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I have always wanted four children. I have wanted a large family for as long as I can remember. since I was little. My grandmother had four children. My great-grandmother had 11 children. My Great-great-grandmother had more than that.
Each of our children was thought about, planned and brought into this world with every intention of growing our family, raising our children and watching them grow into responsible adults. They were beautifully and wonderfully made.
And if they had not been planned for… I would love them exactly the same.
There have been many times when I have had to defend our family. The number of children that we chose to have, the fact that I wanted them all to be so close in age (2 years between each of them), the fact that it is a little bit hard right now, but that I enjoy it and I actually find four kids to be less-stressful than three.
(here we were, expecting our fourth baby…)
A friend told me once before we had our third child: “You will never regret having another child. You will love him and take care of him, but in twenty years, will you look back and wish that you had had one more if you decide not to have another child now? You won’t regret having another child, but you might regret not having one.”
After our second child was born with hypertonicity, and we spent hours a day in therapy and at over 17 doctor’s offices during that first year, trying to figure out why he couldn’t move well and why he vomited everything that he ate (which lasted for the first two years of his life). We questioned whether or not we should have more children.
We didn’t know what our lives would be like.
Would this child ever grow up to be independent?
Would he take more time than we had to give to more than two children?
Would our other children were born with this, too?
Well- we trusted in God and decided to grow our family. We knew that we could raise our kids to be empathetic, helpful, loving and caring. Plus, we have a great support system with our family. As it turned out, God healed our son and he is so amazing today.
He is a vibrant, wonderful, smart, (SO FUNNY) six-year-old boy (& he sure can breakdance… so watch out!) He is a testimony to the power of prayer (& play therapy at a young age!)
So, when I hear someone ask me that question… “Are they all yours?” I say, very proudly “Yes. They are ALL mine!” with a smile on my face. I love having four kids! I understand why they are asking, as I am on the petite side, so I understand that I don’t look much taller than our oldest son, 7 years old. (I am only 4’11… I take after my mom!)
I had our first son when I was 23. I had been married for two years before our son was born (My husband and I dated for seven years prior to our marriage- through high school & college. We were married the month after college graduation from college).
Many times I will hear arguments about how it is irresponsible to have this many children because of overcrowding in the world. I will hear that it is too expensive to have four children. I hear that four children are “a handful”… so to these things, I answer: “True.”
Yes, it is true that there are a lot of people in our world, but God has a plan. He planned our children and I’m sure that they will do amazing things! I can’t wait to see how they change the world!
Yes, it is expensive. Are you kidding me- of course it is! Just feeding them one meal costs a lot of money! That’s Ok, because I cut back in other places. I decorate our house for less money using these ideas, I go to toy swaps and even clothing swaps, and I have become a stay at home mom on one income. I don’t need to have the latest and greatest things, because I already have the real latest and greatest at home… my family!
Yes, they are a handful – a handful of fun, love, excitement, laughter, giggles, and at times, even a handful of trouble. haha!
So- how many kids do you have? Do you ever hear people ask you this?
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It’s sad that people actually think 4 children is a large family, to me that’s at most medium size. I have 7, and if God blesses us with more we will joyfully take them. We trust God with our family size and will not limit his blessings, which are what children are. It’s not about “me” and if I “feel” like we are finished, it’s about trusting and obeying God. In my 38 years of life, I have figured out when I trust and obey God, he works the details out.
7 children? How wonderful!
We are pregnant with number 13 our bakers dozen it took a year to get pregnant with this one so I’m guessing we are done but we will see what happens in the future we love our big family and wouldn’t have it any other way!
oh how wonderful!
Love this post! I am pregnant with our second and I have hesitated to tell some of our family and friends because of the judgement. We don’t own a house, recently picked up a new car loan, and I’m not done with college. The judgement and questioning eyes can get a little overwhelming, but I know it was the right choice and right time for us. I will give up certain things, find ways to cut back and save money, and have my hands full… But that’s okay. I really appreciate your transparency in this post, and congratulations on a beautiful family!
Thank you!
I know this post was written a while ago but I just wanted to say thank you! My husband and I have 5 children together at this point. What God has planned for our family, we don’t know but we’re willing to be open to it! I am only 26 and have many more years of fertility! Ha! But it’s so hard now a days to have a large family and not feel the heat from people. It’s just nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you for your testimony!
You are so welcome. 🙂
This is a great post…I love having 5 kids and I love being unusual to people because I have “so many”. 😉
I am 41 and I just had our sixth child. My children range in age from 15 years to 3 months. And yes, they are ALL mine and my hands are full, FULL OF LOVE! Thank you for writing on this particular topic that is so sensitive for so many women. I too experienced scorn, frustration, and anger from friends, family, church members, and strangers in regards to the the continued growth of our family. I experienced stony silence and a turned back from one of our parents when we announced the last two children. Another parent kept accusing me of trying to prove I was “superwoman.” My own sister didn’t speak to me for nearly 4 months. Cousins have made numerous snarky comments. A church member told me I should try reading books at night, “instead.” And strangers seem to have no filter these days. It used to eat away at my heart, but I have learned to silence the enemy’s accusations in regards to the size of my family.
I thought I wanted 4 children, but after 2 miscarriages and 3 babies in 5 years I tried to prevent further pregnancies with an IUD. It worked. Sort of. I had two false positive pregnancy scares while I had the IUD. “Scares” only because of the complications the IUD could cause.
During this time, the Lord began asking me to trust Him in regards to my womb and the number of children in our family. I felt crazy for listening and entertaining the thought of more, but eventually, after carefully studying the Word and being introduced to several beautiful, loving large families, my heart yielded to His will and I began speaking to my husband about it. We both agreed to pray. I said little and waited for the Spirit to work.
