STOP DOING THAT FOR YOUR KIDS: I wrote this a few years ago, but I was reading it today and wanted to share it again. It is always a good reminder. ENJOY…
We want to do so much for our kids, but today I want to tell you to STOP doing that for your kids because you are doing more harm than good… honestly!
No matter how many children we have: one or ten, we need to know when we are doing too much for them. We need to empower our kids to be independent when they can be, so they will grow up to be responsible adults.
Yes, I do things for them.♥ I’m happy to, in fact. I get their shoes when they are running late, I make their breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks every day. I do things just because I love them and I want them to know that. I want them to know that I am their mom and for that reason alone, I will always be there to help them and do kind things for them. However… I also want them to know how to be responsible for themselves.
It is a fine line and it is a HARD line to walk. When do you do it for them and when do you stop doing that for your kids?
A few weeks ago, our son had some friends over… less than a handful of his closest friends. We went out to eat and then we came back home and had their snack at our house (it was a little birthday gift for our son). That night, my eyes were opened. The kids ate dinner and had a ball! They came home and ate their snack like they had never eaten dinner (haha!)
Then it happened.
You see, one of his friends that came that night comes from a different background than our kids. He comes from a house with MANY children and a single mom raising them all on her own. This friend doesn’t have all of the luxuries that our kids are used to.
His mom worked many jobs and when she is home, she is taking care of more than ten children on her own. She doesn’t have the time to cater to their every need, honestly. She isn’t able to clean up after them or fold all of their clothes. She isn’t able to give him everything that he asks for (monetary & attention), because she is providing for many other children and working several jobs when she is not at home.
Something happened that made me open my eyes.
I said “Hey, guys, when you are done with your snacks, just leave your plates on the table and I’ll get it. You can go play before you have to go home.” Now, I have taught our kids to clean up after themselves, but if they forget, I remind them.
If they forget, I even (shhh….) clean up after them, at times. If they forget, I help. So, back to the story… I had just finished giving these directions, about leaving their plates on the table, when five kids (including my own children) finished eating, got up and ran back outside. They happily left their plates, forks, cups, and napkins for me to clean up.
Don’t get me wrong- I love these kids because they are all very sweet. They are kind, considerate kids and they were doing what I asked. They all did this, except one… The one little boy that I mentioned earlier. He brought his plate over to the sink and he said to me “Miss Becky? Ma’am? I am used to washing my own things.”
He then walked over to the sink to wash his plate. I stopped him and took over, but in that moment I thought about my own kids and I realized…
I told myself…
When you take over for our kids, because they are young and it is EASIER…
you are doing more harm than good.
When you clean up their rooms for them because they are young and it is EASIER… you are doing more harm than good.
When you let their manners slip this one time, because they are young and it is EASIER… you are doing more harm than good.
When you make their beds for them, because they are young and it is EASIER… you are doing more harm than good.
When you let them get away with “Just ok” work, instead of what we know they are capable of, because they are young and it is EASIER… you are doing more harm than good.
Think about the future:
- Do we want them to rely on their college roommates to wash their plates?
- Do we want our sons to become husbands that rely on their wives to clean for them?
- Do we want them to lose their jobs because they are used to someone helping them all of the time, reminding them of their responsibilities, following behind them to tell them what to do next?
- What happens when our children, that didn’t do their best on homework when they were young, become adults that don’t do their best work for their jobs?
We teach our children to do chores. They unload the dishwasher every day. They clear their plates after dinner and put them in the dishwasher. They make their beds (well, some of our kids do) in the morning, normally after I have reminded them. They put away their clothes, after I wash them, fold them and take them to their rooms. They have real chores, from the chore basket.
I can’t say that they don’t do them, because they do…. However, there are many times when I just do these things for them, because they are young and it is EASIER to just do it for them… but now I realize that and I am doing more harm than good.
Are you? I also have a post about Raising Responsible Adults (I often re-read my own posts as little reminders to myself)… I read it tonight.
Here is a sneak peek: THE ONE RULE FOR RAISING YOUR CHILD TO BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT IS TO REMEMBER TO let them make mistakes now to prevent them later. Feel empathy for them, not anger. Teach them by showing them through their mistakes.
An example of this: If your kids leave their toys around (and they are old enough to know that they need to be put away), tell them that the next time they leave them out, you will have to take them for a day. Here’s the kicker… YOU ACTUALLY NEED TO DO THIS! Read more of that post here.
