This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our disclosure policy.
Today I want to talk about how to keep your child in their own bed. Let me first take a minute to explain that your child will be healthier, do better in school, be more pleasant throughout the day, and just feel better overall, if they are getting enough sleep (no matter where that may be: your bed, their bed or somewhere else).
Now, we do not co-sleep (well- if the kids aren’t feeling well, if they are running a fever, or if there is a thunderstorm, they do sleep in our rooms), but for the most part, we don’t co-sleep because I am a huge worrier!
I am up all night worrying about if they are breathing or if a pillow is on their face or if they are sleeping all night or waking up. If I have to sneeze or cough- forget about it… I will just hold it because I don’t want to risk waking them.
All in all, I just don’t relax when they are in our bed. My husband won’t sleep, either, because he worries about rolling on top of them. I know that those things probably will never happen, but I just worry so much, so we all sleep better when they are in their bed and we are in our bed.
With that being said, I try to remember “Different Strokes for Different Folks”, so whatever works for your family is what works. Period!
So- let’s get back to keeping your child in their own bed. I’m not saying that my kids always sleep through the night, just that it is better for their development when they do. Trust me; my kids have all woken up for weeks or months at a time at some point during their young lives. I just do my best to get them back onto their natural sleep patterns to help them be the healthiest and happiest that they can be!
Here are the reasons that I want my child to STAY IN HIS/HER BED AT NIGHT:
- I am uncomfortable knowing that our sons or daughter would be walking around when I am asleep. I just can’t have this. What if they fell down the stairs? What if they got themselves a drink and aspirated without me knowing? What if they got into something dangerous (we keep the house child-proofed, but you just never know)? For these reasons, we have a rule that they must stay in their beds until 7:00 am .
- Kids need 10-12 hours of sleep a night. Younger toddlers and babies need even more. This is why we put our kids to bed at 7:00.
- Well-rested kids = happier kids. Well-rested kids = kids that can focus better. It just works for us.
- I don’t want to be ‘tucking them in’ five times a night. I have already had time lying down with each one of them, and they need to go to bed.
A quick background on our family. Our older two boys always stay in bed (they are six and eight).I don’t know what we did differently, but they never attempted to come out of bed. The two younger ones are still in the learning process (2 and 4).
I love the cuddle time with each one of our kids. This is why when they say “Mommy, will you lay with me?” I always say YES! However, laying with them and having them coming into my room and bed at all hours of the night are two totally different things.
“Why Is My Child Coming Out Of Bed and How Do I Stop It?”
I get this question a lot, so let me offer the advice that worked for us.
(PS- BEFORE YOU START, MAKE SURE THAT YOUR CHILD ISN’T SICK, THIRSTY, OR HAS TO USE THE BATHROOM).
The very first time that they come out of their bed, correct them.
My story: When our daughter moved to a toddler bed, I watched her on her video monitor.
The second that I saw her climbing out of her bed, I ran in and said “No, Ma’am. Back into bed, please. ” I told her “If you need Mommy, you say ‘MOMMY!’ and I will come in. You DO NOT get out of your bed. I will be scared if I know that you aren’t safe in your bed. Do you understand? ”
She answered with an “Uh-hum.” She then started to cry, knowing that she didn’t make the right choice and she put her hands over her eyes (this is what she does when she is upset). She didn’t come out of her bed again, until several months later.
Fast forward- Several months later, she made her second attempt. She is still only two, and I am not comfortable with her walking around without me knowing because it isn’t safe, so when I saw her, I put her back into her bed and said the same thing. She immediately climbed back out. This is where the ‘real teaching’ comes into play.
Let me tell you how it worked with our son (because it explains why we did this again with our daughter) I saw this method on Super Nanny, and I have had to do this with our third son when he was two years old. It works. I promise you. It is ALL ABOUT CONSISTENCY.
After you have verbally corrected them once, from then on, take them by the hand and firmly, but GENTLY place them back into their beds. Do not lose your temper. I did this with our son (when he was two years old) over 100 times!
Now, I know that number sounds outrageous, but on the show, SuperNanny, some parents did it hundreds of times (like 300+).
It works. It really does. (Remember- bad habits can take up to three days to break, so give it three days!)
It just works.
Extreme or not.
I was not mean.
I didn’t use force.
I did not yell.
I was not angry.
I show consistency.
How To Get A Child To Stay In Their Bed? (The exact steps)
Let me give you an example of one of our sons. I sat outside his door and waited for him to come out again, and again, and again.
