I have been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share it with you… that moment when you realize that you are done having babies and you are closing that chapter.
UPDATE:
A few years ago I wrote this post & tonight it was on my heart to share it again, so here it is… ⇓
Last night, while we were out to eat with our four kids, I looked over at the booth across the room from our table. I saw a mom with her two teenage daughters. I saw them laughing together and I saw the girls interacting with each other, making faces that only the other one would understand.
I leaned in and whispered to my husband… “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sister for Allie? “
The look that he gave back to me told me his answer (I had five very high-risk pregnancies, one ending in a loss~ read that story here).
(This was us in 2012… finding out that she was a girl.)
I am slowly learning that although he has always agreed to four children and I always knew that this was our “magic number”… you know, the one that we both agree on? I still had that little thought in my mind… what about one more?
I think that coming to terms with the fact that you are done having babies is hard, whether this is after you have had one baby or 18 babies… realizing that this is your LAST baby is something to stop you, to make you think, to make you appreciate and miss what you had and have.
The last time that you felt that first flutter in your belly- the one that felt like tiny butterfly wings on the wall of your uterus.
The last time that I ran to the bathroom after my husband burnt something in the kitchen because my pregnancy hormones were not letting me handle any smells out of the norm.
The last time that our sons would put their hands on my belly and wait for their sibling to kick it away.
The last time that I watched my stomach move while our baby changed positions.
The last time that our baby, in my belly, would kick my husband’s back while I slept during the night (our babies were always so active at night).
The last time that I would be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night.
The last time that I would be told to push or that I would say “I can do this without pain medication” only to cry halfway through, telling my husband that it was such terrible pain and asking why did I wait so long to get an epidural.
The last time that I would hold a brand new baby while they got used to being OUTSIDE of the womb…
The last time that I would bring a new baby home and visitors would tell me that he/she was “the tiniest baby I ever held” (our babies were small- 5 lbs., 4 lbs., 7 lbs., and 6 lbs.)
The last time that I would nurse a baby, while rubbing that soft baby head with what felt like duck fuzz instead of hair, and listen to their little breath and grunt as they swallowed each sip of milk (that tiny, unintended smile that they have when they are falling asleep with a full belly)
Yes, the last baby is a hard chapter to close in the book of life.
I guess what it really means is that we are getting older. Gone are the days when we spent a lifetime dreaming of these things… engagements, wedding, pregnancy, and birth. From the time that I was in elementary school, I can remember pretending to be pregnant (Pillow under my shirt). You spend so many years dreaming of those days… and they come and go so quickly!
Getting older for me means getting older for everyone else, too. No more first steps, or first hugs or first kisses. I won’t watch a baby cringe the first time that I place them in the funny-feeling sand~ at the same place where I first met the beach.
Or, in that same day, discover how much fun it can be to play in the sand and look out at the ocean.
I won’t swing them over the ocean when they are tiny enough to let me lift them high enough to barely let those little toes touch the water.
And, my children will not know my maternal Grandparents (the reason that we know & love the beach as we do), because as we got older, so did they.
So, while not having any more children symbolizes all of these things for me, we are moving on from those days.
We are moving into our middle years: adventures, laughs, real conversations with our kids, seeing their dreams become reality. I can watch their relationships grow and watch them bond, as more than siblings, but as friends…
As my husband says “Its time to close that chapter of the book.”
While the thought of not being in the baby stage is sad for me, because I do love it so, I am so excited for what is to come. Tonight we went out to dinner and we had a great time (It is getting easier to go out to eat as they get older). Even our toddler was just sitting beside me in the booth, eating her dinner. We all just talked.
I can only imagine how much fun life will be as they continue to grow and we can continue to connect with them in ways that we didn’t realize.
It might not be by singing a lullaby or by ticking their piggy toes… it will be by listening to them, taking an interest in what they are interested in, learning from them while they learn from us- becoming their friends as they age.
So, I am ready to close that chapter… because if you thought that chapter was good, just you wait…♥
I’d love to invite you to join my free one-on-one time Challenge. I will send you this calendar, along with daily e-mails with tasks, advice, and inspiration so you can have a relationship with your children that you always envisioned.
In the meantime, enjoy the beautiful babies that you have raised… and look forward to your FUN life ahead, filled with joy, love & laughter.
MORE POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE: (click the picture to be taken to the page)
Nicolette Roux says
We are on our last one 🙁 also a 4th
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I know- isn’t it hard to know that?
Aysh says
You made me cry because me too… I am done having my kids after my fourth. Four c-sections and almost losing my life and our baby later… there is sadness but at the same time thankful that God gave me four children when we had struggled with our first one and were told that I’d never be parents. We lost one too. Beautiful post!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Exactly how I feel.
Julie says
Our 3rd is just over 8 months old. I had 3 complicated pregnancies, but my deliveries were amazing until my 3rd. When I had her, I ended up with an emergency c-section because we were losing her, and unfortunately, the c-section caused me to lose a lot of blood and almost die on the table. I’m still (over 8 months later) trying to recover from her birth. I would love to have one more, but both my hubby and I are afraid of having to go through a difficult pregnancy/delivery again. The more I look at our children, the more I want one more, but the more I realize that I probably won’t be able to safely. I want to cry anytime I think that she’s probably our last child. I bawled while reading your post. I absolutely loved it. It’s a good way to look at the future. Thanks for posting and letting me share my story.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
This sounds just like my best friends story, too.
Rocío says
I loved your post. It made me cry. I’m in my seventh month of pregnancy. I’ve a beautiful one year old boy, and we are expecting another boy. This is my sixth pregnancy. I’m 39 so I know this will be my last. We’re so thankful that after all we’ve been through, we have now the opportunity to rise and love to little boys. We have to close this chapter but better things are coming.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Well said…
Katy says
I have three kids. Two boys and a girl. I knew once I found out she was a girl I was done. My husband and I talked about and it just felt like the right time. We named her Emma which I later discovered to mean “whole or complete”. That’s exactly how I felt when she was born. I think about another one from time to time but my tubes are tied and honestly I hated being pregnant. It was not fun for me. I love my kids and am grateful to God for each of them , only if He wants would I have another one.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s what we’ve said, too- (about if He decides we will have more) 🙂
ps- love the name Emma.
