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Easy and effective reward system for kids

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This is, by far, the easiest and most effective reward system for kids that I have done.  As an elementary teacher, I tried them all (here are 5 reward charts that I’ve tried)!

reward system for kidsThis post contains affiliate links to products that I love!

I had marbles, stickers, charts…  and then I tried Cotton Balls in our own home!  This worked great and I have used this in our own home for over three years.  We have four kids and this works with ALL of them.


I have not had to stray from this easy reward system and it never fails me.   It sets a focus on the positive things that your children do.  Even their friends try to earn cotton balls to take home.  haha!

THE GOAL: 

Fill up your jar with cotton balls.  Easy enough, right?

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THE REWARD: 

Their choice (within reason) – NOT AN OBJECT or money! They have their choice of DOING something fun.  Our boys usually pick to go bowling with Dad or to a movie with Mom or to have a sleepover in our room (on the floor in their sleeping bags.)  Movie night with pizza and popcorn is also a hit!  Swimming at the Y (indoor pool) is also a huge hit.

THE SETUP: 

  • Each of our kids has a jar.   Each jar has a rubber band on it. The rubber band serves the purpose of a “fill line”.
  • Our oldest child has his rubber band higher on the jar because he has to get more cotton balls since he is older.
  • As they get older (each year), the rubber band moves higher up (with their increased age comes higher expectations), until around six years old, when I remove the rubber band and they simply have to fill the jar.
  • You can make them like I did or you could use chalkboard paint on your jar & draw on the fill line with chalk so that it is easily moveable as they get older.Reward System for Kids

  • It takes the kids about 2 weeks to a month to fill up the cotton ball jar because it is a special thing and is not given for every little thing that they do.
  • Although at first, you will want to make it fill up a little quicker so that they are able to get their first reward and understand it.  Once they do this, they will see what they are working towards.
  • Remind them when that first reward comes “This is because you filled up your cotton balls!  I’m so glad that you did because this is so much fun!”
  • Sometimes I will use cotton balls as an incentive: “If you ____, you will earn an extra cotton ball today.”  (Works great for this, but I don’t do this too often because I don’t want it to lose its real purpose.)
  • I do not give them out for doing their chores (see age-appropriate chore list here).  These cotton balls are special and come when they do something that was NOT asked of them.  Sometimes they will ask “Can I have a cotton ball for that?”   I judge that answer based on the situation.  For the most part, asking for one doesn’t get you one.

 

HOW DO THEY EARN A COTTON BALL? 

  • They earn one by doing something nice and unexpected.

    EXAMPLES: 

  • If one child spills their food/drink and the other helps to clean it up (without being asked!)
  • If I need something from downstairs and they go to get it for me (without being asked)
  • If I catch them doing something or SAYING something kind to each other or to someone else.

It is easy and effective.  It has not let me down yet.
When they are towards the end (with about 5 cotton balls to go), they will be REALLY trying hard!

EXAMPLE:

Two of our kids had less than two cotton balls to go in their jars before they were filled and they were doing everything to earn them: cleaning their room, getting their brother and sister’s pajamas ready, telling each other how great they were…   (Its so fun to watch them work towards the “finish line”) but it worked and they went bowling the next day.

When they have earned their reward, I empty the cotton balls from their jars and put them in their ziplock bag and back into the drawer in the kitchen right under where I keep the jars.  I keep the jars on my counter, next to my refrigerator.  It’s not the prettiest placement, but it is pretty much hidden in the corner of the counter closest to the refrigerator, except that the kids can see it every time that they are in the kitchen and they are able to keep track of it.

DO YOU TAKE COTTON BALLS AWAY? 

  • Yes, I also take cotton balls away, too, but NOT OFTEN. At times, when their behavior is very uncalled for (being rude and talking back), they will lose a cotton ball. This is a big deal and they are very upset about it. They work extra hard to ‘earn it back’, which can also be done.  If you start taking them away often, you are going to lose the ‘power’ that this has because it is going to take them too long to get their goal.
  • I don’t give out money or toys for doing well and filling their jar. I want it to be something special with “someone” (quality time) instead of with “something”

SIMPLY PUT: 

  • DO SOMETHING NICE–>> GET A COTTON BALL.
    FILL YOUR JAR->> DO SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH MOM & DAD  (or even have a sleepover at their grandparent’s house or cousin’s house).

 Here are directions to make these DIY reward Jars (I made mine from Marinara Sauce Jars)

reward jars

IF YOU MISSED THE POST ON GIVING YOUR YOUNG KIDS AGE-APPROPRIATE CHORES,
chores by age

OR this one on the day that we stopped using chore charts. 

alternative to chore charts

stop doing that for your kids

Mommy, will you lay with me

Find me on Pinterest to see my favorite ideas for kids!

 


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Comments

  4. This is a great idea, Becky! I’ll have to give it a whirl next time I pick up a bag of cotton balls. My 2.5 year-old is great about helping out around the house and I know she’d love this!