It took one night of putting him back to bed over and over and over and over until he stopped coming out.
By night #2, it happened about 10 times.
By night #3- zero times.
It has been several years, and he has not come out of his bed unless he has been sick or scared or had to use the bathroom. If he needs us, he calls for us, but that is not often. After we read with him, give him a sip of water, lie down with him, and sing his goodnight songs, he goes to sleep.
RELATED–>> We also do this trick to help him sleep all night long (if your child wakes up in the middle of the night, this tip is a game-changer! It can help your child sleep all night long!)
You can read about it by clicking on this picture:
So, back to our two-year-old daughter: I did this with our daughter a few weeks ago (the two-year-old) but it only took four times of putting her back into her bed before she figured out that this was not going to work. The promise to leave her door open like her brothers helped, too. Haha!
Other tricks to try:
- Leave the door open
- Leave on a night light
- Skip nap time, but put them to bed sooner (a tired child sleeps well. An over-tired child is restless).
- Use a sticker chart
- Get this noise machine projector (our niece loves this- she is three)
- Or you could get this clock that changes color when they can wake up!
- Remember that this will be hard and tiring, but if you want your child to stay in their own bed, this will hopefully help you to accomplish that. In the end, you need to do what works for you and your family. No matter what you read or hear, make it work for your family.
FOR OUR OLDER KIDS:
Our older kids (born in ’06 and ’08) were coming out of their beds for a drink, a tissue, to say goodnight to the dog again, etc… (it was lasting over an hour some nights!) and we finally said that if they come out when they don’t need anything, we would have to give them an extra “not fun” chore. They could come out & help themselves (use the bathroom, etc…) but to come to get us to tuck them back in for the 9th time in an hour was just too much. It was getting OUT OF CONTROL. This stopped it after day 2 of the chores.
PS- here are the affiliate links to the products that I mentioned:
I hope that helped! Remember, don’t let the rules for bedtime interfere with your child’s need for a good snuggle now & then. ♥ Read this one when you have a second:
Need More Advice?
Try These:
1. Join my FREE sleep course (sent via email)
2. Why our kids are in bed by 7:00
3. Mommy, will you lay with me?
I have a 5 year old and 3 year old that won’t sleep in their beds. They also share a room. They stay up too late. What advice would you have to get me started getting them to sleep in their rooms. One at a time? At the same time? How do I make the bedtime earlier? Slowly move it until I get it where it helps?
Hi Becky! I LOVE this article! Thanks for taking the time to share your tips! I do have a question for you regarding our 4 1/2 year old son. His current excuse for not going to sleep for the past 2 months has been “I don’t want to sleep all alone, I don’t like to be alone, I want to sleep with someone, etc.” I have already made the HUGE mistake of letting him sleep with us once in awhile when I was tired and lazy. (my fault, i know) The main and only reason my husband and I are having a difficult time doing what you have done (the sitting outside of his room and consistently putting him back to bed 100 or more times, is because we have a 2 year old son who sleeps right next to our older son’s room and we live in fear of our feisty 2 year old waking up because of the screaming, crying and yelling that takes place with our 4 year old when he realizes we are not giving in and making him sleep in his own room! We can’t handle TWO toddlers being up at night during our only “winding down time”!! Any advice? Was this a fear of yours too or did your son(s) not cry and scream when you were doing this? I appreciate any advice you can give. We are really at our wit’s end.
Oh boy.. I”m sorry.
Here are a few suggestions:
1- At one point, we printed out like 15 pictures of things that our son liked (when he started to be scared in his room), like his bike, friends, family, our Elf on the Shelf… and taped them near his bed.
2- We bought extra night-lights. It was bright in there!
3- We did a chart for nights that he stayed in bed and every single day is a little reward (like a dollar-store toy or something)
4- Take away electronics the following morning if he comes out of bed (explain it that night & then follow-through the next night).
