I have always wanted four children. I have wanted a large family for as long as I can remember. since I was little. My grandmother had four children. My great-grandmother had 11 children. My Great-great-grandmother had more than that.
Each of our children was thought about, planned and brought into this world with every intention of growing our family, raising our children and watching them grow into responsible adults. They were beautifully and wonderfully made.
And if they had not been planned for… I would love them exactly the same.
There have been many times when I have had to defend our family. The number of children that we chose to have, the fact that I wanted them all to be so close in age (2 years between each of them), the fact that it is a little bit hard right now, but that I enjoy it and I actually find four kids to be less-stressful than three.
(here we were, expecting our fourth baby…)
A friend told me once before we had our third child: “You will never regret having another child. You will love him and take care of him, but in twenty years, will you look back and wish that you had had one more if you decide not to have another child now? You won’t regret having another child, but you might regret not having one.”
After our second child was born with hypertonicity, and we spent hours a day in therapy and at over 17 doctor’s offices during that first year, trying to figure out why he couldn’t move well and why he vomited everything that he ate (which lasted for the first two years of his life). We questioned whether or not we should have more children.
We didn’t know what our lives would be like.
Would this child ever grow up to be independent?
Would he take more time than we had to give to more than two children?
Would our other children were born with this, too?
Well- we trusted in God and decided to grow our family. We knew that we could raise our kids to be empathetic, helpful, loving and caring. Plus, we have a great support system with our family. As it turned out, God healed our son and he is so amazing today.
He is a vibrant, wonderful, smart, (SO FUNNY) six-year-old boy (& he sure can breakdance… so watch out!) He is a testimony to the power of prayer (& play therapy at a young age!)
So, when I hear someone ask me that question… “Are they all yours?” I say, very proudly “Yes. They are ALL mine!” with a smile on my face. I love having four kids! I understand why they are asking, as I am on the petite side, so I understand that I don’t look much taller than our oldest son, 7 years old. (I am only 4’11… I take after my mom!)
I had our first son when I was 23. I had been married for two years before our son was born (My husband and I dated for seven years prior to our marriage- through high school & college. We were married the month after college graduation from college).
Many times I will hear arguments about how it is irresponsible to have this many children because of overcrowding in the world. I will hear that it is too expensive to have four children. I hear that four children are “a handful”… so to these things, I answer: “True.”
Yes, it is true that there are a lot of people in our world, but God has a plan. He planned our children and I’m sure that they will do amazing things! I can’t wait to see how they change the world!
Yes, it is expensive. Are you kidding me- of course it is! Just feeding them one meal costs a lot of money! That’s Ok, because I cut back in other places. I decorate our house for less money using these ideas, I go to toy swaps and even clothing swaps, and I have become a stay at home mom on one income. I don’t need to have the latest and greatest things, because I already have the real latest and greatest at home… my family!
Yes, they are a handful – a handful of fun, love, excitement, laughter, giggles, and at times, even a handful of trouble. haha!
So- how many kids do you have? Do you ever hear people ask you this?
MORE POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE:
Kelli at eat pray read love says
We also have 4 and I always wanted 4. 🙂 Now we are contemplating if we should have more. :)! Our first was born extremely ill but we knew we still wanted more- and we had our 2nd 19 months later. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I would love to have more, too, but I feel pretty complete right now, so unless God has other plans, we will probably only have 4. That’s funny though b/c I always wanted four, too, for as long as I can remember. (our first two are 20 months apart… don’t’ you love them being so close?!)
Mary says
Hi everyone
Looking for advice !
We have a blended family of six kids aged 5-19. We don’t yet love together and are running two homes
My partner is also a bit older than I.
I have just found out that I am pregnant and at first I felt peaceful but now I’m scared because of all of the partial logistical issues
My partner is panicking. He says the timing isn’t right and he is right on heaps of fronts. We are still managing issues with ex partners etc. We have a lot going on as you could imagine. I’m worried that if I were to have an abortion I will regret it and I will resent him for being unsupportive
I feel so overwhelmed at the moment. Life is overwhelming but this has really topped it
Estefania Giangreco says
Yes! You will regret deeply!! No issue is more important than your baby’s life! I understand your worries it’s completely normal because you care! But not letting her or him be is not a solution at all. Blessings!
Danielle says
I just have to tell you that it is almost scary how similar our lives sound!! My husband and I dated thru high school and college (7 years) and got married 3 months after I graduated from college, when I was 21. We had our first child when I was 23. We now have 4 children ages 7, 4, 2 and 3 months. And we don’t know if we are ‘done’. We have left our family up to the Lord and this is what he has given us so far. We are so blessed with the love and laughter in our house! Oh and another similar thing between us, I am only 5 foot nothing and quite petite and our 7 year old already comes up to my chest! We also have one with special needs, our oldest was born with a VERY rare liver disease that also affects his heart. So, we have been to our share of doctors and specialists from his birth on!
