tbe car that day, my son and i have to go pick him up =/ Then again we do sleep in most of the time til around 9. But it would be nice to have some time alone at night. If we want time to catch up on shows or spend time together, my husband and I don’t get to bed til about 2 or 3am. But i fully support the mothers who can have their kids to bed that early! =)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh man- that’s so tough! Good for you for hanging in there – I”d be exhausted. lol (oh wait.. . I am exhausted!) haha!
Christina says
I try hard to get our kids (ages 8 & 3) in bed between 8-8:30pm. I agree that sleep is so very important. My 3 year old is the same way–will fall asleep in the car if we go anywhere in the afternoon and then be awake later through the evening–she otherwise does not nap in the afternoon. She usually has quiet time to watch cartoons or a movie to rest a bit. And this momma needs a little quiet time in the evenings, so I can unwind/recharge for the next busy day! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
yes!! 🙂
Jacqui says
I 100 percent agree with you, I only have one child however she has slept and woke for the same time since FOREVER, once she stopped napping she still slept early and still woke early, it’s totally works for us and I have NEVER EVER had one day that I had a rough time waking her up, generally she is awake on her own and her teachers have always commented that she is very alert and refreshed in class, once she is in bed, she stays in bed and sleeps wonderfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way…..
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
agreed!
Amanda @ The Anti Mom Blog says
I love everything about this post! I am a firm believer in putting kids to sleep early so they get the max amount of sleep they need a night. When my kids go to sleep later than their 7:30-8 bedtime, they wake up extra early for some reason and are cranky/crabby the entire next day. I have heard snide remarks from certain relatives (believe it or not!) that try to keep my kids up later than normal when they babysit. It only hurts them and us the next day! It works for us, and especially makes them happier kids when they get their sleep.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha- me, too!!! (remarks!) 😉 I’m w/ you!
Sara K. says
My 8 year old daughter has an 8pm bedtime on school nights (I relent a little on Friday and Saturday nights, but even then I think it’s usually 9pm). I started a new routine with her this school year. We head upstairs at 7pm. This gives us an hour to do showers, picking out clothes, and just spending some time together! By 7:45 to 8 we are curled in her bed for some reading or looking at I-Spy books. Some nights she has trouble going to sleep and it might be 8:30 or so before she’s out, but most nights she falls asleep quickly. She’s TIRED at the end of a long day! (And so am I).
Even going to bed around 8pm, I usually have to drag her out of bed at 7am. Adequate sleep is so important not just for kids, but for adults too. I’m usually asleep just past 9pm and wake up at 5:30.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- that is how our kids are, too. If they go to bed at 8:00, it is a struggle on school mornings!
Angie says
I’ve raised 7 kids and take care of a few of my grandkids while their parents work. I believe in early bedtime routines for kids because (1) they are small and need more sleep; (2) small children tend to be early risers, no matter what time they go to bed; and, (3) my hubby and I needed those quiet hours at night for ourselves and each other.
April says
I agree completely, my daughter has gone to bed at 7 since she stopped taking naps and would even ask to go to bed. She’s 9 now and just started going to bed at 8:30.
Judy says
My girls always had a seven o’clock bedtime and slept for 10-11 hours all the time. That changed when they could get up on their own for school, for one it ended about grade 7 and the other daughter around grade 9 and this child still takes a nap when she can. Many people don’t know the power of sleep to a growing child, it can be one of the most stressful for many parents, but could also be one of the most priceless bonding and treasured memories of the parent and child.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Don’t you wish that we could take naps, too?!
Shannon says
I totally agree with you. I have 2 children, son who is 6and my daughter who is 4, if they go to bed later then 8pm I have 2 very cranky kids. They have always been in bed around 7 or 730pm. Unless like you said its their special night. Which never happens on a school night only on a Friday or Saturday.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 yep!!
Silvie Armas says
I am in total agreement. We usually have dinner around 5pm when my husband gets home, and start our bedtime routine right after, with quiet time, showers and heading to bed. We do this so that they’re in bed by 7 and asleep by 7:30. Except on Soccer practice nights. Then they’re asleep by 9. They have been so much alert in the mornings since we started doing this last year. Grades have improved as well as attitudes. I love that it gives my husband and I time to ourselves. 🙂 As always great post Becky!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
exactly! 😉 (ps- thanks!!)
Gina @ Oaxacaborn says
I appreciate that you added “Do what works for you” at the end of this post. My husband gets home from work at 7pm each night, which is when we have dinner as a family. Needless to say, our daughter goes to bed later than 7pm each night. Unfortunately, not every one is able to take the context of the situation into consideration, and all they hear is “she goes to bed later than 7pm” so I’ve faced LOTS of criticism from other parents for our decision. Truly whatever works for you and your family.
The other facet here which may come into play for a lot of families is that, plain and simple, some babies and kids are really good at sleeping and some are not! My friends often talk about their children falling asleep during shopping trips or in the car — my daughter is nearly four years old and after the age of about 3 months has never ever fallen asleep in a shopping cart or while visiting friends. I just can’t relate. So, anyway, I send grace and encouragement to those mamas whose schedule may not allow for vast periods of interrupted sleep, whose living situations may not offer quiet times, or whose children aren’t the kind of kids who can just plop down anywhere and snooze! You’re going a great job!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, if my husband worked until 7, it would be a different story. 🙂
Emilie says
My husband and I both work full time and our children (12 and 14) play BB. We also have an 8 year old. He goes to bed at 9. My 12 year old at 10 and my 14 year old is often still up at 11. They are still hyped up when they get home and often have homework to do as well…many nights at 8:00. We are starting to eat dinner at 8:00 some nights as that is when everyone is finally all home. it is a crazy season of our lives but we still find time to be together. Luckily they can sleep til 7:00 on school days as wed o not leave the house til 7:35.
Everyone had to do what is right for their family and not compare ourselves to others. No two moms or families are living in the exact same situation.
As a teacher, I know how important sleep is, but I also think my children need time to be in school, do homework, play sports, practice their faith, spend time with family and relax so we are making it work.
Marjory says
We have a newly adopted 14 year old daughter whom we have had for three months now and her bedtime is 8pm.We have supper between 530 and 6 and then she does her homework.Around 7:30,she goes in a takes a quick shower,then after the shower she comes into her room and since she is a bedwetter,i put her cloth diapers and rubberpants on her,then she puts her nightie on and it into bed by 8 pm.
kristen says
7:00pm would never work at my house considering my husband doesnt get home until 7 and he likes to see his kids for awhile and spend some time with them. However my kids go to bed at 9 and wake up at 9 so they still get their 12 hours 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, if my kids could sleep in and if my husband worked late, I would have to move it back. 🙂
Tiffney says
We have put our kids to sleep at 7:00 for as long as I can remember. It works great for us!
jennifer says
Wow, well at first I did question the bedtime and clucked on the link to see why? So helpful that you explained, and it titaly makes sense. My seven year old wakes up at 6:30am and I find it so hard to wake him up in the mornings. I will definitely be trying bedtime earlier thank you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- thank you for having an open mind to it!!! 🙂 & for the sweet comment!
B says
I totally understand how this schedule works for a lot of families and kids. It totally doesn’t for our two working parents get home at 6:00-6:30pm family.
Since our daughter was a baby she has had an 8:30-10pm bedtime. At 2.5 her schedule is up at 6:30am, nap from 2:30-4:30, to bed at 8:30-9:00. On weekends she sleeps in until 8:30am, but then having gotten 11-12hrs overnight will generally not nap in the afternoon.
The only downside I really see with very early bedtimes is being able to attend family functions, evening school events etc. Obviously there are times as parents we break our own rules, but we are out with our daughter ALL the time after 6:30-7:000pm and she isn’t cranny or cranky because it isn’t a change to her schedule.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- if we worked late, it would be a different story. 🙂
Sheri says
When is family dinner when bedtime is between 6 and 7? My hubby is not home from work at 4.30 or 5. Also, my kids get energized by their dinner. We aim for 6 pm dinner, hopefully with Daddy and 7.30 bath & bedtime. Usually its 8 pm when actually in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I have it ready when my husband comes home at 6:00. We eat from about 6-6:20. (I usually give them a bath before dinner… if not, my husband will help, but normally its around 5:45). So from 6:20-7:00 its just reading together, doing a family devotional, laying with the kids, etc… 🙂
Ed says
Does that mean you have to do all the cooking for this to work? Seems like kind of an uneven division of work, and I would think that causes stresses of its own.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- I do all of the cooking. My husband enjoys cooking, but I do it while he works. I sort of think of it like taking care of the house/kids/meals while he is at his job is sort of my job. When he gets home, he helps with things like laundry, etc…
I like to have dinner on the table when he gets home (he actually would rather wait an hour or so after he gets home to eat, but I like all of us to eat together because the kids are hungry by then.) 🙂
PS- Its really no extra stress… thank you crock pot! 😉 haha!
Jenifer says
Our current bedtime is 730 for our three month old and 8 for our two year old. I’d love it to be earlier but our two year old already wakes before 6 many days! Since our two year old was born her bedtime has been between 7 and 8 – adjusted to try and get her to sleep in – but we’ve been stuck at 6AM or earlier for a while. What time do they get up when they go to bed at 7?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
They all wake up at different times:
Our 8 year old- 7:00
Our 6 year old- I wake him at 7:30 for school
Our 4 year old- I wake him up around 7:45 on preschool days
Our 2 year old- she wakes up about 8:00 or 8:30 most days
Jenifer says
Wow.. I may need to try my 2 year old at 7 or 730 again. My husband works out of town so is gone Sunday through Friday and I could use even an extra half hour to clean and decompress at night! Thank you!
Kristie says
I respect your choices and I get the need for time with the husband. What don’t understand is how the kids get time with Daddy daily. I have a seasonal job but mostly I’m a SAHM and I have 2 adult kids and a 9 year old. My husband works long days and an early evening is 6:30. Bedtime is between 8:30 and 9 …any earlier she misses Daddy. I always wondered about folks that put there little babies to bed at 6:00pm. No judging here, just very curious.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My husband is home by 6, so he gets the good time with them… we eat together, he helps with bath time and reading time. He puts them to bed and lays with them. On nights where he is at practice, he is with our older boys for three hours straight, so he doesn’t get to see our little ones on those nights, but I can’t keep them up until 9. They FaceTime w/ him in the day & talk to him about 5 times a day on the phone. haha!!
He is home on weekends, so he really uses that time to its full advantage. We do a lot of family-activities on Sat & Sun.
Ps- I appreciate how kindly you asked that question! You wouldn’t believe the way that some people react to our bedtime. 🙂
ashley burke says
I totally agree, I try to get my kids to bed at 7:30 we wake up at 5 so I can go to work, and honestly you do need your own time especially with your spouse, to keep the relationship happy and healthy, and kids need a lot of sleep, even at 7:30 I dont feel they get enough sleep, they’re always so cranky but we dont get home till 6, I make dinner in the crock pot every day on my break so I dont have to cook but then we still have homework and bath time! Love this post and thanks for all the wonderful tips!! Im a single mother to three so this helps lol
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- lack of sleep makes them SO cranky here, too!!
Jeanette LeMarr says
I am so behind you on this. All of my kids- age 7, 11 and 13– have a 7:30 bedtime. We have a 25 acre farm and the day starts at 5am around here. Chores are done and animals fed before breakfast and school. School is a 20 minute drive and school starts at 7:50am. After school is homework, farm chores, youth group on Wednesdays, dinner, baths and bed. Weekends are family and church family time, and projects/seasonal cleanup around the farm. Still the early bedtime. The 13 yr old doesnt even complain about the early bedtime…she is pooped!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I bet!! That’s so awesome that guys all work on the farm together.
tania zuniga says
I have a three year old I’m a single mother I work a ten hour shift. Is very hard to pit him asleep at eight if he doesn’t see my family or if he hears sounds light on he won’t sleep and he won’t listen to me he would start crying. Any tips to help me
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I am working on a post about how to keep your kids in bed. 🙂
Cathy says
My children, twin boys age 5, have always gone to sleep about 8-8:30 pm but they sleep until 9-9:30 am. I don’t complain. I let them sleep. We had a nanny who came in while I worked but now I retired and keep their schedule the same. I let their boys sleep….as long as they need to. They have always slept long hours and we have late starts to our days…..again, no complaints. It is okay since I don’t have to send them to school or daycare. I plan to home school so I don’t anticipate any problems with this. What ever works for your children and your family….DO IT!! ( I love quiet time in the morning by myself….and my husband and I stay up late.)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s awesome. Our kids have to be up early, so I can’t let them sleep until 9:30… but enjoy it!!!! 🙂 yay!
Ashley Kim says
I totally agree. We have 3 kids 8,6 and 4. Up until last year, their bedtime was 6:30 pm. Now it is 7:30 pm. With the 2 older ones in school and my little guy being very active throughout the day, It is important to us that they get enough sleep. For little guys to have to get up at 6:30 am to get ready for school and then go to school all day, come home to do homework, and then play outside for a couple hours, sleep is essential. They have no problem going to bed that early because that is all they know. And as a couple, I think it is very important to have time to ourselves and just reflect on the day and sometimes just get some peace and quiet. I personally feel bad for those who dont put their kids down til later in the evening…….they are missing out on sanity lol.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! I know- I love that time with just my husband and I. 🙂
Janee says
When our girls were little they had to be in bed by 8pm. I would have preferred a little earlier but had a hard time getting them to bed that early. They had to get up around 7 to get ready for school and if they went to bed later they were tired. Now that we homeschool bedtime is much more flexible and I like it better. My 8 year old gets much more time with his dad by being up later and then sleeps in a bit so I can get things done before schooling him. The girls are teens so they are free to make their own schedule now. Sleep is very important though so I encourage everyone to be in bed my 9-10 so they can get enough rest.
Erika Almanza says
I agree with this article and as much as I would like to follow I can’t seem to manage my schedule with my children’s schedule if someone can give me some tips I would appreciate it.. I work 8:30am until 5:30pm by the time I pick kids up in day care at 6pm and get home at 6:30pm and then have to do dinner. Our Dinner is usually until 7:15 pm. after dinner it’s homework time and then shower and read a book by the time they go to bed it’s 9pm… she wakes up at 6:50 am so I know she isn’t getting the sleep she needs. How can I help her get the sleep she needs??
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- yes… that’s really hard. I would just try doing crock pot meals for a few weeks, so dinner will be ready at 6:30. That will move things up a bit so you can have bedtime around 8:15. Worth a try. 🙂
Laurel says
I completely agree. My little guy goes to sleep at 7 every night, otherwise he is miserable throughout the day. It’s harder in the summer when it’s still light outside but I can just tell we are all happier, more productive people when he gets a good 12-13 hours of sleep. Not to mention, its nice to connect with your husband at that time. Great read!
Jono says
my son is 9. I like him in bed going to sleep by 8:30 but most of the time, it’s after 9 pm until he’s even getting in bed.
Here is what happens after school- I’m a SAHM and I get him at school at 3:30, we live next door to his grandparents so he goes over there to play till 4:30 (some one on one time with his grandma). I start fixing dinner and we eat at 5:00 pm. My husband is self-employed, and is dirty when he comes home, so he takes a bath as soon as he gets home. We eat dinner, I clean up the kitchen while my husband and son play together.
Then I try to get my son to get any homework done, and he is supposed to read to an adult for at least 20 minutes. Then I have my son take his bath. This is what I wish would happen, but my son usually protest and wants to keep playing. Before I know it, it’s 7 pm, and he is STILL playing.
When reading, and home work are done, and I make him get in the tub, of course he wants to play in there. When I DO finally get him in bed at 8:30, he wants me to read to him and hold his hand while he falls asleep. ( I don’t mind holding his hand while he falls asleep) I still have to take a bath and I wash my hair and shave every other night and it takes me 30 minutes for a bath on these nights.
So, most nights, I finally get some alone time with my hubby and by this time, it’s 10 pm, watch the news and go to bed.
I don’t know how to speed things up so my son is asleep earlier. I would love for him to be in bed by 7:15. I read to him, then Daddy comes in and says good night, then I talk to him and tell him good night, hold his hand if he wants me to.
I guess my ? Is- how do I get him in bed at a decent time, so I can have time with my husband to watch a whole show together at night?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
WE do homework right after school & get everything else done (pajamas, etc..) before dinner when my husband gets home. 🙂 that might help. ??
Beardmouse says
I don’t know if this will help Jono but this is what we do with our 10 year old:
School pick up is 3pm. We’re home by 3.10 at the latest as we just live around the corner.
Homework is done once coats and shoes are of, accompanies by a snack and music if he fancies. We find this works because he is still in ‘school mode’. It always seemed to be more of a battle to get homework done once he’d unwound and so once it’s done it’s out of the way. Even my son admits it’s much better.
For shower time, have you tried letting him help make a playlist of his favourite songs to play while he’s in there? If you make it last the length you expect the shower and drying up should take then it might make it feel a little more fun. We can usually hear my son singing at the top of his voice, lol!
For everything else we have alarms (except showering as he prefers to shower in the morning ).
Alarm 1 – 8.15pm
This is ‘get ready for bed’ alarm’. He has half an hour which also includes story time so the impetus is on him not to mess around. The quicker he’s ready the more story time he has.
Alarm 2 – 8.45pm
Bedtime alarm. He hops off to bed for personal reading time.
Alarm 3 – 9pm
Lights out and go to sleep!
If you like the alarms idea then you could incorporate a shower/bath time alarm.
The great thing about the alarms is that there are no battles. He can’t argue with an alarm or try to negotiate with it! ;D And they set his body into a pattern. Some nights the first alarm goes off, he just disappears without a word, returning all washed and brushed ready for bed!
Hope that’s of some help?
x
Nina says
I am a preschool teacher at a child care center most of our children do not leave till 6:30pm and some have 30 min ride homes I see it with these children who do not get enough sleep by 9am there cranky but I feel bad for the entire family . By time they get home unwind eat dinner get a bath it’s well after 8pm . I am lucky that I have a great sleeper my son is 3.5 and we go to bed at 8pm and up at 6:45am but he naps usually 2.5 hrs at nap . I’ve tried the 7pm bedtime but than he wakes up at 1am and is hard to return to sleep. I agree that kids need their rest to get through their day ! You should not have to explain your lifestyle to anyone everyone’s home is run different !
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol- thanks! 🙂
Sofia says
I am sorry but I still didn’t get it. I agree that you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody and whatever works for you is what you should be doing. I didn’t understand why, though, putting them to bed at 7pm. My 18month old takes a nap of two hours at noon and then goes to bed at 9pm. He still gets up at 9am approx, so he is not missing any sleep. Why would it be better for me to put him to bed at 7pm?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
No- I was just saying that our kids get up at 7, so I put them to bed at 7. 🙂
Francesca says
I am reading your comments with a little envy. You are sooo lucky and I wish I could do that. My child who is 5 has NEVER slept more than 10 hours, he regularly sleeps between 9 and 10 hours a day and I never put alarm clock because he always wakes us up. I wish I could put him to bed at 7!!! If I do, he’ll wake up at 4 in the morning!!! I always struggle to get some sleep myself, and some days it is really hard for me to cope with a child who needs little sleep. I feel I need it more than him!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I would give it a shot by moving it up a 1/2 hour a week. 🙂 I bet your little one will sleep later than you think. (well hopefully!)
