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We say that teachers need more respect.
Teachers need to be paid more.

Teachers need to be treated better…   but then we do things like this to take it all away.

While I haven’t experienced this personally, I do know that as a teacher and as a mother, it is hard to see your private notes out for the world to see.

please stop plastering teachers notes all over the internet

Don’t we want good teachers?  Would you go into the teaching profession knowing that if you enforce the school rules, you will be plastered all over the internet?  Your private notes to parents will become public for the whole world to see?

Do you know that these teachers love our kids?  They do.  I was one of them!   I was a teacher.  My brother is a principal.  My sister in law is a teacher.   Trust me when I say ‘WE HAVE YOUR CHILD’S INTEREST AT HEART!”  No, not all teachers, sadly, but the majority of them.

I was a teacher, before my husband (high-school sweetheart turned college sweetheart turned husband) and I had these four children:


I always knew two things: 
1- I wanted a family…  √ check
2- That I wanted to be a teacher… √ check

Both of these things happened and I loved both roles- being a mother and being a teacher.   However, I stopped teaching to be a stay-at-home-mother (it would be nearly impossible to earn a living in North Carolina, while sending four kids to daycare, on a teacher’s salary).

Things have changed in the school systems.

Notes, private notes, are being shared on Facebook.  It is one thing to call your teacher or principal to have a discussion, but it is completely different to go home, take a picture of the note given to you by someone at the school, and share it on Facebook.  Can you imagine if teachers shared our notes to them?  Honestly.  Think about that for just one second.

When we see things, like this story below (that I saw all over the internet) about how a school principal wouldn’t excuse a family trip, because it was a district-wide rule that vacations do not count as excused absences, and it was shared on the Dad’s Facebook page and then it was all over the internet about how the principal ‘shamed’ them, it is hard for me to understand.    I completely understand wanting to take a vacation during the school year (we’ve done that) but I also understand the consequences that it entails.

Here is a screenshot taken from that summarizes the story (you can read the rest at
Screen Shot 2015-06-01 at 8.18.45 AM

The story talks about how This principal sent home a note telling parents that their kids were not excused from school to go on a trip, so the parents share it online and everyone says how awful the school is that they don’t give days off for things like this.

It isn’t fair when we expect a school (or any business, for that matter) to work well and to be the best for our kids, but we also expect them to break the rules just for us.    Sure, family vacations can provide great educational opportunities, but if the school rule is that it won’t be excused, don’t expect it to be excused.  Case closed.

The school didn’t say “Oh… well John can go on that trip, but if  Michael asks, lets tell them that it doesn’t count as an excused absence!”  The simply stated the district-wide rules.

I want it to be known that I have been updated, after posting this post, that the principal of this school is now being harassed day and night, receiving terrible threats, because of her note, stating the district rules.

Again- we have taken a vacation during the school year, so I am NOT judging the fact that they were or were not allowed to go on a trip (or even if schools should be given that choice),  but I will also say that learning about things on vacation is not the same as learning multiplication at school.

Yes, there are things that need to be learned outside of the classroom, of course, but I  just don’t expect the school to turn a blind eye to our family.   (If it bothered us enough… there is the option to home-school for anyone that disagrees with the way that a school is run)



There are also many notes going around, right now, about teachers are asking parents to make better choices at lunch, like the story of the substitute that sent the note home about a child bringing only marshmallows and a few other little things in a child’s lunch box.  This screenshot is taken from
Screen Shot 2015-06-01 at 8.24.25 AM
Yes, it was a misunderstanding by the substitute, but this could have been cleared up with a call to the teacher.  Dad could have said “It was a misunderstanding.  Here are the facts- she had 4 pieces of ham and string cheese.  She must have eaten those first.”   Easy enough.  It would have been over with…  I just feel like it didn’t have to be shared on Facebook for the world to see (and for the teacher and substitute’s name to be shared online, because her name was on the paper and people are saying awful things about her.   People are now harassing her – online and in real life.

That’s the part that bothers me… that it had to be online and now the world is given a new target.  It makes me sad.

Honestly, this teacher was just looking out for the child.  She was just making sure that the parent knew what was happening (which is why they asked for a signature – because the signature lets them know that the parent has seen it).  When I taught, I had some students eating veggies and sandwiches, but at the same time, I had other students packing their own lunches with just a handful of junk-food (literally), because their parents didn’t know or care, as sad as that is to write (and realize).  These kids were bouncing off the walls after lunchtime and then falling asleep an hour later.   These kids were sick more often than not.  These kids were struggling in school… and it broke my heart.
They packed their own lunches because they knew that if they didn’t pack a lunch, no one was packing one for them.   It was sad and heartbreaking and I wouldn’t have hesitated to send a note home saying:

“Hi, Mrs. So&So,
I just wanted to let you know that Sally brought in only Fruit Snacks and Oreos today.  I just wanted to give you a heads-up, because I know that these things slip past us!  haha!
Anyway, she is always welcome to eat the school’s lunch anytime (We have free and reduced lunch available.  I would be happy to send home an application.)
I just LOVE having Sally in my class and I look forward to hearing from you.