Cathryn Hanson says
Great read. So happy I found it. I am now a Grandmother which is such an amazing adventure. But after 4 pregnancies, that were difficult and had me in the hospital on bed rest from 12 weeks on, 4 c-sections, and 4 preemies (35 week 6lb, 28 week 2 1/2 lbs, 34 week 4 lb, and 34 week 4 lb) I technically knew I was finished. It saddened me greatly but has my tubes tied. We had 3 girls and then a boy. 3 months later, at a routine check up…….I found out I was pregnant!!!!!!!! What?? How?? OMG!!!! I have never been so shocked. Another bed rest pregnancy, then at 29 weeks my uterus ruptured. Thankfully for amazing doctors and nurses we both survived. Another tiny preemie, but healthy at 3 lbs. My sons are not quite a year apart. Life was pretty crazy and hectic for more than a few years LOL, especially when we learned our youngest son was Autistic. But I wouldn’t change a darn thing. And even after all of that……knowing #5 was for sure my last was difficult.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh my goodness- a ruptured uterus?! That is what put us on bed rest with #3 & #4 – well, just the ‘threat’ of it, but it never happened to us. I can’t believe that you are both alive?! That’s amazing.
I love your story.
Anna says
My husband said to me the other day, “There’s time for one more before you’re 40”!! I wouldn’t mind having another but I don’t want to be pregnant (I had 1 miscarriage, 2 threatened miscarriages and with #4 morning sickness still at 41 weeks!) and I don’t want to go through labour again. It makes me a little bit sad that they are growing up, but it’s nice seeing them grow and change. I never thought I would be so blessed as to have 4 little sons.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 agreed…
Carol says
I had two children in their 20’s but also had four pregnancy losses. In my forties, I still was not able to close that chapter in my life, so my husband, who had no children of his own, and I sought infertility treatment. I delivered two beautiful healthy babies, a boy and a girl, at age 47! It is much harder to parent at this age, but God is good and each day is a blessing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow!! that’s wonderful!
Jenn says
I have 2 kids. They are 7 and 4. I miscarried before each of them and again after my 4 year old. I always thought I would have at least 3 and now that I am 36 it has been a little sad for me to think that we are done having babies in our home. However, where we are in life right now is also fun. I know many people who have not been able to experience the miracle of birth from their own body so I keep trying to remind myself that I have been blessed beyond measure and to always be thankful for what I have been given! But hey, you never know what could happen! For now I want to be happy and content where I am and if ever there came a surprise that would be great too!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
yes- I agree. (our kids are similar in age)
JayDee says
Thank you for this. Growing up I’ve always said 6 would be my number! Then, at 22 we had a very unexpected surprise. A few complications (hospitalized for severe hyperemesis twice… Complete with a pic line, and feeding tube) we decided we would wait a while for the second. Well, Life happens… My sons dad and I split. Still, feeling like I had all the time in the world, years quickly passed. I’m now 34, and my boyfriend of 2 years was “fixed” before we met. He’s mentioned a reversal, but I can see it’s not really what he wants. He does have 2 children, and although they are wonderful, realizing I’ll never hear “mommy” again, or as you mentioned feeling those little kicks, is really starting to sink in. (Especially with my brother having his second son days ago) Your post had me tearing up, but I really needed the encouragement. I DO have other things to look forward to. Thank you. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m so glad that it helped. Keep on keepin’ on 🙂
Whitney says
Even with as hard as life is with 4 kids ages 5 and under, I try to savor the every day. I can’t believe AK is already 11 weeks old (tomorrow). It goes by so fast. My husband and I always talked about five, although I’ve been thinking lately that an even number would be better as they get older to partner up at theme parks and the such, but I’m at my breaking point with four right now. I’m sure it will get easier as they get older. I hope I’m not finished, but I’m also 35. Feel free to come visit for a baby fix :).
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol ~ Thanks!!! I can’t believe its already been 11 weeks?!
Alison Wood says
So sweet! Your love for children just comes across in this post. Absolutely love this! And yes, you are right. It’s a sad day when you know you are done, but there are also wonderful things to look forward to and enjoy. I am enjoying some right now! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Reba says
This almost made me cry😢. I have 3 boys 7,6,4 and a girl who’s 3. Were done having children even though I’m only 27. It’s so bittersweet remembering everything that’s passed and and moving into a new chapter. I can’t help thinking, are we being selfish not giving her a sister? Although, her sassy personality probably wouldn’t like a sister anyway 😜. I miss all those beautiful moments of holding a new baby, feeding them, spending those quiet sweet moments alone with them in the middle of the night💔 But we both agreed we’re done. When she was born it was the most perfect our family had ever felt💖
Raising up stones says
This couldn’t be more perfect timing for me to read! We just had some dear friends give birth to their first daughter last night and I have been so emotional. We have three but I think I’d be ok with having 3 more! My husband however is content (and mostly set on) stopping with the 3. He hasn’t said no way to more but I can tell by his face and tone that he is done. I will respect that completely ( unless God makes a miracle happen out of our control of course) but it still is hard for me to swallow. I love all of the moments you mentioned above and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to say goodbye to it
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I know- it is really hard to let go of that…
Brooke says
Well said. I kind of needed to hear that today. I am 7 months pregnant and have one 17 month old. I know this will be our last child. I had a difficult first pregnancy that ended in an emergency c-section that saved our daughters life. I’m pregnant with our second little girl and it’s bittersweet to know that It will be the last. My husband and I have realized that we will never get to know what it’s like to have a little boy of our own and go through those phases, but I am blessed beyond measure to have two little ladies (soon). I think about some of my family that would give anything just for one child of any gender and I consider myself fortunate to experience pregnancy twice. Thinking about what adventures our little family has to come is what I’m trying to focus on these days instead of dwelling on what will never be again. I cherish those little stages that are in the past and don’t take them for granted, but I am excited for what’s to come too. Thanks for sharing what I know a lot of us ladies go through.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh how wonderful to have your kids so close!
J Kay says
I did not see any of the lucky dad’s post their comments. But here I am. To let all you brave and courageous moms know that your toil and pain is so very much appreciated! For me, my wonderful wife’s delivery of my (only) beautiful boy in my 51st year is the gift that just keeps giving. He manages to keep me young and interested each and every day of his now 7 year old world. Moms are the greatest! Thanks for your post Becky. Thanks for all the comments moms!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you!!
crystal says
It sure is hard to come to terms with. Currently pregnant with our last, baby boy #4! It is such a bitter sweet pregnancy for me. To not only come to terms with him being our last baby, but also that I will never have a daughter has been a new thing I’ve had to deal with.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We had 3 boys and a girl, so while I can’t completely understand it, I do know how you are feeling. When we had our three boys and we thought that our Allie was a boy, I had to deal with that, too. It is something that not everyone can understand. ITs not just the ‘wanting a girl’, its more about that relationship with a mom/daughter, or having that same girl name since baby #1. So- I know where you are coming from, but I’m finding that other than the dresses & the fact that she loves to color- so far they are about the same. lol.
Congratulations on your little boy- you will be one well protected/loved mama!!!