Roni says
I have three kids, 17, 15 and 8. Unless there are activities such as football all three of my kids are in bed at 8:00 on school nights. There is no technology in bed and they have quiet reading time before they sleep. The little one has lights out at 8:30, the older ones are around 10. Obviously it is more difficult to enforce the bed time for the older two, but they are so used to the routine and frankly they know they need the sleep, I rarely have to fuss at them about lights out. I have ALWAYS been very strict about bed times. The kids, especially the older ones, get up so early and have so much to do that they need all the sleep they can get. As for myself, I find it is nice to have some quiet time with my hubby to relax. It is all personal opinion and you need to find what works, but I am always amazed by parents who say to me, how do you do it? I can’t get my little one in bed before 11:00? I am the mom and there is no arguing. That is how I do it. (plus I go to bed before 10 most nights to they have to also!) 🙂
Jennifer P says
I love it! everyone thinks I’m crazy because my middle daughter who just turned 5 goes to bed between 6 and 6:30. She gets up for school at 630am and needs at least 12 hours to function with out that the drama queen melt downs come out. Up until she was 3 she went to bed at 5pm (even with a 2 hour nap). If she goes to bed late because of activity or something unforeseen that came up it takes her days to catch up on her sleep. She has to make up minute for minute she lost. My 21 month old goes to bed at 630pm and gets up about 630am and naps for 2 hrs. My oldest gets mad at me because her friends go to bed “late” which is 9 or so. She is 8. She has some special needs and is unable to settle herself for bed. She takes her medicine at 730pm and then goes to read and is usually passed out by 8. Unfortunately she wakes up a lot a night and sometimes has trouble going back to sleep. She has to get up for morning medication at 5:45 during the school week and she is usually awake already. Mornings run smoother when she does clock enough sleep. Friday and Saturday nights I let her stay up until 9 at the latest, but she will usually sleep until about 8, while the other 2 do not deviate because they do not sleep later. Once the two littles are off to bed I tidy up, fold the laundry for the 12th time (the 21 month old is not a good helper yet,) get things ready for tomorrow. Hang out with the 8 year old and watch tv with her or what ever she chooses. Then tuck her in with a book and then I have free time. Relax, watch tv, get sucked into pinterest…lol or if I am super worn, I go to bed. I love it! Usually we do not go anywhere past 4pm, unless we have soccer practice or cheer or a school activity and we always requested the earliest time and go right when things begin.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
everyone thinks we’re crazy, too! 🙂
Well, most of my close friends do the same thing… but many don’t. 🙂
Chrystal says
I have been trying to adjust to new school hours this year. The kids age 8, 10, and 12. HAve to get up earlier this year due to different busses and bus schedules. I tried to keep the bed times at 8:30, but realized the crankiness was becoming worse. So I started changing time 30 min a night. It went from 8:30 to 8:00 and we stayed like that till they got used to the new time. We have made it back to 7:00 children are not fighting as much. Tempers are lower they don’t act dead tired by the time they make it home from school.I am enjoying the change since we changed bed times. It is so much more peaceful.
Deb Alexander says
We have 3 children (6,7 & 10) and our 6 year old goes to bed at 6:30 our 7 year old goes at 7pm and our 10 goes at 7pm but reads til 8pm. All of them are doing super well at school and I am sure this is down to a good nights sleep every night and routine. If they stay up later for any reason it takes them a few nights to catch up again. Good on you for sharing this as we get a LOT of frowns when we tell people!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here!
Marianke says
We have a near 7 year old and 9 year old, so they are a bit older. But bed time routine start at 7. First with a shower, then my husband reads them a story (that is his time with them), and then prayers and bed. We try by 8pm for them to be bedded down. Sometimes it is later, on Monday’s for our son, Tuesdays for our daughter. As their activity that night run until 8pm. They go straight to showers and bed after that. On Wednesdays they get showers early and dinner, as we have biblestudy, and they go to child care at church (in their PJ’s ;)). And once we are done, we go home and they go straight to bed. If they land in bed after 9pm, they are cranky pants in the morning. So I’d have to deal with the end of the stick of that. Lol. Don’t want that.
They need a good 10-12 hours of sleep to function. Next to that comes that both our children (through foster adoption) have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and falling asleep is a struggle as it is and their brains are fried after a day of school and other activities. Their brains need to be refreshed and re energized through out the night so they can pay attention in school.
Amanda Good says
My 2 & 4 yr old’s bedtime is 10pm. But they sleep until 9 am. Still 11 hrs. My 2yr old also takes a 2hr nap. 4 yr old sometimes (if I can get her to) My friend constantly says “what are you going to do when she goes to school and has to get up early?” I will shift their schedules of course. Duh. If I know they have to be up early then they of course go to bed early the night before. It really doesn’t have to be that complicated.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agreed – you sound just like my dear friend!! 🙂
Bec says
My kids aged 3, 6, 9,11 all go to bed at 7-7:30pm every night. Occasionally later, ours too depends on sport. Summer thursday nights is basketball until just after 7pm, so its closer to 8. Friday nights is 8:30 due to cricketor baseball. We are busy, school, playdates, sports, family time. And they need it, if they goto everynight at 8:8:30 after a week they become tired, the fight, talk back, struggle to wake up. After 2 plus week headaches start etc. i refuse to follow the crowd, mymkids get put the sleep at a time they need for them. I personally go to bed at 8:30-9 pm, wake at 6 am. This allows for those few minsutes of unwinding and any child or oet induced nighttime wake ups, kids need sleep, i often wonder how much more polite and well behaved some kids would be if they got even an hours extra more sleep a night???
Maria says
Hi, I really envy you putting your kids to bed at 7.00pm. I need some advice because my almost 3 year old son is difficult to put to bed, sometimes we struggle until past midnight because he cries and screams. We are both studying, I wish he can sleep early (and not staying up like us, most nights), so that he’ll be able to get enough sleep and rest, and probably wake up early too. He missed a number of scheduled playgroups because he woke up at 10 or 11am and if he did not get enough sleep, he’ll be grumpy and cranky – you know, and it will ruin our morning routine.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- that’s really hard! I would just keep trying. I would move bedtime up by 30 minutes a week until you are at your desired bedtime. I would keep putting him back into his bed, gently and without talking, until he stays in bed. This could mean you are doing it 50 times… but by day 3, he will realize that staying in his bed is the only thing that is going to work. Coming out just means that he gets put back in. Good luck!
Sarah-Jane Kalé says
Loved this post! I was beginning to think I was a l ok ne soldier. Our girls (6 and 7) are early to bed. 630 to 7 pm for my 6 yr old and 7ish for my 7 yr old. Before school, they were in bed at 6pm! And had been like that since they were babies. I’ve often had comments from people about… how on earth do you get them in to bed so early, REALLY. .. you have them in bed by then!? Like you… my husband and I have always agreed that WE need our down time, our girls are tired and they NEED to go to bed, especially our youngest, she doesn’t cope at all well when she hasn’t had enough sleep. Over the last 12mths we’ve allowed them to go to bed a little later (7ish), but that is due to school, after school commitments, homework and now, their love of reading. It’s not always easy, but it’s SO worth it, for the entire family, when they get enough sleep.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes! I get that all the time- shock & questioning… but it works for us. 🙂
Tiffany says
My kids used to go to bed @ 7 too but we changed it to 8 so we could hopefully sleep to closer to 7 instead of 6 (for my sanity mostly). It’s been rough to give up our extra time together at night but we also wanted some extra morning sleep. Now if I could get my youngest (3) to sleep when we put her down, which she does 40% of the time. Otherwise she wants hugs (and will cry for over an hour till she gets one) or she’ll empty her dresser all over her room. Thankfully her sister (5) sleeps through this, esp on school nights as she is most tired then. Still I’m a total believer of early bed times and I’ve also been questioned on this, by my parents actually.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
So many people question us, too…. but if it works for your family… it works.
Ps- we went through the ’empty the dresser’ stage, too!
Mandy says
I’d like to know how you get a child to sleep that doesn’t want to go to sleep? My daughter refuses naps most days & she usually doesn’t go to sleep until 8:30 at least, & even then she fights it. I work as does my husband. She also wakes up at night, so her & I sleep on the couch a lot as she wants me.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I don’t give our 4 year old naps and I just put him to bed. I don’t give him a choice and he honestly don’t know that he even has a choice. He just goes to bed at bedtime. The same thing with coming into our room. He tried that but it wasn’t an option, so we walked him back to bed and told him that he had to stay in his bed unless he was sick or scared.
I wish that I had better advice, but just be consistent. Don’t let her decide its not time for bed. Tell her that you are the Mommy and you know what her body needs and right now it needs sleep, so you are going to do what is good for her, not what she wants.
Good luck, Mandy!!!
Jensee says
I agree with the need for sleep and such. I used to be one of those schedule moms. Then I gave birth to a child with Aspergers. That same year, my son developed ADHD. All of my kids have bipolar (some didn’t have an onset until adult hood, but one was born with it.) Guess what? They don’t sleep at night. That’s right bipolar people (no matter the age) sleep in the day.
Schedule? Ha. I’m lucky if they don’t stay up 3 days in a row (also a bipolar thing).
Fausto412 says
Before I had kids I thought it was crazy to do what you do but after having kids and working all day I find 8 PM to be a good bed time since I still want to spend some time with them and in this 2 income rat race world we live in both parents are worn out and in need of a mental break or private time if they could be so lucky. Son crashes at 8 without issue, younger daughter goes down around 8:30 when I’m handling things….10 when her mother handles things.
Some things just make sense and people should be able to reasonably do the right thing.
Stephanie says
When our kids were younger, they had a 7-7:30 bedtime. It worked beautifully for us. It began getting extended when my youngest was about 6 (she’s 9 now). Summer can be brutally hot here, so their outside time would often come after 7pm, so a later bedtime gradually evolved. Now, they’re 14, 13, 11, and 9 and we aim for 10pm. The older two share a room and the younger two share a room. They don’t always go to sleep right away. However, since we homeschool (or online charter school this year), it’s not a factor for us. The oldest is usually awake by 8-8:30, even as a baby he slept less, 7pm- 6 or 6:30am. The other three usually sleep later. My 11 y/o usually sleeps the latest and it depends on if he was up reading. A few times last week he didn’t wake until almost noon because he was up till midnight reading. I feel fortunate that we’re able to have a schedule that works for us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Noon? Oh I can’t imagine… one day. 😉
donna g says
6 is WAY to early.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
For some kids, but honestly four 4 year old is so tired that he goes to bed at 6:00 and sleeps until 7:30 the next morning. He does this about twice a week. The other nights he goes to bed at 7 & sleeps until 7:30. Sometimes he just needs 13 hours of sleep instead of 12. 🙂
Sarah Scott says
Who cares what anyone else thinks. Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone. Do what you feel is right…I’m sure it will be!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Lora says
I think it’s great that you are doing what is best for YOUR family! We homeschool, therefore we don’t have school events in the evening, or have to get up at the crack of dawn. Two things that give us a little more freedom in our schedule. So, our kids go to bed a little later, see Daddy a little more, and are able to sleep in to make up for it. It works wonderfully for OUR family. Doing what works best for your individual family, in your stage of life is what matters most. Thank you!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!
Trish says
I want to click on the “Potty Train in a Weekend” article but there is nothing to click. All I could do is Pin it on Pinterest. I pinned it, then went to Pinterest to click and read. All that did is take me back here to this article. I am now headed over to Pinterest to delete the pin. 🙁
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
fixed 🙂
Cindy says
I totally agree. Most kids don’t get enough sleep. I love that you pointed out the benefits on the immune system and how much sleep kids actually need. When mine were small their bedtime was 8pm. No later. They played hard and often outside. They still woke up early no matter how late or early they went to bed so it’s good to just understand that they will rise early and putting them to bed late to curb that cuts down on the benefits they receive from 10-12 hours of solid sleep. Warm baths nightly are essential too. Thanks for sharing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- even I love a warm bath before bed!! 🙂
Nicole says
I am with you! We have caught a lot of negativity too- from our family especially. For some genius reason, our Elementary schools start class at 7:45 in the morning. This means my Kindergartner, 2nd grader and 5th grader all need to be ready to leave the house by 7:15 am. Waking those 3 boys up at 6:30 am is not fun sometimes! we have them in bed between 7 and 7:30 on school nights with the exception of Wednesday nights because our church services start at 7 pm that night. On Wednesdays my boys nap when they get home from school so that getting home at 9 pm isn’t TOO terrible. If they seem especially drained or have more homework than usual, one of us will just stay home with them (I work at the church and my husband teaches 4th-6th grade boys that night so both of us staying home isn’t an option). I should also mention that we have a 15 year old daughter. If she is not working on some project for school- she is also to be in bed fairly “early”- by 8:30 or 9 pm. She too leaves home early because she takes a “Zero Hour” which is an extra class she takes before school starts just so she can get ahead. Her and her Dad leave the house at 7 am, which means she is up at 6:15. So many of the people around us just don’t seem to get it. They say we are too strict, too this or too that. We know our kids, we know what’s best for them. End of story. Love this article- you definitely did not have to explain yourself, but I hope it encourages those who are having a hard time dealing with other people’s negativity as well as educates the ones speaking it!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 thanks, Nicole!
Abby says
We started my kids bedtimes the day we Got home from the hospital. Their entire schedule was based on what time we wanted them to get up everyday because of our work schedules. We worked really hard to keep that schedule and they were both sleeping 12 hours a night between 2.5 and 3 months old. Our youngest is now almost 2 and her bedtime is 7 and she will sleep until at least 7, sometimes later. She also still takes about a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. She loves her sleep!! We did move our oldest daughters bedtime to 8 when she was about 3 1/2 because it worked for her and she still took a 1-2 hour nap a day but when she started kindergarten and there were no more naps we have slowly moved her bedtime back closer to 7. She is just so exhausted after school that sometimes she asks us to read her a book early just so she can go to bed!! I firmly believe in set bedtimes. Thank you for posting this because sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who thinks this way!?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Me, too!
Kelly Loving says
My children still go to sleep early, they are 14 and 10. I think the resistance from others is mostly due to the lifestyle changes the parents have to make to achieve this. My husband and I were often teased by friend when we were out and would head home early to put the girls to bed…. Even on weekends. It is more difficult now with late school activities, but we do still try for 8.
Roberta says
I loved the article! I agree, children need sleep. My gorls are up eary and sleep early, it works for *my family. I am also a at homemom. We are active, do crafts, learning, baking, always going. Plus, my 1st grader has soo much homewirk & commoncore standard testing, she needs her sleep to rest her body. IMy little one takes a nap and will sleep when her older siser sleeps at night. If my 1st grader is up past 8p.m. she doesn’t have a happy morning. I lovemy GIRLS, to me sleep is a ppriority.I enjoyed reading your article! ***Having early dinner, bathtime, stiries , singing, helps the entire famiky have happy nights & sleepy bedtimes!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here!
Lucy says
My children go up for their bath at 6.30. They are settled, having had three stories and three songs each by 7.10 at the latest. We set up the routine when my daughter stopped breast feeding at about one year. It works a treat. My two year old still has 2-3 hours sleep in the afternoon. We all get up at 6.30am. If I didn’t get my evening ‘grown-up’ time I’d be cranky and dissatisfied. They’re happy and healthy. It works all around.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here 🙂 It works well for our family.
Jen says
I have been putting my 4 yr old in at 7-7:30pm since she was born (well, maybe the first year was 6pm) and she has never had a problem with it. She still naps in school, and at home an hour to two a day, because she needs it, otherwise she’d fall asleep in the car (or be crazy cranky) She goes in an hour later on the weekend, but that’s it. She’s up around 7am. She gives me a bit of a hard time in the summer, when it’s daylight at 7…haha, but I explained things to her and she got over it. She HAS been in a bit of an insomnia phase for the last couple months, staying up until almost midnight or later, so we might try to cut out the nap on wkends, and see if it helps. But I’m not budging on the bedtime. I think it’s done nothing but good things for her. She’s almost never cranky, or has tantrums, and I think it’s all because she’s getting the sleep she needs.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Exactly! 🙂
Liz says
I’ve been doing that since a doctor once told me about it. He says children like routine and need sleep. He did it with his children and had great results, so we tried to do the same. I’ve had similar issues with people when I’ve told them about our daughter’s routine. However, they’re also the same that state my daughter is well behaved. I think having the bedtime structure is important. And even though she’s almost 8 years old now, we still do a 7 bedtime. The only thing that has changed is we allow her to read for 30 minutes in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We do that with our 8 year old, too 🙂
Phae says
I think it’s so important to do what works for your family and your kids. My kids have always been night owls, and they’ve never needed much sleep. I find with a 10pm bedtime, my kids will actually sleep in till 7am, with a 7pm bedtime they would be up for the day between 4am and 5am. Both my kids dropped naps before they were 2, my eldest before he was 18mths. Getting sleep sorted was a nightmare for a while until I stopped trying to force my kids into the recommended boxes and just accepted them as they were.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yep- I say do what works for your family!
kristy says
We have never had the kind of kids you see that would just fall asleep. They seem to find it hard to wind down and give in to sleep. They never liked it..I would just say that they loved life too much.
My daughter in prep when she was aged 5…. and you are all going to tsk tsk.. she would fall asleep by 10:30 pm. Yes had to wake her in the morning but her behaviour was great at school. We had her in bed but she would just take sooo long to give in… even as a baby. She is 7 now and is in her room at 8 and starts falling asleep by 8:30 pm.. I go back in to see her every 5 10 mins she normally talks to me a sleeps she lays there… asks for a sleeps hug and can be asleep by 9 or sometimes 9:15… she wakes up herself by 7:30… plenty of time to get ready for a 8:30 am leave for school.
My 3 yr old showed some potential when he was younger but now he is very hard to get to sleep. If he does manage to fall asleep at daytime it’s for an hour maybe max of 2 and it can take me until 9 9:30 to get him to sleep at night.
If he doesn’t have a sleep..like today I spent an hour and a half trying and failed to get him to sleep… 2 had his Aunty staying tonight so I would aim to get him in by half 6 or 7 at the latest..on a no sleep day and tonight with no day sleep he was resistant but asleep by 8. U think he would just day right off quickly. When he has day sleeps I take him in at 7:45 read story and start getting him to stay in go leap by 8… I am usually out of his room by 8:50 pm
I would love to get them both in early. .but it usually means a longer sleep process 🙁
But I do think sleep is important I have just never been good at getting them to sleep!
But I will try tomorrow night..as we would love to have more time to talk at and relax and be …off duty xx
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! Your “tsk tsk” made me laugh. That sounds just like my friend’s kids. I just laugh at her when she talks about them going to bed at 10:30. 🙂 The only thing that has worked for her is to slowly move up their bedtime by 30 min. a week, so I suggest that to everyone. 🙂
C.L. says
Appreciate this article so much. Lots of great stuff. And we put our little boy asleep at 7 p.m. as well, so it was nice to read about someone else that does the same. One just small reaction, is that I’m not sure the article needed the author explaining why she chooses to work outside of the home. Whether parents are stay-at-home or working-mothers, it has no bearing on if they are good parents or not, so I just worry a little when it appears mothers feel they have to justify working outside of the home. You may have just been explaining a bit more, rather than justifying, so I don’t want to make assumptions. That is just how I read it, but I’m just one person. But thank you for writing this piece!
Sharla says
Our kids are a little bit older now so we have adjusted their bedtimes but when they were younger, we always put them to bed between 6:30 and 7. Not only did it give us some time as a couple and me some sanity time, it also allowed for us to be able to once in awhile for a special occasion let the kids stay up later and not have it be ridiculously late. When kids have a usual bedtime of 10 or 11 at night, a special late night would have to be at least midnight but for our kids, getting to stay up until 9 or 10 on Christmas or New Years was a real treat! It is also of course healthier for kids to get more sleep.
I also knew that by starting their bedtimes earlier, we could adjust the bedtimes as they got older and not have them be ridiculously late.
Julie Bedard says
When I met my husband almost 4 years ago he had a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I couldn’t believe their bed time routine and how well they went to bed and slept. Even today, 6 years old and 9 years old and they still have good bedtime routines. Generally it’s 7:30 & 8:00, depending on their activities for the day and their apparent displays of being tired. Even on special occasions when they are allowed to stay up late they end up in bed by 9-9:30am. We also do it to have quiet adult time in the evenings too. We too also need rest and relaxation so that we can dive in to the active days ahead of us! 🙂
Allison B says
For years we had a 7pm bedtime. But then we moved and my husband’s hours changed so we pushed it to 8. Some mornings it’s so hard waking up my 6 year old for school at 7:15 but if I put her to bed any earlier she doesn’t get to see her Daddy as long as he would like to. We try to watch them and put the to bed earlier when they need it. Last night they went to bed at 7 since it was such a busy weekend. I agree that most kids don’t get enough sleep. I know many families who keep their kids up until 9 or 10 and they have to be up at 7. There is no way that is enough but they just tell me that their kids don’t need as much sleep as mine. Um no, all kids need sleep but hey you’re the parent so I’ll keep my mouth shut.
