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Maintaining a strong marriage is a lot harder than one would think, but it is also very possible.  Your marriage can grow in whatever season you are in.

25 tips that will change marriage for the better

This post was updated from its first publishing years ago.

Here are 25 tips that will change your marriage: 

(1) Make time for your marriage each and every day.  Maybe it is 20 minutes of talking every night or maybe eating breakfast together every morning, just the two of you.

(2) Let go of comparison and embrace your unique marriage.  Comparison is the killer of many marriages. I’ve seen far too many marriages go through rough patches after a lot of “I did the dishes while you watched TV…   Well… I cleaned out the car while you were at the store.”   Don’t get into this cycle.

(3) Even when marriage becomes a test, you can grow closer together.
You have to rely on each other – be the shoulder for the other to cry on.  You can stick together or move apart, so try to stick together in tough times.

(4) Remembering why you said “I do” can strengthen and renew your marriage.
If you forget the reasons, look back on your engagement times.  Remember your dating times.  Look at the person that you married and find the good in them.   Find their strengths and let go of their weaknesses.  Write down your reasons & then compare them.   Are any the same?

(5) Learning to simplify your commitments is key to a growing marriage.
You have to find time to be together – and if that means letting go of the things that cause stress or take up too much time, so be it!

(6) Make the time to date your spouse.
Go out once a month or more if you can.  My friend goes out with her husband every Tuesday night.   Her mom comes over and watches their daughters.  You can even have a game or movie night after the kids go to bed (that’s what we do!)

(7) Create space to talk with your spouse.
We like going out onto our back deck or front porch to talk and hang out.   Sometimes you need to get out of your normal routine (sitting in the living room with the TV on) to really connect.

(8) A strong marriage is more than just a beautiful wedding.
You have to remember this.   Marriage isn’t a wedding – it is what happens after the wedding… for a lifetime.

(9) Visit somewhere new together for a fresh adventure.
This is great advice!   If you can experience new things together, it will be so much fun for both of you!  Go somewhere new, find a new restaurant, explore a new vacation spot with your family or just go to a new trail or park.

(10) Take some time to learn your spouse’s personality type.
I also suggest reading the 5 Love Languages to do this-this book is a must-read for married couples.

(11) Learning from others and sharing your struggles can be a great way to grow a deeper marriage.
You have to trust each other and talk to one another.  I learned so much from my mom and dad. 

(12) Sometimes… you will annoy each other, and that is okay.
I heard one time that the key to being married is never falling out of love at the same time.   Yes, sometimes living with someone every day will get on your nerves.  They leave the towel on the floor, or they leave their shoes out… remember that you can’t fester at that moment, but also know that it is normal.

(13) Taking the time to read about marriage can help you constantly grow.
Finding marriage books or reading a book together is a great way to connect.   Here is my favorite book.

(14) Start a weekly husband/wife meeting together.
Make a meal plan together, make a schedule together and make any plans for the upcoming week.  Go over the calendar and talk about what you will be doing.

(15) Put your spouse first.
I read once that you should treat your spouse like a house guest.  If you get something, offer it to your spouse. If you go out, talk to your spouse about where you are going. It’s kind and respectful.

(16) Instead of wasting time on worry, be confident in your marriage.
You have to work on having a strong marriage.  After kids, you will need to work at it even more.   These tips will help.

(17) Speak life into each other.
Your spouse needs to hear words of encouragement, too.  They need to know that you appreciate them.   Speaking kind words will build someone up quicker than anything I’ve seen.

(18) Kiss more than you complain.
Every day, kiss your spouse.   Kiss them ‘goodbye’ when they leave and ‘welcome home’ when they get back.  Hug them first thing in the morning and as the last thing before you go to bed.   Hold their hand when you are walking or when you are sitting side by side.   It matters.

(19) Support each other in whatever you do.
Your biggest fan should be your spouse.   My dad once said, “if it is important to your mom, it is important to me.”

(20) Don’t criticize and correct your spouse.
Never criticize or correct your spouse in public.  It is humiliating.  Mickey and I agreed never to “throw each other under the bus” when we are out.  Instead, we stand united about all decisions.   We also make it a point never to make one another feel like the root of our jokes.

