This is, by far, the easiest and most effective reward system for kids that I have done. I’ve shared this before but had to do so again because it is a reward system that works so well!
As an elementary teacher, I tried so many classroom reward systems to encourage good behavior and lesson negative behavior, but this is the one that works. (Here are 5 reward charts that I’ve tried.) It works so well for behavior management by rewarding students through positive reinforcement.
Easy and Effective Reward System for Kids
I love how this rewards the children for specific behaviors as the children are rewarded individually. I have always wanted intrinsic motivation to be the reason that our children work hard, and this reward system is a way to highlight their positive behavior.
It goes beyond things like ‘rewarding them for completing age-appropriate chores’ and instead encourages the children to work at being kind, generous, grateful and helpful.
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I’ve tried many systems for rewards for kids. This is the best one. We’ve been doing this for more than 10 years.
The BEST Reward System for Kids
I had marbles, stickers, charts…and then I tried cotton balls in our own home! This worked great and I have used this in our own home for many years.
We have four kids and this works with ALL of them. Even their friends try to earn cotton balls to take home – haha!
What is the goal of the reward system?
The goal is simple: Fill your jar with cotton balls. They get a cotton ball for doing something nice or saying something kind, without prompting. The child earns cotton balls for doing kind things. Easy enough, right?
What is the reward for filling their jar?
It is their choice (within reason). They can pick to do something fun, go somewhere with us, stay up a little late… it’s up to them! They have their choice of DOING something fun.
Note: We do not spend a lot of money on rewards. See some examples below.
Non-Toy Rewards
While there are so many types of rewards, we have decided not to use toys or money as a reward. I want it to be something special with “someone” (quality time) instead of with “something.” I’ve shared a list of non-toy rewards here, but I wanted to give you a few more examples to get give you some ideas to get started:
- Bowling
- Bike Riding
- Sleepover in mom/dad’s room with sleeping bags on our floor
- Have a cousin sleepover
- Pizza & movie night. (I do not encourage screen time as a reward, but sometimes we will rent a new movie and make a night of it.)
- Go out for ice cream
- Go swimming
- Stay up a little later one night to play a game
- Go to a movie
- Stay up late and play a board game
- SEE MORE NON-TOY REWARDS HERE.
How do I set up the reward jar?
Each of our kids has a jar with their first initial on it… You can see how to make them here.
- Each jar has a rubber band on it. The rubber band serves the purpose of a “fill line”.
- Our oldest children have rubber bands higher on the jar because they are older & they need to get more cotton balls.
- As they get older (each year), the rubber band moves higher up as with their increased age comes higher expectations. This happens until they’re around six years old when I remove the rubber band and they simply have to fill the jar.
- OPTION: you could use chalkboard paint on your jar & draw on the fill line with chalk so that it is easily moveable as they get older.
How do they earn a reward (cotton ball)?
They earn one by doing something nice and unexpected. For example…
- If one child spills something and the other helps to clean it up (without being asked!)
- If I need something from downstairs and they go to get it for me (without being asked!)
- If I catch them doing something or SAYING something kind to each other or to someone else.
- If they help a sibling without being asked.
This reward system is easy and effective. It has not let me down yet.
When they are towards the end (with about 5 cotton balls to go), they will be REALLY trying hard to receive rewards (cotton balls)! As an example, two of our kids had less than two cotton balls to go in their jars before they were filled and they were doing everything to earn them:
- Cleaning their room and then cleaning their sibling’s room.
- Getting their brother and sister’s pajamas ready
- Setting the kitchen table before dinner, before being asked.
- Cleaning up the shoes in the garage.
- Making nice notes and hanging them on each other’s doors.
- Telling each other how great they were (it’s so fun to watch them work towards the “finish line”)
It worked! They went bowling the next day.
What happens after the jar is filled and we’ve done the reward?
When they have earned their reward, I empty the cotton balls from their jars and put them in their ziplock bag and back into the drawer in the kitchen right under where I keep the jars.
Where do we keep the reward jars?