Crystal says
I have a 1 and 2 year old and they both play hard all day long I have a routine day planned but my two year will go to bed between 8-9 and wake up at 5am every time we tried taking the nap out he fell asleep at 630-700 and was up at 3 am I don’t know how to fix this he just started doing this about a month ago and I have tried a lot to get his sleeping habbit back. Please help if you can
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Check out my tip on “my 2 year old is still waking at night”. I bet it will help! 🙂
Momof7 says
I agree with you fully. When my husband and I got married we were 18 & 21. By the time I was 23 we already had 4 children. I stayed at home with them. We did everything together. We played all day, walked to get groceries, learned together, the works. I also knew on days that I may need the car if I were to go get my husband form work at 3:30 they would be asleep then staying up all night so I simply never dropped him off and if we had an errand we walked. They would eat dinner, take bathes, and be asleep from 6:30pm until 6:30am every single night. It left time for me to go to night school and spend time with my husband. Now fast forward. I graduated college, get a job, and we decide to have one more baby but three come at once. Well the rules have changed and with 7 children, three in college that we pay for since owning our own business now they do not qualify for grants means we both work a lot of hours. If these boys went to bed at 6pm I would only see them on the weekends. I commend you for still being able to do it and if I could change the times and be an at home mom again I definitely would but for my ‘second’ chance I am a full time worker who cannot live this way any longer. My children are 28,25,24,21,12,12,12. Yes I started a whole new family but I would do this again inn a heartbeat.
chris says
I know I always get weird looks and for some reason other parents feel the need to put up a defense. Do what works for your kids. I find that if my kids don’t get enough sleep or stay up to late they are cranky and don’t sleep well. My 2 and 4 year old have a bed time of 7, my 8 year old is usually in bed at that time so she doesn’t miss the stories. We let her stay up till 8 but shes usually curled up with a book in her bed anyway.
Angie says
I bet this works for your family very well, but we just cannot get the kids to bed that early with activities in the evening, as well as my husband getting home around 6pm. Our time as a family is more important than an early bedtime. Also, we do interest-led learning at home (technically homeschooling, but not exactly), so we don’t have to be up earlier than 7-9am usually.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
If we didn’t have family time, we would probably push it back… luckily it works for our family. 🙂
Megan says
I’m so surprised you had to explain yourself! As have kiddos ages 9, 7, 2 and 6 months, all of which have early bedtimes and always have. Sometimes my littles are in bed at 5:30/6 if we’ve had an early day or an extra busy one. My 7yo is a total crank if she doesn’t get at least 12/13 hours of sleep. So a 7:00/7:30 bedtime is a must. Especially if I want them to function and perform well at school. Each child is different but sleep is so important for the mind, body and soul!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Right?! 🙂
Sam says
Yes! Kids NEED sleep. I’ve had to argue this with my husband forever. They need it to grow, for brain development, to manage their emotions, & they’re less likely to be over weight as adults.
My son wakes up around 5 every morning. My husband says it’s because I put him to bed so early. But he wakes up at 5 noatter what time he goes to sleep-7:00 or 10:00. So he may as well go to sleep earlier (especially now that he doesn’t take a nap) & be rested (and give me some quiet time in the evening).
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! Ours are the same way- bed at 11:00 pm and they get up at 7:00 am! It doesn’t matter – so I give them the sleep that they need! 🙂
Stephanie says
If I was a stay at home mom I might feel the same way. As a single mom, I have to work. I pick my 9 year old daughter up from school between 5:30 and 6. She does her homework in the after school program, but she doesn’t do it very well. We have to cram dinner, checking/fixing home work, bath time (every other day), and some sort of resemblance of quality time into what’s left of the evening. Typically bed time is 8:30 and wake up is 6:30. People have to do, what they have to do.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, Its hard to do that when your schedule doesn’t work that way… but 8:30 is still not too late, especially when you are working and not getting home until 6 or 6:30. 🙂
Crystal says
I have three kids ages 9, 8, and 6. They all go to bed at 7 unless sports get in the way and to be honest, I don’t like when it does. We have played with their bedtimes in the past and seven was the magic number that worked for them. They wake up refreshed and without a problem for school. I often get the “How do you do that?” For our house it’s what is normal. I love it for all the reasons you have already stated in your blog. Thanks for this posting this.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Thanks!
Jess says
I don’t know how you all do it? My kids are night owls. My 4 year old’s natural rhythm is 11pm to 9:30 am! It’s awful! I have tried everything, but bedtime is still a huge struggle for us. No matter how early I get my kids (2 &4) in bed they do not sleep. I am constantly putting them back in bed. Once in bed my oldest won’t stay there. She wakes up whining and crying every 2-3 hours unless someone sleeps with her. It’s exhausting. How I wish my kids would go to sleep by 8 so I could accomplish something!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh man- that’s so hard!! I would just try slowly moving bedtime up by a half hour every week. That’s how my friend did it.
Kristen says
I have always put my kids to bed early! And I get crazy looks from people, too. My kids are early risers, whether we put them down at 7 or 10. They are up around 6am. Always. They are 4 and 5 now and we still aim for 7 every night! When they need extra sleep, they won’t sleep in, so down at 6:30 they go! Thankfully my Hubs gets home around 5:15 so this works for us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I get crazy looks (& comments) too! 😉
Melissa says
I have 3 boys at home, 7,8 & ll. Last year their bedtime was 7:30 for may of the reasons you mentioned. This year we let them stay up until 8 pm. Everyone of them is still dead asleep when the alarm goes off in the morning. Sometimes it is hard to get them to sleep right way because they have something going on or they like to sneak a little talk with each other, but we try to get as close as we can. Our 7 year old could use an even earlier bedtime. We limit the amount of television, computer and video games especially during school nights so their choice is to read or play. They usually play and are ready for bed when the times comes. It doesn’t always happen as planned but occasionally we get it done on time. It is also nice to unwind and spend an hour or two with just my husband and I in the evenings. It is the only time we get to see each other during the week.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Sounds like us with 3 boys. 🙂
Jan says
I couldn’t agree with you more. My kids (that still live at home) are 15, 12, 9 & 4. The rule in our house is 7:00 is bedtime for the 12, 9 & 4 year olds and personal time for the 15 year old. He usually isn’t home at 7:00 anyway but if he is, he needs to be in his room and not out with my husband and I. From 7:00 to 9:30 when we go to bed is our time to catch up with each other and just spend some quiet time with each other. And bed time is the same every night whether it’s a school night or not.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Your house sound as busy as ours!
Monica says
I completely agree with you. I worked up schedules for my kids since they were born and it works great. Because every kid is different, I’ve managed to observe how many hours each one of them needs at night. My almost four year old needs 11 hours, which he started sleeping since he was 10 weeks. So when he started school he started going to bed earlier (7:30, before he went to bed at 9 and woke up at 8, which was what worked for us at that time, but still gave him 11 hours. My 8 month old girl needs 12 hours and has been doing so since about 10 weeks also. She goes to sleep at the same time as her brother, but wakes up an hour later. This works great for us, knowing they are getting they sleep they need and also getting the sleep we need. 🙂
megan says
My four and seven year old are usually in bed by 7:30. My seven year old will sometimes go to bed closer to 8 if she’s still finishing her reading. Our school bus picks up at 7:15 so there’s no luxury of sleeping in.
Autumn says
Our kids are 11,10,7,&6. We have always had early bedtimes. 7 is my goal for school days depending on what is happening that evening. I truly believe this is why my husband and I have such a strong marriage because we do have that quality time to simply hang out. Typically on Friday nights, we are more relaxed with our kids bedtimes. But us parents love the time alone and my husband also helps with bedtime so he gets to have time with the kids each night as well. I haven’t really ever had an issue with trying to wake my kids up in the morning (6:15am) unless we had a late night due to sports and whatnots. Obviously you don’t NEED to explain yourself to other people, but I would have felt the desire to explain “why” also.
Kelly says
We put our kiddos to bed at 7 and get harassed all the time. They’re 9, 8, 4 and 2 and they all desperately need that 12 hour stretch of sleep. Aside from what the experts say, I have hands on experience telling me this is what they need.
Molly says
I totally agree – my 3 year old still goes to bed by 7:30 at the latest. The one thing I can’t figure out – he’s always needed a little more sleep than average. He used to sleep from 7 PM to about 8 or 8:30 AM. Then one day last year I put him to bed at 7 – and he laid there talking to himself until after 9:00! I couldn’t believe it, but figured it was a fluke. Then he woke up at 6 AM the next day – it was a long day for all of us. And the most surprising thing – he kept doing it. It’s been almost a year and he still lays there for hours each night talking to himself and would gladly get up at 5 AM if I would let him – but he’s tired and crabby all the time. Any suggestions? Our doctor suggested Melatonin, which I gave him a few times, and it did help, but when I did some research I found out that nobody really knows how it affects kids, and some of the potential suspected side effects scared me too much to keep using it.
Tyler says
I WISH my kids would go to bed at 7! They wake up at around 7 or 8 in the morning, but refuse to go to sleep until 10, 11, or 12 at night. I too have 4 children. Ages 4, 2 ( almost 3), 19 months, and 4 months. What time do your kids wake up in the morning?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
7:00 every morning (almost on the dot) for our 6 & 8 year olds. The two & four year olds wakes up closer to 8:00. School starts at 8:40. 🙂
pc says
Agreeing. 100%. Back in the day all 5 of our kids were in bed at 7:00. We too had a pretty full and scheduled routine that insured everyone had plenty of need for sleep. The only difference, and don’t ask me how it happened because I still don’t know, is that ALL 5 of our kids were nappers, like every day until first grade! The littles would nap from 10-12, then again at 2-4 with the bigger kids. And then yup in bed at 7 and asleep by 7:15, then up around 6 a.m.. As teens my kids self regulated when they went to bed, but again, usually it was somewhere around 9 because they were now getting up at 5-ish to get ready for their day. Very rarely did we have “cranky or whiney” kids, and looking back most remarks about my kids were that they were very happy and didn’t argue with each other.
*If* someone wasn’t “tired” or “the sun is still up!”– it didn’t matter. The rule was in bed on time. You don’t have to sleep, but you must be quiet so others can. And yes, usually they *were* tired and would fall quickly.
As an interesting side note, in our house, if your broke the rules punishment was “5 extra minutes earlier in bed” with infractions adding up over the day and starting anew each morning. And yes, there were times people went to bed at 4:00…but that’s another post.
As they grew older the bedtime would “age” as well, by half hour increments, fourth grade was 7:30, 6th grade 8:00. But by 7th grade we no longer told the kids when they “had” to be in bed, the pattern was well set and they were usually happy to take a shower and hit the hay all on their own.
Courtney @ FitCakes says
Nice article and website! You seem to have a lot of useful tips! When I have kids, I’ll be needing all of this for sure. 🙂
Neeta says
Hi, I really liked reading ur post. But I need some help. When to feed them dinner if they sleep at 7? Also I have two kids , 3 years and 6months. Elder one has afternoon nap of 2 hours. So he is too active till 10 pm. Have a very hard time making him sleep. Hope u can help me. Thanks in advance. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We have dinner around 6:00. (The timer just beeped because its done and ready to come out of the oven… its 5:30 here.) 🙂
Sondra H says
I completely support early bedtime for growing kids. My 18 month old is in bed at 7 and my 3 year old is in bed at 7:30/8. My 18 month wakes up at 6, but has a 2 hour nap in the afternoon after lunch. My 3 year old wakes up around 7.
Sleep is sooooo important! Not only is it when their bodies do their growing, but it’s also when everyone’s brain does it’s waste removal! Throughout our bodies is the lymphatic system to remove waste products, but they don’t exist in the brain. When we sleep is the ONLY time our brain can remove waste products through the cerebral spinal fluid. So tack that info onto your list!
http://tedsummaries.com/2014/10/15/jeff-iliff-one-more-reason-to-get-a-good-nights-sleep/
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks!!
Ashley says
My daughter is 10 months old and has slept through the night since she was about 4 months old. She goes to bed between 7-7:30 ( some weeks I work until 6 or later and I love bedtime cuddles). However, we have a church group on Sunday evenings that meets early and is done by 7. I’ve never been able to make it through the devotional without needing to go settle down our daughter. Any ideas? I don’t want her to lose the sleep she needs but the community aspect of the group is very important to our family too.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh man- that’s a tough one. Our kids are that way (very tired & irritable by about 6:30, until bedtime). I don’t have many suggestions, but keep going because that time is important for you! We used to go to a devotional group once a week, too and it did get hard, but my husband & I just loved that time so much & we felt like it was really important.
Zoe says
You didn’t link the right article in the first graphic for tips on kids waking up too early.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you for telling me!!!! Its fixed. 🙂
Nicole says
In reference to laying down with your child at night I’m all for it. My youngest son passed away at 21 months due to a drowning accident. My oldest son was 6 yrs old at the time. His dad is a physician in the ER so when he goes to work he’s usually gone for 24-46 hrs. My son likes for us to lay down with him at night. So we do. We are not guaranteed tomorrow therefore I’m going to take advantage of every moment I have with my son. He is now 14 1/2 and I still lay down with him at night. Actually he sleeps with me on the nights his dad has to work all night. I love the bond that we have and wouldn’t change anything about it.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh my goodness- my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. I hope that when our kids are 14, they still want me to lay with them.
Emily says
I think it is great that you do that and it works for your family. I too value the time I get with my husband in the evening. We put our 4 year old son to bed around 7.30. We are just transitioning out of naps and it is so difficult. Anything later than that and it isn’t pleasant for any of us! (Especially because I’m homeschooling! Mama’s done by then!) Kids need lots of sleep! Also, in a society centered around our children, I find it very important to set aside child-free time to invest in my marriage. There is still plenty of ‘daddy’ time every day and on the weekend. There is no perfect balance.
Robin Cornelius says
I am so glad someone else does this. I do the same thing. I have a 5 yr old and a 10 yr old they go to bed every night at 7 pm. They have done this since they were born. Every one of my neighbors who has kids just gawk at me, but you know what, I value my kids and think they function much better when they get their sleep. We have a schedule and we tend to keep it, we do have nights that they don’t go to bed on time those are hockey game nights and believe me I see what they are like on the days after they don’t get a full night’s sleep. I home school the kids so I am with them all day and they learn in inter-active lessons and they play hard after learning is done and they are (just like you kids worn out and tired) by 7pm. So, I know where you are coming from and I applaud what you are doing for your marriage and your children!
sherry webb says
Cudos to you for doing what is right for you. I see NOTHING wrong what so ever with 7pm bedtmes for children. Perhaps and 8 year can have an extra hour up but I personally wouldn’t be extending that to 10pm or later. Kid’s need their sleep. Sleeping time is growing, healing and recharging time. You time and/or hubby time…so very, very necessary as well….this also keeps you fresh and well adjusted
jourdan says
As a newbie parent how can I make this a priority? How do you suggest getting them to bed so early?
jourdan says
As a newbie parent how can I make this a priority? How do you suggest getting them to bed so early?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
When our babies were babies (they are older now), we used to have them on a routine and we stuck to it… I read a book that said “Start with which you want to go by” that meant do now what you want to do later. 🙂
Kat says
you don’t need to justify why you out your kids to bed at a completely reasonable hour.
kathryn says
I love this! We’ve been doing this from the beginning with out kids for the exact same reason. I don’t get why people think we’re crazy! It’s good for the kids and good for the patents!
Gabriella Campanaro says
I have 2 children a girl aged 11 and a boy aged 7, my youngest is on bed by 7:15 at the latest (with no arguments) and asleep by 8, my daughter is in bed by half seven and asleep by half eight after she has read. They both are awake by half seven in the morning. They are both highly active children and are more than ready to go to bed at these times. It is down to you as a parent to decide what is best for your children and as long as they are happy, healthy and loved who are we to judge other people .
Jo says
Our kids are always in bed by 7 – I try for 6.30, but realistically it’s 7pm… they’re early risers and nothing I can do will stop that – their Dad is too so i’m blaming genetics… the early starts (i’m talking 5am or 5.30am) is rough, but I find I enjoy waking up and getting going more, when I know i’ll get a few hours to myself in the evening to put my feet up and devour a book or watch some adult tv…
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! 🙂
Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections says
Wow I love this post! I am expecting my first baby in 5 months and will take any parenting advice I can get. I was a nanny for 5 years and I was always annoyed at the parents who let 3-7 year olds stay up until 9:30. Really? Sometimes MY bedtime is 9:30! I totally agree with kids going to bed RIGHT after dinner. My routine with some kids was, take a bath, get in jammies, eat dinner, watch a ltitle bit of a show while we cleaned up dinner, then read and went to bed. I like that routine a lot!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- read the Baby Whisperer – it was my FAVORITE baby book!
normaleverydaylife says
We always put our kids to bed at 7 until they went to kindergarten. They’re early risers no matter what, so going to bed early allowed them to get the sleep they needed. #saturdaysharefest
Becky says
I agree with you completely. Our children are now grown but we followed the same type of routine when they were growing up. Even my sister couldn’t understand the early bedtime. She was not a morning person so she wanted her children to sleep later therefore kept them up later. We had a beach house and even on vacations there was children’s “hour” and adult “hour.” I was also a SAHM and loved it! I would encourage anyone to put aside their wants and concentrate on their needs; they would be surprised how quickly they could also have that luxury. The memories of dinner together at the dinner table are very different from the ones made at McDonald’s on their way home from work.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree- Its definitely easier than people think. 🙂 Our kids are just ready for bed by that time – if they know it or not. Even our 8 year old was sound asleep by 7:15 tonight and he will sleep until 7:00 tomorrow morning. 🙂 Their bodies adjust and they really do well with the 12 hours of sleep.
Nicole says
Great article! I cannot tell you how many times We’ve been criticized for putting our child to bed at 7:00 (a.k.a. a decent hour for our family)! I mean, he’s only 3! You took the words right out of my mouth. Thanks for this article; and it’s nice to know we are not alone.
Sara says
My boys are in bed by 9 on a week night. They are 11 & 12. It started with me telling them it was bedtime. Now my oldest just goes to bed without me saying anything. He gets up at 5:45 to get ready for school. My youngest needs to be waken up. On weekends they are in bed by 10 or 11. Sometimes I am begging them to go to bed earlier. (I teach kindergarten and am exhausted by 5 pm on a Friday night. Lol) During the summer we stay up really late but we also sleep in.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- I taught Kindergarten at one point, too. 🙂
Brandi R says
100% agree!
I adopted a sibling group of girls ages 18 months, 3 and 4 about 3 years ago and their bed time is 7:30 pm every night and they get woken up for school at 7:30 am every day. Some days they are awake when I go in others they are out cold. They do not fall right to sleep at 7:30 but they are winding down after their very busy, active, and fun days. This was done by their previous care givers and highly recommended by the social workers and medical staff and I stay at home, hubby works nights so it does work for us.
We do have our nights where we are out at an activity and we will stay up late (Hockey games, ball games, etc) but they are always on the weekends so as to not affect the girls sleep patterns for school.
