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This post was published several years ago.

This is the story that led to our book, Blessings Through Raindrops.  This book was years in the making, as we gathered stories from mothers that have lose their children and gathered stories of hope from these women.  I am so glad to share this book with all of you.  You can find it here: 

Today, a look back at what inspired me to join forces with these women:  
Recently, at church, our Pastor spoke of
losing her child. She lost him several years ago and it was unexpected. When she lost him, she said that what comforted her was that her deceased Grandmother had lost a child, as well.

One day, her Grandmother had sat down on her bed and took out a picture of her own son that she (grandmother) had lost in the war (so this would have been our Pastor’s Uncle). She shared the pain of losing that child. Years later, after her Grandmother had passed, our Pastor lost her son. Even though her Grandmother wasn’t there in person to comfort her, she felt the story comforting her. She knew that her son was in Heaven. She remembered the story from her Grandmother and her words and she carried them with her through the tragedy of losing a child.

blessings through raindrops

I lost my own Grandma several years ago to Alzheimer’s Disease I still cry often. I still miss her every day. I share her stories with our kids, to try to keep the stories alive, but I am already forgetting some of them. I still open up her jewelry box and smell the Rosary Beads that she left inside- they smell just like she smelled when she was going to church, just like the Oil of the Catechumens that was used on her beads, and later used at our baby’s baptism. (Sacred Chrism oil is a combination of olive oil mixed with a special perfume called balsam, which has a distinct smell. It is used to anoint the baby as a type of prayer asking God to free this person from any power of evil.)

My Grandma enjoyed life and enjoyed being a Mom to her four children. She used to tell me that she couldn’t understand how people could have kids and not enjoy them. I know that some people think that my husband and I are crazy for having four children of our own, but I share her view on this. This is the reason that I took time away from my profession to stay home and raise our children.
your modern family
I just really love being with our children, I love teaching them, I love having them here with me. I would be lost without them. I try to live by my Grandma’s motto – “Are we having fun?”

When I became pregnant with our fourth baby, I called my Grandma and I told her. I knew that she wouldn’t remember, but I knew that she would be happy. She was over the moon for our kids. She loved my children and my brother’s children and she couldn’t get enough of them. Family was so important to her.

Family has always been important to my husband and I, too. We dated from the time that I was 14 and he knew that I wanted a large family. I’ve wanted four children for as long as I can remember.

My friends know that I battled infertility (You can read about that here). Each child of ours was conceived after trying for a year or more. I have had surgeries, taken more medication that I ever thought that I would take and gone through the stress of waiting for a positive sign, just to see a negative, more times that I care to remember.

Most people know that we have have been truly blessed with four children, but few know that I suffered a miscarriage. Yes, I have an “Angel Baby” , as my dear friend, Kristi, at Klover house refers to our miscarried babies.

When I was pregnant for the fourth time, after trying for over a year and taking plenty of medication to try to teach my body to do what God had intended it to do, we were so excited! I normally wait to tell our children about the ‘new baby’ until I am almost 15 weeks. This time, we told our kids early. Our oldest son was SO excited. The word excited doesn’t even cover it. He talked to the baby. He picked out names for her. He was certain of the gender, in his mind. They were all so excited, as was I.

I was very high risk and had to be seen more often than most.  Mickey got a call, while I was with the other kids at the pool that after our last visit, our doctor was comparing notes and saw something that made him uneasy.  When I went back to the Doctors for a check-up, they told me that my levels had dropped. I went back the next day and they said that they had dropped lower and that I could expect to lose the baby in the next few days. It was three days later that we lost our baby. In the meantime, I did all of the praying, followed by bargaining, that I could do, all the while knowing that God had his plan set, but I still tried. I promised that I would eat so healthy, I would give up all sodas during the pregnancy, I would put myself back on moderate bed rest, as I had been with our other babies. I lost the baby anyways.

When I lost this baby, what got me through this was my Grandma’s words. It was her words that stayed with me, even if she couldn’t say them when I needed them. My Grandma could have given me so much advice during this time. She could have related to me.

You see, she had lost a baby when she was pregnant. She delivered that baby, in her home, at 14 weeks.  She described it to me, how tiny her baby was and how much it looked like a baby already.

She also lost a second baby at birth- ‘Mary’, she had named her. She was stillborn. They took Mary before my Grandma had a chance to see her. They took Mary’s clothes that she was to be baptized in and the Nuns had my Grandpap dress the baby. They laid the baby to rest without my Grandma ever holding her. My Grandma had to stay in the postpartum room of the hospital, with other Moms with their babies.  They reprimanded her for not calling sooner, when she noticed that Mary wasn’t moving.