Serena @ Simple Holistic Girl says
We started out with 5 as our number, but ended up with 3. All 3 were C sections. By the end of my third pregnancy I felt so wiped out, like I had nothing left and a switch from wanting more kids with every ounce of my being to I’m done turned on just like that. I ended up getting my tubes tied the very same day as my last C section and don’t regret it once. That was almost 5 years ago. I am ready to sit back now and watch my children grow!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Congrats on your 3 wonderful kiddos!!
Jennifer says
And sometimes you don’t know. I divorced when the younger of my two was not yet 3 years old. I was only 32. There was time to meet someone, remarry, have another child. Or so I thought. It never happened. I am now 43 and still single. I always wanted three, but looking back now at the adventure of the past 11 years, raising 2 wonderful children all on my own, and preparing to send the oldest off to college next fall, two was ok. I know I couldn’t have raised three on my own and if these two never had to wonder if I loved a new baby more than them, that’s good too.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Good for you keeping on with it and taking care of your boys! How wonderful that the oldest is going off to college next fall- congratulations!
Ashley says
This made me want to cry. I’ve been thinking about a fifth kid, but my husband also insists that four is our magic number as well. The more I think about it, he’s right. But, it’s still such a sad thing to know I’ll never have another tiny little baby of my own.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We had the same conversation here before we came to the same conclusion that you are coming to. 🙂
Jan says
This post was so sweet! I teared up because even though my youngest (of 8, yes 8) is fifteen, I still miss those baby days.
Lythia says
I still not sure whether I’m done with the baby thing. I have 3 very active boys. Still considering to try for a baby girl. But, I not sure if I could handle this baby thing again. Popping a baby every year for 3 years. I’m exhausted actually and cranky during those days. But, I still in my twenties that time. Now I’m in my thirties. Exhaustion is my enemy. Part of me said I have enough and part of me said I should try one last time. It’s a very hard decision to make.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- I know. Its hard to decide if you are really… done.
Brailey says
I love this post. I cried through the whole thing. Boy #3 is almost 4 months old and I would love to try again for a girl but the hubs says three is enough. Idk but especially lately I have been thinking about it, every time I look at him or see him smile, or when he first rolled over just a few days ago, it breaks my heart a little to know all his firsts are also the lasts. I love my boys very much but I can’t imagine never experiencing any of this again…. Things might change and I might convince the hubs for one more but if not, this helps so much. Thank you for this
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
aww… 🙂 I’m so glad that you liked it.
Alison says
Everyone told me when you are done having babies you just know. When I got pregnant with baby #3, it only took a week into the pregnancy for me to “know” I was done. I finally got the feeling. Having said that, there are still times that I think if I got pregnant one more time, i wouldn’t be scared, but overjoyed with another blessing in our life. It is very unlikely we could have another baby, so I will never have to work about it, but I agree growing out of the baby stage is very sad for me. I baby my last just a little more than my other two. :). Thanks for the article
Alison
Theguiltymommy.com
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 I know- it is hard to be out of that ‘baby stage’, isn’t it?
Teresa says
I remember being sad realizing that we would not have “one more” and also realizing all those little things I would never experience again, but it will be wonderful meeting each new stage of your mothering role and experiencing all it has to offer. I remember the fun and proud and busy elementary school years and the bitter sweetness of letting them become middle schoolers, the whirlwind of having teenagers and a constantly full house of friends, and the awful excitement of sending them to college. My children are now 24, 25, 27, and 28 and it’s still amazing. I have loved every stage of being a mother and would find it hard to name a favorite time. Motherhood just keeps on giving.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you for your comment! I am writing my post for tomorrow and this is exactly what it is about… enjoying them while they are young, in the moment that you are in – what perfect timing!!
mar says
Love your article… I have tears in my eyes
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you. Hugs…
Becky says
I enjoyed this post very much. I am 37 and have 3 great kids ages 15,13 and 8 (almost 9). My daughter is the youngest and had health problems that resulted in feeding tubes, lots of I.Vs, and finally a surgery to correct the problem when she was 2 months old. My husband and I decided we were done and to “close that chapter of the book” as you said. A couple of years ago I got the baby bug again briefly, but the look on my husbands face said no. We were both a mess with my daughter and I had a c- section with her that left a really bed memory for me. So I was scared to have another anyway. Last summer we were enjoying our kids growing up and making plans for the future and enjoying the next phase of life when I found out I am pregnant! So this will be #4 and it’s a girl so we will have an even number in the house. To my surprise the whole family is excited, even my husband. He says he is so happy we are having another baby. But now it’s getting to the end of the pregnancy and we have been discussing birth control. He wants permanent birth control and I am still on the fence. It’s hard even now to close that chapter. I have to admit I am getting older and,like you said, that is difficult as well. Though it is a little weird to be putting my oldest through drivers ed while decorating a nursery!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh congratulations!!!!
haha- I bet that would be weird (oldest driving, youngest in a crib) but so much fun!!!!
Sallie Borrink says
We have one daughter who is eight. If you think it is hard to be done after having multiple children, imagine how hard it is to be done after having only one. Every stage, every milestone, every experience only happens once. It’s very intense and brings its own mixture of joy and sorrow.
We love our daughter and are so thankful for her. But I would not put myself through another pregnancy after all the challenges I had with her. It does make me sad to know I will never experience the joy of pregnancy again, but I am thankful that I did experience it once, something many women never have the opportunity to do.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
So very true.
Candace says
As I sit in bed, with my newborn right next to me, unexpectedly I’m bawling as I read this. This is everything I’m feeling right now. I don’t know if I’m done, but the fear of being done.. That ache that I feel is scary.. But this gives me hope that I can get through it becsuse I’m really not the only one.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Definitely not the only one. Congratulations on your newborn!
Silvie says
What a great post. You had me in tears as I remembered my loss and the happy (although sickly) pregnancies with my 3 amazing boys. My baby who is about to turn 4 is our last, but I can’t help still wanting 1 more.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you. I know- its hard to stop yourself from wanting more… closing that chapter.
Kei says
We just celebrated my last baby (#4) turning 1 and your post really resonates. I know in my heart that I cannot emotionally, mentally or physically handle parenting 1 more kiddo, but that doesn’t make the ache lessen. Each day it feels like I’m saying goodbye to another facet of parenting. I know that eventually there is grandkids to look forward to, but I also know that it will be different. In some ways I wish they could stay little forever, as they are so sweet, innocent and squishy. But I also am looking forward to a house that’s not baby proofed, all my kids being able to dress and feed themselves, and car trips being more pleasant.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agree- it is bittersweet, isn’t it?
Sara says
As I cry reading this…thinking why am I crying? I have been that person that says oh heck no we are DONE! I have 3 boys youngest is 5. He has been a tough one. Very stubborn and hard headed. At this stage can’t imagine going back and starting over, but as I read your thoughts about the LAST of things it makes me sad and realize just how fast they really do grow up. I know my husband is but am I really done??