I just had to share, while reading your story, how very much it sounds like ours!! Crazy right??? 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH MY GOODNESS!!! That gave me the chills (seriously!!) We need to chat more! 🙂 Message me on FB sometime so we can talk- thats so funny!
Shannon says
I have 4 kids who are 6 and under. My husband and I are in our young 30s, and people think we are crazy. But we always said three or four and I agree – you don’t want to look back with regret. I thought 3 was enough – but now – I wouldn’t trade my son for the world!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here!
Allison says
I wouldn’t give up any of our children for anything. It blows my mind that people judge families of 4, we jumped straight 6 within 4 months and now have 14 and I can promise you we aren’t done.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
How wonderful!!!
Elizabeth says
Wow! These stories are so familiar. My husband and met when we were 16, dated through high school and college, married at 22, first born baby girl at 24, second baby girl at 25 – they are 13 1/2 months apart! Now expecting our third baby girl in 3 weeks (June 24). I thought we were ‘done’ at 2, but God placed on my heart last May that our family wasn’t complete. After praying for several months, I finally shared with my husband what God was doing in my heart. In October we found out we were expecting our 3rd. A lot of people thought we were trying for a boy, I just wanted another child. Now, even though sweet girl is my here yet, I will not say I won’t have 4th. I love my crazy life and though there are struggles, I signed up for this and know God has a plan for us!
Thank you for posting this article, we prayed for and planned for all of our children, and I don’t always understand why people are so surprised.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Love it!!! So much the same!! 🙂
Pam says
Yea! Another shortie here.. I am just over 5′ at 5’1″. My oldest is 4’11.5″ My son towers over me, and my youngest passed me up this year.
We have 3, and that was the right number for us, especially now that they are all teens. Sometimes there is a lot of juggling when more than one child has a different place they need to be at the same time.. it seems to happen frequently!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I didn’t know you were as short as me! lol! 🙂 That’s already what I’m finding… sports, etc… is hard when my husband is working & I have to get everyone to the right place.
clenna says
I have three and I wanted at least four very much. Ended up with health issues and couldn’t have anymore. But I always wanted that fourth baby.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My Aunt has one and wanted more, but she couldn’t have anymore for health reasons, either. (She is only a few years older than me). It is a hard thing to come to grips with… I can see it with her.
Crystal Morton says
Me and my husband have 7. We only have 2 together and the other 5 are my step children but i still consider them mine. We have our oldest son he just graduated high school and will be 19 this october. We have a 17, 16, 12, 10, 7, 2. The youngest two are ours together they are both boys. We have been talking about having 1 more to try for a little girl if we got a little boy we would still be happy. People keep saying we are crazy. Some of our kids dont want us too have anymore and the other dont care. Our parents dont seem very supportive either. I am 30 and my husband is 42. I just dont know what I should do.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
how very blessed you are! I’ll be thinking about you with your upcoming decision.
Crystal Morton says
Thanl you so much!!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂
Lou says
Hello
Are you still on this post? I have never read another story that sounds very very similar to mine
I’d really appreciate being able to email you
Anna says
I’m another one with 4 here, they are 8, 6, 4 and 1. I also get people asking me if they are all mine! Sometimes people assume we wanted a girl and that’s why we have 4 ( they are all boys) but we knew we wanted 4 and we didn’t mind whether they were boys or girls. I’m not as young as you ladies, I’ll be 40 in just over a year so we probably won’t be having any more, although sometimes I think it would be nice! I agree with you about 4 being easier than 3! Also I’m quite tall at 5ft 8 but my eldest is already up to my armpit. Perhaps its in the genes 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh- yours are very similar to ours. IN a month we will have those ages, too: 8, 6, 4, 1. 🙂
haha- I think it is in the genes, too! 😉
Alicia says
My husband and I have 6 children aged 7 & under with #7 due in late September. The comments I get are sometimes just dumb. My favorite dumb one is “are you trying to compete with the Duggars?” I tell them, “no, she has 19, I have 6. Not much of a competition. Plus I started much later than her.” They don’t have much to say after that. My other favorite is “are they all your husband’s?” That one still throws me.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
haha!! Well congratulations!!
PS- your last comment made me laugh!!
Debbie @ Deliciously Inspired says
I am the oldest of 4 and only girl. We are all adults now and I am blessed to be a grandmother to 2 precious little ones. I think God builds rooms in our hearts. He built one for each of your children. Your family is beautiful and I think they are blessed to call you mommy.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you! Same to you.