    Reply

  5. I am definitely trying this. My 5 year old has been giving me a run for my money lately and I want to try something positive and this is a great idea! thanks!!

    Reply

  7. Hello, I really like this idea. But I would like to know how do you encourage to make their own responsibilities (clean up toy, be ready to school, or bed?, and a extra work in home?

    Reply

    • I have a post on here about how I do that… for everything that I found laying around, they lose some time at night & have to go to bed earlier. Ex: leave pants on floor- go to bed 5 minutes sooner. Leave bed not made- go to bed 5 min. sooner. It works wonders!

      Reply

  10. Becky,

    This is a FABULOUS idea! We’ve experimented with a similar reward system, using gold “tokens” in glass jars, but the kids have to take them out and count them to see how they’re doing and often it gets forgotten. Maybe the cotton ball system might be more meaningful. I might just have to try it! Thanks so much for the tip!

    Brittany

    Reply

  11. Our kindergarten teacher used this system instead of those cheap toys. Students were able to pick a privilege like share and tell, lunch with the teacher, use teacher supplies, etc. We loved it and so did the students!

    Reply

  13. We started this yesterday with our sons, 4 and 7. My youngest is naturally kind but refuses to do anything asked directly of him, to the extent that he is late getting ready for school because he spent time getting his big brother’s shoes out of the cupbiard. So, do we reward him for this kind act although he has been doing it for a while and is therefore, expected? My eldest cottoned onto this and got his younger brother’s shoes out yesterday and was rewarded accordingly. If he repeats the same act should be rewarded again, or is it now expected? Since my youngest refuses to cooperate with most simple requests, I.e. behaving in shops, is it acceptable to use the ‘kindness clouds’, as we call them, to encourage him to behave? For example, ‘if you sit still while I try on these boots you can have a kindness cloud?’ It would certainly be unexpected and kind! Thanks you x

    Reply

    • At first, we rewarded for anything nice. After a few weeks/months, you can cut back a little, but really you could still do it. Its up to you. If you see that the behavior increases, I’d keep up with it. 🙂
      I do use them for “If you are quiet during ____” you will get a cotton ball when we get home. Or “If you can clean up this whole room, I will give you a cotton ball because it is HELPING Mommy so much.” 🙂 I didn’t used to, but now I do.

      Reply

      • Do you think this sort of thing would work for almost 2.5 year olds? My twin daughters turned two in January and now are beginning to display typical toddler behavior, and I would love to reward them for good behavior. I’m not sure they would understand it, but with the right explanations, it could work–right?
        Thank you!

        Reply

  14. I do this with my 15 year old daughter as well as my 6 year old daughter. We use pom-poms (from the art section) instead of cotton balls. We call it their “Fuzzy Jar”. They earn a fuzzy for good behavior. Because the pom-poms are different colors I let them both choose which color they want. It’s not a big thing, but it does give a little instant reward for their good behavior.

    For REALLY good behavior – I will sometimes give them 2 fuzzies. I try to not do it often. I’ve also given 3 fuzzies for extreme situations – usually pertaining to safety issues. Example: A knock came at the door in the middle of the night. My youngest didn’t go to the door but rather came in and woke up us up. She knows not to answer the door, but I wanted to show extra special attention for her following that rule.

    Reply

  15. This is so great! We are going to give this a try.. I love that the reward is not a “thing”. Thanks for sharing and for all of your insight!!

    Reply

  16. How can I deal with my 2-1/2 year old boy who is constantly saying no back to me and my husband. I have tried time out, put him in his room even spanking. Nothing works. He’s a smart kid so I think he might understand the cotton ball concept. He has no respect for us. I’ve also tried redirecting. Id rather you do this for example. I’m very frustated. Please help with any ideas.

    Reply

    • For that age, I always do the super-nanny method. Be SO consistent & stick with time out. (I would watch youtube videos of it, honestly. I have always found success in her methods). From my own experience & studies, I have found that time out can work very well, but try to figure out the problem. Talk to him in terms he understands and then give him other ways to explain how he feels.

      Reply

  17. I’m 14yo and I think that it is a wonderful idea. I have taken on the responsibility of finding some way for my 16yo ADHD brother and I to start doing some chores. As the younger one, I would really like to try it, and I’m sure my brother will too because he is extremely competitive. Thanks so much for the advice!!!

    Reply

  18. Hi,

    I love this idea, I just wondered how u worked out your children’s reward! For eg if my eldest daughter (I have two btw) reaches her reward first do we all participate in the reward or would we have to wait for my youngest to reach her reward?!

    Reply

  19. Love this idea and it is so easy. Way less maintenance than those sticker charts!

    Thank you for this idea and for your great reward ideas that are no actual objects…perfect!

