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I have been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share it with you… that moment when you realize that you are done having babies and you are closing that chapter.
UPDATE: This post was originally written several years ago, but it was on my heart to share it again, so here it is again… WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU’RE DONE HAVING BABIES…
Last night, while we were out to eat with our four kids, I looked over at the booth across the room from our table. I saw a mom with her two teenage daughters. I saw them laughing together, and I saw the girls interacting with each other, making faces that only the other one would understand.
I leaned in and whispered to my husband… “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sister for Allie? “
The look that he gave back to me told me his answer (I had five very high-risk pregnancies, one ending in a loss~ read that story here).
(This was us in 2012… finding out that she was a girl.)
I am slowly learning that although he has always agreed to four children and I always knew that this was our “magic number,”… you know, the one that we both agree on? I still had that little thought in my mind… what about one more?
I think that coming to terms with the fact that you are done having babies is hard, whether this is after you have had one baby or 18 babies… realizing that this is your LAST baby is something to stop you, to make you think, to make you appreciate and miss what you had and have.
The last time that you felt that first flutter in your belly- the one that felt like tiny butterfly wings on the wall of your uterus.
The last time that I ran to the bathroom after my husband burnt something in the kitchen because my pregnancy hormones were not letting me handle any smells out of the norm.
The last time that our sons would put their hands on my belly and wait for their sibling to kick it away.
The last time that I watched my stomach move while our baby changed positions.
The last time that our baby, in my belly, would kick my husband’s back while I slept during the night (our babies were always so active at night).
The last time I would be rushed to the hospital was in the middle of the night.
The last time that I would be told to push or that I would say, “I can do this without pain medication,” only to cry halfway through, telling my husband that it was such terrible pain and asking, “Why did I wait so long to ask for an epidural?”
The last time that I would hold a brand new baby while they got used to being OUTSIDE of the womb…
The last time that I would bring a new baby home, visitors would tell me that he/she was “the tiniest baby I ever held” (our babies were small- 5 lbs., 4 lbs., 7 lbs., and 6 lbs.)
The last time that I would nurse a baby, while rubbing that soft baby head with what felt like duck fuzz instead of hair, and listen to their little breath and grunt as they swallowed each sip of milk (that tiny, unintended smile that they have when they are falling asleep with a full belly)
Yes, the last baby is a hard chapter to close in the book of life.
I guess what it really means is that we are getting older. Gone are the days when we spent a lifetime dreaming of these things… engagements, weddings, pregnancy, and birth. From the time that I was in elementary school, I can remember pretending to be pregnant (Pillow under my shirt). You spend so many years dreaming of those days… and they come and go so quickly!
Getting older for me means getting older for everyone else, too. No more first steps, or first hugs, or first kisses. I won’t watch a baby cringe the first time that I place them in the funny-feeling sand~ at the same place where I first met the beach.
Or, on that same day, discover how much fun it can be to play in the sand and look out at the ocean.
I won’t swing them over the ocean when they are tiny enough to let me lift them high enough to let those little toes touch the water barely.
And, my children will not know my maternal Grandparents (the reason that we know & love the beach as we do), because as we got older, so did they.
So, while not having any more children symbolizes all of these things for me, we are moving on from those days.
We are moving into our middle years: adventures, laughs, real conversations with our kids, seeing their dreams become reality. I can watch their relationships grow and watch them bond, as more than siblings, but as friends…
As my husband says “Its time to close that chapter of the book.”
While the thought of not being in the baby stage is sad for me, because I do love it so, I am so excited for what is to come. Tonight we went out to dinner and we had a great time (It is getting easier to go out to eat as they get older). Even our toddler was just sitting beside me in the booth, eating her dinner. We all just talked.
I can only imagine how much fun life will be as they continue to grow and we can continue to connect with them in ways that we didn’t realize.
It might not be by singing a lullaby or by tickling their piggy toes… it will be by listening to them, taking an interest in what they are interested in, and learning from them while they learn from us- becoming their friends as they age.
So, I am ready to close that chapter… because if you thought that chapter was good, just you wait…♥
I’d love to invite you to join my free one-on-one time Challenge. I will send you this calendar, along with daily e-mails with tasks, advice, and inspiration so you can have a relationship with your children that you always envisioned.
