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We say that teachers need more respect.
Teachers need to be paid more.
Teachers need to be treated better… but then we do things like this to take it all away.
While I haven’t experienced this personally, I do know that as a teacher and as a mother, it is hard to see your private notes out for the world to see.
Don’t we want good teachers? Would you go into the teaching profession knowing that if you enforce the school rules, you will be plastered all over the internet? Your private notes to parents will become public for the whole world to see?
Do you know that these teachers love our kids? They do. I was one of them! I was a teacher. My brother is a principal. My sister in law is a teacher. Trust me when I say ‘WE HAVE YOUR CHILD’S INTEREST AT HEART!” No, not all teachers, sadly, but the majority of them.
I was a teacher, before my husband (high-school sweetheart turned college sweetheart turned husband) and I had these four children:
I always knew two things:
1- I wanted a family… √ check
2- That I wanted to be a teacher… √ check
Both of these things happened and I loved both roles- being a mother and being a teacher. However, I stopped teaching to be a stay-at-home-mother (it would be nearly impossible to earn a living in North Carolina, while sending four kids to daycare, on a teacher’s salary).
Things have changed in the school systems.
Notes, private notes, are being shared on Facebook. It is one thing to call your teacher or principal to have a discussion, but it is completely different to go home, take a picture of the note given to you by someone at the school, and share it on Facebook. Can you imagine if teachers shared our notes to them? Honestly. Think about that for just one second.
When we see things, like this story below (that I saw all over the internet) about how a school principal wouldn’t excuse a family trip, because it was a district-wide rule that vacations do not count as excused absences, and it was shared on the Dad’s Facebook page and then it was all over the internet about how the principal ‘shamed’ them, it is hard for me to understand. I completely understand wanting to take a vacation during the school year (we’ve done that) but I also understand the consequences that it entails.
Here is a screenshot taken from theblaze.com that summarizes the story (you can read the rest at theblaze.com):
The story talks about how This principal sent home a note telling parents that their kids were not excused from school to go on a trip, so the parents share it online and everyone says how awful the school is that they don’t give days off for things like this.
It isn’t fair when we expect a school (or any business, for that matter) to work well and to be the best for our kids, but we also expect them to break the rules just for us. Sure, family vacations can provide great educational opportunities, but if the school rule is that it won’t be excused, don’t expect it to be excused. Case closed.
The school didn’t say “Oh… well John can go on that trip, but if Michael asks, lets tell them that it doesn’t count as an excused absence!” The simply stated the district-wide rules.
I want it to be known that I have been updated, after posting this post, that the principal of this school is now being harassed day and night, receiving terrible threats, because of her note, stating the district rules.
Again- we have taken a vacation during the school year, so I am NOT judging the fact that they were or were not allowed to go on a trip (or even if schools should be given that choice), but I will also say that learning about things on vacation is not the same as learning multiplication at school.
Yes, there are things that need to be learned outside of the classroom, of course, but I just don’t expect the school to turn a blind eye to our family. (If it bothered us enough… there is the option to home-school for anyone that disagrees with the way that a school is run)
It really boils down to – BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS. LETS NOT SHAME ANYONE ONLINE, PLEASE.
WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING THEIR NOTES ONLINE!
There are also many notes going around, right now, about teachers are asking parents to make better choices at lunch, like the story of the substitute that sent the note home about a child bringing only marshmallows and a few other little things in a child’s lunch box. This screenshot is taken from ABCnews.go.com
Yes, it was a misunderstanding by the substitute, but this could have been cleared up with a call to the teacher. Dad could have said “It was a misunderstanding. Here are the facts- she had 4 pieces of ham and string cheese. She must have eaten those first.” Easy enough. It would have been over with… I just feel like it didn’t have to be shared on Facebook for the world to see (and for the teacher and substitute’s name to be shared online, because her name was on the paper and people are saying awful things about her. People are now harassing her – online and in real life.
That’s the part that bothers me… that it had to be online and now the world is given a new target. It makes me sad.