🙂
Brandi
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- I agree. It really helps. Our middle son takes a little longer to fall asleep, but he just looks at his spelling words while he is falling asleep (they are on the wall by his bed) 🙂
Jamie says
8pm for us. 7 would have them up way too early. I still have 2-3 hours of adult/quiet time after that and most days I get an hour in the morning before they wake up. Putting them to bed early would just mean waking up earlier and then going to bed earlier myself. They get 11 hours still and still have an hour to get ready for the school bus (although they’re homeschooled now). I couldn’t imagine putting them to bed earlier. Before homeschooling my daughter didn’t get home from school until 4:30. Give an hour for homework, then dinner and hopefully spending time with mom and dad and then they’d have to go to bed if bedtime were 7pm. No time for fun or just being a kid.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow- 4:30 is later than our kids get home. They are done with school at 3. 🙂
Melisa says
Couldn’t agree more! Good for you momma! I have two boys, 9 & 5 and we start our bedtime routine at 7pm. Sometimes they are both out by 7:30, for sure by 8! They get up about 6:30. Happy mom because I get some time alone at night and happy kids because they are getting the rest they so desperately need! Win, win!!!!
Wendy says
We’re a homeschooling/unschooling family. As such, our children don’t have to get up at a certain time to get ready for school…but they still have a bedtime. The time has been changed as they’ve gotten older (from 7:30 a couple of years ago to 8:30 now), but it’s still a bedtime.
See, we know that our 8-year-old will only sleep until 7:00 in the morning most days, even if she hasn’t fallen asleep until 11:00. And she WILL NOT lie down during the day. Will. Not. So, she needs to go to bed by 8:30.
We also know it’s very important to our 6-year-old that she get up before her Daddy goes off to work. So she has to be in bed by 8:30, too.
Even if these weren’t true, we’d still instil a bedtime for them, because night is the only time we have to be a couple. One thing both our old pediatrician and our pastor told us when we had our first was that we had to make our marriage a priority. They both pointed out that, if we didn’t do so our relationship would surely suffer, and without our relationship our children would suffer. We are extremely committed to our children, and to each other, so this is very important to us.
I feel the need to establish that I’m not dissing single parents, or single parenthood. I know many people who make it work, but it’s not ideal for us. We believe *our children* are better off with both of us.
Shel says
I completely agree – sleep is so important! I have 4 kids between the ages of 5 and 11, and they are in bed at 8pm. Fall/winter sports have them up until 9ish once a week. During the spring/summer, they are usually up until at least 9pm because of sports. But, we homeschool and our school routine begins after breakfast so it varies daily. My kids usually sleep 11 hours. My husband gets up for work between 1 and 4am so an early bedtime is a must.
Janet says
My children are adults but as toddlers bedtime was between 6-7:00, preschool-elementary no later than 8:00 depending on sports and homework. Middle school no later than 9:00. I had one night owl and one who was in bed as early as possible. We also had no TV during the week except for special events. No computers or other electronics in their rooms. My night owl has a PhD and is a professor at a university. My sleepy head is the head of his department at a major internet communications company. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We are the same way- no electronics in their bedrooms. 🙂
Congrats on your childrens’ accomplishments- that is AMAZING!
Kmac says
Agreed! We also have 4 kids (also 3 boys & a girl) and have put our kids to bed at 7pm since the first one was born and continue to do so even now (& don’t plan on changing soon!) it makes all the difference to them, as well as to my husband & I (we need our quality time too!) thanks for posting, glad to know I’m not the only one out there. 🙂 Keep up the great posts, I find that we are very similar and reading your posts are like a pat on the back after some of those longer days. You’re awesome!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Thanks! haha- then I guess you are awesome, too! 😉
Stephanie says
Ha! I can’t imagine my kids in bed at 7. Maybe I should try it though. :).
My oldest is on the bus at 6:45. He goes to bed at 8. It has been going very well. My kids have always gone to bed between 8-8:30 and are usually up at 7:30. Sleep is definitely important and I will make them take naps if they are crabby. Even if it means they are awake until 9 or later. They are always in bed by 8:30. All 3 share a room, so if they are not tired they aren’t going to fall asleep anyway. It doesn’t matter what I try, if they are not tired enough then they are going to keep each other awake.
Routines are important, but I also feel that flexibility is important.
And for the 6:45 bus time? How many people have to leave for work by 7 in the morning? I believe I am teaching my kids a good work ethic by making them get up early.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
8:00 is still great!
6:45 am for the bus is SO early! Our nephew has to do that, too, but our kids don’t get on the bus until 8:10. 🙂
You’re doing a great job.
Lythia says
I like the idea putting the kids to bed early. But, for my 7 years old son that’s impossible especially during the exams week. He will go to bed around 9-9.30pm. But most of the time I try to put them to bed early. I need the extra time at night to finish my work and some quiet time. Besides, my boys need to wake up as early as 5.45-6.00am the next day for school. My six years old and my 4 years old always cranky when they have to wake up early. School start at 7am. Try my best to spend time helping with their homeworks in the afternoon. Let them play after that for an hour or two. I believe if they have enough sleep, they performed better in schools.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Absolutely! There are many studies to prove it. 🙂
Gina at CampClem says
SOLIDARITY SISTER! You would think it was child abuse or parental insanity to see the looks I get when I tell people our kids go to bed “early.” Such a great, healthy routine for all of us! I’ve shared our early bedtime routine, too, and I think it is so valuable! Thanks for sharing this!
g i n a
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
hahaha! yes- me, too!
Priya says
Very good points! My 4 years old sleeps by 8:00 pm. She gets up by herself at 7 am. I do try to put her to sleep earlier.
Kelli says
I LOVE this!!!! I hope you don’t mind if we share this (and you) to our Facebook Fan page! I am in complete agreement and think this post will definitely help some of our mammas out!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
aww- thank you. 🙂
duong says
We used to put our kids to bed at 7-7:30 consistently. SLEEP is so important for kids at all ages. But also, because I was stay at home mom for years and after 12-14 hour days with them, I was ready for some ‘mommy time and time with my spouse after dinners and time with daddy. We used to get the ‘why do they go to bed so early’ as well, but I’ve learned that what works for your family, may not work for me and we all have to do what works. Some of my friends put their kids to bed much later bc the husband doesn’t get home until late, and he’d never see the kids otherwise, and I completely understand that. I love learning about other family traditions, what works for them. Great post, and thanks for sharing!
Christi says
I am so glad to see this. I am so judged by other parents for putting our little girl to bed at 7:00. She is a scheduled little girl and that works for her and us. She too plays hard all day. She loves to run and get into things. She loves being outside and I try to take her out as often as possible. My husband and I need our adult time in the evening to connect or just relax. I love your blogs and it is so refreshing to see other moms on the same page as us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
THank you!
Tiff says
I see nothing wrong with an early bedtime. My 10 year old daughter goes to bed at 8. We recently decided to give 8:30 a try, but it was difficult to get her up for school, so we went back to an 8pm bedtime. I do let her stay up a little later on the weekends.
Dora says
You tell ’em, sister!
I truly believe sleeping is equally important to eating. My kids (3 and 4) are in bed between 6:30 and 7 and sleep 12 hours every night. Not only is this a very healthe routine for them it prooved essential for me and my husband to find the much needed time to talk and spend time together.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Are you too funny!
Vanessa says
I agree. Our 17 month old son goes to bed at 8 and isn’t “allowed” up until 8 am (of course if he genuinely needed something I would get him up but if he is just babbling at 7:30 or so I leave him until 8 so I can finish doing my devotions and such) now sometimes he even sleeps past 8 on his own. 🙂 plus he takes a 3 hour on and off again nap in the afternoon. I’ve tried just getting him up from his nap when he wakes up after 2 hours but if I do a few hours later he is a monster, whereas if I leave him when he wakes up after 2 hours he puts himself back to sleep in just a few minuets. My husband and I have found that we really need the time to destress before we go to sleep ourselves that an early bedtime allows.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes– “sleep begets sleep” 🙂
Alissa Apel says
Mine go to bed by 8, but I think it’s great you get yours to bed by 7. Mine are 6 and 9. The 9 year old has told me a few times, “Some of my friends go to bed by 9.” I said, “That’s great for them. Maybe they sleep in longer in the morning.” They need good sleep. There are times I up their bedtime. Like when day light savings hits, if they are sick, or cranky.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
:)Thanks!
JM says
I so agree with this!!!! I am a slave to my 5 year old’s sleep schedule lol. He is in bed at 630 pm,sometimes earlier and sleeps a full 12 hours plus. I was always on a routine with naps ( in his crib, not a car seat) and we have the exact same routine each night. It has its drawbacks- he misses out on evening activities such as beavers, baseball etc but he can’t handle a later schedule and in the long run I believe sleep is more important. We also miss dinners etc with others but again sleep is my priority for him. He’s very social, plays hard all day in the fresh air whether it rains or shines, still gets sports etc on weekend days and is a happy kid. I RARELY deal with a tantrum or any behaviours. I’m sure many people think I’m nuts but I really don’t care 🙂 it works for us and more importantly…him!!
dianna says
i am amazed at all these mamas who can swing a 7 pm bedtime (and earlier!) my kids wont go to bed earlier than 9! it’s not a fight or anything… they just dont fall asleep that early! they always, always get up at 7 am. on the bright side, that gives them time to eat breakfast with daddy.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
True! 🙂
Kim McCulley says
I’m so impressed with the encouraging, respectful conversation in these comments. Great job to all.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
AGREED!!! I was expecting a lot of judgmental comments, but its refreshing to see that everyone understands that we just do what works for our family, even if its not what works for theirs. 🙂
Cindy G says
i agree 110%, my kids are no longer babies, but they still have a bedtime. My son is in 12th and my daughter is in 10th grade, they have to be up by 5:30am n walk 6 blocks to the bus stop. Bedtime is 10:00pm.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow- that’s an early morning! 🙂 (That will be our kid’s schedules in high school)… I’m dreading it already! haha!
Tracy says
I couldn’t agree more to an early bedtime. I have 4 children and they all went to bed early. I am an early morning person myself so it was easy to get up at 6 am in the morning. As they got a bit older and they slept a bit later (7am), it meant I had time for a coffee and to wake up properly. I was more ready for them then.
They are all much older now and apart from my youngest (14), they are all still early risers. To my mind, it means they are all much more prepared for the day ahead.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I have always been a morning person, too.
Spanish Traci says
I’m always amazed at people’s attitudes toward other people’s parenting. From the raised eyebrow to the outright “that’s wrong! ” I say this because I have a 4 year old I still put down for naps. I’ve read many articles about a child’s need for sleep that support your article. But mostly I get the “NAPS?! Really? he’s too old. You’re babying him.” Ugh!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh, goodness- our oldest son was napping until the week before he went to Kindergarten- he was almost 6 when he stopped napping! 🙂
Amy says
When I first saw the caption I apologize for being judgmental. Let me explain, I am a daycare provider. I am going to go out on a limb and say it works for your family specifically because you are a stay at home mom. (I was a stay at home mom through mid elementary school for my children). I’ve been a provider for nearly twenty years. The past years there is a trend of very selfish parents demanding their “me” time. I understand they are working moms and dad and stretched to the limit. We play hard too here at daycare. But when I have parents that take all their personal days off to themselves, go on vacations by themselves (while their children are in daycare for eleven hours), and use my hours from open to close so they can have time to themselves makes me incredibly sad for the children in my care. Pick up kids, give them dinner (maybe bath) and off to bed by 6-7. Where is the quality time with their children?? If I were a working mom and my child was in full-time daycare I would have such a difficult time putting my child to bed so early. One hour of hurry, hurry, hurry time and off to bed? Nope, not fair to the kids. (Of course there are circumstance where it would warrant an early bedtime such as child extra cranky and even an incredibly long day for parent and mom or dad truly needed time to relax or go to bed early themselves.) Sorry to be harsh, but in the scheme of things bedtime between 6-7 for children in daycare is downright cruel.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
You are so sweet to tell me all of that & I appreciate it. I am 100% with you on the work thing and I couldn’t do it if I weren’t home with them all day. I honestly miss our boys when they are at school and I LOVE being with them, so I don’t really feel like I need much “me time” because I will get a LOT of that when they are grown (lets not talk about that just yet!)… be still, my heart.
Kimberly says
I wish my 6 year old son would go to bed at 7!
He refuses to go to bed unless I do!
Some nights it’s 9:30-10:00 before he gets to sleep….up at 6:15 for
School….he’s so crabby…1st grade is too hard on him.
Not enough sleep is effecting his homework.
As for you parents who have a 7:00 bedtime….I’m jealous!!!
My husband has moved into “The Spiderman Room”…
My son refuses to sleep without me.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha! You are so funny. My best friend’s kids don’t go to bed until 10:30 or 11:00, but it really works well for them. They are the sweetest girls! 🙂 Some kids (like mine & yours, too, it sounds like) just can’t handle the lack of sleep.
Try bumping it up just a half hour a week until you are at your desired bedtime.
Christy says
I’ve been a mom for nearly 17 years. My 2, 4, and 7 year old are in bed between 8 and 8:30 and my 11 and 13 year old are in bed by 9:30. We homeschool, so ours sleep until they naturally wake up (much better for their bodies). My 2 year old doesn’t nap every single day, but at least 3 times a week, and my 4 year old naps on Wednesday’s, because of AWANA which doesn’t end until 8, which means we don’t get home until 8:30-9:00. (My oldest daughter died when she was 2…so she’s safe in the arms of Jesus and bedtimes aren’t an issue in Heaven is my guess!)
Sleep is so very important. I often feel a bit of annoyance when people with very young ones talk about how late their kids are up and how they refuse to nap, I’m curious who’s the parent, especially when they’re only 1 and 2 years old!! Create a bedtime from when they’re young, set up nap times, and even if they don’t fall asleep require that they lay in bed and at the very least look at books, if you notice they’re struggling to stay awake during dinner or evening commitments! One thing I’ve discovered is, if/when they start fighting nap time, if you (mom’s in general) at least require a rest time, it can make all the difference for them, since their body and minds are still getting needed rest and often napping comes back when they see mom is still going to require they rest. I don’t have a lot of meltdowns during the day and I believe it’s because they’re fully rested!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- it seriously cuts down on meltdowns in our house, too. Our youngest (2) is cutting out her nap, so she especially needs the sleep. 🙂
Shannon Reed says
I rarely comment on blog posts, but I feel I must for the sake of those mamas out there that had situations just like mine. You read every single book, article, blog post, etc. out there that says your baby and toddler needs AT LEAST 14 total hours of sleep per day. You watch all your friends as they put their kids to bed at 7 and they wake up at 7 the next morning while you try to put your kid to 7 and she wakes up at 3:30. No amount of sleep training, tough love, snuggles, prayers, bribes, bargains with the devil, or whatever will make your precious little child sleep more than 8 hours in a given day.
We went to a sleep specialist at Children’s Hospital, Los Angeles and he told us there was absolutely nothing wrong with what we were doing, or with our child. He said that a majority of the sleep books out there rest on the longer side of average when it comes to hours of sleep a child needs. So our kid, sleeping 8 hours at night and a paltry 30 minute nap was indeed well rested and getting all the sleep her body requires.
So for all you moms out there feeling like you’re failing your child when you read articles (and all the sleep books for that matter) like this saying that you just need to put your kid to bed earlier, take heart….you don’t need to do that. You simply have a kid with less of a sleep requirement. Take heart, also, that if you are providing a good, consistent bedtime routine at the same time every day, and your kid wakes up around the same time every day, you are doing your job as a parent. And ignore these fairy tales of children that sleep 12 hours at night and their parents actually get to spend quality time together. Someday, your child will get a bit older and you will get some sleep too (I promise!)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
‘Different strokes for different folks’ – I’m glad that you are doing what works for your family. That’s all that we can do. 🙂
Marie says
I put both my kiddies to bed at 7pm. My almost 4 yo son goes to bed at 7 but the stretches out put the jimmyjams on for as long as possible and then it’s the slooooow brushing of teeth but then his Dadda reads him his 3 books every night & I hear them laughing together & making monster sounds etc up until almost 8pm! It’s Dadda’s time with him & they both love it.
On the other hand I put my 1yo baby girl to bed at 7pm, if it’s any later like 7:10 she is yawning & cranky!
I have lots of friends that don’t put their kids to bed at 7 or even give them a day nap/rest & their kids are cranky & throw tantrums all the time – I wonder if it is related?? I put my 4yo to ‘nap’ every day but 99% of the time he plays quietly in his room for a minimum of 40mins quite happily.
Lori says
Great blog post. I am all for all the sleep my three year old twins need. My guys have always tended towards night owls and we, these days, are not getting them to bed until 11 pm. Insane. I never woulda thought that would be ok. But they sleep until 11 the next morning and take a 2 hour nap. They get lots of sleep! They just don’t want it at reasonable hours. We are going to have a hard time transitioning to a school schedule, I’m afraid. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it…
Amanda says
Since school started this year, we’ve been doing 7:00 bedtimes. I hate it. We homeschooled years prior and decided we will return to homeschool next year. Seeing my children for 3 hours a day is simply not enough. The bus picks them up at 7 and drops them off at 4. Then we rush to get dinner, showers, dishes, and a wee bit of fun. We’ve had to pass n AWANA and other evening activities and fun teen groups with church because of the time. 7:00 just isn’t working out. I’m not a morning person either, so that adds to the dislike of the whole thing. For years my husband and I had no problems getting alone time. Now it’s a struggle because I’m too tired and often fall asleep as soon as the kids do. It’s not been a great adjustment. I do still gave 3 kids at home while the other 2 are at school and they miss their siblings like crazy. I miss my lazy mornings with my kids. The morning rush sucks. Can’t wait til it’s over and we can go back to our 9ish bedtime.
Holly says
I wish I could say “I am with you” on this one. My daughter loves sleep, and so do I. Unfortunately for us both, I am a single mom and have been nearly her whole life. When she was little and I worked 8-5 m-f, she went to bed at 630 and I didn’t get home until at least 530. The struggle was terrible and I have felt guilty her entire life that I don’t get to spend enough time with her. I do have to squeeze in some me time too. Let the guilt overflow! She is now 7 and I at this time I work in retail, and just for an example, I didn’t get off today until 7 on a school night (Sunday) and didn’t pick her up from a friend who was sitting until after 8 ish.
I totally realize that you’re not preaching here, and I wish I could spend as much time with her as you get to with your children. It’s just different strokes for different folks I suppose. I don’t feel bad that I let her stay up sitting in bed with me until 930 tonight, because otherwise I wouldn’t have really seen her. I hope to one day be on a schedule like yours, but until then I guess I will just envy posts like these.
Angela says
I love your post. My three children are 10, 8 and 6. All three f them are in bed by 7.00pm every night and my husband wakes them every morning just after 7.00am. My two oldest have a very hectic dance schedule (currently 6 days per week – which we are planning to reduce next year) and are exhausted after a full day of school and dancing. My six year old son plays hard during the day and once in bed by 7.00pm will most nights be guaranteed to be asleep by 7.15pm. On the weekends we allow our children to stay up a bit later – 8.00 – 8.30 depending on the following days events, however we are very fortunate (truly blessed) that if we put them to bed later, say 8.00 they will sleep in until 8.00. I agree that there is no right or wrong and every child is different and needs a different amount of sleep. My kids sleep well, but don’t necessarily eat all their vegetables!!! Swings and roundabouts I say 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We allow for the later bedtime on the weekend, too. 😉
nathan mucklow says
Be nice but as a single Dad who does everything and works till 5.30 most nights and thats finishing early for the kids what your suggesting is not a reality and I’m sure I’m not alone. I don’t want to have take out very often so i need to cook when i get home. We generally get in the door about 6.15. The kids (6 and 7) got a puppy for xmas and the deal was the dog was walked every night so we do that before its dark. The kids also have things to tell me, show me , have a cry about , argue with each other and generally have a few moments to unwind so its now 7.15-7.30 . Start cooking eat at 8pm. Now we need to do some homework and reading. This is how it goes when all goes smoothly so its only worse from here sometimes
Perfect situation maybe 6-7 is nice but my kids need me in there lives and having a bit of fun with them also more than they need the bed at 7 . They are rarely tired when they rise at 7.30 to get ready for school. They are both doing well at school albeit i could spend more time helping with homework if i could find the time. I have a great family , happy kids and smart , polite and kind kids who love there dad.