I keep the jars on my counter, next to my refrigerator. It’s not the prettiest placement, but it is pretty much hidden in the corner of the counter closest to the refrigerator, except that the kids can see it every time that they are in the kitchen and they are able to keep track of it.
Can they “Lose” Cotton Balls? Do they get taken out for negative behavior?
- No, not anymore. However, when they were younger, I did take it away on occasion. This was very rare and only when they were being unkind to one another. I also always provided an opportunity to “earn it back” by being extra kind.
- If you start taking them away often, you are going to lose the ‘power’ that this has because it is going to take them too long to get their goal.
Tips to make the reward system a success:
- It takes the kids about two weeks to a month to fill up the cotton ball jar because it is a special thing and is not given for every little thing that they do.
- Although at first, you will want to make it fill up a little quicker so that they are able to get their first reward and understand it. Once they do this, they will see what they are working towards.
- Remind them when that first reward comes “This is because you filled up your cotton balls! I’m so glad that you did because this is so much fun!”
- Sometimes I will use cotton balls as an incentive: “if you ____, you will earn an extra cotton ball today.” (Works great for this, but I don’t do this too often because I don’t want it to lose its real purpose.)
- I do not give them out for doing their normal chores (see age-appropriate chore list here). These cotton balls are special and come when they do something that was NOT asked of them. (see number 6)
- Sometimes they will ask “can I have a cotton ball for that?” I judge that answer based on the situation. For the most part, asking for one doesn’t get you one.
- If your kids need a little incentive for chores, check out our Swap Chores for Screentime Cards
The Main Idea:
- DO SOMETHING NICE–>> GET A COTTON BALL.
- FILL YOUR JAR->> DO SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL (Usually Mom or Dad, or even a sleepover at their grandparent’s house or cousin’s house).
How do I make the reward jars?
The directions to make these DIY reward jars are pretty easy. 🙂 I made mine from marinara sauce jars.
This has been my favorite system that we’ve used in our house. I haven’t had to stray from this easy reward system for kids yet and it never fails me. It has been a long term setup in our home and has worked wonders! It sets a focus on the positive things that your children do.
I know it will work for you too!
Looking for More Parenting Tips? Check Out the Following Articles!
Alison Wood says
Great idea. I will try this with my six kiddos soon. I am always looking for creative ways to encourage good deeds and habits. Pinning!
Visiting from Pint-sized Treasures
Tonia@thegunnysack says
Great tips! Thanks for sharing at Time To Sparkle!
Monica says
Found you at C&L great post! Pinned it. 🙂
Monica
http://happyandblessedhome.com
PS I do a Friday Linky party if you want to link up!
http://happyandblessedhome.com/category/family-fun
Your Modern Family says
Thanks!
Momma to be says
Hi I have a question. I think this is a great idea but Im afraid wouldn’t it give kids the notion that they should behave kindly only for obtaining rewards? Shouldn’t they be behaving well anyway?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
yes, of course. I just want them to know that I’ve noticed. It’s just a way to let them know that it’s appreciated.
Jelli says
This is a great idea, Becky! I’ll have to give it a whirl next time I pick up a bag of cotton balls. My 2.5 year-old is great about helping out around the house and I know she’d love this!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Its easy & they love it. 🙂 We just started it with our 3 year old & he is so excited to fill them up & go bowling! 🙂
Violet says
My grandson lost his Mom. He is only 13. This is hard on a child to lose someone and go through puberty at the same time. His Mom spoiled him rotten. His auntt and I have custody of him. We are trying to unspoil him. But it’s hard with the situation. We are doing the reward thing. Some times he acts out. We try to be understanding but also firm. Any suggestions will help. Thank you
Becky Mansfield says
I’m sorry. That is a very hard situation to be in. I will keep you & your family in my thoughts.
Leah says
I am definitely trying this. My 5 year old has been giving me a run for my money lately and I want to try something positive and this is a great idea! thanks!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 I hope it helps- it really works great for our kids.