Amy says
I’m currently expecting our 7th child. Sometimes I look around at all the kids hanging out in the house, and I think, “is that all there is?” LOL! My mom had 3, one of which died as a young adult. She tells me now that she wishes she had more — as she ages, she wishes she were surrounded by a horde of children to love and watch mature and have families of their own. Thankfully, she gets to be actively involved in her grandchildren’s lives. My mother-in-law, one of 8 children, had her only surprise baby (my husband) late in her child-bearing years. She has never understood why we want a large family. She doesn’t understand when I tell her that choosing to have our family by God’s design is one of the biggest exercises of faith for me in so many ways, and that I know God better because of it. She spends her days hanging out with her 2 younger sisters or talking on the phone to her large extended family. She sadly doesn’t realize that if her mother had listened to the well-meaning advice of “not having so many kids”, her sisters who fill her days with life would not even be here. She would be spending her elderly years very lonely. Our 7th will likely be our last, not because we will choose to not have any more, but because I believe that my fertility is running out. I know that when that becomes a fact, that my husband and I will be sad, but we won’t be able to dwell on our sadness because we are well-distracted by the blessings that we have 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Exactly… well said, Amy!!!
Christina @ Juggling Real Food and Real Life says
Hi Becky! I love this post. I also have 4 children, but mine are spread apart. My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 7. This creates its own unique challenges, but having enough love for all of them is not one of those challenges. What is different about my story is that I never wanted children when I was young. I wanted to be a career woman. God had different plans for me. I fell in love with my first child and my life changed forever. I not only dedicate my life to my children, but all the children I come into contact with. I’m a Sunday school teacher, Girl Scout leader…………there are always children in my life. I’ve decided that it does not make sense for me to have any more children, but I’m pretty certain that I will always be writing about and volunteering for children’s causes. I know I don’t always do things right, but I do one thing right. My children all think that they are my favorite. There is more than enough love to go around. I look forward to being a grandmother too.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 love that, Christina!! 🙂
christin says
We currently have four kids ages 8, 7, 4.5, and 2. We swore we were done, but just after the first of the year we found out a little surprise will be joining us in the fall. We have three boys with special needs, one of them is medically very complicated, and a daughter who is our oldest. She is proud to tell everyone she is finally getting a sister in September.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh congratulations!!!
Gabriela Fernandez says
I have 3 and I too want 4 but I have had 2 miscarriage in the last year and think it’s a sing that I shouldn’t. Love having those little hand and feet to hold.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I had a miscarriage, too, in between our third baby & fourth baby… It is hard. 🙁 Thinking of you!
leah says
We had two little boys 17 months apart then two miscarriages, one early at 2 months and one at 14 weeks. We have since been blessed with a little girl and another little boy and we are due with another in the fall. Every one of my children is healthy and happy and I love each and every one. If your desire is to have more children, I hope this encourages you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Congratulations!
Melissa says
We have three. My first two are 11 months apart, unplanned. The second two are two years apart with my youngest just two months old now. And people all the time say ‘You’re done right?’ Or ‘you’re going to wait a long time to have any more right?’ And it bothers me! Sure having them so close together seems like a crazy idea now but I think of how close they will be all their lives! Thank you for your post. It was just what I needed 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh good!!
Ps- we had tried to have ours 11 months apart (irish twins) but I always had fertility issues, so we couldn’t really ‘plan it’. lol- I bet its crazy, but fun!! 🙂
Liz says
I have a two year old son with health problems. My husband and I decided to have more and were surprised with twins. 5 days after they were born my older son went into the hospital and has been there 55 days so far. My twins are being raised in a hotel near the hospital. I never would have chosen to have 2 newborns in the midst of this but in God’s wisdom he gave them to us at this time to bring joy in the midst of hardship. Yes my hands are full and I am exhausted but I am so blessed!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I will be praying for you, Liz.
Leah Hollett says
We currently have 5 children. The oldest two are girls just 19 months apart at 9 1/2 and almost 8. #3 is just 16 months behind #2 and #4 is just 21 months behind him. We always talked about 4 children. And who can plan it better than two girls and two boys?
But we just felt like we were missing somebody. Almost 3 years later we had another sweet boy. Immediately upon his birth we both felt that “missing piece feeling. A feeling we couldn’t shake. After much right and prayer we decided to have one more baby. 1. To give #5 (who is literally the fifth wheel and an “island baby” so far apart on age from the other 4) and 2. So baby boy could have a buddy.
Life lesson: don’t ever tell God you want one more baby… we are now expecting identical twin girls! I love my big family and all my Heavenly Father’s sweet spirit children He allows me to have in my life.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
HAHA!! He laughs when we make plans, right? Congratulations!!
Amy H. says
Just found your blog and loving it!