She had suffered a loss and then was made to feel like it was her fault by the nurses, at that time.   She told me details of that day that I won’t share, but I knew the pain that she felt in her heart 60 years later. She told me details about the miscarriage, as well, like it had happened yesterday. She never forgot those babies and she loved them all of these years. I knew that she would have understood what I was feeling and she would have been able to share things with me that only we could understand.

On the day that I lost our baby, I remembered her stories. I wished that I could have run to her and said “Grandma- please. I need to talk to you today.” and she would have opened her arms, like she used to, and pulled me in, like she always did and hugged me and understood. Here I am, one year past our Angel Baby’s due date.
We were grateful, a year later, to have made it to my due date… pregnant
Today, I held our ‘fifth’ baby in my arms, fourth child on earth and thanked God for her. I thank God for all of our children every night. I put my hands on their heads, while they sleep, and I pray over them and I thank God for them. My husband does the same.


My Grandma used to tell me that because God took her two babies to be with him in Heaven, she was able to have my Aunt. If you knew my Aunt, you would understand how grateful I am that God had a bigger plan that my Grandma could not see.

If you met my baby girl, you would understand how I am grateful that he brings blessings through tears.

I know, without a doubt in my mind, that my Grandma was reunited with her babies in Heaven and I know that she is holding mine. Of this, I am sure. I know that she now watches over our children. When my Grandma was alive, she wanted me to have a daughter.  She lived to meet our three sons, but passed away before she had a chance to meet our daughter.   I became pregnant with Allie shortly after her passing. I like to think that she whispered into God’s ear.


Our baby girl has my Grandma’s personality. She is fun and happy and care-free. She is the perfect fit to our family and her big brothers are absolutely crazy about her! I know that she was meant to be a part of our family. I couldn’t ask for a better baby. I love how her legs start to kick when I walk by her. I love how she cries when my husband gets home from work because she can’t control her emotions and is overwhelmed by the love that she already has for him. (She cries until he holds her.) I love how she lights up when her big brothers kiss her and talk to her. I love how they light up when she lights up!  I love how she sleeps so soundly when I am near her.

baby up all night

This song, that I am going to quote, reminds me of the blessings that come from our pain. It is our 5 year old’s favorite song. He asks me to “turn it up” when it comes on, and I am reminded that God has a plan that is bigger than ours.

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise’

– Laura Story

With this story in mind, two of my friends and I wrote a book for mothers that have suffered miscarriages…
blessings 3d4

Ps- 10 lessons that I learned from my own mom…  the most important lessons I will ever learn. 


Hi there!

I’m Becky, a former elementary school teacher turned certified child development therapist and blogger. I work at home with my husband and together we are raising (and partially homeschooling) our four children in the Carolinas. I love diet coke, ice cream, and spending time with my family.

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  1. Becky this was just beautiful. Your love for your sweet grandma and kiddos are so touching. Miscarriage is ugly and terrible and I wish I never had experienced it, but it was with my third that I did as well. But, just like you, my next baby was and is the absolute joy of my life! Blessings through tears… Thanks for sharing your open heart and lovely memories.

    1. I didn’t know that, Priscilla. Thanks for sharing w/ me, too.

  2. Thank you for sharing. I just wanted to say that song has touched me also. I’ve been struggling with some things lately and I’ve heard those words over the radio and it has made me pause and remember there is a plan for me and what I’m going through.

  3. I’m so glad you shared this, even though it was hard to do. It’s great to see a peek of the struggles you have gone through. And the Laura Story song, Blessings, has truly been a blessing to me too. It was released right around the time my newborn had emergency lung surgery, and hearing it reminded me of how God moves in the trials. I still can’t hear it without crying! Great post, Becky.

    1. Oh my goodness- lung surgery? How scary that must have been!

  4. That is a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. <3

  5. Thank you for sharing that Becky. It was really beautiful on so many levels. I have lost one of my Grandmothers and I often hear her singing with me in church and she advises me on the silliest things. My maternal Grandmother is still alive and I gladly listen to the same stories over and over. In fact, my oldest son’s girlfriend visited this weekend and she got to hear stories. I think she will fit in our family just fine. I lost a baby before my daughter (3rd child) was born. I often dreamed of a red headed little girl. My boys don’t have red hair. Mackenzie was born on that baby’s due date (different year of course) with a head of red hair. Boy, did those tears flow. It still hurts because I feel like I have 5 babies in my heart. My husband bought me a business card case and engraved her name into it. I carry it daily.

  6. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage (not been pregnant yet at all, in fact), but I have wondered sometimes, during a really hard experience, what good would come of it. That song has been a blessing for me, too. It’s so comforting to know that God uses even some of the hardest circumstances to bless us–even if we can’t see right away what that blessing is.