Colette says
What do you do if one kid fills up the jar before the other one?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
This always happens. That’s the best part- you do something special with just that child, so to them it is extra one on one time! 🙂
Erica@RaisingMunchies says
This is a great idea. I love that it is focusing on affirming positive behavior and that the reward is time. I will definitely think about implementing this with my 4 yr old.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It works GREAT in our house & has for years 🙂
Blanca says
Hello, I really like this idea. But I would like to know how do you encourage to make their own responsibilities (clean up toy, be ready to school, or bed?, and a extra work in home?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I have a post on here about how I do that… for everything that I found laying around, they lose some time at night & have to go to bed earlier. Ex: leave pants on floor- go to bed 5 minutes sooner. Leave bed not made- go to bed 5 min. sooner. It works wonders!
Jeniffer says
What a wonderful idea!! I will be starting this soon! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks! It works wonders in our house!
kidseducstion says
great thinking something new and interesting
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
It works great in our house! i’m glad you like it! 🙂
Brittany Bullen says
Becky,
This is a FABULOUS idea! We’ve experimented with a similar reward system, using gold “tokens” in glass jars, but the kids have to take them out and count them to see how they’re doing and often it gets forgotten. Maybe the cotton ball system might be more meaningful. I might just have to try it! Thanks so much for the tip!
Brittany
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes! Try it- it has worked for about 6 years here without a glitch!
Becky says
Off topic but if that is your daughter in the picture, my daughter may her doppelganger. 🙂 I can’t post a picture because it doesn’t allow it but same dress, same hair, looks like close to the same age.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
HAHA!! & their moms have the same name! 😉 Send it to me on facebook in a message! https://www.facebook.com/Yourmodernfamily
alisse says
Our kindergarten teacher used this system instead of those cheap toys. Students were able to pick a privilege like share and tell, lunch with the teacher, use teacher supplies, etc. We loved it and so did the students!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Love those rewards!!! (especially in a classroom!)
yewande anthonia adegunle says
This is really great,will try it with my children thks
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Good luck!
Victoria says
We started this yesterday with our sons, 4 and 7. My youngest is naturally kind but refuses to do anything asked directly of him, to the extent that he is late getting ready for school because he spent time getting his big brother’s shoes out of the cupbiard. So, do we reward him for this kind act although he has been doing it for a while and is therefore, expected? My eldest cottoned onto this and got his younger brother’s shoes out yesterday and was rewarded accordingly. If he repeats the same act should be rewarded again, or is it now expected? Since my youngest refuses to cooperate with most simple requests, I.e. behaving in shops, is it acceptable to use the ‘kindness clouds’, as we call them, to encourage him to behave? For example, ‘if you sit still while I try on these boots you can have a kindness cloud?’ It would certainly be unexpected and kind! Thanks you x
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
At first, we rewarded for anything nice. After a few weeks/months, you can cut back a little, but really you could still do it. Its up to you. If you see that the behavior increases, I’d keep up with it. 🙂
I do use them for “If you are quiet during ____” you will get a cotton ball when we get home. Or “If you can clean up this whole room, I will give you a cotton ball because it is HELPING Mommy so much.” 🙂 I didn’t used to, but now I do.
Johanna says
Do you think this sort of thing would work for almost 2.5 year olds? My twin daughters turned two in January and now are beginning to display typical toddler behavior, and I would love to reward them for good behavior. I’m not sure they would understand it, but with the right explanations, it could work–right?
Thank you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our daughter is almost 3 and she loves to get a cotton ball, but she doesn’t quite understand it. (She wants to do it because her brothers are doing it.) 🙂
Kristen Tate says
I do this with my 15 year old daughter as well as my 6 year old daughter. We use pom-poms (from the art section) instead of cotton balls. We call it their “Fuzzy Jar”. They earn a fuzzy for good behavior. Because the pom-poms are different colors I let them both choose which color they want. It’s not a big thing, but it does give a little instant reward for their good behavior.
For REALLY good behavior – I will sometimes give them 2 fuzzies. I try to not do it often. I’ve also given 3 fuzzies for extreme situations – usually pertaining to safety issues. Example: A knock came at the door in the middle of the night. My youngest didn’t go to the door but rather came in and woke up us up. She knows not to answer the door, but I wanted to show extra special attention for her following that rule.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That was awesome that you rewarded her for following that rule!