I hope those things help!! 🙂
I think you tips were helpful..it definitely took 50+ times walking her back into her room and tucking her back into bed but she finally stayed. I am a full time single working mommy to my 2.5 year old diva and i know tired and how much work parenting is no matter what. Your words are inspiring and well written. You have given great tips and suggestions and sharing what has worked for you and your family. I appreciate your tips and thank you. Keep writing and i will keep reading and trying and cheering you on! Jennifer-Seattle
I tried this method with my kids. My oldest I told him once not to climb out of bed but to call me and I never had another problem with him. But with my other kids this doesn’t work. I’ve been consistently trying this method for a few months now with my twins. 3+ hours of standing outside their rooms constantly walking them back to bed, every night for 4 months, and it doesn’t stop until I give up and let them come downstairs and sit on the couch at 11pm, when they finally fall asleep. My almost 5 year old? I’ve been trying this method since he started climbing out of his crib at 18 months. Every couple months I try something else for awhile, I always come back to this because I believe it SHOULD work. But after 4 years I’m at a loss, and everyone and everything just says “give them a routine” “keep it consistent,” but after so many years of none of that working I’m exhausted and my schoolwork and job performance are slipping. How many years is this stuff supposed to take??
I did the 100 walks method. First night 30 x, second night 15 x, third night 4 x, then fourth night 15x… and basically continued. I was firm and gentle and consistent. She just kept coming out. So then I put a gate up at her door. She can open the door even with the knob thing on (she is 25 months, and tall). So now I put her to sleep (at sevenish) read many books, then say good night and leave. I give her one chance without the gate. She comes out, then I say ok, i’ll put up the gate. Then she cries and cries at the gate for hours now. She never did this in her crib. We are about 1 month out. So I’m not sure why the 100 walks didn’t work, or this consistency is not working. Sometimes I feel like she isn’t tired. One night she stayed up til midnight (not crying but chattering/playing), and woke up at 7:30. She usually goes to sleep around 9 or 10, with intermittent crying at the gate/playing/chattering. So I’m being consistent. I’m not going to get her. But I don’t know why she isn’t just falling to sleep nor staying in her bed. I’m not used to the crying thing, as she never did this in her crib. Transitioned at 2 because she climbed out.
Same story here. You’re not alone.
I cannot thank you enough for this blog post. I came across it on Pinterest and knew I needed to try it with my almost 2 year old. Since switching to a toddler bed saying bye bye to her pacifier, she has needed extra snuggling and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) fall asleep on her own. I tried this last night and have ALREADY seen a dramatic improvement. I was prepared to put her back in her bed over 100 times (thanks for your honesty about that) but it only took 63 before she gave in and snuggled in her bed. There were lots of tears and even some screaming, but I stuck with it, stayed calm, and put her gently back in bed each time. Then she woke up at 5am and it took 23 times. We also got a toddler clock, so I’m trying to get her to stay in bed later (until 6am, then we’ll get to 6:30). She woke up again at 5:40 and I repeated the process again, but made one mistake. She was grabbing at her diaper, so I changed it after about 13 tries. BAD IDEA. She started using it as a negotiation! Toddlers are too smart. Anyways, we repeated the process until the clock turned green, then we talked about what the green clock means and started our typical morning. For her nap, it only took 9 times and very few tears!
I am so grateful you wrote such an honest and thorough post that gave me the confidence to help my little one sleep better – and help mama and papa sleep better too!!!
Hi i wanted to know how you put your daughter back to her bed , being that every time i put her back to her bed , she wakes her 18 months sister.. and then i end up staying up with both ..
So i wonder maybe i should do the 3 days consistency method .. even if it means my baby will wake up too .. but hopefully by the end of these days they will learn how to sleep .. and my toddler will stop coming to my bed at night ..? Or is there another way so the baby doesn’t wake up? Would you have an advice to reassure the baby to not wake up if i came to their room to put back the toddler .. maybe the baby feels like it’s day if i come , amd she thinks she has to wake up ..
Thank you for this! Did you do anything similar to this when your kiddos got up early? Did you consistently walk them back over and over like night time? And if so, did you just stop if it got to 7:00? Just wondering how to be consistent in handling an early wake up and teaching my almost two year old they need to stay in bed until 7:00. 🙂
As much as I want to have all my children sleep with us at night, it was not the best idea because I should also consider my husband. We co-sleep our kids when they were still babies but when they turn around 2 years old, we train them to sleep in their own room. We let them choose their own bed sheets and pillowcases. And also, we allow them to have a toy beside them.
Yes, our daughter sleeps with a baby doll and our sons slept with their blankey’s for many years when they were younger.
But what about when the child goes to sleep fine but then wakes up in the middle of the night and rummaged through everything and plays with things he shouldn’t without waking you up? My 4yo son is very sneaky!
Oh no – I’d keep a video camera in his room with the volume up so you can hear him if he gets up. 🙂
It is impossible to get my kids to sleep later than 5am.
