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I have always wanted four children. I have wanted a large family for as long as I can remember. since I was little. My grandmother had four children. My great-grandmother had 11 children. My Great-great-grandmother had more than that.
Each of our children was thought about, planned and brought into this world with every intention of growing our family, raising our children and watching them grow into responsible adults. They were beautifully and wonderfully made.
And if they had not been planned for… I would love them exactly the same.
There have been many times when I have had to defend our family. The number of children that we chose to have, the fact that I wanted them all to be so close in age (2 years between each of them), the fact that it is a little bit hard right now, but that I enjoy it and I actually find four kids to be less-stressful than three.
(here we were, expecting our fourth baby…)
A friend told me once before we had our third child: “You will never regret having another child. You will love him and take care of him, but in twenty years, will you look back and wish that you had had one more if you decide not to have another child now? You won’t regret having another child, but you might regret not having one.”
After our second child was born with hypertonicity, and we spent hours a day in therapy and at over 17 doctor’s offices during that first year, trying to figure out why he couldn’t move well and why he vomited everything that he ate (which lasted for the first two years of his life). We questioned whether or not we should have more children.
We didn’t know what our lives would be like.
Would this child ever grow up to be independent?
Would he take more time than we had to give to more than two children?
Would our other children were born with this, too?
Well- we trusted in God and decided to grow our family. We knew that we could raise our kids to be empathetic, helpful, loving and caring. Plus, we have a great support system with our family. As it turned out, God healed our son and he is so amazing today.
He is a vibrant, wonderful, smart, (SO FUNNY) six-year-old boy (& he sure can breakdance… so watch out!) He is a testimony to the power of prayer (& play therapy at a young age!)
So, when I hear someone ask me that question… “Are they all yours?” I say, very proudly “Yes. They are ALL mine!” with a smile on my face. I love having four kids! I understand why they are asking, as I am on the petite side, so I understand that I don’t look much taller than our oldest son, 7 years old. (I am only 4’11… I take after my mom!)
I had our first son when I was 23. I had been married for two years before our son was born (My husband and I dated for seven years prior to our marriage- through high school & college. We were married the month after college graduation from college).
Many times I will hear arguments about how it is irresponsible to have this many children because of overcrowding in the world. I will hear that it is too expensive to have four children. I hear that four children are “a handful”… so to these things, I answer: “True.”
Yes, it is true that there are a lot of people in our world, but God has a plan. He planned our children and I’m sure that they will do amazing things! I can’t wait to see how they change the world!
Yes, it is expensive. Are you kidding me- of course it is! Just feeding them one meal costs a lot of money! That’s Ok, because I cut back in other places. I decorate our house for less money using these ideas, I go to toy swaps and even clothing swaps, and I have become a stay at home mom on one income. I don’t need to have the latest and greatest things, because I already have the real latest and greatest at home… my family!
Yes, they are a handful – a handful of fun, love, excitement, laughter, giggles, and at times, even a handful of trouble. haha!
So- how many kids do you have? Do you ever hear people ask you this?
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I think when people don’t know what to say they make comments about kids. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and were married 11 years before we were blessed with out daughter (she’s 6 now). People make all sorts of comments on how we “need” to have another or how it’s not fair to her that she doesn’t have a sibling. They don’t know the years of tears over infertility or the babies lost and that’s not something I’m comfortable bringing up. A family gets to make their own choice on the size of their children and people need not not make comments about too many or too for children!
Agreed 🙂
I also have three boys and a girl, ages 10,7,5, and 2 1/2! You mentioned your little boy having hypotonia and eating issues. This sounds so much like my oldest. Then he went through a phase where he seemed better, then other things came up. He’s always been a little on the floppy side. We recently found out he has Developmental Coordination Disorder. It explained who he was, so much!
As hard as it is to hear- its just nice to put a name to what is happening, isn’t it?
I really enjoy reading your blog. In fact I have read this post at least 3 times. We have 4 kiddos now ages 9, 4, 2, & 7 months (3 with birthdays in the next 4 months). I knew as soon as we had our youngest we weren’t done.