Miranda says
This is so great! We are going to give this a try.. I love that the reward is not a “thing”. Thanks for sharing and for all of your insight!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks for the comment, Miranda. Hope it works well in your house. 🙂
Marybeth Thomas says
How can I deal with my 2-1/2 year old boy who is constantly saying no back to me and my husband. I have tried time out, put him in his room even spanking. Nothing works. He’s a smart kid so I think he might understand the cotton ball concept. He has no respect for us. I’ve also tried redirecting. Id rather you do this for example. I’m very frustated. Please help with any ideas.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
For that age, I always do the super-nanny method. Be SO consistent & stick with time out. (I would watch youtube videos of it, honestly. I have always found success in her methods). From my own experience & studies, I have found that time out can work very well, but try to figure out the problem. Talk to him in terms he understands and then give him other ways to explain how he feels.
Sheonagh says
I’m 14yo and I think that it is a wonderful idea. I have taken on the responsibility of finding some way for my 16yo ADHD brother and I to start doing some chores. As the younger one, I would really like to try it, and I’m sure my brother will too because he is extremely competitive. Thanks so much for the advice!!!
Sammy says
Hi,
I love this idea, I just wondered how u worked out your children’s reward! For eg if my eldest daughter (I have two btw) reaches her reward first do we all participate in the reward or would we have to wait for my youngest to reach her reward?!
Addi Ganley says
Love this idea and it is so easy. Way less maintenance than those sticker charts!
Thank you for this idea and for your great reward ideas that are no actual objects…perfect!
Oz says
Hi, this is a great idea. Do you have any idea if this would possibly work for an almost 8 year old boy? I’m struggling to find a suitable reward system for him. Also, do you still do these ‘rewards’ with the kids without them filling up their jars? For example you mentioned going bowling with their dad, is this something that happens either way? I’m just wondering whether it works for rewards that happen anyway and whether they’d still want to fill up their jars for these rewards, or do they need to be things that rarely happen. Hope that makes sense. Thanks a lot
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!! Our 7 & 9 year old are the most into this! They work really hard to earn cotton balls. We do fun things as a family a lot (like bowling) but the Cotton Balls lets them do something alone with one parent. It’s like added one-on-one time, so they love that. But, yes, it can work for rewards you already do, it just gets them an extra one. 🙂 For the first few, I’d do special things that you don’t normally do.
Kevin says
Thanks for sharing ur ideas on parenting.
Mind to share do u bring all kids to pool or jus the one who fill the jar with cotton ball?
I jus wonder should I jus reward the one who fill the jar, or all the kids gets the rewards thanks to the one who fill the jar.
Julia says
Becky：
Looks like it is a really good system. Well done!
Two comments / question
1. I have jewel jars for my kids but I am guilty of not keeping up with filling them. Kids don’t ask for jewels any more after novelty has worn off. Maybe it took a bit too long to fill. I love the “fill line” differentials for different age kids. I will definitely try that.
2. The other issue I have myself is with the rewards. I asked them each to put down a wish-list of things to do or to want, my 8-year old and my 4-year old can’t think of anything (they are either the not very material type or just very content with what they have or do already, no real cravings). My 6-year old has a few ideas. While I think it is important to reward with “to-do” specials rather than “things”, problem for me is: most of the “to do” examples or similar things, e.g. movies, bowling, visits to special swimming pool or special park, strawberry picking on a farm, etc, we have always been doing as a family. It would feel extremely odd to just take 1 or 2 kids out and leave the other(s) behind (almost would not feel like a reward for the “filled the jar” kid(s) but rather a punishment for the other one(s). I am straining my brain to think of good reward things that can be better executed as an individual reward. (Sleepover in mummy’s room is an example of individual reward that won’t upset others, however I doubt my kids would fancy that.) If you have some more ideas on rewards, desperate to hear them … Many thanks!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
You could even make it super simple – like a walk around the block or staying up to play UNO. Maybe you write down 5 ideas & you are in charge of them. You do one a month. 🙂 Like they don’t pick at all… this month, we play UNO. Next month, we get an ice cream cone from McDonalds. etc… 🙂
We do all of these things as a family, but that 20 minutes alone is what they want… so no matter what they are doing with you (even just coloring a picture), they are happy to have that time alone.