Bedtime is at 7pm and they wake up at 5am. If I try to get them to bed later they still awake at 5am. If I try to get them to be earlier they wake up earlier. They refuse to nap during the day. How do I get them to sleep longer? If they in there own beds they wake during the night around 1 & 3am and climb in our bed. Both are the same. Ages 4 & 6 boys.
Try this: How we taught our kids to sleep later
I’ve tried this for a week, and my 2 1/2 yr old son is STILL going strong. He is a very strong-willed child and I have to be really creative in order to help him learn and grow-he has meltdowns often and I really have to stay calm and consistent in all things, but while also showing that I am still in charge and sometimes the answer is just a No. Do I just continue in this? Has anyone gone longer than a week with this bedtime strategy?
Thanks for all the tips on getting your child to stay in their bed. I have a 2-year-old and we’ve been struggling to keep him in his bed at night. We’ve tried different methods but none seem to work. Tonight I’m going to try what you suggested and when he gets up I’ll take him back to his bed without saying a thing.
What would you recommend for a 4 year-old who has explosive tantrums and hits/kicks/punches? She is not autistic, but it’s very possible she has ADHD and she is strong as an ox. If we try to “walk her back to her bed” she throws herself on the ground screaming, kicks the wall, kicks anything near her. Also hits us, pulls our hair, etc. Slams her door, knocks things over. We haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a month.
Have you seen a therapist or a neurologist? I wonder if she has a sleep disorder? Our son did, and it very much resembles ADHD, due to lack of sleep. Along with it was temper tantrums, etc…. Once we figured it out and got the help we needed (CPAP), it was a night and day difference.
It *feels* like we’re about at the end of our rope. Son, 3yr3mon, is very tender but VERY strong-willed. We’ve learned a lot as parents, and we have a strong-relationship with him once we shift parenting tactics when he was 2. But bedtime and wakeup times are still rough.
He wakes around 5-6. (We’re trying for 7.) Naptime is 1:30-3:00, and bedtime is 7:30. He doesn’t wake at night and self-potty trained at night a few weeks ago. Just decided to stop wearing diapers and he’s dry in the morning. (Praise!) We’ve had a lock on his door since he was 2, because he will wander the house and I’m just not okay with that. But he’s old enough know that he knows the door is locked, and he freaks out. But when he unlock the door, he comes out. After that, the door is locked. He knows the consequences. So when he wakes up between 5-6 in the mornings, he screams for us to come get him. It wakes everyone up, including our 1-year-old in the next room. The same happens when he’s going down for nap 1/2 the time. He bangs on the door, yells, etc.
We’ve tried taking away TV privileges. ( He gets an hour of Sesame Street each day.) Sticker charts. We’ve tried returning him to his bedrooms (+100 times), but it’s hard to stay calm when he’s yellowing and buckling his legs, even though we’r being really calm.
Do we just move our daughter to the basement for a week (and one of us sleep down there with her) so that he can kick and scream without a parental response and let him get it out of his system and learn that we don’t respond to that kind of behavior?
I would contact a neurologist, just to be sure there is nothing going on. Our son had central sleep apnea, so he woke often, and didn’t know why. I always suggest seeing a doctor if your kids are waking, before you start sleep training, just to be sure everything is ok. 🙂
I wonder if my mom would have slept better if she had had these tips when I was a child? 🙂 Once I was out of my crib and into a bed, I shared a room with my older sister. But then we moved and I got my own room, and apparently, I didn’t like that. Night after night, I would get up and go in my mom’s room and just stand there, waiting patiently, until my mom woke up. I didn’t say anything, but I guess she heard me breathing with that supermom hearing that comes with having raised three babies. She would always wake up and, exasperated, throw back the covers and let me in. There was one occasion when I invited myself into the bed before she woke (maybe she was more tired than usual and didn’t wake up like normal), and I fell sleep in the process of crawling over her. She woke up gasping for air because I was right across her stomach. Mothers need much patience, don’t they? 🙂
What she actually did was wait for me to fall asleep in her bed, and then pick me up and carry me back to my room, where I would sleep through the night just fine. I guess after waking in my own bed enough times, I just got used to the environment and stopped migrating to my mom’s room. Probably walking me back to my room would have been faster… but I guess letting me fall asleep first was easier.
Thanks for sharing. It will be useful information if my husband and I ever decide to have children!
Aww- I love that! Thanks for sharing!