My husband was an only child, and I am the oldest of four (three brothers). Growing up, I always wanted a little sister, but it didn’t happen. At the beginning of our marriage, my husband always said he’d like to have 10 kids, but first we’d “have to win the lottery or something” to be able to afford to support that many.
We started out with our society’s idea of the “perfect family”: one boy, one girl, almost exactly three years apart. Six years after my daughter was born, God blessed us with another boy as a wonderful surprise. A few years later, we prayed and talked, leaving it mostly up to God, and ended up having four more children in just under six years! So our oldest is 20, and our youngest is 4 months old. And yet, to our surprise, we’ve managed to do just fine on just one income–without assistance, though I’m glad it’s there for those who need it.
We’re certainly not millionaires in a literal way–but we feel so very rich, because our lives are so full of love, joy and happiness!
It’s not always sunshine, not always easy, but the rewards far outweigh the struggles and the good times far outweigh the bad. It’s sometimes just plain crazy around here, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I absolutely love being a mom of a large family!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh my goodness!! How wonderful!!
Tosha says
I read something once that I thought was beautifully true about large families (we also have 4). “I believe that the issues in this world are more qualitative than quantitative, and that our children will only make this world a better place.”
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
love that!
Elizabeth says
I just discovered your site and love it! I relate to so many things you have posted. I also have four children: two boys and two girls ages 5 (will be 6 in a couple of weeks), 4,2, and 3 months. My pregnancies were all high risk, but thanks to God’s good grace everything turned out okay and we have four completely healthy, beautiful children. We also planned to have four, but have often met comments such as, “How many kids are you going to have;” “Don’t you know what causes that;” or “They’re all yours?!” We are fortunate to have the support of our families though. My parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents all had four children, too, and my husband’s grandparents had seven. I LOVE that mine are so close in age (18 months between the first two, and two years between the others). I am so fortunate to be able to stay home with them. It can be crazy, hectic, and chaotic at times, but even then I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Wow- we have SO much in common!!
Marianne @ Precisely Housewifely says
I totally feel you. I’m preggers with #3, 7 years after #2, and even then I get people making comments about “being pregnant all the time”. LOL! Sadly, I’ve found myself justifying it instead of just ignoring it.
I come from a large family (3rd eldest of 9), have a sister with 6 kids, and am eternally amazed at how people can describe having a lot of kids as “selfish”. I don’t think there are many who are LESS selfish than a mom with a large family. It makes no sense to me.
I suppose we must just laugh it off, and remind ourselves that when we’re old we’ll have plenty of kids to look after us. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Yes!! That’s hilarious! I’m always like “aww- wouldn’t one more be so much fun?” I wonder if that will ever go away??
Oh- and I’m w/ you on people saying its selfish- I don’t get it AT ALL! 🙂
Enjoy your #3!!! Keep me posted on your delivery, etc! (I mean that- not just saying it). Good luck!
Angela says
I just (as in today) learned I’m pregnant with our fifth baby. My youngest is only 9 months old, so I’m a little in shock. 🙂 Our four are 7, 5, 2, and 9 months, and I’m actually kind of dreading the announcement this time. That, and trying to figure out how to fit all those car seats in my minivan! I know people will judge, but hopefully they’ll keep their thoughts to themselves. My husband is a pastor and I stay at home, so it’s tight,but we’re happy. Just last week my only son (the 5 year old) told me he wants 10 more sisters. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
No way!!! Congratulations!! 🙂 That’s amazing!
coral says
We have 6, 2 of which we actually “tried” for and I say the rest just showed up one day lol and we hear it all the time are they all yours, wow that’s a lot of kids and so on. I used to want 10 lol but I’m good with staying at 6 🙂 but if we’re meant to have more then that’s the way it will be 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agreed!! 🙂
Taunya says
I have six kids and have heard all those questions many times. One time, I think it was just my 4th baby, some past coworker said, “You’re having ANOTHER one?!!!” I was definitely pregnant, no questions asked. I just told her “No…?” She walked away and never said another word. I love my kids and multiply my love between them all! I wouldn’t trade them for anything!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Same here! 🙂
S.L. Payne says
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing this! I get a ton of comments about having a big family- I totally get it that people are curious since our decisions aren’t very typical. We have 3 biological sons and a foster daughter who has been with us for the past year and a half. People assume that we decided to foster because I wanted a girl, but the truth is that I have said yes to taking boys too. God put fostering on my heart and there is such a profound need that I couldn’t say no. Maybe it doesn’t seem ideal to take on another, but just like you said, I have never regretted having more 🙂 even if it is courtesy of social services and possibly temporary, although adoption is possible too. It’s in God’s hands; following Him by loving on kids is something I will never regret! Love your blog and can’t wait to connect more with you!
-Sara, uncommongrace.net
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Sara!