What do you think? Do you do find yourself doing things for your kids, like I was, because they are young and it is easier?
PS- More posts you might like are below (Just click on the picture below to be taken to the post)
This list will give your family a place to start together…
Rachel @ A Mother Far from Home says
I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant but I actually cried when I read that sweet boy cleaning his own plate. All that you’ve said is SO TRUE here and I even find with a 3 year old and 2 year old (1 year old isn’t helpful unfortunately 😉 that they can do far more than I expect. This was a great reminder that having them do things for themselves isn’t child cruelty, it’s actually helpful for them as people! Preach it, girl!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 I completely agree!
Liz says
Great post. I am especially guilty of “it’s easier to do it myself.” I really need to stop! Thanks for the reminder.
Elizabeth says
What a boy! Love that story. I also love your phrase, “they are young, and it is easier” because it is so true. It is easier and quicker if I do it. I am more efficient, but it doesn’t teach them the skills that they need. They can do it! Let them. Great post. Thank you.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Exactly!! 🙂 Thanks!
Shecki @ Greatly Blessed says
Wow, I bet that mama was proud! We’ve always taught our kids to help out from a young age, but I doubt any of my kids would wash dishes at someone else’s house, lol
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
lol! I thought the same thing!
Betty says
I agree. Yes,yes,and yes.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
thanks.
Samantha @ Stir the Wonder says
Great post! I agree 100%! My son is only 3 so he isn’t super helpful and doesn’t have chores he must do, but he is learning to be helpful and when he gets older he will be responsible for taking care of himself and his things.
Lauren says
I am SOOO guilty of this… I have to remind my son to clean up after himself ALL the time. i really need to stop, great post… I needed this wakeup call! 😉
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Glad to help! lol!
Jen @ HealthfulSaver says
Enjoyed your article … Very timely for me. I am very efficient and I think at times I extend my efficiency too far, preventing my child from figuring it out on her own. A coworker described a 20-something year old acquaintance as “his mother still does all his thinking for him”. major wake up call!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Yes!! Wake-up call for sure!
jolyn says
my son is 4. we don’t have any other kids yet. so i have PLENTY of time to help him. i put his shoes and socks on. help him get dressed. wipe his bum. buckle his seat belt. carry him when he is tired of walking. i’m so guilty of this. so many of his friends and his friends younger siblings can do this stuff. i need to stop. but it’s not like i’m helping a bunch of other children. he’s gotten so whiny and doesn’t TRY to do things. that’s what bugs me most. he just gives up without even starting to try. i’ll start implementing this stuff TODAY. thanks!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Aww- good luck!! I know that it is hard to not do it for them when you know that you CAN. I struggle with it, too. 🙂
Tim says
By the time I was 8 I was clearing the Table. Doing my own laundry plus yard work and my room. My Mom had 2 jobs plus 4 boys to feed. I learned a lot.
SusieM says
I got a wake up call when I sent my child to a Montessori Preschool. Because of how I was raised, I would have never thought about how much my child was capable of at an early age. Now she’s almost 7, and she can put together a meal by herself and help around the house more that I would have at her age.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s awesome!
monalisaa1 says
I am glad I came across this post. I am a mother of four the eldest being 8 and youngest 18 month. Trust me when I say they all have chores from cleaning their rooms to their plates nd taking garbage bags.
My first born even has a way of asking if she can give her youngest brother a bath of course under my supervison. My second born is a bit lazy but I have my ways to ask him to do things. An my third one is a clean freak he likes everything clean and mind you his just 4 years as for my 18 month I have started training him to pick up his toys and even his dirty milk bottles and send them to the kitchen.
And right now am gonna start potty training by following your ideas.
So thanks for sharing such great ideas. Your doing a wonderful jobs.
A big hug to u.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
thanks…
<3 Becky
KellySa says
I am the eldest of 12 and we are also used to cook, clean up and do our own laundry. Now I am married and living in a foreign country (where my husband is from) and we are blessed with a beautiful daughter who is 16 months old now. I train her to put away her own toys and clothes/shoes, we have fun doing this, and then one day this happened in front of my MIL. My husband is the only son of two siblings, and my MIL still cleans up after the other child who is 20 years old now. You should’ve seen the look on my MIL. Thanks for this post – it is very profound and a great reminder.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
that’s so great that you are teaching her so young… it is a wonderful thing to know how to take care of yourself & your things! 🙂 Great job!