Two years later, my husband agreed to trust the Lord with me. During the next 5 years, we were given 3 more children. It’s unknown if there will be more. My husband is now 43 and I am 41. There is room in my heart for more if God wills it, but at times, I am ready to be able to do things like mission trips and church camps with my oldest three. And yet, witnessing how our younger 3 have so positively changed our family…witnessing our hearts full…meeting families who are encouraged by our number and close knit bond- all spur me on to trust again.
I have no question that following the Lord and trusting Him in this area was the right thing for us. That exercise in trust and obedience has led to so many others – ministries, moves, etc. God has taught us to follow His lead, simply by allowing Him to give us a large family.
And our Father has proven Himself faithful in so many small and large ways. Everything from unexpected monetary gifts, to hand me down clothes, to a lack of morning sickness with the last two pregnancies.
Please understand, I have no judgement against using birth control. None. I believe that decision is a private and personal decision to be made by each couple. All of us who have been called by God have to learn to trust Him in ways that are unique to His design for us. Mine just happened to be the size of my family. Yours may be something entirely different.
This is the first time I’ve written any of this down to be shared publicly. I hope it encourages others to find out where God is leading you to trust Him. Because He is worthy! And He has proven Himself over and over!! Thank you for the opportunity to share this, for the first time.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me & our readers. What a gift to have you sharing your story here.
I am 35 and have 4 kids 18,15,8&7 3 boys and 1 girl!
Oh no way!! Now that’s a small world. 🙂
Thanks for your post! Love it! And I too love responding with a smile when people ask questions. Our 4th is due soon (my oldest is 4) and our 3rd passed away last year due to illness so I often feel strange when people tell me I am crazy and will have my hands so full with 3 so close. I always tell them I certainly hope so (especially since I know what it feels like to go from more to less so quickly). Were they planned? is so common…of course and we love them ALL! Lol!
They were planned. We lost one along the way (a baby before our 4th).
We have 4 – 13, 10 ,8 and 6yrs. Our eldest is a boy and the rest are all girls. We talked about stopping at 3 but then our youngest showed up and we wouldn’t be without her – she is so amazingly unique! I would have had more, but my husband is 11 years older than me and didn’t want to still be having preschoolers through his late 40s. He is from a family of 5 children and his parents have 15 grandchildren aged 13 and under – when we all get together it’s an instant party and the kids all have a blast! My family is not nearly as large and are all overseas so I think they miss out!
I really don’t think 4 is a large family though, and I can’t say I’ve had many comments about it… We live on a dairy farm in NZ and families with 4 children are not uncommon around us 🙂
I am sometimes sad that there will be no more babies as I loved that chapter of my life. But you are right about the next being just as exciting, we get to invest in our kids lives as they grow and discover who they are and what God has in store for them. 🙂
I’m currently pregnant with my fourth child. I have a boy, girl, boy, and expecting another boy. I have always wanted 4 kids as well but I really would like to have another girl. But I’m so worried about how my family would react because they were pretty surprised about this pregnancy and not in a good way. Both my husband and I agree that in a couple of years after this one is born we will try again for a girl. If it comes out that we have another boy then that will be it. But I’ve always loved the idea of having a big family.
We have 7 and I wanted none! Our life is so full of love and craziness on a daily basis, and I thank God for knowing better than I do.
We have 9 with #10 on the way. 8 girls and 1 boy soon be 2 boys in a few days. Married at 19 we started dating at 15. Been married for 17 years. I not would take nothing for my many gifts God has given me!
I just came across this blog post. I have to defend my family constantly. My husband and I have four children all together. I have a 6 year olf from my previous marriage, and he has a four year old from his. Together we have a two year old daughter, and a 2 week old son. When we announced my pregnancy with our baby boy the room went dead silent. No congrats, no nothing. Our families dont want us to havr more kids because “its expensive”, and they dont just mean for us. They mean for them.
Both my husband and I know we want another baby eventually, God willing, but we are so afraid of judgement from our families 🙁
We have 3, I always wanted 4 too! Haha we are possibly trying for #4 soon. Yeah 4 is SO not large. Occasionally I think maybe I could do 5. I will say part of me says I will be a better mom with the next kid and I am to a degree and sometmmes worry adding more because I feel like I need to improve before I add more. But know it all works out some how.
I just came across your website when looking for ideas for family giving up something during Lent. What a great site! My husband and I also have four children. Three girls and one boy. We starting buying diapers in 2007 and have needed to purchase them every year since just because of timing. Our kids range from 14 to 3. Hopefully potty training will happen soon for our last little one. I have needed to defend my family many times, along with getting picked on for being “over-sized.” I have been asked if they all have the same father. We didn’t meet until we were in our 20s, and married late 20s. We didn’t have children until we were married for almost 4 years. People also ask me about being older parents. This makes me laugh because I was 39 when our last was born, and my husband was 43. I don’t think of us as older parents, but I guess we kind of are. As a high school special education teacher, I have a full time job which I find to be the perfect career for not only my own self interests and skills, but also for raising a family. I have no regrets. I find the even number to be perfect for the buddy system. We have so much fun with our family traditions, and during the recent pandemic having four has worked well for entertainment and games. I pray for my kids to lead full, happy, and successful lives where ever God takes them. But I want them to always want to come “home” Creating a “home” for them is vitally important in today’s modern world. A good home is missing for so many today, I see it with my students all the time. I enjoy what you have on this site for having a home.
Thank you! 🙂