PS- I get that ALL OF THE TIME (because our daughter is the youngest one)
Marion Wilson says
My husband and I have six children (now adults) When asked, my husband always replied, “We’d have more, if we liked kids”. For our 40th Anniversary last year, those six wonderful kids (and spouses) went together and sent my husband and me on an Alaskan cruise. What a blessing they are to us!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
6 kids – thats so wonderful!! (& a cruise!? WOW!)
Nine H says
I had B/G twins so most people just assumed I was done. Before they turned one I was already pregnant with our third and everyone’s question was ” were you trying?” I’ve always wanted four but we decided to stop at three. I keep secretly hoping for a fourth.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 lol – 4 is fun!!
Mitch says
I totally agree with what you say. We are on number 9 coming in July. We have heard so many people with so many rude comments about how many children we have so i have taken to asking people why they would want to limit their blessings from God. They rarely make the connection till we explain it to them. As for feeding them, Aldi’s is a nice place.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
🙂 Agreed!! (same here!)
Kim says
i have 8. 4 girls, 4 boys, ages 24, 20, 18, 16, 14, 12, almost 4 and almost 2. Plus one granddaughter and 2 grandsons on the way. Im 5′ 4 1/2″
and 101 lb. and when people try to guess my age they normally guess in the ballpark of 28-32. I’m 45. No not many people do it anymore but I wouldn’t trade any of my children for the world.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH how wonderful to have such a huge family!!
Mom of 1 says
I think when people don’t know what to say they make comments about kids. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and were married 11 years before we were blessed with out daughter (she’s 6 now). People make all sorts of comments on how we “need” to have another or how it’s not fair to her that she doesn’t have a sibling. They don’t know the years of tears over infertility or the babies lost and that’s not something I’m comfortable bringing up. A family gets to make their own choice on the size of their children and people need not not make comments about too many or too for children!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agreed 🙂
Catie says
I also have three boys and a girl, ages 10,7,5, and 2 1/2! You mentioned your little boy having hypotonia and eating issues. This sounds so much like my oldest. Then he went through a phase where he seemed better, then other things came up. He’s always been a little on the floppy side. We recently found out he has Developmental Coordination Disorder. It explained who he was, so much!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
As hard as it is to hear- its just nice to put a name to what is happening, isn’t it?
Marsha says
I really enjoy reading your blog. In fact I have read this post at least 3 times. We have 4 kiddos now ages 9, 4, 2, & 7 months (3 with birthdays in the next 4 months). I knew as soon as we had our youngest we weren’t done.
I constantly get the “you’re done now, right?”, “You’ve got you hands full!” (Yes I do but I absolutely love it!), and from my mom when we found out we were pregnant with our 3rd “You’ve got 2, a girl and a boy. Why would you want more?”. So as you can see I don’t really have the support of my family but my husband’s family supports our decisions. So here we are deciding to try again this summer and I’ve decided to not tell my family until we are well into our next pregnancy. I’m still dreading their reactions even though it’s not their choice. I never thought I would have a big family and honestly now 4 kids doesn’t seem like a lot to me.
We started our family later than most families as well, our oldest was born 2 days after my 27th birthday. So needless to say I will be in my late 30’s when we try again. This may be our last child since this will be my 5th c-section but I’m still excited to expand our family again and we will probably adopt in the future as well! I love big families!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I do, too! Thanks for sharing, Marsha!
Jennie says
What a great post! I am currently due with our third child in less than 6 weeks. My oldest is 9, our youngest is 11 months. I get the “you’re going to have your hands full” comment almost daily. To which I reply “absolutely, and its going to be a blast”!
We where told after 5 years of trying that we would never have kids of our own, so we adopted our oldest when he was 6, which brought on many comments. Then we went to see a specialist and he claimed I was an easy fix. Apparently I was because 6 months later I was pregnant with our youngest. Then my husband had the crazy idea to try right away to have a third and we haven’t looked back lol.
I truly believe God does design our family unites the exact way he has meant them to be, and I am so over joyed by the way our family is shaping into.
We would like to have 5-6 kids, but always have been felt called to adopt so this maybe our last bio-baby but we will just have to wait and see what God has in store for us.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree! 🙂 I love your attitude!
sarah says
I have 5 children. We thought we were done after 3, but God just laughed at us and gave us two more! 🙂 It’s crazy, it’s a handful, and I am always on the go, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
AGREED!! 🙂 so fun!
Mirroria says
My husband and I got married late in life and we both want a large family. Right now we have just one but are in the two week wait for number 2. We never put a number on the size of our family, but we knew we wanted to adopt as well. We are just starting that process.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh wow- congratulations. 🙂
Deanna says
I just stumbled across your blog this morning and I’m loving it! You write so beautifully and I’ve shed tears more than once already as I relate to your thoughts.
