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I have been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share it with you… that moment when you realize that you are done having babies and you are closing that chapter.
UPDATE: This post was originally written several years ago, but it was on my heart to share it again, so here it is again… WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU’RE DONE HAVING BABIES…
Last night, while we were out to eat with our four kids, I looked over at the booth across the room from our table. I saw a mom with her two teenage daughters. I saw them laughing together, and I saw the girls interacting with each other, making faces that only the other one would understand.
I leaned in and whispered to my husband… “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sister for Allie? “
The look that he gave back to me told me his answer (I had five very high-risk pregnancies, one ending in a loss~ read that story here).
(This was us in 2012… finding out that she was a girl.)
I am slowly learning that although he has always agreed to four children and I always knew that this was our “magic number,”… you know, the one that we both agree on? I still had that little thought in my mind… what about one more?
I think that coming to terms with the fact that you are done having babies is hard, whether this is after you have had one baby or 18 babies… realizing that this is your LAST baby is something to stop you, to make you think, to make you appreciate and miss what you had and have.
The last time that you felt that first flutter in your belly- the one that felt like tiny butterfly wings on the wall of your uterus.
The last time that I ran to the bathroom after my husband burnt something in the kitchen because my pregnancy hormones were not letting me handle any smells out of the norm.
The last time that our sons would put their hands on my belly and wait for their sibling to kick it away.
The last time that I watched my stomach move while our baby changed positions.
The last time that our baby, in my belly, would kick my husband’s back while I slept during the night (our babies were always so active at night).
The last time I would be rushed to the hospital was in the middle of the night.
The last time that I would be told to push or that I would say, “I can do this without pain medication,” only to cry halfway through, telling my husband that it was such terrible pain and asking, “Why did I wait so long to ask for an epidural?”
The last time that I would hold a brand new baby while they got used to being OUTSIDE of the womb…
The last time that I would bring a new baby home, visitors would tell me that he/she was “the tiniest baby I ever held” (our babies were small- 5 lbs., 4 lbs., 7 lbs., and 6 lbs.)
The last time that I would nurse a baby, while rubbing that soft baby head with what felt like duck fuzz instead of hair, and listen to their little breath and grunt as they swallowed each sip of milk (that tiny, unintended smile that they have when they are falling asleep with a full belly)
Yes, the last baby is a hard chapter to close in the book of life.
I guess what it really means is that we are getting older. Gone are the days when we spent a lifetime dreaming of these things… engagements, weddings, pregnancy, and birth. From the time that I was in elementary school, I can remember pretending to be pregnant (Pillow under my shirt). You spend so many years dreaming of those days… and they come and go so quickly!
Getting older for me means getting older for everyone else, too. No more first steps, or first hugs, or first kisses. I won’t watch a baby cringe the first time that I place them in the funny-feeling sand~ at the same place where I first met the beach.
Or, on that same day, discover how much fun it can be to play in the sand and look out at the ocean.
I won’t swing them over the ocean when they are tiny enough to let me lift them high enough to let those little toes touch the water barely.
And, my children will not know my maternal Grandparents (the reason that we know & love the beach as we do), because as we got older, so did they.
So, while not having any more children symbolizes all of these things for me, we are moving on from those days.
We are moving into our middle years: adventures, laughs, real conversations with our kids, seeing their dreams become reality. I can watch their relationships grow and watch them bond, as more than siblings, but as friends…
As my husband says “Its time to close that chapter of the book.”
While the thought of not being in the baby stage is sad for me, because I do love it so, I am so excited for what is to come. Tonight we went out to dinner and we had a great time (It is getting easier to go out to eat as they get older). Even our toddler was just sitting beside me in the booth, eating her dinner. We all just talked.
I can only imagine how much fun life will be as they continue to grow and we can continue to connect with them in ways that we didn’t realize.
It might not be by singing a lullaby or by tickling their piggy toes… it will be by listening to them, taking an interest in what they are interested in, and learning from them while they learn from us- becoming their friends as they age.
So, I am ready to close that chapter… because if you thought that chapter was good, just you wait…♥
I’d love to invite you to join my free one-on-one time Challenge. I will send you this calendar, along with daily e-mails with tasks, advice, and inspiration so you can have a relationship with your children that you always envisioned.
In the meantime, enjoy the beautiful babies that you have raised… and look forward to your FUN life ahead, filled with joy, love & laughter.
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It sure is hard to come to terms with. Currently pregnant with our last, baby boy #4! It is such a bitter sweet pregnancy for me. To not only come to terms with him being our last baby, but also that I will never have a daughter has been a new thing I’ve had to deal with.
We had 3 boys and a girl, so while I can’t completely understand it, I do know how you are feeling. When we had our three boys and we thought that our Allie was a boy, I had to deal with that, too. It is something that not everyone can understand. ITs not just the ‘wanting a girl’, its more about that relationship with a mom/daughter, or having that same girl name since baby #1. So- I know where you are coming from, but I’m finding that other than the dresses & the fact that she loves to color- so far they are about the same. lol.
Congratulations on your little boy- you will be one well protected/loved mama!!!
We started out with 5 as our number, but ended up with 3. All 3 were C sections. By the end of my third pregnancy I felt so wiped out, like I had nothing left and a switch from wanting more kids with every ounce of my being to I’m done turned on just like that. I ended up getting my tubes tied the very same day as my last C section and don’t regret it once. That was almost 5 years ago. I am ready to sit back now and watch my children grow!
🙂 Congrats on your 3 wonderful kiddos!!
And sometimes you don’t know. I divorced when the younger of my two was not yet 3 years old. I was only 32. There was time to meet someone, remarry, have another child. Or so I thought. It never happened. I am now 43 and still single. I always wanted three, but looking back now at the adventure of the past 11 years, raising 2 wonderful children all on my own, and preparing to send the oldest off to college next fall, two was ok. I know I couldn’t have raised three on my own and if these two never had to wonder if I loved a new baby more than them, that’s good too.