I constantly get the “you’re done now, right?”, “You’ve got you hands full!” (Yes I do but I absolutely love it!), and from my mom when we found out we were pregnant with our 3rd “You’ve got 2, a girl and a boy. Why would you want more?”. So as you can see I don’t really have the support of my family but my husband’s family supports our decisions. So here we are deciding to try again this summer and I’ve decided to not tell my family until we are well into our next pregnancy. I’m still dreading their reactions even though it’s not their choice. I never thought I would have a big family and honestly now 4 kids doesn’t seem like a lot to me.
We started our family later than most families as well, our oldest was born 2 days after my 27th birthday. So needless to say I will be in my late 30’s when we try again. This may be our last child since this will be my 5th c-section but I’m still excited to expand our family again and we will probably adopt in the future as well! I love big families!
I do, too! Thanks for sharing, Marsha!
What a great post! I am currently due with our third child in less than 6 weeks. My oldest is 9, our youngest is 11 months. I get the “you’re going to have your hands full” comment almost daily. To which I reply “absolutely, and its going to be a blast”!
We where told after 5 years of trying that we would never have kids of our own, so we adopted our oldest when he was 6, which brought on many comments. Then we went to see a specialist and he claimed I was an easy fix. Apparently I was because 6 months later I was pregnant with our youngest. Then my husband had the crazy idea to try right away to have a third and we haven’t looked back lol.
I truly believe God does design our family unites the exact way he has meant them to be, and I am so over joyed by the way our family is shaping into.
We would like to have 5-6 kids, but always have been felt called to adopt so this maybe our last bio-baby but we will just have to wait and see what God has in store for us.
I agree! 🙂 I love your attitude!
I have 5 children. We thought we were done after 3, but God just laughed at us and gave us two more! 🙂 It’s crazy, it’s a handful, and I am always on the go, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
AGREED!! 🙂 so fun!
My husband and I got married late in life and we both want a large family. Right now we have just one but are in the two week wait for number 2. We never put a number on the size of our family, but we knew we wanted to adopt as well. We are just starting that process.
Oh wow- congratulations. 🙂
I just stumbled across your blog this morning and I’m loving it! You write so beautifully and I’ve shed tears more than once already as I relate to your thoughts.
My husband and I have 5 children- ages 7, 6, 4, 3 and 16 months… (our only son is first and our 4 girls trail him) At Costco when people look with amazement at our kids, I’ll just joke- we like getting things in bulk 🙂 but of course we get the questioning looks and surprised comments, but really, I’ve never struggled with people giving negative comments, I think it’s because I keep a sunny disposition and don’t give the impression that my family is a negative burden,,,
My husband just got the call that his appointment is booked for a vasectomy and I’m really struggling with it… I really don’t want to be pregnant now, and I feel very satisfied with our family as it is, but the idea of being officially done terrifies me… I guess we have some talking to do 🙂
I will continue reading your blog- thank you!
Oh my goodness- ME, TOO!! It makes it so “final”, doesn’t it? Ugh- I’m right there with you.
Ps- I’m glad you like my blog!! 🙂
Your posts spark many different emotions for me. Some of jealousy. I am the same age as you and am just starting with married life. No children yet. I wish I could have started earlier, because I have always wanted 4 children, but I don’t think it will happen at this point. Cherish each child and never feel guilty for having a large family, because children are a gift from God and there are so many women who would love to have what you have.
My husband and I dated from the time that I was 13, so we started young. Most of my friends are just starting to have babies and people do that later & later now. Thank you for your sweet post. Come back & tell me when you have your own family!! 🙂 (seriously!)
I had four kids in five years, including b/g twins. It does always surprise people they are all mine or that I am still on the fence about a 5th. However, I am more often surprised by how many moms feel the need to explain why they stopped at 1/2/3 kids. I can feel their mom guilt in the explanation. I believe every family’s decision is so personal, and I pass no judgement. Just an an observation I noticed since my youngest was born. Emotionally I wish I was okay with 2/3, because it is a lot of work, haha! But I do love it.