My husband and I have 5 children- ages 7, 6, 4, 3 and 16 months… (our only son is first and our 4 girls trail him) At Costco when people look with amazement at our kids, I’ll just joke- we like getting things in bulk 🙂 but of course we get the questioning looks and surprised comments, but really, I’ve never struggled with people giving negative comments, I think it’s because I keep a sunny disposition and don’t give the impression that my family is a negative burden,,,
My husband just got the call that his appointment is booked for a vasectomy and I’m really struggling with it… I really don’t want to be pregnant now, and I feel very satisfied with our family as it is, but the idea of being officially done terrifies me… I guess we have some talking to do 🙂
I will continue reading your blog- thank you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh my goodness- ME, TOO!! It makes it so “final”, doesn’t it? Ugh- I’m right there with you.
Ps- I’m glad you like my blog!! 🙂
Heidi says
Your posts spark many different emotions for me. Some of jealousy. I am the same age as you and am just starting with married life. No children yet. I wish I could have started earlier, because I have always wanted 4 children, but I don’t think it will happen at this point. Cherish each child and never feel guilty for having a large family, because children are a gift from God and there are so many women who would love to have what you have.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
My husband and I dated from the time that I was 13, so we started young. Most of my friends are just starting to have babies and people do that later & later now. Thank you for your sweet post. Come back & tell me when you have your own family!! 🙂 (seriously!)
Megan says
I had four kids in five years, including b/g twins. It does always surprise people they are all mine or that I am still on the fence about a 5th. However, I am more often surprised by how many moms feel the need to explain why they stopped at 1/2/3 kids. I can feel their mom guilt in the explanation. I believe every family’s decision is so personal, and I pass no judgement. Just an an observation I noticed since my youngest was born. Emotionally I wish I was okay with 2/3, because it is a lot of work, haha! But I do love it.
I do worry about the regret.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I agree- I don’t judge anyone’s decisions. They know what is best for their family.
Ps- love your comment about wish you were emotionally ok with 2/3. 🙂 lol .
Micki says
my husband and I met the year we graduated high school. We were engaged after a week and married 2 months later. Everyone thought we were crazy, but I’m a firm believer that sometimes you just know. We decided to start our family right away and we got pregnant with our first 8 months into our marriage. I was only 24 when our fourth was born and 27 when our fifth (and last) was born. Now our kids are 9, 7, almost 6, 4, and almost 2 and we will be celebrating our 11th anniversary in a few months. It’s difficult and easy and chaotic and fun and loud and crazy but I love it and couldn’t be happier. And the comments from others…I’ve heard them all; especially the “you have your hands full” and that the kids can’t possibly be mine because I look too young and thin to have had any children let alone 5. I used to be offended, but now that I’m nearing 30 I take it as a compliment 🙂 . I’m done being pregnant, but we hope to adopt a large sibling group from foster care in the future.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
That’s wonderful (your life sounds kind of similar to mine!!) 🙂
Deb says
Ironic I read this today. I journeyed to 2 different grocery stores with my 4 yesterday (5, 4, 2.5 & 1). I was asked at both stores if they were all mine, followed by “are any of them twins?”
I too always wanted 4, but found myself drifting thru my 20’s and 30’s unmarried. Finally God sent His best to me at the age of 37, he 39. At that point I thought we’d be fortunate to have 2. God is good and gave us the desires of our heart. Alas now at 42 and knowing another would need to happen quickly I believe we are done. If we would have married younger We would have at least 2 more. Here’s to large families. Life is joyous chaos and I look at our 2 youngest and think what we’d be missing had we stopped at 2…where so many couples end their family these days.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I have chills reading this. How wonderful!!!
Vicki says
Thank you for writing this! I have 5 children and agree with every single thing you wrote!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks, Vicki.
Simmi says
My parents come from very large families…17 on my mom’s side and 6 on my dad’s. I come from a family of 5. I always wanted 4 children also. I married the first time having 2 children, a girl and a boy. I married the second and current time having 1 daughter and decided 3 was enough. God decided otherwise lol! I’m pregnant with twins at the moment. So I’ll end up with 5 children. I am overwhelmed to say the least but they’re mine. I don’t care about other people’s opinions. They aren’t providing care for my children, it costs them nothing, they have no gain or loss in my children’s existence. What other’s think is their problem lol not ours. If they don’t live in our home they need not be concerned?. Everyone is entitled to live their lives the way they wish and allowing others to decide for them is insane and un-american. I’m pro- large-scale families ???
AB says
I read this bc yesterday I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I will have 3 under 3 when this little one comes into the world and I’m so so excited to raise this baby…I’m also having major anxiety about people’s responses to my life. I want to say what other people think won’t bother me, but it will. Thanks for the encouragement!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh 3 under 3?! How fun!!! 🙂 You will love it, honest!!