Jaye says
I just had to say Thank you for a fantastic article. My kids do lots of chores and dont do lots of chores but i am so grateful that someone is actually supporting kids. Kids are as capable as you will let them be.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh you are so welcome! 🙂
Kevin Kawada says
I completely agree with this article. I run a martial arts school, and one time I was saying to the kids in class “Remember one of the requirements for earning your next belt level is to keep your room clean” One of the children raised their hand and said” My maid cleans my room for me”. I was left speechless.
In another incident, I asked a 12 year old student to mail something for me. She did not know where to write the senders, receivers address, and stamp on the envelope.
Since then I constantly quiz the kids on what they are able to do. You would be really surprised at how many 11, 12 , and 13 year olds cannot cook scrabbled eggs. Their parents are so afraid of letting them touch the stove that they prevent them from learning basic life skills. Another one is laundry. How many kids can operate a washer and dryer?
I find it a tragedy that Home Economics is not longer taught in schools. The majority of American parents are so focused on Academic skill that they are raising kids that will be helpless as adults.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 My husband was doing laundry when he was about 10, so I want our kids to learn it, too… it makes for a great spouse when they can help out! 😉
Bonny says
Advantages of larger families…. (and smaller ones that understand the many concepts involved)….. the children learn to help, they learn to share, they learn to provide a few things for themselves, and they know that No one… is going to do everything for them. Yes, our job as parents is to raise children who can then take care of themselves and a family. We cannot allow them to be dependent the whole time they are growing up, or they are dependent as adults. Let them learn, encourage them, and provide opportunities for them. They need to be trying to accomplish more than getting someone else to do everything for them.
Children who do not learn to do for themselves often become adults that steal from others. Do your children, their children, yourself and society a favor…..Require them to work and require them to learn while they are young. Let them feel that self esteem from accomplishment that encourages more results. A nation of free loaders … wont survive.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
words of wisdom…
Julie Beveridge says
i have adult children who cannot do for themselves or even think for themselves sometimes because I as third mother did it all for them. They are all in their twenties and still live at home. You are very right in this post. Don’t make my mistakes undoing the damage is near impossible
The Wellness Wife says
Great post. My husband is a bit of a perfectionist and has avoided asking his daughter to do certain chores because he wants them done right. I think it’s better to have the learning experience. Fortunately, she is now 18 and is a wonderful young lady who always asks “what can I do to help?” She even comes home from college and does her own wash, she doesn’t just throw it in the laundry room for us to do.
Liz says
I love this! My 1 year old already helps me move laundry from the washer to dryer and from the dryer to a basket. She does it mostly to keep her happy while I get chores done, but this will be great to keep in mind as she gets older!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s so great that you have her helping so young. I love how proud of themselves they are at that age!
Jessica says
I find that I have to remind my son day after day to do the same things. He is a smart kid–8 years old–my husband says he uses his brain cells for more important things than remembering to put his dishes in the dishwasher, for example. Any tips on how to get him to remember simple things like that from one day to the next? Also–what do you do when you see things they should have done but they’re already in bed or something (like his dishes are in the sink, but I need to run the dishwasher overnight)? I love your tips and advice–the post about keeping your child in their bed at night is spot on (totally worked for us, too).
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I leave it for the morning. Its a pain to see it sitting out when I wake up, but I want them to learn to do things themselves. 🙂
So last night our son left his snack plate out on the table and went to bed. I saw it right after he went upstairs, but didn’t want to tell him to come back down or it would take another 15 minutes to get him back up (he is 8, too). So I tucked him in and then after he was asleep, I just left him a note in his room “Good morning, Jack! I can’t wait to see you this morning! Before you wake me up, please go downstairs and put your plate away from last night… you must have forgotten. Thanks! I love you! XOXO Mom”
(I try to be really cheery because I want him to have a good morning and its the first thing he will read today.)
PS – he wakes me up at 7:00 every morning. I seriously think he has some sort of crazy internal alarm! hahaha!! That doesn’t come from me- I could have slept the day away when I was his age!
Lindsay says
I have a 3 year old daughter and I am guilty of doing it all myself because it’s easier. Lately, I’ve noticed that she has become super lazy in areas that she used to be great in. Ex: putting on her own shoes, making her bed, even going to the bathroom. But because I do them or remind her all the time she has just decided to become dependent on me for these things and reminders. It has been really frustrating for me (especially with her wetting her pants so much). I needed this article more than you know! Thank you for sharing.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes! That’s when we knew that we needed to kick it up again- when we started noticing them getting lazy. I think that I go through spurts where I really want them to help & then when its just easier to do this ourselves… this article is a reminder to myself, as well. 🙂
Bek @ Just For Daisy says
Brilliant post! Thank you for sharing and I’ll be more aware now of the extra things my 4yo and 2yo could be doing for themselves! 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 thanks!