Marissa Cruz says
HI! I REALLY LIKED THE IDEA. I AM A TEACHER AND A MOM, CAN I USE IT FOR BOTH OF MY STUDENTS AND CHILDREN?
Marissa Cruz says
thanks!
Bridget says
I also did this jar with my daughter when she was younger. It worked for a while, but we eventually stopped using it. For us, it was not so much about doing something extra special to earn a ball, but she earned a ball for simple things like following directions the first time, using manners, etc. I rewarded as many positive behaviors that I could see her doing. I have my master’s in social work and I’m currently a therapist for teens. Here are a few of my thoughts –
1) While I saw positive behaviors drastically improve, it was hard to just take the jar everywhere we went or keep track of how many balls I owed her for when we got home.
2) In my case, my daughter had behavioral issues already due to ADHD (undiagnosed/unmedicated/untreated at the time). This is an excellent tool for getting a child to do what you want them to do and modify their behaviors. When a new positive behavior is mastered, switch up the target behavior and start noticing/rewarding something else.
3) I taught a parenting class for birth to three, and when we discussed rewarding positive behaviors and ignoring minor misbehaviors, this jar was always my go-to example. It’s a great visual for a kid to see all the good choices they have made. I will also add that the concept of 4:1 (for every one negative thing we say to a kid, we really need to say four positives to make up for it or the negative is what they will remember) applies here. It is possible to ignore minor misbehaviors (minor being the key-word. We obviously can’t ignore things like a child running out into the street) and notice the positives regularly with this jar.
4) The only major issue I have with the article/recommended way of using the jar is that sometimes balls are removed from the jar. Throughout my education and knowledge learned in the field, it is always stressed that when a kid earns a reward, they have earned it. Rewards shouldn’t be taken away, so I’d strongly disagree with balls being taken away, even for big offenses. Instead, I’d encourage the use of more natural consequences while continuing to reward positives. Taking away rewards after they have been given (a ball in the jar is definitely a reward) is not considered to be best practice or supported by evidence.
Halley Parson says
Enjoyed your out of the box idea of a simple jar and cotton balls! I may use this idea when my son outgrows his Kudo Banz. (www.kudobanz.com) So far it’s been just what he needs to stay motivated around the house, listen and obey, and his 4 year old tantrums have grown to very few. I definitely agree that the reward would not be an object or food! And quality time with family is truly the best reward!
beena says
hi,
great idea thanx for sharing,
I will defo use this for my 10 and 5 year old but i have my older ones that are 15 and 17 what would be recommended for them? they have far too much to study! not a single minute to spare!
thank you
Jazz says
Hi we have 4 kids and one on the way. I really would like to try this out for our kids but we might find it difficult as we have a child who has ADHD and ODD that doesn’t do to well with change and gets jealous very easily. In what way can this help us?
Becky Mansfield says
I would try it. It’s been my favorite and we started it when the kids were very young! I reward them for being kind. SO if your ADHD child says something nice to the others, or if someone else gets a gift and your child with ADHD doesn’t whine or complain, that child gets a cotton ball.
Give them out for everything at first.
MDC says
Two questions for this time we are living in now….first, do you have suggestions for only children? So many of these ideas work great with siblings, but I would love to hear if anyone has suggestions for single children. Secondly, now that we are all home bound, we can’t go do things as rewards. Would love to hear ideas for rewards that are not monetary and can work in these trying times.
Amy Shepley says
I raised an only child too. I totally understand what you’re saying, because sometimes, these systems work best when kids are kind of ‘competing’ against one another, for lack of a better word 🙂 Quarantine rewards are hard, but maybe you can save up rewards for something AMAZING when all of this is over, like a trip to the movies, or an arcade!
Jessann Hahner says
I love the rubber band trick to move the fill line depending on their age. This makes it so much easier to use the same reward system for all my kiddos!
Becky Mansfield says
Thank you!