Honestly, this teacher was just looking out for the child. She was just making sure that the parent knew what was happening (which is why they asked for a signature – because the signature lets them know that the parent has seen it). When I taught, I had some students eating veggies and sandwiches, but at the same time, I had other students packing their own lunches with just a handful of junk-food (literally), because their parents didn’t know or care, as sad as that is to write (and realize). These kids were bouncing off the walls after lunchtime and then falling asleep an hour later. These kids were sick more often than not. These kids were struggling in school… and it broke my heart.
They packed their own lunches because they knew that if they didn’t pack a lunch, no one was packing one for them. It was sad and heartbreaking and I wouldn’t have hesitated to send a note home saying:
“Hi, Mrs. So&So,
I just wanted to let you know that Sally brought in only Fruit Snacks and Oreos today. I just wanted to give you a heads-up, because I know that these things slip past us! haha!
Anyway, she is always welcome to eat the school’s lunch anytime (We have free and reduced lunch available. I would be happy to send home an application.)
I just LOVE having Sally in my class and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks,
Mrs. Mansfield”
We, as teachers, care about our students, but if we, as parents, start flaunting every mistake that people make or every rule that we don’t like all over the internet, with the teachers name on it (or Principal’s name), we are going to lose good teachers.
If we, as parents, honestly consider the reason for the note – it boils down to one thing: someone is concerned for our child and they are taking time out of their day to try to help, even if it doesn’t come across that way. (trust me, it is easier to look the other way, in any situation).
I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking a parent or caregiver to please be sure that their child is studying their spelling words and math facts, because they could share it online with a quote like “Teacher calls student dumb.”
I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking the parents to please have their child to school on time, because it could be posted online stating “Teacher calls parents lazy even though parents are both working and having trouble getting child to school on time.”
I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking that the parents please be sure to give their child a bath (yes, teachers have to do this after a child goes weeks without one) or to please have their child do their homework, or to please have their child wear tennis shoes to school, because there would be a Facebook Share stating “Teacher doesn’t like creativity or individuality…” Instead of the truth- “Teacher cares so much about this child that they want them to be clean, prepared (so as to not fall behind in class), and not get hurt running around on the playground in flip flops.”
To the teachers out there~ keep caring. Work together with parents – maybe a call is better than a note (it is hard to read someone’s ‘tone’ from a note. ♥
To the parents out there~ keep expecting your child’s teacher to care. If you are unsure – just call the school.
To both ~ do what is best for your child… and work together ♥
It is not only teachers, but in general – the “public shaming” that has gone too far, in my opinion. It all boils down to respect. Respecting one another, no matter the profession, the person or the issue. GO STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR PROBLEM. A call is ALWAYS better than a note or e-mail, in my opinion. It is hard to read a “tone” when it is just online.♥
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The principal’s letter seemed so cold and unfeeling. The substitute teacher’s letter was judgmental – send a “proper lunch”. It’s not wonder to me that the parents got upset and posted them online, though I agree with you that it’s not the most productive way to handle the situations. That said, if these parents had been treated with more respect and compassion, even while holding a limit or sharing a concern, I’m sure things would have turned out differently. As a new parent to the public school system, the amount of condescension from school staff has been sort of stunning to me. I really think school folks need to ask themselves how they are co-creating these situations.
It’s probably a form letter for kids who miss due to unexcused absences. I got one once (we almost never miss school).
The district likely has a policy in place to send a letter after X absences so that parents are aware. For the parents who DO chronically allow their kids to miss school for lousy reasons, this way they can’t cry “I didn’t know better!!!” when they get turned in to DCS.There are some kids missing 10% + of school days, THOSE are the ones that will face legal problems. The school documenting that they sent home a letter is a way to cover themselves legally and prove that the parent KNEW the child was missing too much.
I disagree! My husband is a mariner and is called out to sea quite often and therefore his schedule is irregular. When he does manage to get some free time, we take off on a vacay. I do not need some school being a bully threatening me and telling me that I am not allowed to take my child, MY CHILD, on a family vacay. We had our two oldest in a private school and they tried to dictate to us when we could and could not take a rare family vacay. They said it had to go before the board. I said no, it did not and I took my children out and now homeschool all three of my children. I will NEVER allow someone to dictate what we can and can not do with our children in regards to an education!!!