Thank you for your post and thoughts.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 I know. (Well- if it helps, I cried writing it)
Diary of an Imperfect Mom says
This made me cry! We welcomed our second baby into the world just nine months ago, and already know that we want more. I am dreading the day that we will officially be done having babies. These early years go by so fast, I wish there was a pause button sometimes. Great post! – Vicki
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks so much, Vicki. 🙂
Joanie says
Even more painful is the realization that you will never have even one.
amy says
Joanie, my heart aches for you. I am so so sorry.
Kim says
Thanks for this post. SO glad I’m not alone in these feelings! I’m currently rocking our 3rd and last baby! He just turned a year and I’m so thankful for 3 wonderful babies but still sad that this in the last one!!No more babies kicking in my belly! No more nursing in the middle of the night! No more precious first steps, kisses, etc! It’s definitely more emotional than I thought!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I know. Bittersweet.
Scotti B says
How do you know the appropriate time to wait between having babies? My daughter will be four in June 2015 and I’m still not ready to have another one although we did plan to have another one by the time she was two or three and at that time which is now, we are just still not ready, not comfortable. And although I want another baby, a newborn, I am reminded every day what it’s like to be the parent of a toddler, and almost 4-year-old and I know that I will have to go through that all over again and those ears are very fun but they’re also very hard and I’m just afraid that I might not be able to handle it. Not only that, but her father says that one is enough even though we both decided to have another one when we had her by the time she was three, here we are she’s three almost 4 in two months and he says one is enough he doesn’t want another one I mean what do I do?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I don’t know- I always wanted our close in age because I wanted them to be best friends. 🙂 I don’t really have any advice, except to think about what it means to really be “done” and decide if that is what you both want.
Dyan Rupan says
I am trying to come to terms with this myself. I am 45 & have a wonderful 6 yo son with Autism, that I wouldnt trade for anything. I have always wanted a girl. We have been trying for about three years to get pregnant (it took 3.5 for Bee to come along). I have a niece that is due in June and I am trying to face the fact that it wont happen. I loved being pregnant even though I ws sick the whole time. Thanks for your story.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
How exciting to have a niece due in June! 🙂
Diana says
I too, have four, three boys (11, 9, and 6) and a beautiful 14 month old baby girl. We always thought 3 was our magic number until we had our third. It had very little to do with him being the third boy. We knew before he was born than four was a possibility, but we prevented for four years to be sure. And just shy of four years after having my IUD put in, I am pretty sure I had a miscarriage. We had a miscarriage before our third, so I was pretty sure that was what I was going thru again. I felt so sick after that. I just couldn’t keep it anymore, so I had it removed. One cycle later, I didn’t feel right and I was pregnant again. We agreed that this was IT. Boy or girl, we were DONE. I was so ecstatic to learn we were having a GIRL! And almost immediately I realized I was sad that she would be my last. But really I don’t know if I could handle another pregnancy physically. I had prenatal detachment disorder, prenatal depression and anxiety (that something bad would happen to her/me), and I wanted a natural unmedicated birth so very badly and didn’t get one. All that made me kind of wish for just one more. I know it’s silly, so I am becoming more content. We’re doing prevention on our own til his vacation so he can get ‘fixed,’ and recently almost had an oops moment that we caught in time. He said if we do get pregnant again due to an oops moment, we just know it’s God’s way of telling us we were wrong to stop at four. I’m not praying for that even though I wouldn’t be too upset. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I, too, lost a sweet baby. I feel like we have ton in common (3 boys, then a loss & then a baby girl). My husband said the same thing!
fluffystar says
What the heck is everyone so sad about realising you’ve had enough babies?!! Now you can sleep again, bend again and dry your feet after the shower and no more having to risk your life being pregnant or pushing a baby out of your vag! And no more sleepless nights or dirty nappies or food flying across the room or teething!! Now you get to enjoy those children as you get to see who they are turning into as you gradually become friends. Having more than 4 kids is greedy in this day and age if you ask me anyway and you could never give more than that the attention they need in order to thrive so you should all be cheering that your work there is done!
Janet Dixon says
Having more than two children in this day and age is greedy. We’re in the midst of a 6th mass extinction due largely to our impact on the Earth and it’s resources. Ignoring or denying that it is happening or imagining that it is a part of some super-being’s will (He has a plan for us all, don’t make me laugh) is not going to make it go away. Knowing I was having my last child wasn’t an emotional moment for me, knowing what sort of World we’re leaving for him and his brother to grow up in is a constant emotional “moment”. Knowing the selfish attitudes on display and lack of concern for our planet’s plight by the majority of mother’s that I meet is a constant embarrassment. We need to learn about and teach our children about sustainability.
Jackie Biddle says
The best part is when your children grow up get married and have their own kids our 3 have blessed us with 11 grandchildren
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- I’m sure!! 🙂 How wonderful!
Reece says
I’m sitting here in absolute tears reading this. I’m 37 and have 5 kids ageing 7m to 20y and trying to tell myself and finding it really hard to deal with, that I’m “done” 🙁 I don’t want to be done. What comes next? Does it mean I’m OLD and does it mean it’s my turn to whither away and be of no use to anyone? Help!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Aww- I know!! It just means that you are ready to watch them live amazing lives!
Trish Hamilton says
I have three children; 19, 12 and 20 months. Quite a span! 7 years then another 10. Each time I thought it was my last. Even now, after my son, I wonder what it would be like if he had another little one to play with. Not that his amazingly doting older sisters (from my first marriage) aren’t enough, but I wonder. I loved being pregnant, I’m lucky, I’ve never felt better. Most of the time. Your article struck a chord with me…and also made me wonder. I’m sure I’m done…I just don’t want to admit it yet. Hopefully 7 or 10 MORE years from now…I won’t get any ideas. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 hahaha!! I love it!
Ps- how awesome to have pregnancies like that!!
Liz says
I wish it were so easy to cope with closing that chapter and moving on. It’s a sad thing for me to attempt to cope with. I have 3 children, my last 2 were twins. I had to have my tubes cut, tied and burned. I seriously regret it. I have no choice in turning back the time now. I know it’s best for my health, but I’m not doing well with the idea. My twins are turning 2 this year, and it kills me that I’ll never again breastfeed, only one of my 3 children successfully did. That makes me feel like a failure of a mother in a way. I know they’re all healthy but I feel awful for my son, he’s the only boy and there’s never a chance of him having a brother. I wish it were so easy to close that chapter of life and move on, but this mommy still wishes she didn’t have to
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh you are not a failure at all! My best friend’s kids were formula fed and they are so amazingly smart & healthy (& happy!)
I know- it is hard, isn’t it?