Cassandra says
People are so plentiful with their opinions aren’t they? We have one. When he was 2.5 we decided to try for a second and first try, we were there. So here I am with an almost three year old and 5 months pregnant and even I get funny comments. (For context, I work in a Christian church! Where family is a central concept!) “Did you MEAN to get pregnant?” “Do you think you’ll have more?” “Are you hoping it’s a girl?” Do people really pressure themselves with these questions?! Worrying nonstop that they might get pregnant, how many they’ll have and worrrying about gender? We don’t truly have control over any of these things, so why would I spend my days worrying about it? I have a girlfriend that struggled with infertility for seven years, had her son last year after a successful IVF, then, got pregnant naturally this year with her second. Let’s choose to be blessed by the children in our lives, whatever we’re given (1, 2, 4, 11, adopters, or permanent aunts and uncles).
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Agreed- choose to be blessed. 🙂
Christy says
It’s sad that people actually think 4 children is a large family, to me that’s at most medium size. I have 7, and if God blesses us with more we will joyfully take them. We trust God with our family size and will not limit his blessings, which are what children are. It’s not about “me” and if I “feel” like we are finished, it’s about trusting and obeying God. In my 38 years of life, I have figured out when I trust and obey God, he works the details out.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
7 children? How wonderful!
Pamela Sheldon says
We are pregnant with number 13 our bakers dozen it took a year to get pregnant with this one so I’m guessing we are done but we will see what happens in the future we love our big family and wouldn’t have it any other way!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
oh how wonderful!
Erin says
Love this post! I am pregnant with our second and I have hesitated to tell some of our family and friends because of the judgement. We don’t own a house, recently picked up a new car loan, and I’m not done with college. The judgement and questioning eyes can get a little overwhelming, but I know it was the right choice and right time for us. I will give up certain things, find ways to cut back and save money, and have my hands full… But that’s okay. I really appreciate your transparency in this post, and congratulations on a beautiful family!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you!
Lindsay says
I know this post was written a while ago but I just wanted to say thank you! My husband and I have 5 children together at this point. What God has planned for our family, we don’t know but we’re willing to be open to it! I am only 26 and have many more years of fertility! Ha! But it’s so hard now a days to have a large family and not feel the heat from people. It’s just nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you for your testimony!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
You are so welcome. 🙂
Eunice says
This is a great post…I love having 5 kids and I love being unusual to people because I have “so many”. 😉
BethAnn says
I am 41 and I just had our sixth child. My children range in age from 15 years to 3 months. And yes, they are ALL mine and my hands are full, FULL OF LOVE! Thank you for writing on this particular topic that is so sensitive for so many women. I too experienced scorn, frustration, and anger from friends, family, church members, and strangers in regards to the the continued growth of our family. I experienced stony silence and a turned back from one of our parents when we announced the last two children. Another parent kept accusing me of trying to prove I was “superwoman.” My own sister didn’t speak to me for nearly 4 months. Cousins have made numerous snarky comments. A church member told me I should try reading books at night, “instead.” And strangers seem to have no filter these days. It used to eat away at my heart, but I have learned to silence the enemy’s accusations in regards to the size of my family.
I thought I wanted 4 children, but after 2 miscarriages and 3 babies in 5 years I tried to prevent further pregnancies with an IUD. It worked. Sort of. I had two false positive pregnancy scares while I had the IUD. “Scares” only because of the complications the IUD could cause.
During this time, the Lord began asking me to trust Him in regards to my womb and the number of children in our family. I felt crazy for listening and entertaining the thought of more, but eventually, after carefully studying the Word and being introduced to several beautiful, loving large families, my heart yielded to His will and I began speaking to my husband about it. We both agreed to pray. I said little and waited for the Spirit to work.
Two years later, my husband agreed to trust the Lord with me. During the next 5 years, we were given 3 more children. It’s unknown if there will be more. My husband is now 43 and I am 41. There is room in my heart for more if God wills it, but at times, I am ready to be able to do things like mission trips and church camps with my oldest three. And yet, witnessing how our younger 3 have so positively changed our family…witnessing our hearts full…meeting families who are encouraged by our number and close knit bond- all spur me on to trust again.
I have no question that following the Lord and trusting Him in this area was the right thing for us. That exercise in trust and obedience has led to so many others – ministries, moves, etc. God has taught us to follow His lead, simply by allowing Him to give us a large family.
And our Father has proven Himself faithful in so many small and large ways. Everything from unexpected monetary gifts, to hand me down clothes, to a lack of morning sickness with the last two pregnancies.