Just a few months back we had a some stuff happen in our family and I had to take my daughter out of school for a week. The school was upset because of it which I understood completely but couldn’t do anything about. I knew we’d get the letter and it did in fact arrive the next week. Our school has the same rules as this one above stated and I can respect that and accept the I unexcused days. If it came down to it, I’d be prepared to explain reasons in more details. I feel so bad for this principal. They’re following administration rules. These aren’t rules that they just make up to torture families. These are rules put in place because if the kids aren’t in school how can they keep up and stay on task with the rest of their class. Say the kids took their homework on vacation with them, what if there was stuff the dad couldn’t properly help with? It’s sad when there are parents out there saying teachers need to butt out but I am so certain that at the same time they’re also the first to say teachers need to be doing more for their precious snowflake! Can’t have it both ways!
agreed!
I just hope his 15 minutes of fame were worth the public shaming, humiliation, and degregation he inflicted upon this teacher. His child’s lunch WAS questionable, and as a doctor, you’d think he’d know that. This is a small town…if the same lunch had been bought by a less-prominent parent’s child in that community, imagine the difference in how this would have played out. That teacher would have been praised for “catching” it, but since it was a doctor in town, it was criticized. She was doing her job and doing it well, which is more than I can say for him. This is a man who prides himself on being a physician and a Christian. It’s too bad his behavior doesn’t match his words.
I agree 100%–the lack of respect and understanding shows up on Facebook every single day, and it’s awful, sometimes truly criminal. But I’d like for folks to consider the following: as a teacher, which would you prefer, a note from your principal pointing out the faults you made in the classroom that day or a phone call or face to face conversation? I know as a parent, I’d much rather get the phone call and discuss the issue than try to respond to a note.
The root cause IMHO is not in the notes, it’s in the relationship (or lack thereof) between parent and teacher–and between teacher and administrator. We complain about kids not developing social skills due to too much screen time, but are we modeling those critical social skills? The Facebook rants are a symptom of a lack of understanding that can only be improved through better relationships, and relationship building takes time–face to face time–and conscious effort.
And maybe we just don’t have the time to give, but nothing will change until someone–a parent, a teacher, an admin–starts acting differently. It has to start with someone, why not with us?
Hi Becky,
You are so right and thank you so much for having teachers’ back in this. The truth is, these notes are not the best way to share information in the first place. If we’re commenting on things like child’s behavior, paper notes sent in kids’ backpacks often fail to reach parents anyway, and official letters take too long to get home and often feel too formal, putting an unnecessary strain on the parent-teacher relationship. I think parents would be more respectful if the communication channel was better defined – there are some new parent-teacher collaboration apps out there that help manage expectations for both sides and enable private, personal and secure communication.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for writing this post! As a mom and a teacher, I could not agree more with you. I did not take the time to read all the other comments, but I sure hope they were all agreeing with you. We all need to remember to treat others with the respect we would like and that teachers (most of them) really do only want what’s best for the child. Teachers want to be on the same team with the parents. I’m sharing this on my FB page as well.
I taught school for 33 years. I rarely sent a note home and those were the days prior to email. I picked up the phone and called my parents. If I was not able to connect via the phone, I would mail a postcard asking the parent to call me or send a phone number where they could be reached. “Tone” is so very important and despite emoticons nearly impossible to convey in writing.
Thanks for this posting.
I did, too. I couldn’t agree more.
Wow a whole lot of comments. Totally agree parents should not be posting stuff like this on Facebook. I do have a few problems with the schools way of dealing with a family trip. I am a SAHM but my husband works for the government. He rarely gets vacation time in the summer so what are families supposed to do when the parents don’t get summers off like Teachers? Schools must realize that kids might miss a week or 2 for a family trip! Honestly in Elementary school it really shouldn’t be that big of an issue. Missing school for no good reason that’s a problem. Going on a family trip should not be a problem.