Joni says
As my baby boy graduated from kindergarten today I was overwhelmed with joy, but also sadness. Knowing that my babies are growing so fast all but broke my heart. I am the proud mother of 3 boys , and a girl. The oldest 14, the youngest 6. All were difficult pregnancies; all c section, and bed rest. The youngest ruptured my uterus. I was told I would not be able to carry a child after that. I had several miscarriages as well. So I had a full hysterectomy when my baby turned 2. I thought that was the hardest day of my life. I was wrong, somehow today was harder. So glad I found this story!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow- our lives are similar, you are just a little ahead of me. 3 boys & a girl – about the same distance apart in ages as your own.
Fiona says
I’m going to be 30 in september and I have 4 children my last one is 1 year old and my oldest 9….they are all so wonderful and amazing, I loved each pregnancy with all it’s difficulties and amazing moments ..
I loved to read this artilcle as I keep wondering if this is my last one ….I still feel so young and in some way do feel kind of scared at the thoght that this is my last child ..
But at the same time our kids born in this time they need so much of our time to grow strong and steady …in an such unstable world, giving them the strenght they need and the faith that they will require to go and be strong!
So Just the thought of been a young mom, and seeing all I have ahead I’m pretty exited !!!
So let’s look foward into the future for is as bright as the stars .
Thankyou again I loved it!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Such encouragement- thanks for the comment!
Vanessa Finney says
You will do all those things again. It will just be a few years from now with babies that that remind you soo much of a baby you used to have that you won’t be able to look away!! ? I know,spoken like a true Grandmother!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you!! I love that!
Alna says
Thank you so much for writing this article. I am currently on my third pregnancy (10 weeks to be exact) and so far history is repeating again for me with severe morning sickness. I really feel the toll with #3 because #1 is just coming to 4 years while #2 is just shy of 1 year so it really is a challenge for me. Luckily I have great friends to give me support and a super-awesome Sister whom daily gives me kind words of support and I should mention my better half is also helping a lot although most times I still have my fair share of handling our children. At times I really feel like giving up because the lack of energy and attention I give to my #1 and #2 is heartbreaking for me and I sometimes wonder why it has to be this bad with each pregnancy. Your article has somewhat made me realize that if this should be my last pregnancy then all the suffering of severe morning sickness should be worth it because I won’t be able to experience that again. Thanks again and God bless you and your beautiful family.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you! Good luck with this pregnancy. (ps- I had morning sickness with all five pregnancies… I can’t imagine not being sick.. can you?) 🙂
God bless you, too!
Norma says
i enjoy this video, thanks.I am in my fortys now. I am been divorce long time ago,so I get married again 2 years ago so after that, I got pregnance.And he didnt expect that because He didnt want havea baby too soon. Anyway he had two girls in his own before.They are adult now, even married one of them.Anyway I still have the idea for having another baby, even if he doesnt want. But in the same time is hard for me to take the decision because I am still studing at college. so close the book of life is kind of sadddd. help me with a coment. THANKSSS
Norma says
But i forget tell you that i have forth kids with my previous marriaje. The older has 19years old. So I am thinking maybe 6 is my number 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 haha.
Theresjustonemommy says
Stumbled upon this post today, and such perfect timing for me… It seems everyone I know is expecting or just had a baby. And a part of me wonders what it would be like to have just one more….and another part is enjoying my kids at 6 and 7.
Definitely a post we all can relate to.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks so much for leaving that comment. Ps- our oldest kids are close in age to yours. 🙂
Erin says
Wow, I never knew that another person–especially someone I’ve never met!–could so completely verbalize my feelings! What an amazing example of the truth that we really are all more alike than we know. So many other women have commented in the same way…I think you really struck a chord.
I have three kiddos ranging from 11-3, and we’re unsure wether we are able to conceive again (my husband has a pituitary tumor, which has been removed twice and radiated once…and the pituitary controls testosterone, among other things). Our youngest is a miracle baby, but it feels very unrealistic to hope that could happen again for us, considering the circumstances. But even if…well, I have felt so torn over the last year or so because, like you, I’ve loved having babies, growing them, nurturing them, cherishing the sweet, soft, quiet and innocent moments with them. But I’m also enjoying watching my kids grow up, having meaningful conversations with them, seeing their real personalities develop, watching them figure out that Mom and Dad are more than the hands that feed them, or the arms that comfort them after a fall–that we can have real depth to our relationship. And a very real part of me feels–despite the sadness of ‘closing that chapter,’ that it’s time to move on and start writing another one.
This is already so long, so I won’t go on, but I just had to thank you for your heartfelt, vulnerable and transparent post. And also, for letting me know that it’s okay to feel divided–that many women have those same feelings, and that it may not be a clear, obvious decision with confirming feelings of finality…but that’s okay. :,)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Thanks for writing this!!
Lena says
This is a great post. I have four kiddos one boy and three girls (9, 7, 3, 21months). I had two beautiful children, then suffered two miscarriages, one that was nearly fatal. I thought we were done, and it was truly heartbreaking. Then, somehow, we found the courage to try again, and had another beautiful little girl and amazingly enough, about 18 months later, we found out we were expecting again, a third little girl! All my pregnancies that lasted more than 12 weeks were great. I was healthy and had no complications other than the normal achiness of pregnancy. In October of last year we found out we were expecting again, and I was so excited! Unfortunately, that pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage, and my husband and I both decided that we were done. We couldn’t take another loss. On Mother’s day we found out we were expecting again and we were both flabbergasted! It truly must have been in His plan, because it was definitely a shock to ours. But at 17 or so weeks along, I couldn’t be happier to be expecting our fifth child, though I think we are all hoping that this one is another boy :). I am still anxious and nervous that something will go wrong either with me or the baby, but looking forward to feeling more of this little ones’ kicks and holding another precious miracle in my arms. I have no idea if we will have more after this, I’m thinking likely not. Eight pregnancies have been tough on my body, and three losses have been immensely difficult emotionally. At only 31, I know I still have time for more children, I’m just not sure I have the strength. It is sad, but this baby is an unexpected blessing and that makes the thought that we are done a little easier to handle.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m so sorry! That had to be so scary! When I read that you are having your 5th child, I got the chills! How exciting!
neva says
I have started to come to terms with the fact i will never have another baby. I have a 7 and 8 year old and have wanted one for many many years but having no luck and have not had a period in almost 5 years(im only 33) i think im done. it is very hard for me to accept but i have started too weather i like it or not. i wish i just had insurance to figure out why.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I’m sorry- that is so hard.
Ps- We’re the same age with the same age kids. 😉
Annette says
Thanks for writing this article. I thought about this for the last 15 years, when our oldest son was born. God blessed me with two healthy boys, but there’s always been a deep seeded desire to have a daughter.