So to everyone who’s not perfect and a bit offended by this , the author of this story is right for her not for all. Perhaps sending them to bed so early all the time is time they could be doing more for them because thats what I’m doing. AND I LOVE IT.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Exactly- That’s the reason for my “Different strokes for different folks… this works for us, but do what works for you & your family” in my post. 🙂
Abbie says
This is such a great article and I so agree with you. Kids NEED sleep!
Our kids are all on different sleep schedules which makes life interesting. Our 8yo boy is an early riser so he’s asleep by 8pm whereas our 7yo girl doesn’t sleep often until 9.30pm (although in bed earlier) and needs every bit she can get in the mornings (just like her mama). Our tween and teen boys are sent to bed at 8.30pm, often before our youngest is asleep but we all know it’s what they need.
I know families who keep the kids up later to allow quality family time when dad is home from work and that is right for them. I LOVE your non-judgmental approach to this.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you, Abbie. 🙂
shalyse says
I am completely with you!! my 2 little girls go to bed around the same time..and I do get some flack for it…. but doesn’t matter…they NEED IT! our kids play hard too and their days are always better when they have gotten good night sleeps!:) #earlybirdsunite!;)
Kari says
We put our kids to bed earlier too. Our six month old twins go to bed by 7 but earlier if they need to. They still take three naps a day and don’t wake up from the third nap till about 5:30 (it gives me time to start dinner). Once they stop the third nap they will go to bed earlier. My 5 and 3 year old are asleep by 7:45, which is later than I’d like, but it takes a while to get the twins down. I like having our time at night, my husband and I go to bed at 10, so if the kids stayed up any later we would miss out on our time. We’ve been known and criticized for leaving family dinners by 7:00 even if that means missing out on dessert or rushing through dinner because out kids need to go to bed. It works for us!
Billie Yates says
I’ve got question for you…any idea what to do for my 5 year old who has slept through the night maybe a handful of times her whole life? Every single night she wakes and comes to my bed. I’ve finally gotten her on a schedule for bed time in the past year, she’s in bed now by 7:30. We read at least one book and I sing to her a bit. Any advise to offer? Thanks for a wonderful website! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Honestly, I would just try talking to her and explaining it. Try saying that she can’t have any electronics if she comes into your room for any reason other than being sick or hurt, until 7:00. Our 4, 6, and 8 year old would probably respond well to just talking to them, explaining how I feel crabby and grumpy when I don’t get enough rest and that having them come in so often is making me wake up more.
I feel like this next method is a bit too much for a 5 year old, but you could try this. 🙂 https://www.yourmodernfamily.com/child-in-bed/ good luck
Bethany says
We don’t keep the same schedule as you and I’m confident in both of us doing what’s right for our respective families.
I do have a question about your kids eating dinner less than an hour before bedtime. How does that work? We’re a whole foods family so dinner isn’t carb heavy but still the kiddos have energy to burn in the evening. I don’t think it’s healthy for adults to eat so close to rest so we’re trying to train our kids the same.
We have commitments 2 nights a week that keep us out close to bedtime so we’ve just adjusted to that. Our soon to be 5 year old is in that awkward transition stage where he cannot nap hardly but still needs to once a week.
Do your kids share rooms? Not sure if ours are just light sleepers but if one is awake so is the other in that room. Sleeping in doesn’t happen for the younger one then. They’ve been taught to sleep at least until 6 am but my husband leaves fairly early for work so if they want to see him they seem to know to get up.
I’ve also noticed a difference in our now 10 month old baby #3. He rarely takes 2 naps and if he does he does not sleep well at night. He baffles me as he genuinely seems to need less sleep than others as babies. He’s not crabby or fussy because of it, just the opposite, if he’s over rested it’s awful.
Everyone is different!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our kids don’t share rooms. They did at one point, but they no longer do. They are also light sleepers, but we use noise machines.
Our 4 1/2 year old doesn’t nap anymore either, but he goes to bed by 7:00 every night (sometimes 6:45) because he is exhausted! If he naps, he stays up until 8:30ish, but that is very rare. 🙂
Agreed- if it works for your family, it works!
Dayu says
I totaly agree with you. I used to put my son to bed by 6 and he will be asleep by 7. But for the last two months no matter i put him to bed at 6 or 7 he will never fall asleep. I know he is tired but just refuse bed time. He waits for my husband to come home (usually at 8) and play a little with his dad. He falls asleep around 9-10 pm. I really want him back to his earlier bed time, cuz i know he needs his sleep. Maybe he just miss his dad so much…
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- that’s really hard. I wish that I and some advice for that, but could they play in the morning instead? (Just trying to think of some ideas… b/c that time for them is really important & special).
Alison says
This is a great article. I often get strange looks when I tell people that we start our bedtime routine between 7:00-7:15 and all the kids are fast asleep by 7:45. My kids (1,4 and 5) wake at 6:30, because as soon as they hear the garage door open they jump out of bed and race to our bay window to wave to daddy and listen for him to honk as he drives away. We have found they really need their sleep and they are used to getting up early when I worked and now for school. I am a stay at home mom three days out of the week so like you we can do the baths before daddy gets home. We always sit as a family around the table and we have declared every Friday night family movie night. My husband and I love our kiddos and we know what is best for them and they really do need their sleep. They do fine staying up late, but in a regular day to day routine they are in bed early too. Don’t worry about what others think. Like you said, do what is best for your child. Alison (theguiltymommy.com)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Michelle says
Hi. I would love my son to go to bed earlier and to have more adult alone time. My daughter is only 4 mths old so she’s on a different schedule I would also love to only work until 12:40 but that’s just not possible. When you have two working parents who don’t get home until 5:30 there is no feaseable way to have the kids eat dinner and in bed at 7. It’s not just different strokes for different folks because it’s not something I am doing out of choice it is what we have to do because we have to work. It’s very hard .
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yep- I agree. This would be be very hard to get the kids to bed at 7 if you worked until 5:30. 🙂
Renee says
I also have 4 kids. 9,7,5,4, and the younger two go to bed at 7 and the older two are usually in bed by 7:30. It works great for us. People are always amazed at how early our kids go to bed but it’s so important for them to get good sleep and also for my husband and I to habe some down time together in the evening.
Lucy-Ann says
My 5 year old has a 7pm and it’s been in place since she was 6 months old. Some people can’t wrap their heads around that, especially in Summer when it’s still light outside. They seem I think my daughter won’t be tired just because the sun is out…
I know her best and do what I need to to ensure she is healthy and happy. Sounds like you do exactly the same. 🙂
Kindra S. says
I love this post. I get comments about why I let my child stay up so late. I am a stay-at-home mom to a 4.5 year old and a newborn. The newborn is on her own schedule. She eats when she wants and sleeps when she wants. The 4.5 year old is not in school yet or daycare. My husband works overnight and leaves at 10:30 pm and then comes home to sleep all day. He also works another part-time job several days a week. My daughter will stay up until he leaves at 10:30 pm. But she doesn’t get up until 8:30 am or even 9 some days. She also gets in at least a 2 hr nap each day. She is getting her recommended amount of sleep just at a different time. However, once she starts school, she will have an earlier bed time. I plan to start in the summer and move up her bed time by a little more each week and also phase out naps. Right now, this is what works for our family.
Jenny says
When we first brought our baby home from the hospital, we were putting her to bed at 10 because that’s when we went to bed (and we didn’t actually know when a baby should be put to bed). I knew that we were going to have to make it earlier simply because of my work schedule. I have very early work hours, so once maternity leave was over, I was going to have to start going to bed at 8:30 again, and since hubby is a firefighter (an don shift for 24 hours at a time), I couldn’t rely on him to put her to bed.
Our initial aim was an 8 p.m. (bedtime routine complete, fed, and asleep) so that I had 30 minutes to do last minute prep for the next morning. But she kept falling asleep before bedtime, so we took her lead and kept shifting the time forward until we found what worked for her. Now, I start her bedtime routine at 6:15 and she’s in her crib by 6:45 (sometimes earlier, if she’s had bad naps, or is just extra tired). And she sleeps through the night until 6 a.m. (sometimes later).
We just did what worked for our child. It’s tough stuff, this growing up stuff. They need their rest. I was actually confused the first time someone commented on her bedtime. She’s a baby. Why would someone think 6:45 is too early for her to be asleep? It’s nice to know that I’m not crazy (or alone) in putting my little one to bed so early! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We were the same way- we kept them up until we went to bed, when they were babies. 🙂 Once they slept through the night, we bumped their bedtime up by a few hours. 🙂
Britney Ziegler says
If you could please message me on facebook or even email me at my gmail account and let me know how in the world you get yyour six year old to sleep for 12 hours. i have a 2 year old a 3 year old and a 5 year old and my 5 year old and 3 year old go to sleep at 8 with my 2 year old going to bed at 730. my five year old gets up at five in the morning and wakes her sister up since they are in the same room and then them playing or watching tv wakes up my 2year old. whats your advice
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Read my post about how I teach my kids to sleep in later. 🙂 https://www.yourmodernfamily.com/kids-waking-up-too-early/ It should help.
My email is yourmodernfamily@gmail.com – message me anytime. 🙂 Or on FB.
Sarah says
My kids are 3 and 1 and they are in bed by 7:00pm and up at 7:00am. I get a lot of flack from this from other moms, even though my kids are so little. However, I’ve noticed that my kids are not as cranky as the other little ones in our play group. Most moms in our group put their kids to bed between 9 and 10 pm and expect them to be up at 7am and not be grouchy. However, I know it works for our kids and so I keep doing what I’m doing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 I get a lot of flack, too (hence the post) 😉 LOL!! It works for our family, though.
Nikkie says
My hubby is still in school (online only) so even if my kids were in bed early I wouldn’t see him 😀
My kids usually go to bed between 8-9. My son is in daycare and doesn’t get home until almost 7, so he’s always had a late bedtime so that I could see him. When I was still working I wouldn’t get home until after 8 or 9 so there were days when I never saw my son awake.
Now when my kids were wee babies they were breastfed and I could usually get a 6 hour stretch out of them so their bedtime was midnight. They’d usually nurse around 9 and sleep to 12 and then they’d nurse again and I could get 6 hours sleep 🙂 by moving their bedtime to late at night I basically made their middle of the night feed 6am.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Mine, too- when we were little, I would do whatever it took to get that six-hour stretch! 🙂
Lizz says
My 11yr and 5yr girls share a room and go to bed at 7pm during the week. My 9yo son also goes to bed at 7pm and can read for 30 minutes in bed. The girls can’t read in bed, for the 5yo needs her sleep.
On weekends my 11yo may stay up until 8:30.
The kids are used to this routine and rarely complain about bedtimes.
Sometimes the 11 yr girl says, friends are allowed to stay up later. We explain that her sister needs the 7pm bedtime, and that she can stay up on weekends. then she ‘s agree with our reasoning.
Clare says
my girls were in bed and asleep by 7. I would start their bedtime routine at 6 with baths, bedtime stories and prayers. I would tuck them in and then go have my shower and settle in for an evening of crafts etc. They always woke up between 5:30 and 6;00 no matter what time I put them to bed so if they went to bed late it would make for a cranky morning. They both also napped until they were in school. My girls even now like to take a nap when they are not working and they are 23 and 21
momma jess says
Great post!! My daughter (2 y/o) goes to bed about 7 pm as well! She has stopped takings naps at all so we let her just go go go, unless she is extremely cranky, then a nap is necessary. But for the most part she is always a cheerful, energetic little one who is READY to go to bed at 7. Also, as a single, solo parent, it just works for us.
Emily says
So true!! We were SUPER flexible with my first daughter’s schedule when she was a baby. Now that she is 3 and we have a 1 year-old also, this has drastically changed! Once she cut out naps around her third birthday, she was giving us clues that she was short on sleep. When your normally sweet little girl drastically changes into a constant, crying mess…it’s pretty obvious what is missing!
There are so many new, great articles out there on how children need more sleep. I’m happy that this is getting more “press”. Wonderful addition!!
Bobbie says
Thank you so much! I needed this alot! We are & have been with our 6yr old to get her to bed by 8 but I agree I can see 6 or 7 because she is still hard to get up in the morning & many have said “Are you crazy for wanting her to bed so early” I am so glad it is not just me but now I will be putting this in play! Thanks again!
Kristen says
My 1 year old only requires 8-10 hours of sleep total each day, so to me this is kind of humorous/impossible. It would be nice to have that much free time, but on the plus side, I do get to spend more time with her.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yep- we all have to just do what works for us. 🙂
Susanne says
We have a 27 – month old and his bedtime is more like 9pm. I have tried many times to put him to bed earlier but then he won’t fall asleep. He wants you to pad his behind (thanks daycare for introducing that to them) and he will get upset when you leave the room. I would be happy to have him fall asleep earlier but I also think that kids have different natural sleep times.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha- we had one of those- our first son wanted his little bum patted and I would stand there doing that for like an hour. I learned my lesson the hard way! haha!!
Elizabeth S. says
I agree that it is important to stand your ground. We are on more of a big city schedule here and my son (2.5) sleeps from about 10:30 pm-9:30 am (with a few wake-ups). It’s different from how I was raised, but that is the lifestyle here. However, if we had to get up earlier in the morning we would have to do something about the bedtime. I totally agree that kids don’t get enough sleep these days.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Jen says
I have loved reading your post and the many positive replies from other mums! I have two little girls aged 5 and 4 so very close in age and very active. From birth we have given them an ‘early’ bedtime routine of usually no later than 6pm as we have found it works for all of us. The funny thing is now they are used to getting good sleeps that when we do have a later night out or something, they usually fall asleep or ask for their beds! Every parents dream, plus my husband and I have enjoyed our ‘us’ time once they are tucked up which is great and really keeps you going. We are changing the time soon to 7pm now one is in school and the other soon to be and I can’t imagine it getting later than that until they are perhaps in high school as I’m pretty sure these were the sort of times I went to bed each night as a child so perhaps because I think it’s the norm that’s why I instill it I don’t know? I’m just happy knowing they get a good sleep and are healthier and happier in the daytime because of it.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I know- I was happy with all of the comments, too (well most of them!) and surprised!
Our kids are the same way- they just expect to go to bed early and they are used to it, so it is really nice that their bodies naturally understand that. Good point!
Charlene says
I so agree with you on making sure kids get enough sleep! My sons were so cranky if they didn’t follow a routine that provided plenty of sleep — they couldn’t even stand to be with themselves. Total meltdown. They both stopped taking naps at age two on their own so putting them to bed at 7 or 7:30 was born out of desperation. It worked great!!!!! They were very active guys and on the go all the time so they slept soundly until 7 in the morning. Daddy and mommy had time to finish the chores and b.r.e.a.t.h.e. Win, win.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agreed!! win-win! 🙂
Tracey Miles says
Thanks for this. We also put our son to bed at 7pm. There are special occasions when he stays up later but we try not to miss the mark too often. We have read that its better for them and it works for us!
Anonymous says
I have three daughters, 9,8 and 6 years old. Their bedtime is also 7pm. I have had people question me as well. They get up between 6 and 7am for school and TRUST ME….with three girls (who are getting older) getting ready in one bathroom in the morning it may not be very peaceful! I am a stay at home mom so I try to have my chores don before they get home and dinner on the table when they get home. We themn sit down and eat, get homework done, and then onto their chores. (Typical take care of clothes, make bed and pick up room, then they alternate a chore throughout the week.) There is a big difference if they dont get to sleep by 7:30 the next day. They are more whiney and wanting to argue more with each other. If they tend to have a bad day, which we all do, when we discuss how they are feelingit boils down to them being tired and they tend to solve the problem and say that they would like to go to bed earlier. So they go to bed at 6:30 that night and there is a BIG change the next day than the previous!!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had the problem of dealing with criticism from others about putting the kids to bed early! Thank you for this post it is very true! Have a blessed day!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! We are the same way and we get questioned constantly, too. 🙂
Kelly says
Personally this does not work for me. Not all of us can afford to work 5 hours a week. With my 2 jobs, if I did this I would literally see my kids an hour and a half a day and on days I have class I wouldn’t even have that. I’ve always been amazed with people who seem to want to get their kids to bed as early as possible. I miss every second I’m not with them.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, if I had to work full-time, I’m sure this would not work for us, either. As I say in the post- do what works for your family.
Julie says
A little over a week ago our niece asked us if we would take care of her 5 year old son, so that he could stay in his current school while they get back on their feet. We agreed. I was extremely concerned that he was sleeping 12 hours a night. THANK YOU…there is no longer any guilt about him going to bed at 7pm (and he says to us…I’m tired and going to go to bed). He is still difficult to get up at 6:45am to get ready for school and is a slow mover in the morning but now I understand this is the amount of sleep he needs. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- it really makes a difference. How sweet of you to take care of him!!!
Mary Merwin says
I don’t have kids of my own yet, but I am a teacher and I so wish that all parents had bedtimes for their kids! You can really tell the difference both behaviorally and academically between the kids who go to bed at a decent hour and those who don’t have a consistent night time routine! My parents had me in by bed by 7 until about 5th grade and after that I still had to go to bed by 8. I know it helped me out. 🙂
http://www.thisismymissionfield.wordpress.com
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
YES!! I was a teacher, too, and you can REALLY see how it helps or harms the kids when they have adequate or inadequate hours of sleep.
Danielle @ More Than Four Walls says
I have an early riser (anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30) so I’d love an early bed time if it worked. Our challenge is that my husband doesn’t get home until 6:30 from work so until we eat it’s all but 7. We discussed it when our son was younger and we’re keeping a nap (he’s almost 4 1/2) as long as possible and letting him stay up until 9. Eventually we’ll have to drop the nap and bedtime may get earlier but for right now this works.
I would love to have more time to myself to tend to house work and such but right now we deal. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- yes… getting home at 6:30 makes it hard. If our younger two nap, they are up later, too. 🙂
Linda says
Great point of view. I think it is also cultural. I’m curious to see if you read “How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm: And Other Adventures.. I grew up in Latin America and we always, always went to bed late, and not only my family but most people in all socioeconomic backgrounds. I believe it’s the same in some parts of Europe. It was a time to bond with your family and friends.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
True- I’m sure it really does depend on where you live and so many other factors…
Elle M N says
You seem to have many philosophies that mirror my own. I am a firm believer in lots of play, fresh air, healthy meals at fixed times and early bedtime. We, too, have four children. They are 5, 3, 2 years and 2 months old. The older 3 go to bed at 6.30pm, much to the horror of some and the disbelief of many, even professionals who deal with children such as Doctors and Teachers. Here in the land of the rising sun, the average bed time is also rising. Many of my preschooler’s friends don’t go to bed until 10pm and their Mothers have a hard time getting them up for preschool. At a recent check-up for 3 year olds in the area, they sent us home with an information pamphlet with lots of recommendations, including a 9pm bedtime for children of that age. Much too late for my children, but as you say, different strokes for different folks. I could go on … maybe I will put it in a blogpost. We maybe in the minority, but there are still some who believe in the benefits of an early bedtime.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you for a kind comment- after responding to many negative ones, a nice one is a breath of fresh air! 🙂
Ashley says
Our kids (7.5, 4, 2.5) are all in bed by 7pm and asleep by 7:15-7:30. They get up at 6:30-7am no matter when we put them to bed, so 7pm bedtime has worked for us so they are getting adequate sleep!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Ours, too – they have internal alarm clocks!
Carmen says
I agree with you!. My parents put us to bed religiously at 8:00 and it was so ingrained in me that in College I would study everyday , all my subjects, so that I would never have to put in an “all nighter” , I loved my sleep!
When my children were born, the same rule applied. They never complained. Every family has their own schedule and their own rules of discipline, you do what works for your family!
Congratulations on your beautiful family!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
thank you, Carmen. That’s so kind of you.
CJ says
What would you suggest that I do if I have 3 children ages 4, 2 and 7 weeks and my husband does not see the kids at all until 9pm because he works 14-14 hour days?
Because of that, it is about 9-9:30pm by the time they go to bed. The kids are in their PJ’s at this time.