    Reply

  20. Hi, this is a great idea. Do you have any idea if this would possibly work for an almost 8 year old boy? I’m struggling to find a suitable reward system for him. Also, do you still do these ‘rewards’ with the kids without them filling up their jars? For example you mentioned going bowling with their dad, is this something that happens either way? I’m just wondering whether it works for rewards that happen anyway and whether they’d still want to fill up their jars for these rewards, or do they need to be things that rarely happen. Hope that makes sense. Thanks a lot

    Reply

    • Yes!! Our 7 & 9 year old are the most into this! They work really hard to earn cotton balls. We do fun things as a family a lot (like bowling) but the Cotton Balls lets them do something alone with one parent. It’s like added one-on-one time, so they love that. But, yes, it can work for rewards you already do, it just gets them an extra one. 🙂 For the first few, I’d do special things that you don’t normally do.

      Reply

  21. Thanks for sharing ur ideas on parenting.
    Mind to share do u bring all kids to pool or jus the one who fill the jar with cotton ball?
    I jus wonder should I jus reward the one who fill the jar, or all the kids gets the rewards thanks to the one who fill the jar.

    Reply

  22. Becky：

    Looks like it is a really good system. Well done!

    Two comments / question
    1. I have jewel jars for my kids but I am guilty of not keeping up with filling them. Kids don’t ask for jewels any more after novelty has worn off. Maybe it took a bit too long to fill. I love the “fill line” differentials for different age kids. I will definitely try that.

    2. The other issue I have myself is with the rewards. I asked them each to put down a wish-list of things to do or to want, my 8-year old and my 4-year old can’t think of anything (they are either the not very material type or just very content with what they have or do already, no real cravings). My 6-year old has a few ideas. While I think it is important to reward with “to-do” specials rather than “things”, problem for me is: most of the “to do” examples or similar things, e.g. movies, bowling, visits to special swimming pool or special park, strawberry picking on a farm, etc, we have always been doing as a family. It would feel extremely odd to just take 1 or 2 kids out and leave the other(s) behind (almost would not feel like a reward for the “filled the jar” kid(s) but rather a punishment for the other one(s). I am straining my brain to think of good reward things that can be better executed as an individual reward. (Sleepover in mummy’s room is an example of individual reward that won’t upset others, however I doubt my kids would fancy that.) If you have some more ideas on rewards, desperate to hear them … Many thanks!

    Reply

    • You could even make it super simple – like a walk around the block or staying up to play UNO. Maybe you write down 5 ideas & you are in charge of them. You do one a month. 🙂 Like they don’t pick at all… this month, we play UNO. Next month, we get an ice cream cone from McDonalds. etc… 🙂

      We do all of these things as a family, but that 20 minutes alone is what they want… so no matter what they are doing with you (even just coloring a picture), they are happy to have that time alone.

      Reply

  24. I also did this jar with my daughter when she was younger. It worked for a while, but we eventually stopped using it. For us, it was not so much about doing something extra special to earn a ball, but she earned a ball for simple things like following directions the first time, using manners, etc. I rewarded as many positive behaviors that I could see her doing. I have my master’s in social work and I’m currently a therapist for teens. Here are a few of my thoughts –

    1) While I saw positive behaviors drastically improve, it was hard to just take the jar everywhere we went or keep track of how many balls I owed her for when we got home.

    2) In my case, my daughter had behavioral issues already due to ADHD (undiagnosed/unmedicated/untreated at the time). This is an excellent tool for getting a child to do what you want them to do and modify their behaviors. When a new positive behavior is mastered, switch up the target behavior and start noticing/rewarding something else.

    3) I taught a parenting class for birth to three, and when we discussed rewarding positive behaviors and ignoring minor misbehaviors, this jar was always my go-to example. It’s a great visual for a kid to see all the good choices they have made. I will also add that the concept of 4:1 (for every one negative thing we say to a kid, we really need to say four positives to make up for it or the negative is what they will remember) applies here. It is possible to ignore minor misbehaviors (minor being the key-word. We obviously can’t ignore things like a child running out into the street) and notice the positives regularly with this jar.

    4) The only major issue I have with the article/recommended way of using the jar is that sometimes balls are removed from the jar. Throughout my education and knowledge learned in the field, it is always stressed that when a kid earns a reward, they have earned it. Rewards shouldn’t be taken away, so I’d strongly disagree with balls being taken away, even for big offenses. Instead, I’d encourage the use of more natural consequences while continuing to reward positives. Taking away rewards after they have been given (a ball in the jar is definitely a reward) is not considered to be best practice or supported by evidence.

    Reply

  25. Enjoyed your out of the box idea of a simple jar and cotton balls! I may use this idea when my son outgrows his Kudo Banz. (www.kudobanz.com) So far it’s been just what he needs to stay motivated around the house, listen and obey, and his 4 year old tantrums have grown to very few. I definitely agree that the reward would not be an object or food! And quality time with family is truly the best reward!

    Reply

  26. hi,
    great idea thanx for sharing,
    I will defo use this for my 10 and 5 year old but i have my older ones that are 15 and 17 what would be recommended for them? they have far too much to study! not a single minute to spare!

    thank you

    Reply

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Hi, I'm Becky Mansfield!

Founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you. More About Becky...

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