Good for you keeping on with it and taking care of your boys! How wonderful that the oldest is going off to college next fall- congratulations!
This made me want to cry. I’ve been thinking about a fifth kid, but my husband also insists that four is our magic number as well. The more I think about it, he’s right. But, it’s still such a sad thing to know I’ll never have another tiny little baby of my own.
We had the same conversation here before we came to the same conclusion that you are coming to. 🙂
This post was so sweet! I teared up because even though my youngest (of 8, yes 8) is fifteen, I still miss those baby days.
I still not sure whether I’m done with the baby thing. I have 3 very active boys. Still considering to try for a baby girl. But, I not sure if I could handle this baby thing again. Popping a baby every year for 3 years. I’m exhausted actually and cranky during those days. But, I still in my twenties that time. Now I’m in my thirties. Exhaustion is my enemy. Part of me said I have enough and part of me said I should try one last time. It’s a very hard decision to make.
Oh- I know. Its hard to decide if you are really… done.
I love this post. I cried through the whole thing. Boy #3 is almost 4 months old and I would love to try again for a girl but the hubs says three is enough. Idk but especially lately I have been thinking about it, every time I look at him or see him smile, or when he first rolled over just a few days ago, it breaks my heart a little to know all his firsts are also the lasts. I love my boys very much but I can’t imagine never experiencing any of this again…. Things might change and I might convince the hubs for one more but if not, this helps so much. Thank you for this
aww… 🙂 I’m so glad that you liked it.
Everyone told me when you are done having babies you just know. When I got pregnant with baby #3, it only took a week into the pregnancy for me to “know” I was done. I finally got the feeling. Having said that, there are still times that I think if I got pregnant one more time, i wouldn’t be scared, but overjoyed with another blessing in our life. It is very unlikely we could have another baby, so I will never have to work about it, but I agree growing out of the baby stage is very sad for me. I baby my last just a little more than my other two. :). Thanks for the article
Alison
Theguiltymommy.com
🙂 I know- it is hard to be out of that ‘baby stage’, isn’t it?
I remember being sad realizing that we would not have “one more” and also realizing all those little things I would never experience again, but it will be wonderful meeting each new stage of your mothering role and experiencing all it has to offer. I remember the fun and proud and busy elementary school years and the bitter sweetness of letting them become middle schoolers, the whirlwind of having teenagers and a constantly full house of friends, and the awful excitement of sending them to college. My children are now 24, 25, 27, and 28 and it’s still amazing. I have loved every stage of being a mother and would find it hard to name a favorite time. Motherhood just keeps on giving.
Thank you for your comment! I am writing my post for tomorrow and this is exactly what it is about… enjoying them while they are young, in the moment that you are in – what perfect timing!!
Love your article… I have tears in my eyes
Thank you. Hugs…
I enjoyed this post very much. I am 37 and have 3 great kids ages 15,13 and 8 (almost 9). My daughter is the youngest and had health problems that resulted in feeding tubes, lots of I.Vs, and finally a surgery to correct the problem when she was 2 months old. My husband and I decided we were done and to “close that chapter of the book” as you said. A couple of years ago I got the baby bug again briefly, but the look on my husbands face said no. We were both a mess with my daughter and I had a c- section with her that left a really bed memory for me. So I was scared to have another anyway. Last summer we were enjoying our kids growing up and making plans for the future and enjoying the next phase of life when I found out I am pregnant! So this will be #4 and it’s a girl so we will have an even number in the house. To my surprise the whole family is excited, even my husband. He says he is so happy we are having another baby. But now it’s getting to the end of the pregnancy and we have been discussing birth control. He wants permanent birth control and I am still on the fence. It’s hard even now to close that chapter. I have to admit I am getting older and,like you said, that is difficult as well. Though it is a little weird to be putting my oldest through drivers ed while decorating a nursery!
Oh congratulations!!!!
haha- I bet that would be weird (oldest driving, youngest in a crib) but so much fun!!!!
We have one daughter who is eight. If you think it is hard to be done after having multiple children, imagine how hard it is to be done after having only one. Every stage, every milestone, every experience only happens once. It’s very intense and brings its own mixture of joy and sorrow.
We love our daughter and are so thankful for her. But I would not put myself through another pregnancy after all the challenges I had with her. It does make me sad to know I will never experience the joy of pregnancy again, but I am thankful that I did experience it once, something many women never have the opportunity to do.
So very true.
As I sit in bed, with my newborn right next to me, unexpectedly I’m bawling as I read this. This is everything I’m feeling right now. I don’t know if I’m done, but the fear of being done.. That ache that I feel is scary.. But this gives me hope that I can get through it becsuse I’m really not the only one.
Definitely not the only one. Congratulations on your newborn!
What a great post. You had me in tears as I remembered my loss and the happy (although sickly) pregnancies with my 3 amazing boys. My baby who is about to turn 4 is our last, but I can’t help still wanting 1 more.
Thank you. I know- its hard to stop yourself from wanting more… closing that chapter.
We just celebrated my last baby (#4) turning 1 and your post really resonates. I know in my heart that I cannot emotionally, mentally or physically handle parenting 1 more kiddo, but that doesn’t make the ache lessen. Each day it feels like I’m saying goodbye to another facet of parenting. I know that eventually there is grandkids to look forward to, but I also know that it will be different. In some ways I wish they could stay little forever, as they are so sweet, innocent and squishy. But I also am looking forward to a house that’s not baby proofed, all my kids being able to dress and feed themselves, and car trips being more pleasant.
Agree- it is bittersweet, isn’t it?