I was 27 when we married, we waited the customary 4 years to start our family. But the first pregnancy ended abruptly at 6 weeks, then It took us three years before we had our son. Then afree he was born, I had another miscarrisge at 12 weeks(tell me I’m crazy I always felt that was our girl). Then two years later my youngest son was born. I was 39 and had two high risk pregnancies, so I called it quits. Now at 49, I dream of one day having a granddaughter.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
How sweet!
Brandi says
I am also a mom of four…all boys, all high risk. I have wanted a girl for as long as I can remember. This past week has been so incredibly difficult for a lot of reasons. I just miscarried our very unexpected, unplanned baby on Thursday at 11 weeks. Two days prior we found out it was our girl. I am 37 and have had 3 previous miscarriages so my OB had genetic testing done. We also found out she had a fatal genetic disease. It has been so hard. My OB also strongly recommended I have my tubes tied because of my age and the likelihood I will have more losses if we go forward with any more pregnancies. Too much loss in such a short time. I am coming to terms with no more babies, sort of against my will.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh I am so sorry! That is so hard. I wish that I had words to comfort you more. I will be thinking of you & praying for you.
Maranda says
This really hit home for me. I have three boys and a girl ages 7,5, 2,1 i also had high risk pregnancies and two miscarriages so after my last baby i decided to get my tubes tied. I struggled through my entire pregnancy going back and forth on weather or not i was going to do it or not my husband and most of my family were very convincing on the obvious reasons of why i should like my health four being enough and what if something happened to me and i wasnt able to be there for the children we already have but i kept thinking what if further down the road i wanted another one but then i wouldnt just wamt one because then that one would be alone in age so id want two more or i was thinking well my daughter willbe alone i want to have another girl so she can have a friend to play with too but what are the chances of it being another girl most of my and my husbands family only ever have one girl and lors of boys ultimatly i decided due to health reasons that getting them tied was the best option for my family and i am happy with that decision now that my youngest is a yr old and it is slowly getting easier to go out in public places with all kids without chaos lol i do from time to time when i see a pregnant friend or random person miss thef eeling of being pregnant or the feeling u get the first time u hold ur baby after hrs of pain a pushing knowing that l thats ur baby and after them living inside of u for nine month u finally get to hold them and see what they look like it truly is the greatest feeling in the world but i am also excited now that they aregetti g older to be able to do the fun things with them we recently took our two oldest boys to busch gardens and it was so much fun i cant wait for my two youngest to get a little older so we can plan a family trip to disney world i just think theyre to young now to enjoy it and it would be hectic with them being so young still
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That is so awesome!! Thank you for sharing that with me (us).
Ps- Disney will be awesome when they are all old enough to go! We want to go back when Allie (our youngest) is 5. We took her at 2, but she was a little too young to keep up with the older kids. 🙂
Dee says
I am a mother of 3 boys and one girl…our “baby” gets married on Saturday. We are blessed with 3 wonderful daughter-in-laws and a wonderful son-in-law…and 6 Grandchildren… So far….I had such a hard time being done carrying babies…but having Grandchildren running around brings back all those wonderful memories… And brings brand new ones…watching your children grow into adults and raising their own children is absolutely incredible….so absolutely blessed!!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh wow!! How amazing!! Congratulations!
MOMMA OF SOON TO BE 2 says
I am on my last one as well. Only number two. I have a two year old girl and due in December with a little boy! I have gone through too many miscarriages and had complications with both pregnancies. My daughter was large and this pregnancy seems to be good but I have to go to a high risk dr because my sons kidneys are enlarged. After finding that out my husband looked at me and said “we are done, for your health and the kids’ health”. I had my appendix removed about a week after my daughters first birthday and will have my gallbladder removed after I deliver this baby. It’s definitely hard to think and know I am done because I will be 24 next month and that I will only have two kids. 🙁
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow- that had to be hard to have those surgeries so young! I’m sorry.
Lisa @ This Pilgrim Life says
I just found this post through Facebook. “Being done” has been on my heart and mind a lot this year. We always thought we would have four children and then stop. I looked forward to moving out of the baby stage together and starting a new stage with all “big kids”. Last Spring, I became pregnant with number 4. We were sure this was it and we were discussing what we would do after he was born. All of the little things which were supposed to be “lasts” were so special and bittersweet. Then, at 22 weeks, we found out that our son’s heart had stopped beating (later to find out due to a knot in his cord). Everything has changed. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not ultimately in control. We are hopeful that sometime the Lord will bless us with one more. At which point I will likely be having all the feelings all over again.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh Lisa- My heart breaks for you. I have chills reading what you wrote. I will be praying for you and one more baby to complete your family puzzle.
LittleLovingLadybug says
Reading this made me cry. I too am beginning to realize I will likely never have another baby. I had 4 children, all with the same man. 3 girls and my last was a boy. One of my daughters passed away 9-1/2 years ago at the age of 3. Approximately a month after my son was born, a month and a half before my daughter died, the man I was with forced me to have a tubal.
He was an extremely abusive man. He said horrible things to me to make me believe that a tubal was the best answer. In all honesty, it probably was considering how he treated me. I stayed with him out of fear for 14 years of my life. We were high school sweethearts. Here I am now in my early 30s and I am married to an absolutely terrific man. He saved me from that abusive relationship.
He is literally my savior sent from God. He has no children of his own, but he loves my children as if they were his. It fills my heart with joy to see that my children love him so dearly in return. Baby fever struck us both so fiercely about a year ago. We both expressed the desire to have a child. Unfortunately, the cost of a reversal is far too great for either of us and it just breaks both of our hearts to know that it will likely not happen.
Coming to the realization that I may be finished having babies is very hard. Knowing that chapter of my life may have finally met its end brings me to tears and you put that so beautifully into words. I suppose if it is in the stars or part of God’s will, it will happen for us, but if not, then God will surely help ease the heartache of it. Thank you for sharing this.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Well thank you for commenting. I am so so sorry for your hard (past) life. I can’t imagine those things & I have chills thinking about it. I’m so glad that you have met your husband. I’m sure that your story is always going to be on my heart.
Judie says
We thought we were done. 3 girls, the last pregnancy was scary and ended at 27 weeks. They are now 23, 21 and 17. We jave a 2 year old grandson and thought we had moved on from the parenting phase of our lives. As i write this I am 8 months pregnant with number 4, a boy. 2016 will bring a new baby and college and high school graduations. Honestly the best surprise ever. I guess the moral is to jever say never.
anna says
I read this and I realized I don’t want to be done with having babies. I have 4-years daughter and 3-month son, both delivered by c-section , during the last c-section my uterus was fractured, one of the doctors said I should quite having more babies, I was devastated instead of feeling happy to deliver a beautiful son. I was consulting my case with other doctor who said there is a chance to deliver a healthy baby in the future but I need to have good doctors and the delivery should be planned for 36-37th week of pregnancy, This doctor gave me hope. I will discuss it with the third one but as I am breastfeeding my ittle boy and realizing it should be the last time I am doing the whole things around baby, my heart is bleeding. It’s so addictive; baby’s smell, voice, everything..I am 30. I do want to have more children, (best wishes from Poland)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Anna! Best wishes to you, too.