Mrs. Mansfield” 

We, as teachers, care about our students, but if we, as parents, start flaunting every mistake that people make or every rule that we don’t like all over the internet, with the teachers name on it (or Principal’s name), we are going to lose good teachers.


If we, as parents, honestly consider the reason for the note – it boils down to one thing: someone is concerned for our child and they are taking time out of their day to try to help, even if it doesn’t come across that way.  (trust me, it is easier to look the other way, in any situation).

I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking a parent or caregiver to please be sure that their child is studying their spelling words and math facts, because they could share it online with a quote like “Teacher calls student dumb.”

I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking the parents to please have their child to school on time, because it could be posted online stating “Teacher calls parents lazy even though parents are both working and having trouble getting child to school on time.”

I just hope that a teacher would not hesitate to send a note home asking that the parents please be sure to give their child a bath (yes, teachers have to do this after a child goes weeks without one) or to please have their child do their homework, or to please have their child wear tennis shoes to school, because there would be a Facebook Share stating “Teacher doesn’t like creativity or individuality…”    Instead of the truth- “Teacher cares so much about this child that they want them to be clean, prepared (so as to not fall behind in class), and not get hurt running around on the playground in flip flops.”

To the teachers out there~ keep caring.  Work together with parents – maybe a call is better than a note (it is hard to read someone’s ‘tone’ from a note. ♥
To the parents out there~ keep expecting your child’s teacher to care.  If you are unsure – just call the school.
To both ~ do what is best for your child… and work together ♥

It is not only teachers, but in general – the “public shaming” that has gone too far, in my opinion.   It all boils down to respect.  Respecting one another, no matter the profession, the person or the issue.  GO STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR PROBLEM.   A call is ALWAYS better than a note or e-mail, in my opinion.  It is hard to read a “tone” when it is just online.♥

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make each child feel important

Mommy, will you lay with me



becky FB

Hi there!

I’m Becky, a former elementary school teacher turned certified child development therapist and blogger. I work at home with my husband and together we are raising (and partially homeschooling) our four children in the Carolinas. I love diet coke, ice cream, and spending time with my family.

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  1. I agree with your post in many ways. I cringed when I saw that teacher’s note go around fb. I used to teach in public school, then I had children and stayed home with them and homeschooled them. I’ve been on both sides. There is a cost/benefit analysis of a family trip v missing school. If school is missed, not only is it an unexcused absence, but lessons are lost. It’s difficult to catch up one child here and one child there if they all take off whenever they want to. It needs to be a team effort to work together to achieve the goals of learning. It is most hopeful that parents who take their children on the family trip in lieu of going to school would seek make up work to remain on pace with the class. The parents who worked with me were always a joy and I was always happy to work with them. However with the way some parents make things increasingly difficult, I don’t think I shall be returning to the classroom. I’d rather work with those who want to be a team.

  2. The principal shaming the parents – was after the fact. Nothing I’ve read has indicated that the parents asked for permission, opinions, or rules to be bent. They made a decision to take their children on a trip. They chose not to let the school interfere with their real lives. Maybe the school needed to send the letter to let the parents know that there may be truancy issues. And maybe the parents needed to let the world know that the school/principal feels they have the right to be policing a family’s outside activities.

    This is why we homeschool comments – yes, absolutely. Not because we don’t like to follow the rules or expect special treatment, but because we made a lifestyle choice to raise our children ourselves, to not lock our children in a cage for 8 hours a day and then have their family time sucked away by homework, and because no one else has a vested interest in our child’s success. When we see/read/talk about issues like these, we nod our heads and say, this is why we homeschool. It is over simplified, but it’s our way of saying we understand, but you’re preaching to the choir. Been there, done that, got the hell out.

  3. As far as notes go, it really depends on the situation. Most of the time, it is better to deal directly with the teacher. And I doubt parents expect their posts to go viral.
    As far as absences go, it really depends on the day. I’ve had my kid home and done her work with her (the teacher sent lessons home). Then, my kid was ahead and had nothing to do in class because the teacher didn’t get that far.

  4. I love this post! I completely agree. My husband and I are both teachers. I am currently not teaching but have been staying home with my girls. My youngest is off to kindergarten next year and that leaves me with a decision to make about if I’m ready to go back to teaching. Like you said, it’s a scary world out there for teachers! The stories my husband shares with me really do scare me some days! Your post hits the nail on the head. Yes, these may be genuine concerns or issues but they are being handled completely wrong. Take it to the teacher!!! Don’t gossip, complain to others, spread it around fb, or anything else. Just talk to the teacher about it. Thank you again for posting. I hope this gets shared a million times over!

    1. Right! Take it to the source- just like anything else. 🙂
      Thanks 🙂

  5. I completely agree with the idea that it’s poor form for parents to publicly post / publicly shame the teachers and administrators. I taught high school, so I’ve been there with all the difficulties in communicating with parents. Phone calls are great, but some parents are unreachable and a note is the only way to communicate (and in the same token, as a parent, teachers can also be difficult to reach by phone).