I do worry about the regret.
I agree- I don’t judge anyone’s decisions. They know what is best for their family.
Ps- love your comment about wish you were emotionally ok with 2/3. 🙂 lol .
my husband and I met the year we graduated high school. We were engaged after a week and married 2 months later. Everyone thought we were crazy, but I’m a firm believer that sometimes you just know. We decided to start our family right away and we got pregnant with our first 8 months into our marriage. I was only 24 when our fourth was born and 27 when our fifth (and last) was born. Now our kids are 9, 7, almost 6, 4, and almost 2 and we will be celebrating our 11th anniversary in a few months. It’s difficult and easy and chaotic and fun and loud and crazy but I love it and couldn’t be happier. And the comments from others…I’ve heard them all; especially the “you have your hands full” and that the kids can’t possibly be mine because I look too young and thin to have had any children let alone 5. I used to be offended, but now that I’m nearing 30 I take it as a compliment 🙂 . I’m done being pregnant, but we hope to adopt a large sibling group from foster care in the future.
That’s wonderful (your life sounds kind of similar to mine!!) 🙂
Ironic I read this today. I journeyed to 2 different grocery stores with my 4 yesterday (5, 4, 2.5 & 1). I was asked at both stores if they were all mine, followed by “are any of them twins?”
I too always wanted 4, but found myself drifting thru my 20’s and 30’s unmarried. Finally God sent His best to me at the age of 37, he 39. At that point I thought we’d be fortunate to have 2. God is good and gave us the desires of our heart. Alas now at 42 and knowing another would need to happen quickly I believe we are done. If we would have married younger We would have at least 2 more. Here’s to large families. Life is joyous chaos and I look at our 2 youngest and think what we’d be missing had we stopped at 2…where so many couples end their family these days.
I have chills reading this. How wonderful!!!
Thank you for writing this! I have 5 children and agree with every single thing you wrote!
Thanks, Vicki.
My parents come from very large families…17 on my mom’s side and 6 on my dad’s. I come from a family of 5. I always wanted 4 children also. I married the first time having 2 children, a girl and a boy. I married the second and current time having 1 daughter and decided 3 was enough. God decided otherwise lol! I’m pregnant with twins at the moment. So I’ll end up with 5 children. I am overwhelmed to say the least but they’re mine. I don’t care about other people’s opinions. They aren’t providing care for my children, it costs them nothing, they have no gain or loss in my children’s existence. What other’s think is their problem lol not ours. If they don’t live in our home they need not be concerned?. Everyone is entitled to live their lives the way they wish and allowing others to decide for them is insane and un-american. I’m pro- large-scale families ???
I read this bc yesterday I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I will have 3 under 3 when this little one comes into the world and I’m so so excited to raise this baby…I’m also having major anxiety about people’s responses to my life. I want to say what other people think won’t bother me, but it will. Thanks for the encouragement!
Oh 3 under 3?! How fun!!! 🙂 You will love it, honest!!
People are so plentiful with their opinions aren’t they? We have one. When he was 2.5 we decided to try for a second and first try, we were there. So here I am with an almost three year old and 5 months pregnant and even I get funny comments. (For context, I work in a Christian church! Where family is a central concept!) “Did you MEAN to get pregnant?” “Do you think you’ll have more?” “Are you hoping it’s a girl?” Do people really pressure themselves with these questions?! Worrying nonstop that they might get pregnant, how many they’ll have and worrrying about gender? We don’t truly have control over any of these things, so why would I spend my days worrying about it? I have a girlfriend that struggled with infertility for seven years, had her son last year after a successful IVF, then, got pregnant naturally this year with her second. Let’s choose to be blessed by the children in our lives, whatever we’re given (1, 2, 4, 11, adopters, or permanent aunts and uncles).
Agreed- choose to be blessed. 🙂