Paola says
I still can not stop crying after reading this. I feel that way, every single word you wrote, and it feels nice to know i am not the only one feeling this. This is the moment in life I always dreamed of being at, and it is going away so fast…. No more babies here after our three blessings… just watching them grow, and growing with them….
Thanks for sharing!
Erin says
Trying to read this through my tears was rough. You beautifully expressed how I feel. I only managed to have one baby. After multiple round of fertility treatment, miscarriage after miscarriage, losing a twin at 6 weeks of pregnancy, and the remainder of that incredibly high risk pregnancy, I got my beautiful baby girl. And even then she was an emergency c-section about a month early. We held on to hope for the last 5 years, but problems with my uterus make another child impossible. I have just been told my options are to keep Mirena in or have an ablation. Despite the difficulty in having my daughter, my heart breaks at not having the opportunity again.
Lisa @ Fun Money Mom says
What a touching post! We started very late with children because we had tried for years and we finally gave up and just accepted that we’d live our life without that chapter. Of course, that’s when I got pregnant. Three years later we got pregnant again with our second. By then we knew we were too old for more and to be honest, we felt so incredible lucky to have finally had two, that I never felt those pangs. However, I completely understand your feelings and I agree that there is nothing in this world sweeter than having a little baby in your arms.
That being said, I’ve found that the older my two girls get (now 4 & 8), the more fun we’re able to have together! Plus, I don’t mind the extra sleep that I get now…LOL!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Yes!! hahaha!
janifer says
My baby is 7 months and becoming VERY mobile! My worst fear is him finding some random object (courtesy of my 3 year old) and choke on it Way cool some valid points! I am grateful for you making this post on hand; the rest of this website is also first-class. Have a great fun.
Lauren says
I really needed this article. Thank you! It made me cry because it is exactly everything I am feeling right now. I just delivered our 4th baby and it has hit me hard (darn hormones!) that this will be my last baby.
I’m trying to focus on the future watching them grow but it definitely isnt easy
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
You are so welcome. 🙂
Erin says
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed today. My baby (number 6) just turned 2, and I’ve been mourning the loss of babyhood.
Kimberly says
Very sweet read 🙂 I am pregnant with my 4th now and realizing that I want this to be my last one has been hard. It’s been hard on my husband too. I have had amazing pregnancies but I realized at the beach this summer, that I can’t do al the things I want to do with my kids while I’m pregnant (ages 7, 5, and almost 2). I can’t surf with them, play softball, run around like normal and that’s when I realized, I’m missing out on activities I want to do with my other kids, while I’m pregnant. I don’t want my oldest looking back and saying, “Yea, my mom was pregnant my whole childhood.” I want to participate in their activities not watch them!
Plus we want to adopt sibling sets so that already puts us at 6!! And yikes!! I don’t want 10!!
It’s been a hard summer coming to this conclusion but I’m glad I did while I am pregnant b/c I am enjoying and trying to remember every kick, to make it last in my memory forever! 🙂 <3
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Tom Byers says
We have 10, lol. Different perspectives for each I guess. I don’t find we have missed out on anything with them. 🙂
Zahida says
Beautifully wirtten – straight to the ♡
Its been a while since a write up has made me cry like this one. May GOD always bless your family.
Much love
Liz says
You guys are ALL just makin me cry more! Lol
Becky I just love reading whatever you write!
I have a 10 year old redhead stepdaughter, a 7 year old son, & a 4 year old daughter (Aubrey who I showed you pics of). I grew up thinking I wanted 4 kids! When I was 8 months pregnant with my son, my stepdaughter came to live with us! So I basically had 2 kids at once! It was so much harder than I thought! Once he was 3 years old I was ready to try for another. I told my husband if it was a boy I would feel like something was still missing & I would want to try one more time for my own little girl. It was a girl so I felt like that was God telling us it’s okay to be done. I felt at peace about it. I still think about maybe just one more, but I hold pregnancies ALL in the belly & then I still look pregnant for years afterwards. It drove me mad going out in public & people asking when I was due! I finally got my stomach back down & do not want to stretch it out again. Plus I still want to be young when my kids become teenagers & when they become adults & give me grand babies. I don’t want to be trying to wrangle toddlers at an older age. I have a brother in law who is 12 & I’ve seen my mother in law struggle terribly with him. I feel like my life is just how I wanted it. If we didn’t have my stepdaughter I would’ve probably wanted more kids & had them closer together. Now I’m just ready to move on. We don’t need anymore diapers, PullUps, cribs, bouncy seats, or excersaucers. We are steering away & I soothe my baby fever by babysitting?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you!!!
Dani says
This article resonated so much with me. I am in bed googling “I’m devastated I will never experience another pregnancy or birth” because it’s weighing heavily on my heart. I also have 4 beautiful, healthy children (3 girls then a boy!). Yet, I find myself so jealous of pregnant women. Especially those who are having their first babies because the excitement with your first is like nothing else. I was so busy being scared of something going wrong and the pain of childbirth that I didn’t appreciate it. Now it’s gone as my oldest turns 8 this month. The part that I especially identified with was how the exciting time of meeting someone, getting engaged, married, etc. is just over and it was a blink of an eye. And again, I was so busy worrying if never meet someone or have babies (which I also dreamed about as a child) that I didn’t enjoy it. Only in looking back can I see how the births of my children were the best times of my life and I will never have that again. I do appreciate watching my children grow, I’m just in a place of absolute longing. Maybe because my youngest just had his first birthday. Either way I’m waiting to get over this feeling. It is comforting to know I’m not alone.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I know. I think it will always be on our minds. I just told my husband yesterday that I miss the feeling of a baby kicking when I was like 30+ weeks pregnant. 🙂
Janet says
I had my last 3 children (out of 8) in my 40’s (last one was born one month before I was 48). I have a 20 year span, and if I had made my feelings my ultimate decision-maker, I wouldn’t have had the last 4. Of course it’s scary and tiring! Feelings come and go, and you think you couldn’t possibly do it again, but God does give you the ability, and now it all seems like a blip in time. I disliked being pregnant for sure, and yes it is quite a sacrifice, but I never wanted myelf or my husband to be the ultimate decider about someone’s eternal existence. I mean, I’ve made quite a few unwise decisions over a lifetime, so why did I think I’d necessarily get this one 100% right? I had given my life to the Lord many years ago, and this was just another area to surrender. As always, He is faithful, and all my kids fit the puzzle perfectly, even if I thought another child wouldn’t make a difference to our family, and we could be “done”, etc. Ultimately I guess I’m glad He didn’t listen to me over the years! It has caused me to grow, and I am capable of much more than I thought. Just food for thought, because I was a little alarmed over some of the sentiments here. Thanks for reading.