    However, I think teachers also need to be more mindful of parental boundaries. Notes should be more informative than assuming and judgmental. In your suggested note about the lunch issue, the first paragraph is great…you are making the parent aware of what their child had in their lunch in case it was an oversight. However the second paragraph enters dangerous territory. You are assuming the child needs to be on free and reduced lunches. This is a huge stereotype. I sure there are plenty of affluent families who don’t always pack the most nutritious lunches for their children. And it could be insulting to a family for you to jump to the conclusion that they must not be able to afford a lunch for their child.

    I saw a note going around from a school telling the parents they could not pack oreos, lunchables, fruit snacks, peanut butter, etc ( These decisions should be left up to the parents. If I want to reward my child and pack them oreos on occasion, then I should be able to do so. And while I understand in this particular case that is the school policy and maybe they just need to find a different school, this is not the case in most schools…no such policy exists.

    So yes, we need to support our teachers and respect that they have our children’s best interests at heart. But we, as teachers, also need to figure out where the line is between being a child’s advocate (as is very necessary in some cases) and trying to trump the parent’s authority over the child.

  6. As a teacher, I think it would be better to call parents for things that can be taken personally (concerns about food, hygiene, etc.) instead of writing a note or sending an email. It’s so easy for things to be interpreted in a different way than they were intended when getting a written note. There definitely is a shift in general attitudes towards teachers, so I feel like I have to be much more careful when contacting parents so that they can tell I’m on their side!

    1. Yes- a call to anyone (teacher or otherwise) is always preferred before “assuming” the worst. 🙂

  7. Can’t wait for summer break, kids can be so disrespectful, crazy etc…..

  8. I couldn’t disagree more. You are somehow assuming that teachers are always right and always acting in the best interest of a child, or that school policies are always reasonable. Guess what? They’re not. This is about accountability.

    If a parent possibly posting a note is going to stop a teacher from saying what needs to be said, then they shouldn’t be teaching. And if the accountability that comes from a parent making known to a wide audience that school policies are absurd, then maybe those policies shouldn’t exist either.

    It’s no different than any other job. You are accountable for what you say and do. Police officers have to account for the arrests they make and that’s why so many are now wearing body cameras. Every office work place lets you know when you’re hired that your email is not private and will be reviewed. This is no different.

    1. That’s just it – it applies to ALL professions. I just think that we need to go to the source BEFORE sharing it publicly. Just to spare someone any unwanted attention/humiliation.

  9. I want good teachers and our school has many, But not all teachers are good teachers , many are less than average . I have seen three cases this week of teachers having inapporopriate relationships with students , in our area schools . I am aware of many teachers who fill the bars on ladies night and act like drunken fools . I am the first to support good teachers , but I dont assume someone is mother teresa and God’s gift to education just because they hold a teaching position . I will always be a strong advocate for my kids , even if it means going toe to toe with a teacher from time to time .

    1. Oh that breaks my heart. My husband and I always say “We are our child’s voice” so we will always go to a teacher or principal if there is an issue.

  10. I agree with most of this but not the vacation. Some people don’t have the luxury of taking vacations during school breaks because of various work situations. They should be allowed to excuse there kids for up to a weeks vacation during the school year if that is the only time the parents can take there vacation

  11. I agree with this! It is not just teachers who are singled out, of course. Many people’s mistakes and “sins” are aired for all to see on the internet as a form of “venting” for the offended parties. I think all of us need to work on being thicker skinned and more willing to reach out to one another to create solutions.
    I must admit however that reading the disparaging remarks about the self-packed lunches connected to kids bouncing of the walls, etc. is not helpful in reaching these connections.

    1. Exactly- great way to put it about ‘venting”. I just saw yesterday “Think once before you speak. Think twice before you act. Think 3 times before you share it on Facebook for the world to see.”

  12. I was a kindergarten teacher this year and I would have liked it if my students parents would have come to me with their issues instead of going to the principal first.

    1. agreed. I think it can be solved (anything) with parent/teacher communication.

  13. I totally agree! I will never understand why some people think it is ok to put certain things out in the public. I guess it is one of the downsides of social media….Facebook Muscles. I’ve always been a believer that if you have a grievance, go directly to that person first. In the case of parents/teachers, if you take the time to keep an open line of communication with each other throughout the year, hopefully both parties will feel free to express themselves civilly if the need should arise. I often wonder if my kid’s (4 of them) teachers get sick of me because I sometimes feel like I “communicate” too much. But they have all made me feel good about being an involved parent.

  14. I agree, we are too quick to post everything on social media, and often saying things we would never say face to face. As if saying it online doesn’t count.
    Just wanted to clarify, the nurse that tragically commited suicide after a prank phone call made by Australian radio hosts to the hospital did NOT leak information. She simply transferred the phone call. The staff member who actually shared Kates medical information was a completely different person

  15. I agree mostly, except on the lunch issue. I have my boys, ages 12 and 9, pack their own lunches and they always have. Yes, I help them cut things and approve their lunches when they decide to pack, but giving them the responsibility doesn’t mean I love them less. I want them to see and appreciate what goes into making a meal so that they can respect the people who cook for them, both at school and home.

    1. Our kids love to make their own lunches, but they know that if they make “unwise choices” they lose that privilege 🙂