MrsJP says
Just this morning I mentioned to my husband that sometimes I need to remind myself that it’s important for the children to do their work on their own, cause I can so easily get caught up in the fact that I can do it better and faster. It’s really hard sometimes to sit back and let them take 15 minutes to pick up the dozen or so toys on the floor, knowing that I could have it done in no time. However, (and that’s a huge however!) they will never learn to do it better or faster if they never have the opportunity to learn. And, they will never step up to be responsible and helpful if I discourage the helping now because I can do it faster and better.
*sigh. So much conviction in this mommy business! Just when I think I’ve got this, something happens to remind me that I need to grow and learn too. Thank you for this post! It’s a great reminder!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! So true… but you already knew that you wanted to do it before you read this, so good for you!!
Kenya G. Johnson says
Great article. I still brush my son’s hair. He’s ten and almost as tall as I am. So yeah guilty. I always say once he cares he will brush it on his own but I guess I need to stop before then huh? But I know what you mean really. His room is the guest bedroom when my parents come to visit. So I have to get in there and do a real cleaning (because it’s easier). There is definitely more he can do and I do see that has it made. I also kind of think in the past – my brother had it made too because I did a lot for him. So I’m repeating history. P.S. My brother is a wonderful man – not a great housekeeper.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
LOL! 🙂 thanks for sharing – it is hard to stand by & watch them when it takes 3 times as long & isn’t quite up to our standards, but I guess these are all teachable moments. 🙂
Jennifer says
Great post, Becky. This is something that is so heart-centred for me as I see so many children enter kindergarten with no sense of how to take care of themselves – and no confidence that they can!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Me, too. I loved seeing them beam with pride when they knew that they could handle things on their own.
Angela L says
I LOVE this post. I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago with a debilitating disease. My young boys had to learn to cook and clean and take care of the house because I was constantly having spinal taps, other procedures, and surgeries. I felt so guilty! My husband was working 50+ hrs a week and trying his best to keep up on everything around the house as well as work. Finally, a very dear, older mom told me that I needed to prioritize and teach my boys these things. I told her that I was the mom/wife and it was my job to do it all. But, my husband and I decided to start teaching them “just in case”. That conversation is itself is not one I would wish on anyone. However, my 8 and 6 yo sons began to learn how to do laundry, take care of cleaning, how to meal plan, shop for groceries, and cook meals. They became quite good. My youngest son just turned 16 and he still enjoys cooking and baking. The girls at our church began making comments about how different my sons were. Some of them also started saying that they hoped to find a guy “just like one of your sons”. Now that my sons are older, they are thankful for what they were taught. My oldest is in college and I don’t have to worry about if he can make it on his own. He said he is actually helping some of the girls cook in the community kitchen because they were never taught at home. So I say, teach your kids to do all of these things! It will only make them better adults!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s such an inspirational story!
marie says
What an amazing story! My daughter, just 5 years old, was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 3. Even with her cancer she has never given up on her chores. She says, “momma, I can do it, I’m a big girl”. Stay strong!! Great article Becky 🙂 xo
Sarah says
This article is spot on. I did way too much for my daughters as they were growing up. After reading “The Love Languages”, I understand why I did this – my love language is service – nevertheless, it did not help my daughters grow up the best in the area of cleaning. Find other ways to demonstrate your love for your young jewels. Let them be more responsible, more accountable, more of a participant. Grateful to our Father that even with my mistaken idea of parenting, my girls have strengths in other areas:). Great article!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Thank you! I LOVE the 5 Love Languages! Completely agree with your comments!
Becky Ussery says
I love this article. I hear parents all the time say “I can’t get my teenager to do anything around the house”. Most of the time the teenager has a phone, maybe their own vehicle, and is allowed to go out with friends on the weekend. They are not forcing them to be responsible and earn their privileges. I started young teaching mine. My kids are not perfect and still have to be reminded to do things at times, but overall they do as they are asked. My daughter is 8 and can do laundry. I don’t make her hang up clothes because she still sometimes has trouble with the hangers and she can’t reach to hang them either. She is responsible for putting away her own clothes though. My daughter can also wash dishes (she is still learning though). I am also teaching her to cook. She helps sweep and clean the bathroom sinks. She is also responsible for cleaning out the litter box and giving the cats food and water. My boys are 16 and can do a lot. They wash dishes, sweep, mop, clean bathrooms, etc. We also homeschool so honestly I depend on my kids’ help since there are 4 of us here all day long. I tell them all the time, that one day they will thank us for making them do things around the house. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s awesome! They will thank you in the long run!