I would love for them to sleep earlier, but I also want to make sure that they have quality time with their dad as well.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That is hard, but at that age, I think they can stay up a little later because they are not in school yet. 🙂
If our kids go to bed late, they just aren’t sleeping enough because they have to be up for school by 7:00.
CJ says
The kids actually go to school, but they don’t have to go until 8:30am. My daughter goes everyday and my 2 year old goes Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Karen W says
I remember I was in bed by 8PM right up until I was in high school. I let my own kids stay up later, and when my Mom tried to tell me that my hubby and I needed alone time, I told her that the kids and their Dad needed time together too. We had plenty of time after they went to bed. Whatever works for each family is just fine. It’s not up to anyone else to tell you what to do, or how to do it.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Could not agree more!! 🙂
ashina says
when do u sleep and cook?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
What do you mean? 🙂
I cook usually during rest time (or use the crock pot)
I sleep … not enough!! I go to bed around 1 or 2am and wake up at 7:00 am. 🙂
Julie Anne says
We put our four kids to bed at seven too. First our one year old twins, then we take our 3 year old and once he is a sleep we send our six year old to bed which is usually closer to 8. We were pretty bad about having a consistent bedtime before we had the twin. If we were busy our kids would sometimes not go to bed till closer to 9. Once we set the seven o’clock bedtime and became super consistent about it I was pleasantly surprised how much more peaceful bedtime was and how much more content and rested the kids seemed during the day. Also after reading the chapter in nurture shock about sleep it was interesting to learn how higher iq was tied to more sleep. Not because the kids are born smarter but because their brains function better with more rest.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
YES!!! That’s exactly it- it is expected, our evenings aren’t full of “But mom- we want to stay up…” because it just isn’t an option. Plus, they are so much happier when they get their rest. 🙂
Brittany says
If your kids are going to bed at 7pm, what time are they eating dinner?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We eat when my husband gets home from work- around 6:00.
Brittany says
I LOVE this post!! Everyone thinks I’m crazy for putting my kids to bed early, but I’m a full time student and when I’m not in school I work full time and my kids have to be up at 630 to get ready for daycare. We recently just moved out of town and my sons bus picks him up at 7. Even going to bed at 7 or 730 my kids still sleep until 7 in the morning, but they are also busy all day long!! They don’t play video games and they don’t watch tv all day. I, too, also need some down time. I don’t want down time at 10 o’clock at night because by then I am ready for bed!! My kids are hardly ever cranky, or tired because they are well rested and it makes for a much happier day.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- same here. They are exhausted by 7:00 and ready for bed (& everyone thinks we are crazy, too)! 🙂
Saima Nadeem says
Hey . I completely agree with you. I am from an Asian family where nothing is beleived like sleep training or stuff. But i started sleep training around 8 months for my boy a year ago. Now he is great in sleeping and I put him to sleep around 8 to 9 pm so that he could wake up and have a nap in noon. He is 2 years now and I am now having another baby in next month. and i forgot to mention that i also work as a writer on freelancer and I work 3-4 hours at night after my boy sleeps. I am completely satisfied with his attitude and i thank to all writers who motivate moms that they need to try best..they dont owe any explanation to anyone..:)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you!!
Mary says
I’ve learned with my three daughters (7, 5, 4) that sleep begets sleep. My 4 and 5 year olds both still nap from 1-3 or 2-4. All three are in bed by around 7 and don’t often wake before 7:15-7:30. IF this schedule is messed with they become moody, emotional, argumentative, hyper, and my oldest will sleep walk if she’s over tired. Allowing my girls the proper REST is so very important
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
So very true! Its so funny- I JUST wrote that quote on another comment! (Sleep begets sleep!)
Angelique says
I agree with you. My kids are 7 and 9 and they also go to bed at 7 when possible. If not my daughter looses concentration at school and my son gets crabby. If they cannot sleep I let them lie in bed and read a book but most nights within 5 minutes they are both fast asleep.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We do, too. 🙂
Jennifer says
Oh! I catch *SO* much flack because I put my almost-9yo to bed at 7:15. “That’s sooooo early,” friends & family say, “So-&-so doesn’t go to bed till 8:30!”
Okay, great for you. Are you going to be here with my kid in the morning when she won’t get out of bed & is grumpy & cranky & argumentative because she’s still tired? No?? THEN KEEP YOUR JUDGEMENT TO YOURSELF.
It’s so frustrating.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here! 🙂 haha. Thats ok- just do what works best for your family! 🙂
Elsa says
Nice article. I completely agree on an early bedtime, but I’m not sure about making a child skip their nap so that they will fall asleep when you want them to. If your 4 year old falls asleep in the car at 3 pm, they need a nap! I don’t see the benefit in keeping them awake when they should be asleep as that is surely against their best development? I understand you do that for your own benefit and it bothers me a bit that some people will think that’s fine after reading this post.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I completely agree that he needs a nap, but staying up until 10:00 and waking up at 7:00 (because we need to wake him up for school for his brothers and for his preschool) will give him an overall less amount of sleep than just sleeping 7-7. 🙂 So for us, the 9 hours is just not enough for him, compared to the 12 that he will get on a different schedule.
rosy says
CONGRATULATIONS for the good job. I wish more parents fallow your bed time schedule. I did the same when my kids were little. Is a great feeling that after a long day you could enjoy your husband or partner. So don’t worry you’re doing fantastic :).
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Thank you, Rosy!
Kyra love says
since I was 12 I get 4-5 hours a night sometimes; I’m 14.
Sheila says
I absolutely see the good points and back up to this. I have seen these effects on both sides with my sons. I also have been frustrated by the late night activities aimed at kids.
Here is my frustration right now and question. I have gone back to work. I make my own very limited hours, my children are in a fantastic preschool from 0900-1, come home and nap between 2-230. Bed time is a firm 8pm. With their nap time, and my husband getting home at 5, we sit down to dinner between 530-6. That leaves a two hours for family time, play time, baths, reading, ect. We feel like we don’t get any time with them- specifically my husband. He literally gets two hours a day with them, and I see the boys and him starving for each others attention and affection. Our 1 year old has started waking around midnight and asking only for daddy…he wants to be rocked, laid with, and sometimes is just up ready to play. Our 3yr old has started to become very emotional at bed time, clinging to his “daddy bear” (it has my husbands voice recorded..got it for deployments, now he wants it all the time). He has bad dreams about daddy going “to the airport”. We will not be having any deployments again, but I feel like their lack of reassurance and time with him is really effecting their routine and sleep. For me I’m waking between 430-5 to get work and school work done so not to take away from our evenings. It’s my husband and his time- he wants to allow them to stay up because he wants time with them.
Any thoughts and suggestions for those with “working” (I’m terribly sorry to use that term…going back to work has been a vacation compared to staying at home!!…though I feel like I’m still a stay at home mom) schedules.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
HAHA – agree w/ the working term!
So I don’t know. 🙁 I’m sorry! I would say to just use the MOST of the time that he is home. We really try to use up all of our weekend time o fun, quality time things. It is hard, but I just can’t have them up until 10:00 or they will be grouchy every day (which I’m sure you see in your own kids).
Good luck!!
MELisa says
I insisted on early bedtimes when my daughters were toddlers and early childhood years, usually 7-7:30 as they are 4 years apart. Now as teenagers they “stay up late” as teens do, but it’s 8:30-9:30. This is their own choice. The younger one actually is known to be asleep by 7:45 still. I do know that the teen brain is different and they do tend to be more nocturnal. No electronic devices can be used past the 8:00/9:00 (younger/older) either.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 I love the “no electronics past 8:00” rule!! I need to implement that when our kids are older.
Michele says
My son will be 5 end of July. He has always had a difficult time sleeping. I was the mom sitting in the car while he napped in the car seat. This went in until he was 3. The only way he could fall asleep was walking him for hours or driving him around. He had horrible acid reflux and sensory issues. He can sleep 10 hours a night. But if I put him to bed at 7 he wakes up 10 hours later. I have blackout blinds in his room because any light at all will wake him up. I think he would feel better with more sleep, but his body won’t allow it. I’d rather he sleep from 9-7 than from 7 -5. He goes to preschool 4 days a week 8:30-1. I don’t know what else to do. No matter what time he goes to sleep, he wakes up 10 hours later. The other problem is I work 20 hours a week, we go to many therapy and doctor appointments, try to have play dates and I keep up the house, etc. If I lay down with him at 7, I won’t be able to get back up, I’m exhausted by 7. If you have any is advice to get my son to sleep more, I’dove to hear it. We do have a white noise machine in his room. But he’s just very sensitive to everything. It’s been so challenging for us. We are older parents, 43 and 46. Any my son is very active or hyperactive, needs constant attention, doesn’t play alone. He has social difficulties at school, anxiety. His pediatrician and therapist said 10 hours if sleep should be fine??? Anyway, if you have any advice, is live to hear it. Thanks!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree- 10 hours is fine for some children and I’m sure that you would be exhausted with him waking up earlier (well- I would be anyway!)
I don’t have much advice, but to say that I’m here if you need someone to listen or need to bounce ideas off of someone. 🙂
Wendy says
The only thing I personally found concerning is manipulating your schedule to avoid your littlest taking a nap that you stated he really still needs. While several have praised you for your responsible bedtime and giving children the structure they need, I would praise the parents allowing the toddlers the rest they need with a nap and a 9pm bedtime. If the blog is about making sure your kids get the rest they need, I think it’s fair to look at that point and consider if that is best for the child or if it’s best for the schedule.
I don’t consider myself “judgy”, but presenting your parenting style in a public forum opens you up to public feedback. I only comment because it seems to me intentionally skipping a needed nap for a 7pm bedtime contradicts the message of the blog.
I have 6 children, the one thing I’ve learned is that they each have varying needs. Structure and routine are important and I do appreciate that part of your blog.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
If we give her a nap, she will be up until 10 or 11, which then gives her only 8 hours of sleep at night because I need to wake her to take her brothers to school in the morning. I would have to give her a 4 hour nap. Plus, she is almost three, so she really doesn’t need it. She is ready for bed at 7:00, which works for her and for us.
Lindsey says
My kiddos are usually in bed between 7-730. depends how long we spend getting ready to go to bed or reading books and such. my kids are 6,5,3, and 1. i have on occasion put the younger 2 to bed at 7 and spent some time with the older ones either baking or watching a movie before i send them to bed. my husband works until late at night usually getting home anywhere from 10 to 2am (second shift at a restaurant so it varies) we spend time together with the kids during the day and i stay up late with him to spend time with him alone when he gets home. before he gets home and after the kids go to bed is when i clean up the pig sty of my house after the kids destroyed it 😉
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 HHAHA!!
Suzie@homemaker-mom says
So wish I had realized this when my teens where younger!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Cindy says
Becky, thanks for a great read! It’s important for people to understand that everyone’s schedules aren’t the same. You have to figure out what works for your family- biologically and logistically!
Personally, I’m still on maternity leave with my 4 month old son, and my husband works from 12n-8pm. So our schedule (generally) looks more like: 9am wake up and morning routines/playtime, 12n-2 nap time, 6-7 nap time, 9pm Daddy home, dinner, family playtime, bath time, story time and 11pm bedtime. (We have finally cut out the late night feeding, which for us was at 4am)
Our schedule works for our family, but I know its not for everyone! Eventually when our son needs more nighttime sleep (or cuts down on his naps), we plan to back up his bedtime by half hour intervals. But it works the way we are doing things- our family gets some great time to spend together in the evenings, and we are all well rested. if our son was in bed by 7, my husband would never get that special time with him for play, baths, “real food”, and storytime. We also stay up late sometimes to watch a movie after our son goes to bed, which still gets us a good 7-8 hrs of sleep.
Paula says
I agree I have two children ages 3 & 5 years old and they are in bed between 6 – 7pm. When the 5 year old turns 6 I July he will go to bed no later than 7.30pm. Children need sleep so they can be alert the next day. Especially my 5 year old who attends school.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here. 🙂 Like you said- especially when they have to go to school. It just helps our kids. 🙂
Lyn says
i couldn’t agree more! My son’s teachers always comment how he is
upbeat …it is because he is well rested. He can enjoy an activity because he is not struggling to stay awake…thanks for sharing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It really makes a huge difference, doesn’t it? (Well- in our kids, anyway) 🙂
Shawna Clark says
I im total agreement with you. For years we have put our son down at 7pm. He needed 12 hrs of rest believe it or not. I found that his teacher was able to teach him better we were able to connect better and he was well rested. My husband at first was grateful because we could spend time together and still have our alone time. Over the years it hasn’t been easy as now that my son is 10 he fights and stays up so my husband will fall asleep with him even when I beg him not to. So I see him less we still put my son to bed at 7pm. Except scout nights he gets to go to bed at 9 because they hold their meetings till 830. Which I find too late to keep any child up but I can not change the world. Those days his teacher has trouble teaching him and because of his three nights a week he gets to stay up late we have troubles getting him down because he is exhausted by then and then our window has passed.
I think it is hard to get parents to let their children get the proper sleep. My family my friends all were and still are confused as to why the bed time is so early. But they will never know.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Your scout night is our wrestling night. I agree- it is so late!!
Thanks for taking the time to write. 🙂
Just Plain Marie says
You’ve caught flak for this? Why? I seriously don’t understand why that would upset people.
All six of my children have gone to bed at 7, with four of them still young and living here. It’s now 7:49pm and all is quiet in the house.
And they nap, too. Anyone five and under takes a nap in the day. Anyone under twelve months takes two.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks for the feedback (& support). 🙂
meredith says
I love this! My daughtee has always gone to be between 6-7 and she sleeps until 7 or 7:30 (shes 2 1/2). People think we are crazy or mean (because we dont let her wander the house like a zombie until she passes out) or say, shes just a good sleeper wait until your next one. But pretty much since her first few weeks of life we put her to bed awake and lwt her learn to fall asleep on her own so bedtime has never been an issue. We just say its bedtime and she says ok. We recently moved her to a big girl bed and she doesn’t even try to get out! So now that my friends are having kids guess who they call 24/7 to get advice on how to sleep train? Me! To me time with my husband once the kids go to bed is the most importAnt. Everybody is much happier!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! I agree- our kids are definitely happier when they have had a good night’s rest. 🙂
Katheryn Howat says
You are not alone. We have had a 7 pm bed time since my daughter hit about 1 year old (before that was 8, as soon as she was home from the hospital). We thrive on it. My husband is up early for work so we’re in bed by 9 pm easy. By putting my daughter to bed at 7 that means, as you stated, my husband and I have a few hours to enjoy one another. Be it chatting, planning for the following week, or turning off our brains after a long day and watching something mindless on tv. It’s important that we get time together, and it’s expensive to rely on our time together continuously being a date night…not to mention I think it’s healthy for kids to see their parents make time for one another without it having to be constant dates. It is possible to enjoy one another without it costing you a dime. I have know people who don’t put their kids down until 10pm at the earliest… While it may work for them, I couldn’t begin to fathom such a thing. Even with a 1-2 hour nap in the middle of her day, by 7 pm the cranks start to set in and she’s 3! Good for you for doing what works for your family, and for recognizing that despite the actual bedtime, it’s important for mom and dad to get some quiet time to themselves after the kids are in bed.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh yes- we are the same way. They hit a wall and become crabby by around 7:00 if they aren’t in bed (usually its more like 6:30 for our younger two kids, which just tells us that it is almost bed time) 🙂
Jocelyn says
Thanks for this post! My son generally gets up between 6:00 and 6:30 and rarely sleeps in. That puts bedtime and 7:00 or even earlier if he seems to need it. Every kid has different sleep patterns – it’s good to know them and work with them as soon as possible!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Agreed!
Mary Catherine says
My son’s almost 8, and he’s usually in bed about 7:30 still. He’s consistently an early riser (no matter when he goes to bed, he will wake up early). I am a HUGE believer in kiddos getting their sleep, so we keep to our routine as much as possible. When people first responded incredulously to this post, I couldn’t understand why – I don’t judge when other kids go to bed, but this has been the norm for us for years! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here 🙂
Lenura says
Totally agree. Same in our family, all three kids ages 7, 4.5 and 2yo go to bed around 7 pm. No matter how late they sleep ( if we go out, weekend night, day time naps) all of them wake up at 6 am, sometimes earlier, rarely later. From one side they need required rest and from another side – us parents need time to ourselves to unwind. I’ve been stay-at-home mother for last 7 years with at least one kid at home with me all the time, so by the evening I’m totally worn out and wait till kids have their rest – they are very tired as well ! I think it’s wrong to let kids sleep late at night and wake up late in the morning, first it’s not how our bodies were programmed from the very beginning of human race and second “late” doesn’t do any good to school kids and future adults who will have to wake up early for work.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yep- ours are the same. Bed at 7- wake at 7. Bed at 10- wake at 7. 🙂
Lisa says
I also put my children to bed by 7 EVERY night (I was the crazy person leaving a family party so my kids schedule stayed on track). My son ,11, has NEVER slept past 5am. He is a morning person but he NEEDS his sleep. My daughter 8,from the day I brought her home never took more than a 20. Minute nap and my son stopped napping the day I brought her home. She stopped napping completely at 12 1/2 months. I took A LOT of flack for our early bedtime decisions but my kids were tired! I’m NOT about to deal with a miserable tired child when there is an obvious answer. Bedtime!!
Plus I was a stay at home mother whose husband worked 3rd shift. This allowed us to have time alone and honestly after my 5am wake up I wanted a break! If I’m rested I’m a much more patient, kind, loving mother who LIKES to be with her kids. If you ignore your own needs and those of your partner you will end up with a very unhappy family.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree- our kids really need that sleep, too. When we are on vacation and they stay up late, it is very obvious that they are over-tired.
Lisa says
My question is this, why are you even defending yourself or feeling the need to explain? They are your children, my children also had early bed times, they need it, you need it after a busy day with 4 young children, why aren’t the parents who allow a 5 year old to stay up until 11:00 pm explaining themselves? Children need bed times, they need lots of sleep, putting them to bed early hurts nothing or no one, no explanation required.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 thanks.
Emma says
I have a 10 month old and I started putting her to bed at 3 months old at 7pm. Then when she was 6months old the clocks went backwards/forwards (I cant remember which!) and it messed it up so now she goes to bed at 6pm and wakes at 6am. A tad early for my liking!!! :0 Any ideas on how to get back to a 7pm bedtime…. when 6pm happens it’s like someone flicked a switch and she wants her bed NOW!!! Haha!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh no!! haha. The time change was really hard for us, too.
Leanne says
I put my 4 1/2 year old to bed at 7pm, as my mom always said “even if they’re not sleeping they’re resting”. She put all us to bed at that time and I’ve always stuck to it. Everything you said I agree with, you do what works best for you and your children.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
So true! I need to add that quote to that post. 🙂
Sandra says
My 6.5 year old daughter still needs 12 hours a night. She sleeps from 8-8 and even longer on the weekends. I would love to put her to bed earlier, but she has a hard time going to bed earlier.
My 8 year old son has always needed less sleep. He gets to stay up until 9 reading and sleeps until 7:30-8.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
8-8 is awesome! 🙂
Marjolein Cannon says
I don’t think you should have to explain anything you do with your children. It is nobody’s business. Thank you for your post.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
& thanks for your comment.:)
Kerri-Ann says
I do exactly the same and always have – our seven kids have always had bedtimes and with five left at home this is what we still do – 6&8 year old at 7.30, 14 yr old at 8.30 and 16yr olds x2 – 9.30….