In the meantime, enjoy the beautiful babies that you have raised… and look forward to your FUN life ahead, filled with joy, love & laughter.
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We are on our last one 🙁 also a 4th
I know- isn’t it hard to know that?
You made me cry because me too… I am done having my kids after my fourth. Four c-sections and almost losing my life and our baby later… there is sadness but at the same time thankful that God gave me four children when we had struggled with our first one and were told that I’d never be parents. We lost one too. Beautiful post!
Exactly how I feel.
Our 3rd is just over 8 months old. I had 3 complicated pregnancies, but my deliveries were amazing until my 3rd. When I had her, I ended up with an emergency c-section because we were losing her, and unfortunately, the c-section caused me to lose a lot of blood and almost die on the table. I’m still (over 8 months later) trying to recover from her birth. I would love to have one more, but both my hubby and I are afraid of having to go through a difficult pregnancy/delivery again. The more I look at our children, the more I want one more, but the more I realize that I probably won’t be able to safely. I want to cry anytime I think that she’s probably our last child. I bawled while reading your post. I absolutely loved it. It’s a good way to look at the future. Thanks for posting and letting me share my story.
This sounds just like my best friends story, too.
I loved your post. It made me cry. I’m in my seventh month of pregnancy. I’ve a beautiful one year old boy, and we are expecting another boy. This is my sixth pregnancy. I’m 39 so I know this will be my last. We’re so thankful that after all we’ve been through, we have now the opportunity to rise and love to little boys. We have to close this chapter but better things are coming.
Well said…
I have three kids. Two boys and a girl. I knew once I found out she was a girl I was done. My husband and I talked about and it just felt like the right time. We named her Emma which I later discovered to mean “whole or complete”. That’s exactly how I felt when she was born. I think about another one from time to time but my tubes are tied and honestly I hated being pregnant. It was not fun for me. I love my kids and am grateful to God for each of them , only if He wants would I have another one.
That’s what we’ve said, too- (about if He decides we will have more) 🙂
ps- love the name Emma.
Great read. So happy I found it. I am now a Grandmother which is such an amazing adventure. But after 4 pregnancies, that were difficult and had me in the hospital on bed rest from 12 weeks on, 4 c-sections, and 4 preemies (35 week 6lb, 28 week 2 1/2 lbs, 34 week 4 lb, and 34 week 4 lb) I technically knew I was finished. It saddened me greatly but has my tubes tied. We had 3 girls and then a boy. 3 months later, at a routine check up…….I found out I was pregnant!!!!!!!! What?? How?? OMG!!!! I have never been so shocked. Another bed rest pregnancy, then at 29 weeks my uterus ruptured. Thankfully for amazing doctors and nurses we both survived. Another tiny preemie, but healthy at 3 lbs. My sons are not quite a year apart. Life was pretty crazy and hectic for more than a few years LOL, especially when we learned our youngest son was Autistic. But I wouldn’t change a darn thing. And even after all of that……knowing #5 was for sure my last was difficult.
Oh my goodness- a ruptured uterus?! That is what put us on bed rest with #3 & #4 – well, just the ‘threat’ of it, but it never happened to us. I can’t believe that you are both alive?! That’s amazing.
I love your story.
My husband said to me the other day, “There’s time for one more before you’re 40”!! I wouldn’t mind having another but I don’t want to be pregnant (I had 1 miscarriage, 2 threatened miscarriages and with #4 morning sickness still at 41 weeks!) and I don’t want to go through labour again. It makes me a little bit sad that they are growing up, but it’s nice seeing them grow and change. I never thought I would be so blessed as to have 4 little sons.
🙂 agreed…
I had two children in their 20’s but also had four pregnancy losses. In my forties, I still was not able to close that chapter in my life, so my husband, who had no children of his own, and I sought infertility treatment. I delivered two beautiful healthy babies, a boy and a girl, at age 47! It is much harder to parent at this age, but God is good and each day is a blessing.
Wow!! that’s wonderful!