Anne says
Hi, very much thank you for your story! It really touched me…I’m still kind of new mum LO 1 year old…And it gets more and more fun…But u are right everything goes so fast in almost blink of an eye, baby walks and talks…
Anne
Michelle says
Beautifully written. This post hits me square in the heart. I have 2 wonderful children, a 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. (And one angel baby!) I always wanted to have another child to have 3 kids, but I was recently diagnosed with Adenomyosis, as well as uterine fibroids and endometriosis. So the chance of me getting pregnant is very small and if I were to be pregnant it could potentially be life threatening to me and the child. The hardest part of this is realizing that the choice to choose my family size is now not my own. But having the diagnosis tell me instead when I am done having children. I’ve been mourning the loss of the idea of another child and it is tough. Now all the little moments I have with my 2 year old I now realize are the memories I will have with my “baby”. When I thought I would have a chance to go through some of those precious moments again. Its a beautiful thing and yet a hard thing to emotionally process.
Deeanne says
Reading your sweet post on the ” last time” you’d feel those tiny baby fingers, gave me such pause. Just wait, sweet girl….there are more days and moments ahead…more “last times” to come. The last homehigh school game, the last night they sleep in your house, the last hug before he walks down the aisle or gets on the plane to deploy. There is this magic inside all mothers that lingers forever ! It never leaves you. You never will sleep as sound because every creek in the floor means someone just came home. You know that it will end…but when it does, you are never ready! Enjoy the beach, every grain of sand, every laugh, hug, giggle, and even those rolled eyes ! The days are long but theyears are so quickly fleeting by.
Our society today puts all the emphasis on “me” or “individual happiness” families no longer linger and stay close. That’s so sad. Love your parents …for as you grow and enjoy the exciting adventures of life, they often sit alone wondering why there is now no time for them. The “last time” you see your parent will no doubt will bring with it that similar feeling of lastness . Once they are gone, there is no one on the earth that has truly known you …the real you, for your entire lifetime….that is a sobering realization.
Beautiful post…enjoy those babies and call your mom!
Ms W says
I had the same feeling as you. I yearn for the feeling. That is why i had a third child. But it turns out that he had some neuro condition at birth which was not detected and it causes severe developmental delays. I am so upset and worried. It is not worth to take the risk of having another baby so as to get the feeling..and it defintely closes my chapter of having a baby.
Julie says
I love this post. I can relate…just had my 3rd baby. She is 2.5 months and I wonder if we’re done. 4 kids just seems like so much to handle. It’s such a hard decision.
Saharish Arshad says
My 4th is 16 months and I cherish my time with her. Whenever I tell myself “it’s over”, It just doesn’t sink in. I don’t know if I’m done yet. Your post was beautiful and really reminded me to count my blessings. We’re going through a rough patch in life right now. I came across this, just when I needed it.
Irulan says
I am to be 30 next year with one boy. And expecting our second. This will be my last. Due to health and other reasons. I still have the breast feeding to look forward to. Thank you for the article.
Laurel says
I read this ugly crying. We have 4 and I long for 1 more. It’s becoming clear my husband is done and I am so sad. Thank you for writing this.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
You crack me up (ugly crying). I know how you feel.
Amy says
My last baby is just over a week old. It took so much convincing for her and we are probably on the old sims to realistically have a fourth that I have to close this chapter too. I am in just a puddle of tears. I don’t know how to accept this. Why is it so painful.
Tiff says
Oh my word!! This hit me hard!! I’m 34, I have 2 daughters, 16 and 10.. Both was unplanned, So we have just been going throughout life thinking maybe another will come along or maybe not, letting it be in gods hands. The last year or two we’ve really been thinking about it.. We are young parents but I’m pretty sure we are done.. Just thinking my oldest will be graduating high school soon and my youngest will be starting middle school. I couldn’t imagine starting over now, but then I think about everything you said and think about no more elementary school fun stuff, no more trick or treating, the excitement of Santa and so on.. It makes it even harder knowing I’ve been a stay at home mom(other than doing small odd jobs here and there) for the last 13 years and I’ve been beyond blessed for that.. but I don’t know what I’m going to do with life now.. But I know I’m done, I just know it.. And although it hurts not having anymore of them moments, I do believe I’m ready.. I’m excited to see what the future holds, I’m excited to see if my 16 year old daughter becomes the doctor that’s she’s been telling us she wants to be since she was 2. I’m excited for my 10 year old to become a teenager and see what she gets into.. I’m excited to see what me and my husband decided to do after the kids leave(even though I’ll be heartbroken lol).. Im just excited to see what this new chapter of life is like..
Miriam says
Becky, your blog was very heartfelt. You describe it perfectly. As a mother of 2 who was diagnosed with an unknown inherited heart condition after my first child (Long QT) and someone who struggled to work with accepting OBs that I was pregnant with 1 more, I have more than the common appreciation for the way my life worked out. There is so much focus on “magic numbers”. It truly is a blessing to have 2 healthy children and NOT continue to focus on what I don’t have.
Quality of life also matters. How much will you be able to provide to 5+ children without feelings of deprivation when they are older? As cold as it is, economics needs to factor in here too, folks. Hence why many of the men here are saying “no”.
Jessica says
I can’t tell you how thankful I am to you for writing this. As I sit here nursing our 5 month old daughter (baby number 4) I am crying as I acknowledge the fact that this is the last time I’ll have a newborn. I’m grieving over that, but I know it’s the right choice for us. Reading this has helped me see that it’s okay to grieve and be sad….but you’ve also given me a new excitement for what’s ahead, and I can’t thank you enough.
Marlies says
We have three girls and had a miscarriage with our first boy which would of made 3 kids. We tried again had a girl. So total of kids 3 girls. Husband got surgery when baby was 3 months old. I cried the whole time in the operating waiting area. 3 years later I want to try for #4. My husband is on board! BUT we keep going back and forth more like me. I also have Hashimoto’s and high blood pressure due to Hashimoto I am 31. IF we do have another one by the time he or she is 18 I will be 49 instead of 41 with the youngest I have currently. Every time the topic comes up I cry help with advice on what to do. Why can’t I decide it’s either now or close the chapter for good it’s scary so scary…
Amy Shepley says
Awww I’m sorry about your miscarriage… It’s a hard decision, FOR SURE. I think that having another isn’t absolutely necessary… but having more kids is never a mistake! When you know you are done, you know. But there’s nothing like the love a baby brings <3