Ala Doros says
Hi! My son is 21 months, I read that I can start to show him to put all his things where he took. I find it very difficult, sometimes he listens me, but mostly I do it for him. Before having him, I always thought that it is easy to teach them to be like this little child from you post, but now I find it more difficult. I hope to have more pacience in the future. Love your post!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you. 21 months is a great age to start learning! 🙂 great job!
Jessy @ The Life Jolie says
I’m so glad I read this- my daughter is only 10.5 months old but I already find myself in that mindset and I can’t imagine that it’s an easy habit to break. This is a good reminder for things to come!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Yes- good to keep in mind for the future.
Peanuts & Thread says
Where I come from, kids aretaught to do chores before sports, read and all else. I too am guilty of doing the things they don’t, but I also remember to always find the balance. I think finding the balance in our family is our job as a mother. I have also seen how the kids are capable of doing so much more than what we think because they are still little. If you look at chores as a way of life such as walking instead of looking as if you are giving them something heavy to carry on their shoulders, they’ll master that tasks I effortlessly.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes, I completely agree with that.
Heather says
What are the ages of your children?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
9, 7, 5 and 3. 🙂
Lydia Toney says
I understand this completely. I was raised in a home that my mom did about everything, I did learn to clean my room, do my laundry, do my dishes and clean around the house as I grew up. I am now a mom and my daughter is getting older and I have take care of our pets and do some small chores around the house, but I know she can do more though. I sometimes have the feeling that I don’t want her to do certain things because she may break something or whatever. She is almost 10 and I am trying to allow her to do more without fuss. BTW, I love your posts.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you, Lydia!
Sonya says
I actually disagree. Because I choose to let my kids be kids and do things for them that is bad? When they are over the age of 10 maybe they can do more chores, but toddlers and little kids should not have to worry about work and feel guilty for not doing it. Sure, they should pick up toys or put their dishes in the sink. But they have many years to have to take care of themselves. I am sure that me helping put on their jacket and making their beds is not going to ruin them for life.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My very dearest friend doesn’t have her kids do any chores & they are VERY sweet, so I think it really depends on what works best for your family.
maura says
I became a single mother when my youngest was 16 months, my 2nd 2&1/2 and my eldest 6&1/2. My eldest daughter had to be a responsible 2nd pair of eyes and hands to me although she was always sensible. My 2nd is full of wonderment and kindness and mothers her little sister they all have to help out but my youngest who’s now 4 is amazing. EVERY MORNING without having to be asked she’s dressed bed made pyjamas folded. She’s so independent and organised. She will empty the dishwasher and then look for dirty dishes to fill it again. I did so much for my eldest and it didn’t do her any favours. I often think it would be quicker and easier to do something especially when the kids are uncooperative but I stop myself they learn how to be independent and organised and confident and appreciative by doing it themselves. The one thing I have done more with the younger ones that I regret not having done as much with my eldest is cuddle them. I never expected to be a single mother but it has been a blessing to me and my kids 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Sounds like you are doing an amazing job on your own!
Jess says
I completely agree with this post, but I also think, there is a part of this that is modeling kindness. My kids are highly responsible for their own things, clean their own rooms, pack and unpack their bags and lunchboxes, clear their own plates rinse and wash and so on, but once that habit is formed, and the basic responsibility is there, I dont mind occasionally saying hey hun, I will help you today, or dont worry about your lunchboxes today guys (usually on the last day of the week) its been a long day I know you are tired I will help you out. Because I know they have the habit and would have done it, I show them sometimes we can also be kind and help each other out. In turn they will do this for me, I have had my eldest (11) take over my folding because you have had a long day mum, and my little ones (twins age 6) will do nice things for me too. I completely agree with you, but I think in the situation you started on, knowing your son was having fun with his mates, knowing he would usually take responsibility, that showing kindness is not doing more harm than good…. just my two cents 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
SOOO true! I struggled with that for a while, but now I help them if they ask for help or if they seem to be grateful for it. 🙂 I completely agree with you.