(21) Speak to each other’s love language.  This is the best thing that you can do for your marriage, but you both have to be on board!  Grab the 5 Love Languages book here. 

(22) Your marriage can grow after kids to be even stronger than ever… try these tips!

(23) Be a champion for your spouse.  Be their biggest fan, and they will be yours.  Your dreams are his dreams, and his dreams are yours.

(24) The simple act of turning off your phone can provide a way to grow closer.  Just put it down & concentrate on the person next to you. ♥

(25) Praying together and separately is a great practice for a strong marriage… just like talking.  It bonds you & brings you closer for a deeper connection.

 Ps- If you would like to receive free marriage & family tips via e-mail, you can sign up here:   (It’s completely free!) 

grow your marriage Your Modern FAmily

Hi there!

I’m Becky, a former elementary school teacher turned certified child development therapist and blogger. I work at home with my husband and together we are raising (and partially homeschooling) our four children in the Carolinas. I love diet coke, ice cream, and spending time with my family.

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  1. My marriage changed for the better when I refused to deny sex to my husband anymore. Our marriage has never been better!

    1. this one thing would change the level of joy in all marriages. As a husband who’s wife has not decided this is something she will address, I can speak from personal experience to say that the deep level of stress and disappointment this has brought has robbed us of a lifetime of closeness. I do not believe I am unlike many men in that there is nothing more important to me than my wife. I love her deeply and completely. I long to be close to her. I could offer a long list of all the things I have done to solve this, but suffice it to say that I have tried romance, notes, and talks in addition to trying to distract myself from this need by being busy, helping her in other ways, and just trying to accept a virtually sexless marriage. I now battle resentment, loss, and guilt at feeling this way each day and regardless of what I do, I cannot keep it from effecting my marriage negatively. I hope other wives who read this will look closely at how they approach this physical, emotional, and marital need of their husbands.

    2. I Agree! When/if you feel like holding back the intimacy don’t those moments of intimacy are not for anyone to use for discipline . I find that when I’m angry With my spouse (25 yrs married) I want to be intimate because it brings comfort and closeness to my unsettled soul. It doesn’t mean our disagreement is over it means we need each other even when we disagree with each other and after we are finished we are more open to seeing each other’s point of view, more open to being fair and understanding because we connected on the same level through it all.

  2. This was so good, Keri! Thanks for sharing my post – I’ve seen a LOT of traffic from that! You’re the best – thanks to you as well, Becky!

  3. The phrase is “Band Together” not “Ban Together” not sure what “ban together” would even supposedly imply..

  4. I love this! Some one the other day was like “you still . Call it dates?” I said “yes we still date when we ate married” and there are times i look back on our vows too.

  5. It is not easy to do all these but a lot of people would do anything for love! Thank you so much

  6. Great tips to strengthen the bonds of marriage. Prayer really helps. It works for me.

  7. I think a problem a lot of people have is not mixing #4 and 12. “In love” is just an emotion like being happy or sad. However, to love someone is a choice which doesn’t depend on the weather, the time of day, the last time my husband brought me flowers, or what I ate for lunch. And, yeah, if I’m angry with my husband, I certainly won’t be “in love” with him, but I can still love him.

    Don’t get me wrong. Being in love is a wonderful feeling, but it’s not necessary for a strong marriage. You can both not be in love at the same time and still love one another. (Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.)

  8. This was so good, Keri! Thanks for sharing my post – I’ve seen a LOT of traffic from that! You’re the best – thanks to you as well, Becky!

  9. A great list of tips! I love it because there is something for all stages of marriage, not just the newbies! I especially like taking time everyday for each other. Thanks for sharing!

  10. How do you get the other person to speak your love language, after you’ve learned theirs?

  11. Great advice here. I love the tip about being your spouses champion. If you won’t support them and have their back, who will? Kissing more than you complain is a fantastic tip! Great read. Rose @ Our House of Love

  12. I like what you said about having a weekly husband and wife meeting. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t talk to my husband for days at a time. I think that this would really help us to know what’s going on and really unite us more than we have been recently. Thank you!