It works perfectly for us – the older kids use some of their ‘extra’ time to have uninterrupted conversation with us – but for the most part they are doing what ever relaxes them – they are NOT to use it for study time – and that simply because I want them winding their brain down and not amount it up – I believe school is about getting ready for work life – neither me or my husband would bring our work home and be doing it right before bedtime – so instead kids come home from school – have a bit to eat and a ‘recess’ then inside to complete all study/assignment work – once homework is done the afternoon is theirs to go outside and play to their hearts content! They all make sure they are back in and ready for dinner at six…. Two littles bath before dinner so that they enjoy after dinner time to the fullest – the older ones use that as part of their wind down …. Sometimes sports training changes things up a little bit – but with planning and all working together it’s no problem at all! 🙂
All our kids have chores and schedules too – both hubby and I work but as a big family we always stick to our routine as much as possible and we all work together to keep moving forward towards fun! I love having fun with them all! x
As a mum of kids who are now 18 & 20.. Let me give you a big congratulations and tell you that you will be even more glad that you did this when they are older!!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I love the idea of giving the older kids extra time with you. I’ll keep that in mind!
Erica says
I think first, people really need to mind their business when it comes to how others raise their kids. We all do what works for us and not every person or family unit is the same. Secondly people need to realize we all run on different time schedules. While your kids start at 8am for school mine don’t start till 9am, there for we would lose an extra hour of family time, homework time, etc if we went to bed early. So we go to bed at 9. Everyone still gets 10+ hours of sleep , so it works for us. Just like early bedtime works for those who run on an earlier schedule. I don’t know why people must explain themselves to those who just can’t possibly understand this simple reasoning.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol – thanks!
Kasie says
When I had one child, I let him go to bed whenever he felt like it. I didn’t work and I coslept so it was not a big deal that he went to bed late with me. It worked out for us! When I went back to work, the late bedtime was not working anymore. I switched him to 7:00pm for bedtime and I woke him around 6:45 in the morning to get him out the door for daycare. Today and four years later, he is now in bed by 8. Half the time I am dragging him out of bed at 7. (This kid loves his sleep) I had twins two and a half years ago and I refuse to let them stay up late like their older brother did. Their bed time is 6pm. One of the twins sleeps until 7am (yes, 13 hours!) while his brother is pretty much all over the place (He’s a mess, sleep-wise). They hardly ever nap anymore. When they do, they go to bed at 9pm.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Ours are the same way – nap time means that they stay up a little later…
ps- 13 hours is great!
Kim says
I’m really glad that I took the time to read this post. To be honest, the title really put me off. This post was shared on facebook today and I usually don’t comment, but as I reading the comments, I felt bad for parents who were defending their parenting skills/style. My comment was that it is not so much what time, but how much as you have written here. For instance, I have a friend who has a preschooler and high schooler (who is involved in a lot of athletics). The preschooler takes long naps, but a very early bedtime is not possible within their family dynamic.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
exactly! 🙂
carrie says
I completely agree with this article, my kids have been on this type of schedule their whole lives. They are 10, 11, and 13 they get up between 5:45am and 6:30 am Mon thru Fri, they go to bed between 7 and 8 during the week..on weekends its free reign for them. Of course during their sports, their bed times change!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here 🙂
sammijo gryder says
I agree and disagree with you. But it’s more on the what works for you just like you said. My 2 girls are 3 and 4, in headstart and pre-k, and I do my best to have them in bed by 8pm everynight. My son’s 9, so he gets a extra 30 mins up. I do this so we can read together, play a game, etc so he gets his quality time with me without the little ones interrupting.
And yes you can tell when they went to bed late, or had to get up earlier than normal. Those are the times that work for my family. Each family is different.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
exactly!! 🙂 Doing what works for your family is the key to success.
Lauren says
I’m 11 yr old and I share room with my 7yo sister. Our bedtime is 7:00 pm and we can read until 7:30 pm. Mom then turns off the light in our room.
I think my bedtime is too early and my friends think also. They all are allowed to stay up much later. It’s unfair that I’ve the same bedtime as my little sister, .
But my mom says, your bedtime is always been 7pm, you can even read half an hour, you and your sister are used to this bedtimes. This is our routine and it will not be changed for the time being.
I’m afraid that I’m stuck with a 7pm bedtime for a long time.
So I think most 11 yr olds with a 7pm bedtime don’t like the early bedtime!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Thanks for leaving this comment.
Grisel says
I put my boys to bed @ 7PM too! I agree when they sleep enough they wake up more refreshed. I have tried letting them sleep @ 8PM on weekends but they still wake up early so if we’re home on weekends I put them to bed @ 7PM. During the week they’re always in bed by 7PM!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 We are the same way w/ the weekends.
Sally says
Hi. A friend sent me the link to your post. I found it really interesting as I was having this discussion with friends. I am a British expat living in Texas and my children are all in bed for 7pm (my daughter is actually in bed for 6.30pm each night!) 7pm is the standard bedtime back home- I was a teacher in a primary school (elementary equivalent) and all of my pupils went to bed at or around 7pm. It is totally the norm to go to bed at that time (children’s tv programming ends at this time too) Its a strange concept for me that children go to bed later here!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It seems normal to me, too. lol. I always went to bed early as a child and our kids just expect it and they wake up refreshed.
Erin says
My son is now 28 years old and about to be a father for the first time, and I will definitely be sharing this article. He went to bed by 7 PM until he was in fourth grade – then we went to 8 PM. It was junior high before we allowed 9:30. Since we started that early bed time when he was little, it was no problem. He was healthier for it, and my husband and I enjoyed our couple time each night. I wish more parents would take this to heart.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh congratulations to you (and your son!)
I agree- I wish so, too. Thank you.
Catherine says
Hi,
I could not agree more with your article. Some of my friends look at me oddly when I say that they are in bed for 7sh. You are right they are tired that is why they go to bed at that time. We do have some after school clubs that mean bedtime goes back a bit. We needed our me time. I know that some of my friends go to bed later than I do so may be they get that time just later in the evening. No one wants me to go to bed later, as I am grumpy when I don’t get my 8 hours. I wonder where the boys get it from 🙂 thank you for writing this article.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here- its not every night (when life gets in the way) but I do aim for 7. 🙂
Ps- your comment made me laugh!
Christie says
Our 6-year old first grader goes to bed between 8:30-9:00 and wakes at 8 am (generally on his own & pleasant) to get to school at 9. That’s 11-11 ½ hours of sleep. If I put him to bed at 7, he’d be awake at 5 and tired before he even got to school! The later bedtime is not only because he doesn’t have to get up until 8, but also because we have an older daughter involved in dance and some night its 7-7:30 before we get home, and most importantly because my husband leaves for work before the kids are awake and doesn’t get home until 7:15. It’s VERY important that we eat as a family (lots of research to support that too). Besides, my son, especially, would only see my husband on the weekends if he went to bed at 7! That time together as a family is crucial as well! No single rule works for all kids or all families.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I completely agree that eating as a family is important. Do what works best for your family (as I put in the post- different strokes for different folks) 🙂
Sonya says
I’ve always put my daughter to bed at 7 and caught a lot of flack. No one understands. But my little girl has never fell asleep in preschool or school.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here 🙂
Jennifer says
Our kids are now 12 and 13 and I still try to get them to bed at 7pm, this doesn’t work every night as they have outside activities and sport now but this has always been their bedtime and I hope it stays that way for a while longer. They now go to bed and read for a while but I always maintain “my parenting time is over by that time” and I can get on with other stuff I have to do. I have often had negative feedback but I don’t care, we all know our own kids best.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We get negative feedback, too, but it really works best for our family.
Marley says
@ Jennifer,
I think 7pm bedtime for ba 13yr old is ratherv weird. What do your 12 and 13yr old think about that bedtime? do they agree with it?
Allison says
Ask your pediatricians!!!! They prefer children have 10-12 hours sleep. They are growing, they need this! Do the research…. 7:00 pm is completely reasonable!
Jess says
Thanks for this! I also put my little guy down between 6:30-7. He is 14 months, but he set this bedtime around 6 months. I don’t think fighting a baby’s natural urge is a good idea. He does best with 12 hours at night and keeping him up later just makes for a meltdown!
Hayley says
I agree with you, it’s so Important that children have enough rest.
We were very lucky with our daughter, from the age of five weeks old she was sleeping through the night, 7pm to 6.30am and we have stayed with the 7pm bedtime routine.
It works well for us all, she is well rested and never gets cranky, unless she is poorly of course, And my husband and I have time to finally talk without any interruptions from little one.
If you find a routine that works, stick to it, it’s what suits you best as a family.
Linda says
My daughter is 3.5 years old and she goes to bed around 7:30 pm. I used to put her to bed at 7:00 pm and she would sleep straight through until 7:00 am the next day with a 1-2.5 hour nap during the day. These days, she sleeps less at night, so I put her to be a little later in order for her to sleep in a little later (which is usually 6:30 am). When I was in school I had to get her up at 6:00 am every morning and it was a real battle because she was still tired. I just finished school and am loving the fact that I can let her sleep in until she’s ready to get up, whatever time that may be. Kids really do need a lot of sleep.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agreed 🙂
Beki says
I just wanted to say I totally agree with the early, or as I call it normal, bed time. We start bed time at 7 for my three year old. She rarely has a nap during the day now and by that time is showing all the signs of being tired and ready to sleep. My husband does the whole bedtime routine and I go in for story time. This is balanced by me doing the mornings. I get half an hour to myself and he gets one on one fun time with her and we both get time together.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I love that balance!
Okatava says
OK, folks!i have a question for you.Do your children sleep all in one room? I have some trouble with my two boys, aged 3 and 1. As of 3 months we have real difficulties putting the eldest to sleep.He still naps during the day (1,5-2 hours).He seems to be tired at around 17 00 but then later on if I am putting him to bed at 19.00 or a bit earlier or later, doesn’t matter when, he is just not staying in bed, not falling asleep. He keeps walking out of the room.I keep bringing him back, and it sometimes takes 10 times or more and crying and whatever else….He used to wake up at 6 in the morning, sometimes he wakes up at 7 now. My youngest goes to bed at 6.30-7.00 r a tad later,depending on how late he slept during the day. But he is normally always asleep by 7.30. They are in separate rooms until now but we want to put them together soon.However I am not sure if it is good idea and how to do this best.If the oldest one ends up coming to our room to sleep (he has an extra mattress there) the youngest one often wakes up and can not settle on his own. So I am worried I can’t out them to bed at the same time in one room. One will always wake the other. Moreover in the morning the youngest one usually wakes up at 5.30-or sometimes at 6 but never later. If he starts crying (as he is very hungry by then and I need to give him a bottle of milk straight away!!!) I am afraid he will wake the older one…
Do you have any ideas for my situation??? Thanks, I appreciate any help!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I have this question set to go live on my Facebook page at 10:00 ESt. 🙂
Teressa blixsom says
We too aim to put our kids to bed early- usually between 6:30/7:00. This works for us and our children. They don’t necessarily have to go to sleep straight away but it is certainly ” wind down” time. The 9 yo stays up a bit later to about 8:30 but as the other 3 kids are only 6,4 & 3 & they are woken up at 6:00 am to leave home by 7:00( we live outside of town by 30 mins so there is travel for daycare/ school drop offs) we find this routine works for everybody in our household? What works for one family won’t work for another so no judgement here ?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, our oldest son is going to get an extra 30 minutes when he turns 9, too. 🙂
PS- our kids are very close in age!
Chandor says
Hi there, I have 2 boys 9 and 6. My 9 year old is an insomniac just like me. My husband also gets home later than the norm. 7pm does not work for us. My 6 year old goes to sleep at 8 an d 9 year old is a fight to get down at 9, because he simply is not tired. He also wakes frequently during the night. He is a perfectly happy, energetic boy during the day. I don’t judge anyone else on their kids sleeping habits, and I expect the same in return. Just because my kids are not in bed at 7 does not mean I am a bad parent. I must say I have never heard of anyone being judged for putting their kids to bed early, usually it’s a person like me who gets looked down on. We all do the best we can and what works for our families.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My husband and I both work from home, so it works for us. Different strokes for different folks- you really have to do what works for your family.
Rinnie says
My children are 10 & 12 years old. They have always had an early bed time. ALWAYS. 6:30 when young, then 7, then 7:30 for many years. In fact, now they are in their rooms by 8 pm and lights out by 8:30. This was hard work over the years. Here is what we did:
We didn’t really schedule night activities. If we attended an evening activity, we ate an early dinner, gave the kids baths, and did what we called “superman”. The kids put their pajamas on under their clothes (if it was a cooler season) if it was summer we took pjs with us. We always carry toothbrushes. Their aunt lives 45 minutes away, so when we’d go there on occasion for holidays, etc…they would take a bath around 6, pajamas on, they had toothbrushes there and we would put them in the car around 7-7:30. They were always easily transferable to the bed once we got home. Luckily for me, my Asian American children were always small for their age.
Now both kids have Scouts once a week until 8 pm, so they take a shower before hand and come home and got straight to bed.
Why do I do this? I had read that their developing brains need 10-12 hours of sleep for things to go into their long term memory. What was the result? My kids both excel at school, are both in the 99% for their age level for cognitive ability, math and verbal skills.
The worst comment I ever got was a friend telling another friend she keeps her kids up, because she likes them. I put my kids to bed early because I love them. Even when we are in a hotel, we turn the lights off early. We don’t talk for 20 minutes after they fall asleep because that is approximately how long it takes to fall into REM, a deeper sleep.
If we break from this routine, we definitely see a change in behavior. We keep this routine even when traveling and we travel a LOT. As a result, we have bright, knowledgable kids, we get comments on their excellent behavior and they know how to put themselves to sleep, which is the best gift you can give a child. I once watched a friend argue with her 7 year old daughter for 3 hours about going to bed, I watched another friend’s 8 year old daughter cling to her leg as she tried to head out for a 9:30 movie, while at Grandma’s house.
We like our lifestyle. It was hard work in the early years, but it has paid off.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Such great points!
Wendy says
Hi,
I liked your article. We have twin girls that are now 10 1/2 and going into the 5th grade. We have always had an early bedtime and once they started school, it was a strict 7 PM. Even my husband and I have a strict bedtime of 9 PM because we get up at 4 AM during the week. Our girls have to get up at 6 AM each morning for me to get to work on time. My husband and I both work, but luckily I am home with them everyday by 4:30. Although, the bedtime has worked, I do wonder how two parents who both work and don’t get home until about 6 or so every day would do this and am thankful I get to be home earlier to get dinner ready and help and check a tremendous amount of homework every night.
They have several friends who get to stay up much later (some brag about no bedtime at all) but our girls have never even questioned it because we have always been firm. They are very good children and do excellent in school every year. And although I have never judged what other people are deciding for their children, I do get remarks from other moms asking how I get my girls to bed at 7 every night – their child would never go to bed that early. Uhhh….I’m the parent!
I do notice my girls are talking a bit longer each night and I am going to change their bedtime to 7:30 PM this upcoming school year.
My husband gets less time with the girls than I do, but he plays more with them since I’m doing “mom” things..lol We have dinner together as a family every night and discuss our day and they get tucked in by both of us as well. They seem well adjusted and I like our routine 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That is so funny – my friend just said the same thing (that her husband does more “play” things because she does more “mom” things).
Sandra says
My kids are now 2 and 5 and they go to bed at about 8-8.30pm and wake up at 7am. They’re not sleepy at all, the 5 year old doesn’t take any naps and the 2 year old takes a 1-2 hour nap regardless of how much he’s slept during the night. Works for us. We want to spend some time with them during the week and they really appreciate/enjoy the time with us, this is crucial for their development. We have other rules, no TV, no electronic gadgets. On demand documentaries or movies on occasion is fine. This is mainly a cultural thing. In England kids have much less social interaction than in countries like France or Spain. You go to a park here in a glorious August day at 6pm and there’s not a soul. You do the same in Barcelona at 8-9pm and it’s full of families any day of the year, and the children and teenager attitudes look much healthier too. Similar thing in Australia. It has nothing to do with the weather, it’s the mentality, the extreme self-consciousness and the tendency to follow rules in the “modern” corporate culture impregnating every aspect of our lives.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes- you have to do what works best for your family. 🙂 My husband and I work from home full time, so we get to spend a lot of time with the kids (especially since we do most of our work when the kids are asleep). I think every family is different.
Married And Naked says
I think it is so fantastic that you make your marriage a priority! Many parents forget to do that!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks. 🙂
Anble M says
Best way for me to remember
Michelle says
This is a great article, and it’s really too bad that people give you a hard time about putting your kids to bed early. I have a teenager who absolutely needs her sleep, and then I have my youngest, who from day one, actually prior to day one (in the womb) was much more active and awake than most kids. She not only needs less sleep than most, she *thrives* on less sleep. I tried for years to get her to sleep more, and finally around age 3, I just gave in and let her stay up until 10pm. Now (at 4 years old) she wakes around 6 or 7 and at least she sleeps all night, but she’s not tired at all. She is extremely advanced academically, and doesn’t get tired during the day. She’s just one of the 2% of people in the world who thrive on very little sleep. Accepting that has given our family so much more peace, and me more sleep since I’m no longer waking for the day at 4am! Definitely different strokes!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m that way (I only need a few hours). 🙂 I think it is so different for each person/child.
aSma says
Very interesting article! My 2 and a half years old daughter would be happy to sleep at 7pm but then she deferentially wont nap the next day as you mentioned. I work from home so nap time is precious for me. However, once she goes to school, your tips will be very helpful. Thank you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m glad it helped. 🙂 (ps- I work from home, too, so I can relate) 🙂
lauren says
Personally I love spending time with my kids (3 & 4). Their father and I take them to daycare at 7:30am and they are still a little sleepy. We then pick them up after work @ 5:30pm. My kids don’t go to sleep until 10 even tho we put them down to sleep around 9. We usually let them watch a movie to go to sleep to and then turn it off once they are asleep. (Its not healthy for tv to be on while sleeping) I wouldn’t want to only spend 2 hrs with them a day. They are too interesting and cute and fun. My kids make the rest of the day great! Only seeing their cuteness for 2 hrs.. is just not long enough for me personally.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh, yeah… That would be hard to only see them for two hours a day.
Cale McCOllough says
You are abusive to your children. Read this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sleeping-angels/200905/how-much-sleep-do-children-actually-need… what if you were stuck in bet for 11 hours? How would you feel? Your back would hurt, and you wouldn’t sleep very good. Bottom line is you put your kids to bed early so that you will have time to yourself. You have no scientific evidence for your claims, and what evidence you do have is anecdotal. Kids need a regular sleep schedule, not a longer one. Kids need no more sleep than an adult, and you have a pretty heavy burden of proof to to get over to argue against that. The three questions are: would you feel tired when you woke up after that much sleep? Does the child fall asleep easily? Is the child tired and falling asleep at school? Parents all too often blame behavioral issues on lack of sleep (I know that my mom blamed everything on lack of sleep.), when really, that that you let your child behave poorly. People need to stop blaming things without scientific evidence.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks for the article, but our kids actually sleep past the 12 hours. Our daughter sleeps from 7:00 pm – between 8am & 10am, so even if I put her to bed late, keeping them in bed 11 hours is never an issue, because they sleep more than 11 hours naturally and always have. Their bodies need the sleep. To each their own.
Jen says
thank you for this article. I can’t believe how much guilt I get from neighbours and even my mother when I tell them my daughter goes to bed by 7pm. I’m always feeling like I have to explain myself! My daughter is one that has always needed 12-13 hours sleep. When she was a toddler she would often sleep up to 14-15 hours without waking! Since she started Kindergarten last year she is wiped when she gets home. So I’ve kept the same sleep schedule even though she is now six. We get in bed at 6:30 and read or talk and snuggle. When 7pm comes along she is out within 5 mins!
This is why I appreciate your thoughts because I was starting to second guess my decision based on so many negative opinions from other parents. But not anymore. My daughter is always in a good mood in the morning and the nights she does have to go to bed late, she is a grump. lol
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh, I know, but don’t feel guilty. We do what we know is best for our family. 🙂
Tressely says
our two year old has had a 7:00 bedtime for over a year now. It has worked out so well for us! We recently started pushing it until 7:30 because he is still napping during the day and was starting to wake very early when put to bed at 7:00. Our 3 month old nurses and goes down right after we get her brother in bed. If we stretch them because we aren’t home or have guests we really pay for it the next day in their moods. Everything is more difficult and stressful if they aren’t well rested.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here!!