Please understand, I have no judgement against using birth control. None. I believe that decision is a private and personal decision to be made by each couple. All of us who have been called by God have to learn to trust Him in ways that are unique to His design for us. Mine just happened to be the size of my family. Yours may be something entirely different.
This is the first time I’ve written any of this down to be shared publicly. I hope it encourages others to find out where God is leading you to trust Him. Because He is worthy! And He has proven Himself over and over!! Thank you for the opportunity to share this, for the first time.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thank you so much for sharing this with me & our readers. What a gift to have you sharing your story here.
Crystal says
I am 35 and have 4 kids 18,15,8&7 3 boys and 1 girl!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh no way!! Now that’s a small world. 🙂
Kate says
Thanks for your post! Love it! And I too love responding with a smile when people ask questions. Our 4th is due soon (my oldest is 4) and our 3rd passed away last year due to illness so I often feel strange when people tell me I am crazy and will have my hands so full with 3 so close. I always tell them I certainly hope so (especially since I know what it feels like to go from more to less so quickly). Were they planned? is so common…of course and we love them ALL! Lol!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
They were planned. We lost one along the way (a baby before our 4th).
Meg says
We have 4 – 13, 10 ,8 and 6yrs. Our eldest is a boy and the rest are all girls. We talked about stopping at 3 but then our youngest showed up and we wouldn’t be without her – she is so amazingly unique! I would have had more, but my husband is 11 years older than me and didn’t want to still be having preschoolers through his late 40s. He is from a family of 5 children and his parents have 15 grandchildren aged 13 and under – when we all get together it’s an instant party and the kids all have a blast! My family is not nearly as large and are all overseas so I think they miss out!
I really don’t think 4 is a large family though, and I can’t say I’ve had many comments about it… We live on a dairy farm in NZ and families with 4 children are not uncommon around us 🙂
I am sometimes sad that there will be no more babies as I loved that chapter of my life. But you are right about the next being just as exciting, we get to invest in our kids lives as they grow and discover who they are and what God has in store for them. 🙂
Tanya says
I’m currently pregnant with my fourth child. I have a boy, girl, boy, and expecting another boy. I have always wanted 4 kids as well but I really would like to have another girl. But I’m so worried about how my family would react because they were pretty surprised about this pregnancy and not in a good way. Both my husband and I agree that in a couple of years after this one is born we will try again for a girl. If it comes out that we have another boy then that will be it. But I’ve always loved the idea of having a big family.
Silver says
We have 7 and I wanted none! Our life is so full of love and craziness on a daily basis, and I thank God for knowing better than I do.
April Deese says
We have 9 with #10 on the way. 8 girls and 1 boy soon be 2 boys in a few days. Married at 19 we started dating at 15. Been married for 17 years. I not would take nothing for my many gifts God has given me!
Kate says
I just came across this blog post. I have to defend my family constantly. My husband and I have four children all together. I have a 6 year olf from my previous marriage, and he has a four year old from his. Together we have a two year old daughter, and a 2 week old son. When we announced my pregnancy with our baby boy the room went dead silent. No congrats, no nothing. Our families dont want us to havr more kids because “its expensive”, and they dont just mean for us. They mean for them.
Both my husband and I know we want another baby eventually, God willing, but we are so afraid of judgement from our families 🙁
Holly P says
We have 3, I always wanted 4 too! Haha we are possibly trying for #4 soon. Yeah 4 is SO not large. Occasionally I think maybe I could do 5. I will say part of me says I will be a better mom with the next kid and I am to a degree and sometmmes worry adding more because I feel like I need to improve before I add more. But know it all works out some how.
Mrs. J. says
I just came across your website when looking for ideas for family giving up something during Lent. What a great site! My husband and I also have four children. Three girls and one boy. We starting buying diapers in 2007 and have needed to purchase them every year since just because of timing. Our kids range from 14 to 3. Hopefully potty training will happen soon for our last little one. I have needed to defend my family many times, along with getting picked on for being “over-sized.” I have been asked if they all have the same father. We didn’t meet until we were in our 20s, and married late 20s. We didn’t have children until we were married for almost 4 years. People also ask me about being older parents. This makes me laugh because I was 39 when our last was born, and my husband was 43. I don’t think of us as older parents, but I guess we kind of are. As a high school special education teacher, I have a full time job which I find to be the perfect career for not only my own self interests and skills, but also for raising a family. I have no regrets. I find the even number to be perfect for the buddy system. We have so much fun with our family traditions, and during the recent pandemic having four has worked well for entertainment and games. I pray for my kids to lead full, happy, and successful lives where ever God takes them. But I want them to always want to come “home” Creating a “home” for them is vitally important in today’s modern world. A good home is missing for so many today, I see it with my students all the time. I enjoy what you have on this site for having a home.
Becky Mansfield says
Thank you! 🙂