I have 2 kids. They are 7 and 4. I miscarried before each of them and again after my 4 year old. I always thought I would have at least 3 and now that I am 36 it has been a little sad for me to think that we are done having babies in our home. However, where we are in life right now is also fun. I know many people who have not been able to experience the miracle of birth from their own body so I keep trying to remind myself that I have been blessed beyond measure and to always be thankful for what I have been given! But hey, you never know what could happen! For now I want to be happy and content where I am and if ever there came a surprise that would be great too!
yes- I agree. (our kids are similar in age)
Thank you for this. Growing up I’ve always said 6 would be my number! Then, at 22 we had a very unexpected surprise. A few complications (hospitalized for severe hyperemesis twice… Complete with a pic line, and feeding tube) we decided we would wait a while for the second. Well, Life happens… My sons dad and I split. Still, feeling like I had all the time in the world, years quickly passed. I’m now 34, and my boyfriend of 2 years was “fixed” before we met. He’s mentioned a reversal, but I can see it’s not really what he wants. He does have 2 children, and although they are wonderful, realizing I’ll never hear “mommy” again, or as you mentioned feeling those little kicks, is really starting to sink in. (Especially with my brother having his second son days ago) Your post had me tearing up, but I really needed the encouragement. I DO have other things to look forward to. Thank you. 🙂
I’m so glad that it helped. Keep on keepin’ on 🙂
Even with as hard as life is with 4 kids ages 5 and under, I try to savor the every day. I can’t believe AK is already 11 weeks old (tomorrow). It goes by so fast. My husband and I always talked about five, although I’ve been thinking lately that an even number would be better as they get older to partner up at theme parks and the such, but I’m at my breaking point with four right now. I’m sure it will get easier as they get older. I hope I’m not finished, but I’m also 35. Feel free to come visit for a baby fix :).
lol ~ Thanks!!! I can’t believe its already been 11 weeks?!
So sweet! Your love for children just comes across in this post. Absolutely love this! And yes, you are right. It’s a sad day when you know you are done, but there are also wonderful things to look forward to and enjoy. I am enjoying some right now! 🙂
🙂
This almost made me cry😢. I have 3 boys 7,6,4 and a girl who’s 3. Were done having children even though I’m only 27. It’s so bittersweet remembering everything that’s passed and and moving into a new chapter. I can’t help thinking, are we being selfish not giving her a sister? Although, her sassy personality probably wouldn’t like a sister anyway 😜. I miss all those beautiful moments of holding a new baby, feeding them, spending those quiet sweet moments alone with them in the middle of the night💔 But we both agreed we’re done. When she was born it was the most perfect our family had ever felt💖
This couldn’t be more perfect timing for me to read! We just had some dear friends give birth to their first daughter last night and I have been so emotional. We have three but I think I’d be ok with having 3 more! My husband however is content (and mostly set on) stopping with the 3. He hasn’t said no way to more but I can tell by his face and tone that he is done. I will respect that completely ( unless God makes a miracle happen out of our control of course) but it still is hard for me to swallow. I love all of the moments you mentioned above and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to say goodbye to it
I know- it is really hard to let go of that…
Well said. I kind of needed to hear that today. I am 7 months pregnant and have one 17 month old. I know this will be our last child. I had a difficult first pregnancy that ended in an emergency c-section that saved our daughters life. I’m pregnant with our second little girl and it’s bittersweet to know that It will be the last. My husband and I have realized that we will never get to know what it’s like to have a little boy of our own and go through those phases, but I am blessed beyond measure to have two little ladies (soon). I think about some of my family that would give anything just for one child of any gender and I consider myself fortunate to experience pregnancy twice. Thinking about what adventures our little family has to come is what I’m trying to focus on these days instead of dwelling on what will never be again. I cherish those little stages that are in the past and don’t take them for granted, but I am excited for what’s to come too. Thanks for sharing what I know a lot of us ladies go through.
Oh how wonderful to have your kids so close!
I did not see any of the lucky dad’s post their comments. But here I am. To let all you brave and courageous moms know that your toil and pain is so very much appreciated! For me, my wonderful wife’s delivery of my (only) beautiful boy in my 51st year is the gift that just keeps giving. He manages to keep me young and interested each and every day of his now 7 year old world. Moms are the greatest! Thanks for your post Becky. Thanks for all the comments moms!!
Thank you!!