Theresa says
My 15 year old has a very busy athletic schedule. But we are almost always home by 7:00pm. He goes to bed at 9:00pm almost every night. His friends are up till 10,11,12. He is up at 6:00am. Kids study and play hard they need there sleep.
Jennifer says
wow thanks for this post! I thought I was alone in putting my daughter to bed at 7:30. Unless her volleyball game is later which only 1 game a week or wednesday church which ends at 730. When we get home it is straight to bed. People get shocked when (afterthey ask) I tell them she is in bed at 730. Mine is one of thise who needs alot of sleep in order to get up in the mornings for school and be at school on time. Thanks for the article
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Mine, too!
Linda says
Both my boys were in bed early when they were this age, especially once they started school. My kids were done with naps by the time they were 2. My kids did get teased from time to time for having a bed time, but they were also the only ones that never missed the school bus or over slept and hardly got sick. No one knows your kids needs better than you. What may work for some may not work for others.
Jenn says
I couldn’t agree with this post more! And I have to admit that my son actually went to bed at 5:45 for a few months… 🙂
Jill F says
We’ve always done early bedtimes, sometimes to my kids’ dismay. We’ve always had to get them up around 6:15am each morning so early bedtimes are a must. However, what is probably more important is the consistency factor. There is so much research to support the need for a regular bedtime for kids and adults. We were those parents who’d leave an event in order to get our kids home in time for nap or bedtime. It was not always convenient but necessary. Kids thrive on routine. Thanks for sharing!
Cinthia says
I have a 3 year old and I started doing this since she was 6 month old. I started at 8pm and by 18 month she stopped napping so I changed it to 7pm. Some people think I’m crazy but that works wonders for me, and I know that’s the best for her.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Me, too! 🙂
Ella D says
Hi there, I know this is an old post but I just wanted to say “YAY!”. I’ve never encountered anyone that puts their kids to bed early so kinda excited to see your post! lol. For us it just makes sense (my husband only realised how much sense it made when the kids stayed up late and were just so emotional the next few days!). As you say, even if the kids go to bed late they always tend to wake up early (ours at 6am). People are often questioning me about putting my 2 kids to bed at 6:30 (asleep by 7). I’m never vocal about it but I wonder why others don’t. My niece (6) gets extremely tired yet my sister puts her to bed at 8:30 when in fact she is fine going to bed at 6:30 when she sleeps at our house and is so much more energised in the morning. My daughters best friend (4) goes to bed at 9:30pm and I just wonder when the parents get quiet time together!? He is always rushed to get to preschool in the morning as he sleeps in late also. I’m so happy with the sleeping habits we have formed and I love that they get up early as it allows for homework etc to be done when they are fresh and energised in the morning. So, basically just wanted to say thank you for sharing 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks!!! 🙂
fran says
my son is 3 he is in bed lights out by 8:30pm. he wakes up between 7am and 7:30am every morning and naps from 1:30pm to 3pm-3:30pm everyday. the longer naps happen more in the summer when we can run around outside. he’s very well behaved and helpful. we spent time figuring out the best schedule for everyone in the house and this has turned out to be how he sleeps the most. we are going with the times that provide maximum sleep. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
maJaz says
What a great article! Thanks for encouraging parents to go with an early bedtime for their kids. Growing up I always had to be in bed by 7ish (I even liked an early bedtime when I was in college!). As a single mom I was up at 4:30 or 5am and my daughter was at school/daycare by 7:30 then not home till 6 or 6:30 with dinner, homework and bathtime. I wanted to spend more time with my daughter but I couldn’t so I made regular things like fixing dinner, eating, bathtime our special time, making it fun. I always took time to read a few fun books and Gods word every night without fail. She did have one late night at choir each week. She needed the sleep and got quite crabby without it (I did too). She never did well with sleepovers and we couldn’t do evening activities any night past 8 (never!). It was tough socially but it’s what we had to do. She was always very healthy. Now she is an adult single mom and doesn’t like early bedtimes. She’s not the healthiest anymore and her daughter always has dark circles under her eyes -sigh- (but she’s healthy and thriving). I try not to nag her with the early-to-bed speech but it’s hard because I really believein it. (Maybe she’ll read this article. 🙂 ).
On the other hand I know some parents who have late night jobs (pro sports, entertainment business, food service) they don’t get home till midnight and certainly don’t want to get up at 7am! So their kids go to bed late and sleep later.
AND those kids and babies some people here have seen at Walmart at midnight often have parents who work in food service (dishwashers, servers, etc). They don’t get off work till 11pm or later, are too poor to have a babysitter stay with their kids at home so they have to pick up their kids after work and occasionally have to stop at the store for groceries since they might have just gotten paid.
Like you said…..whatever works for you.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
LOl. Maybe she’ll read it when she’s a mom. 😉
Lucy Pearson says
Hi, I love the idea of this but I seriously struggle with my 3 girls (8,6 and 3). They all sleep in the same room (no option on that one we don’t have the space) and although they are all in bed by 7.30 they muck around and play (even though they have no toys in the room they sleep in, we keep them in another room). We have tried all manor of trick, tips, star chart out right bribery but to no avail….. generally they only crash around 10pm which is ridicules in my book. They the sleep till 8 or 9am (if I let them). We have tried waking them at 6.30am but still despite doing this for a few weeks, 10pm still is crash point. Any ideas greatly appreciated. x
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I work on my computer until they fall asleep, if they are sharing a room (so about 15 min in there before they all fall asleep). If I leave them alone, they would stay up for hours just talking!
Caterina Brew says
Very helpful thanks
rebecca says
I have four children aged 1yr 3 yrs 4yrs and 5yrs, they are all in bed and fast asleep by half 5 / 6, they need get up at 7 and are non stop all day, they need lots of sleep or they get cranky the next day
Daisy Vang says
I love putting my son to bed early! I use to think it was just me and some parents are usually surprise that my son goes to bed that early. I totally agree with your reasoning why a earlier bed time is better. A happier, and healthier child is the best. Keep doing what you do! Great message to many parents who may want to consider an earlier bedtime for their kids.
Rebecca says
My son who is 19 months goes to bed at 6.30 to 7 for the same reasons he always wakes up by 7 and cranky if goes to bed later than that so I totally agree with you
Katherine says
I totally agree. Sleep is so important. My preschooler goes to bed about 8 but she is like me… A little bit of a night owl, so she will read (look at books) in bed until falls asleep which is about 9pm…she get up just before 7am on the weekend she gets up at 8am on her own. I wish I could do earlier… But I’m a full time working mom (outside of the home) and feel guilty I can’t spend enough time my little girl ?
Analesha says
This article is so good. Here in New Zealand 7pm is the most common bedtime for kids. Heck my 2 year old is sometimes in bed by 6 if he hasn’t napped that day. I encourage more parents to do it because the kids are happier and it is nice to have adult time at the end of the day.
Hillary says
I completely agree with you! My daughter is in bed at and asleep by 730 most nights. Research shows that kids between the age of 10 months-6 years should be in bed between 630pm-8pm. They should be getting 11-13 hours of sleep. So you are right on target! 🙂 it’s so important for kids to get the sleep they need!
Molly Donnelly says
My 4 kids always went to bed at 7 until around 3rd or 4th grade. We slowly transitioned to later times by letting them read in bed, but they had to get a minimum of 10 hours of sleep a night. They needed the sleep and I needed the break!
Misty says
How many working mother’s (I’m talking full time career here, not part -timers) put their kids to bed at 7? Considering my 8 month old isn’t usually even awake when I leave the house at 7 am, and I usually don’t arrive back at home until around 6 pm, I could never have her in bed that early. Call me selfish but it’s better for my child, and myself, to have longer than an hour a day together. She is always in bed by 9:30 and awake by 8 am. My husband stays at home while I work and she has a very consistent schedule. Works for us!
Rachel says
I totally get the WHY of it, but struggle with the HOW. By the time I get home from work 4:30/4:45, transition from the sitter, nurse the little one, get the kids settled so I can cook dinner, cook & eat…it’s often 7 (or later) when they’re done eating! Then the bedtime routine and the falling asleep seems to take quite a while (even longer if it’s a bath night). When they’re FINALLY asleep, it could be well after 9! At that point, I’m exhausted myself. My husband and I DON’T get that quality time that’s talked about AND the kids still get up early every day (avg. time 7 am). I’d love some practical advice.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It is really hard some nights. Most nights, I give them a bath before I start dinner, because the after-dinner rush is crazy. So I would get them home, etc… and give them a bath while dinner is in the oven (or do crock-pot meals). Then after dinner and teeth brushed, etc… everyone goes to their own room to look at a book in their bed until we come in.
Hope that helped!
Jess says
My kids are in bed by 6-6.30pm… They are 6 and 4 years old. My big boy gets to read until 7, but then lights out. They work their bodies and brains so much during the day, that by 6pm they’re beyond tired.
Plus!!! It’s my time! If they’re up late, I feel like I haven’t had enough time of my own to regroup! Having a 6month old aswell is exhausting… So good night my sweet babies! Mummy needs to put her feet up and switch her brain off!!!
Natalie says
My daughter is 12 nearly 13. The only reason she is up later is because of the sport she does . Brilliant children at least should be in bed if not asleep xx it helps . Well done xx
Mari says
Actually, research has shown that quality AND quantity time are important for children to feel grounded. That is one of the biggest reasons we homeschool. Our kids go to bed at 9:30 every night because my husband doesn’t get home from work until 7:30. I still make my younger two (age 4 and 5) have a quiet rest time during the day and they fall asleep every time. We’ve created a routine and we make sure we’re not running all over the place with them during the latter part of the day because that is when they need to rest. That’s what works for our family and our kids are flourishing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That is perfect. 🙂 My husband and I both work from home, so we can be finished by the time that the kids come home from school (around 3:00).
Samantha says
My daughter is 4, almost 5. She is in bed every night by 7 (or at least that’s what we shoot for). I work in surgery so I am up by 5am and she gets up at 5:30am because I have to be at work by 6:30am. She WANTS to go to bed then, she is a grouch the next day if she doesn’t get about 10 hrs. She goes to school from 8-3 and takes a 45 min nap. I completely agree with you about the early bed time. It makes such a difference. The days she is well rested she is my bright, happy girl but on the days she doesn’t head for the hills, a terror has been unleashed!!
I also agree that it is definitely case by case whether it works for each family. Mine happens to benefit.
Great post! ?
Amanda says
My son ( 7) is exhausted and delirious if I keep him up past 7. He is in bed at 6:30( with time to read) on a good day when we aren’t running behind from all the homework. It means we have no free time, but he us we rested for school. Even in bed that early, I have a super hard time waking him up the next day.
Your not kidding about the getting negative feedback. Friends and relatives constantly give me a hard time for it. It makes it hard to do things with them since their kids all go to bed at 830 – 9 and their kids are in after school stuff. Then there’s the sports. My kid wants to join them, but since after school ends so late sports stuff starts at 6pm here. I do jeep him up for scout night (starts at 6:30)
Ash says
That’s a great bedtime – 7pm. Most Americans put their kids to bed too late.
Elizabeth Warnock says
I Love this! My daughter is 6, in first grade, and goes to bed at 7. Last year in Kindergarten, she would got to bed at 6 or 6:30, and sleep all night! I hear comments – some joking, some not – about her early bedtime frequently. No matter the time she goes to sleep, she’s awake by 5:30 or 6 almost every morning. It drives me crazy when I’m around children who I know don’t get enough sleep, and the parents don’t understand or believe what a difference a earlier bedtime and /or more sleep can make!
Jen says
Thank you for your post! I am a kindergarten teacher and used some of your info for a parent night. I have four children and put them to bed between 6:00 and 6:30. We too have received a lot of negative feedback when we tell other people. After I shared that tonight, one of the parents thought I was “ridiculous”. Because of what I shared, sleep was a hot topic during our small group discussions. We will definitely touch on the topic of sleep again at one of our future nights. I will be coming back to your blog to share some more.
Andre says
Most of a child’s brain development apparently happens before midnight, so more time spent asleep before 00:00 means a better chance of maximal development taking place.
When kids don’t sleep enough today, they are cranky 2-3 days later. Most people don’t recognize that link, and therefore they never fix the cause. We’ve tested that theory and find it to be 100% accurate!
My wife works shifts, 07:00-19:00 so the kids don’t get to see much of her on her work days, but I still try have them in bed by the time she gets home at around 19:20. That means she gets to kiss them good night and have a quick chat, which sucks for all involved, BUT she gets to spend quality time with rested and happy kids during her off days.
But as said already, each family to his own 😉
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Ahhhh… makes so much sense!
MommyAmanda says
We do the exact same thing except at 7:30. This is for our younger kids ages 2,4, and 7. For our 9 year old her bed time is 8PM while our 11 year old goes to bed at 8:30PM. As they get older they get the extra time as a privilege and not automatically. Anyway, it’s worked well for us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Agreed!
Jessica says
I’m thinking my son needs an earlier bedtime. He’s newly 4 and new to a no-nap schedule. He’s up at 6/6:30 everyday. He falls asleep super easily by 7, sometimes even falling asleep while we’re reading stories. He’s having a terrible time listening lately too.
I think I’m going to try to move it up to 6:30 from 7, as early as that is.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 It might help – my friend’s daughter had a bedtime of 6:00. It seemed so early, but she was always happy and slept all night (6:00 pm- 8:00 am).
Janelle says
How. How can I get my kids in bed. I struggle every single night. My husband owns a restaurant and is usually still at work so I am trying to get a nursing toddler and my 3 year old down simultaneously. If I’m nursing the little one to sleep in our bed (we are still co-sleeping) then the other gets up and is roaming the house. If I go in to put him back in bed he starts crying and wailing. Then she starts crying and wailing. And the back and forth goes on and on and on. I’m ready to just say “ok it’s lights out”, and shut and lock the door and ignore the screaming. I’m exhausted. It takes 3 hours sometimes. Help!!!
When I was a kid you went to bed or you got yelled at by dad. We did what we were told. I’m trying to be a more loving, nurturing parent but it’s not helping me have time to myself which I desperately need.
Katrina Head says
I will just say that I have had this policy for all my years as a parent. I have 5 children now ages 14-27 years old. My three youngest children still living at home go to bed no later than 8-8:30. They don’t usually mind. My son who is heading off to college next year has extended his to 10 pm these days, but no later.
Kids need their sleep! It makes it so easy for my kids to get up at 6 am. Not repeat knocking on their doors or telling them “get up now or we will be late” They do have their late nights on the weekends, but school nights it is the rule. No electronics after 8 either. Phones, and computers stay with me. I have healthy, rested, well-rounded kids and love it!
Emma says
Hi! I just came across your post and I am loving your blog! I read through most questions so I hope this wasn’t already asked… I’d love to hear what time you go to bed and wake up in the morning. Do you usually shower, dress, makeup…before you come down to fix breakfast? Also what sound machine do you recommend? I assume you use blackout curtains and is there a night light you suggest? 🙂 sorry for all the questions! I find this sooooo helpful! I was keeping my kids up to see daddy but it ended up being a big mess every night! …Ok, Im off to read more of your posts!
Usercat13 says
9 Year old goes to bed at 11pm-midnight but school is from 1-5pm and it works
Jenn says
We’ve always had a 6:30pm bedtime for the younger kids.
Nowadays the younger ones (2, 4 and 7 yr old) go still at 6:30 in bed, while the oldest girls (9 and 11) can “stay up” until 7pm and can read in bed until 7:30pm. So they all can sleep early, and the two big girls are happy that they can stay up later than the little siblings.
archiwum.e-misja.org.pl says
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Nicky Ellis says
Hello, Becky!
I remember so much my mom in you. She’d always put us to sleep in a specific time every night. I remember it’s usually at 9 in the evening. I brought that sleeping attitude with me until university. Makes me more productive and efficient! Good job!
Regards,
Nicky
Jessica says
My kids definitely do better with an early bedtime too! And if we get off track we regret it so much!!! Kudos for 7pm bedtime!!! Not to mention there’s plenty of studies that support your bedtime so you’ve got that going for you too, lol! 🤗👍
Lauren says
This is a great plan! I’ve always put a high priority on my kiddo’s getting a early enough bed time. I completely agree with the sleep/immune system connection. I’ve read that poor sleep can actually stunt growth! As kids get into Middle School, they still need good sleep. My 12 year still has an 8:30 bedtime (sometimes earlier). Middle schools are dealing with extra stresses of that age, academically and socially. Poor sleep is connected to Depression (on the rise with tweens…). Also NO electronics in the room, especially at night. Since there’s so much homework online now, we use the amber screen filters on our computers and iThings. It’s the blue screen hues that apparently can block melatonin productio (sleep hormone) – that goes for adults too!
Linh says
Hi Becky. Could you please tell me whether your kids drink milk during their 12 hours sleep?
Is it fine if they sleep that long without drinking or eating?
These are my burning questions as when my little girl sleeps long hours during winter, I see her lips turn dry and it seems she does not sleep well.
Thanks for your sharing.
Linh
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Mine don’t. :). When they were younger, they probably did (mine never slept through the night until they were over one year old, except for one of our kids). Now, they get a bigger snack before bed (usually carnation instead breakfast & some fruit) and then they wake up & eat right away. 🙂
Jessica says
I have 3 boys (10, 8,8 ) they go to their beds at 7pm on a weeknight but can read or watch TV quietly until 830. On a weekend they still go to their beds at 7 but I do not turn their tv off or make them go to sleep at any certain time those days. They always fall asleep by 930 the latest on a weekend. No matter the bedtime they all wake up by 530 am so doesn’t really matter lol
kinderbett says
Thank you for this post. Very useful!
Linda says
My kids are mow in their 30’s. This is almost exactly what I did when they were young. Quality over quantity is great for all involved.
Margrethe says
In Norway (where I live) it’s common to put young children to bed between 18.30 and 19.00, and we have always done that with all three of our kids. I see only positive effects from this: the kids are rested for the next day, which in turn makes every day easier (and they are almost never sink) and we parents get some grown up time. In Norway I don’t think you would ever see anyone raising an eyebrow at you for putting your children to bed around 19.00.
Evelyn Bray says
Great read! My oldest is almost 7 and she never falls asleep before 9. But my youngest is 4 and he needs a good 12+ hours and he definitely does better with more regular, early sleep that’s for sure. We hang out with a family that stays up really late (even the toddlers), and it’s hard to transition between the nights with them and our regular schedule. The more sleep they get the better!
Sarah says
We have always done early bedtime with our children. My daughter is 4 and on days she doesn’t nap is asleep y 730. My 8 year old goes to bed by 730 or 8. We live in a neighborhood full of similar age kids who are awake until 10 or 11. My son is starting to ask, why can’t I stay up and go out and play. How do you answer that even on weekends when there is no school?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I just say that they go to bed early. Even now, our 9-year-old is in bed at 7:00. When his friend comes over to play later, I just say that he is already showered & in his room reading or sleeping. He has never minded the early bedtime, and he feels much better going to bed at this time.
Natasha says
My 19 month old daughter wakes up at 6am every day, no matter when she goes to sleep. Because of this, we put her to sleep at 6pm every night. If she stays up past 6pm, she wakes up all night and gets up at 6am in a horrible mood. I CONSTANTLY am made to feel guilty about this. I put her health and well-being before myself. That is the choice I make as a mother. And my kid sleeps 6pm-6am. I don’t know why people think it’s any of their concern. If you care so much, come hang out with my in my living room while my kid sleeps upstairs.
Maria says
Great post. Thanks for sharing. keep posted.
Mary Nicole says
Really Great post thank you for writing. Usually, my kid almost 3 years old and goes to bed at 9 pm. I will try to put him on the bed at 7 pm and will have quality time with my partner.
Zoe Campos says
It’s good to know that you aim to put your children to bed near 7 in the evening. I’m having a hard time making them sleep because my sons are really active, but I guess I have to find new ways. Maybe I can buy some storybooks that I can read at bedtime.