    Thank you for being brave enough to share your story! I know this will bless many other women who have had an experience like yours.

  7. I agree, beautiful! I went against everyone’s advise to stay home with my kids. It’s a “sacrifice” I’m willing to make for this time with them.

  8. I found you through Kelly’s Korner. I have a 6 year old daughter and had a miscarriage in January at 14weeks. The miscarriage occurred about a week after my grandma passed away. It comforts me to think that she carried my baby to heaven and rocks my baby and sings in her beautiful voice to my baby. My husband and I are still waiting on God’s timing for our next child. My daughter is longing to be a big sister. Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me hope.

    1. Kim,
      I am so touched by your story, as well. I will be praying for you and your family to be blessed with another sweet blessing.

  9. This post was so touching to me. I experienced a miscarriage a month ago after trying to conceive for 7 years. On that day, something my mom said to me was one of the most touching things. She told me that my Granny (who I loved and adored) was holding my angel. Thank you for sharing your story!

    1. Danielle-
      Thank you for writing. I truly believe that.
      Prayers your way~

  10. Truly a touching story. I am sure your grand,there is holding your baby in heaven. I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad you are slowly finding peace.

  11. You made me cry, Becky..
    I’m a mom of two
    my mom had lost 3 children soon after their birth..

  12. Thank you Becky for your touching story. The first time I heard that song on the radio I was driving and burst into tears. In January 2014, I gave birth to our 3rd daughter, Hayden Reese. She was stillborn at 36 weeks. We have 2 beautiful thriving daughters 20 and 7, and 3 months after I delivered Hayden, I became a grandmother to the beautiful Leilani Reese. I have never felt pain like this before. I’ve also had 2 miscarriages. I never thought I would experience the loss of a child but I did and God held me, my husband and our daughters through it all. God’s plan is perfect! We just have to remember it doesn’t always coincide with our own and that’s when our faith is tested and we have to trust in Him.

    1. I have the chills reading that, because its so true- He does know what we need and will carry us through it, even when we can’t walk.

  13. Such a beautiful story of God’s healing and God’s blessings.

    My husband and I lost our third baby to miscarriage at 9 weeks. Our first two children were surprises, this one was planned. I had made calendars for our moms for Christmas and placed an “announcement photo” in the due date month (July). We were so excited to share our big news in such a special way. 9 days before Christmas I began to bleed, and the following day, my miscarriage was confirmed. I was sad, hurt, and angry. I remade the calendars and paid for rush shipping. Definitely not easy, but I know God is the One who got me through it.

    The day after my miscarriage, God gave me a vision of being in a hospital bed and holding a baby boy. A little over 9 months later, that vision came true. He was born 3 weeks early, and due to IUGR, weighed just 4lbs. He spent a week in the hospital, 2 weeks in the NICU, endured 2 sleep studies, and spent a total of 3.5 months on oxygen. He’s now 20 months old, healthy, and a complete joy. I can’t imagine life without him. Just 3 months after he was born, my mother passed away. I know she and the baby I miscarried are together, and I look forward to the day when I can see them both again.

    1. That just gave me the chills. How amazing!! Thank you for sharing!

  14. Your story made me cry and reminded me of my pain and sadness but it also reminded me of the happiness from all that pain. You see I too like your grandmother suffered not from not just one full term stillborn but from two. These were four years apart. The lose of our two daughters was the hardest and most trying times of mine and my families lives. Everyone involved and invested suffers but from all that heart ache and pain from our loss but from that we gained a beautiful daughter who is now nine and a handsome son who is now five. Like you said God does have a plan for everything and everyone and I too believe my grandparents are with our girls and watch over or children now. I love that you shared your story and look forward to reading your book. Thanks!

    1. Oh Nina. I can’t imagine how painful that had to have been – of your heart. I’m so glad that you have two beautiful children. What an amazing blessing after your raindrops.

  15. Thank you for writing about your loss. I lost my first daughter at 39 weeks. I was only 20. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. But, God has used it SO many times in my life and in the lives of others. I just gave birth a week ago to my 7th(6th earthside baby). I couldn’t see God’s plan when I lost my baby 16 years ago, but He has blessed me through it all. When we share these stories of heartache, we can help others heal and God can be glorified. All praise to Him…For He is good. Interesting choice of song. My 12-year-old daughter actually sang this at a CareNet(pregnancy center) banquet and it has been such a strong reminder to me of God’s goodness and of our inability to know His ways…This side of Heaven. After all, as you stated, my 12-year-old probably never would have been here if I had not lost my first. Be blessed!