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There is nothing more important than our families… They just need us.
They just need us. We are their safe place.
A few months ago, our son came to me, very upset. He had borrowed my wireless headphones to cut the grass, and after he had finished, cleaned up, and showered, he realized that he had lost one.
He checked his pockets, checked the grass, and checked his room, but it was nowhere to be found.
I had two choices at this moment:
1- I could lecture him about the importance of taking care of things. I could react with anger and talk about how this was irresponsible and tell him that he would be purchasing a new pair with his money.
Or…
2- I could react with empathy. I could tell him that I appreciated his honesty so that I would help him. I could use this as an opportunity to show him that he can count on me to help him when he comes to me. I could show him that I am going to be there for him to guide him when things don’t go as he expected. I can be an example to him of how to handle a problem.
I opted for option two.
Together, we searched for those headphones for 30 minutes. We looked in the grass, in the house, in the garage, and in his bedroom.
It was only after we had been searching for 30 minutes that he remembered that he had walked behind the shed after putting the lawnmower away. Feeling hopeful, we both ran behind the shed to check, and sure enough… there it was, lying in the grass behind the shed.
Hooray!
Although I was glad that he found them, it was what happened next that let me know that I had made the right decision.
“Thanks for helping me look, Mom. I was afraid you’d be mad that I had lost it, but you just helped me look instead.”
Sometimes, they just need us. We are their safe place.
That’s being a parent. Being a parent is knowing that we have options and choices in every situation, but choosing the one that helps our children the most — knowing that we all make mistakes and choosing to teach our children to learn and grow from those mistakes.
We are their safe place… the place where they can come with their mistakes, with their insecurities, with their questions, with their worries, and they will know that they will not be judged. They will be guided, helped, and loved.
On our way back into the house, I talked about how I was proud that he came to me instead of hiding the truth from me.
I also used this opportunity to talk about being careful when you are using someone else’s things. I also asked him to think of some ways that he could have taken better care of them (taking them off as soon as he had finished and put them inside, etc…)
I hadn’t planned on spending 30 minutes helping him search, but by helping him, I taught him that he could count on me to help him. I showed him that I’d be there for him.
We do things for our kids because we love them, and we want them to grow up to be responsible, caring, successful, and happy adults.
Sometimes, they just need us. We are their safe place.
Our children need to know that we are their safe place. They need to know that we are there for them and that we will help them because we love them.
It’s why we read books to our kids at bedtime, even when we are tired and want to go to sleep (I’ve been known to doze off while reading!)
It’s why we tuck them back into bed and stay there until they fall asleep after they have had a nightmare.
It’s why we stop what we are doing when they are in the swimming pool and say “Mom! Watch!” as they do the 10th jump into the water in the past two minutes.
It’s why we stay up late helping them complete their homework when they realized that they had underestimated the amount of time it would take.
It’s why we bake their favorite cookies to enjoy when they get home from school because we know that the day was long and they could use a treat.
It’s why we ask them questions, why we stay up late to talk to our teens even though we’re exhausted, why we monitor their devices so we can talk to them about the things that they may question.
Because we are parents – and we are their safe place.
They just need us… and we need them, too.
JUST BEING THERE & DOING YOUR BEST IS ENOUGH FOR THEM. It is what they need from you… for you to be there.
We need to be there for our kids, to teach them, to guide them. They are relying on us to guide them, because sometimes… they just need us. Let them come to you… be their safe place. ♥