Lydia says
Thank you so much for this! I found you via Pinterest. So validating to hear. I have four kids ages 8,6,3,9months and it gets hard and busy teaching kids to work and expecting them to do what they are capable. I am guilty of doing things for them this week because I am getting so tired of asking them to do things they already know they should do. Thank you for sharing your experiences so I know I am not alone in this battle of raising future husbands and wives.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Lydia.
ps- Our kids are pretty close in age! (9, 7, 5, 3)
Flora Bailey says
Fantastic post! You make me think about my kid. I am going to stop cleaning after him, too. He is 14-years-old. In my opinion it is final time to explain him that he is responsible for these things. Thank you for sharing your post! Greetings!
Rhonda says
I raised my four that nothing was free. They had to earn what ever it was they wanted not just monetary things either it could have been going to a friends house or one coming to ours. They had chores and if they neglected them or I had to remind them several times then they loose things and privileges. Or had extra chores to do. When they were old enough for their own car they had to obtain a job to keep the ins paid and upkeep on it. If they failed to so that then I repoed the car. And now they are all grown with their own families and are very responsible adults who are raising their children the same way they were. So I guess I did something right. ?
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s wonderful!!
Danielle says
My kids are 2 and 4… my husband and I are in two different boats with this! He likes to get things done himself because it’s faster. I like to push them to do all/part of a chore because I think the long term pay off is worth it. It’s a lot of work to supervise and educate them at this age, but it’s so helpful and they’re such helpful boys now. I really appreciate it all.
Karen Lee says
I don’t completely agree. My kiddo is up and out and he didn’t do much at home, but is fully capable of doing everything that needs doing now that he’s an adult. They figure it out.
Susan says
Great article. I’m not sure if my husband makes me a cup of tea occasionally will stop me ever making my own cuppa though…. Or if I hang out a friends washing for her, she won’t do her own anymore. I want my children to be empathic and observant and kind. As well as clean up after themselves and others when appropriate. I broke my thumb earlier this year and my kids were awesome helping me out. If I’m genuinely happy to clean up after them sometimes (and they after me sometimes too) that’s okay. I am okay in joyfully cleaning up so they can play with friends….
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I could not agree more. We help them and expect them to help us (per the article). We also have a reward system in place (if they are caught doing something nice for someone else, they are rewarded).
Mrs stewart says
I am that mother of that child so to speak. I have 6 children and I’m widowed with no help. I can only hope my children would behave that way at someone’s house. And I’m pretty sure they would. But I also do for them as often as I can because they are only little once.
CMD says
I am stunned at how many kids – 4th grade even – do not CUT their own food at a meal. I’ve had kids at my house for dinner who literally stare at me as we all start eating because they’ve never used a knife, and I’ve witnessed friends cut up their 10 year old’s chicken or whatever it may be while everyone else does their own like we all should. Drives me nuts!
Derika says
Amen! I love this article!
My mom (Grandma) calls it the Dora generation. We’re teaching our children dependency instead of empowering them with responsibilities that are appropriate for their age. It’s really okay to give them chores. It teaches them to be helpers/contributors instead of takers. Starting this habit early sets a clear expectation that everyone in the household contributes to and is accountable for maintaining the health, well-being, and peace of the family unit. We are a team and though we may have different roles and responsibilities, we all have an important part to play.
I find that my children request more opportunities to help out around the house rather than shrinking away from those tasks. Now don’t get me wrong, keeping their room clean is still an issue but it’s their responsibility not mine. They earn privileges for keeping it clean and restrictions when they don’t. The key is consistency.
Dominique says
Loved this article . I had to take a step back and I realized that I am doing way to much for my little ones . When I say too much I mean that they’ve got me trained and they know how to work my weak points. They know if they move extra slow on days with time restraints I’ll take over so we’re not late.
Dana says
I always did for my kids. I wanted them to have time to play and be care free. Now, as adults, they have learned to be care free……and I wish I had made them do chores. Make them do dishes and laundry. All age appropriate at the time of course…..if only I could go back and parent differently. I’m proud of my children. They have manners, hold doors, can budget, and carry on a meaningful conversation with 80 year olds to 8 year olds. But household chores are not their strengths!
Mary says
I’m a 76 year old grandma-no great grand kids yet, and just ran into your blog because I wanted to find a “responsibility” list for a dear Vietnamese single mom of 3 who works all day and is doing it all herself. She’s spoiled her kids because “Dad” is gone and she “wants them to be happy.” Can’t wait to give her this!