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Every month or so, I will find a moment when it is just my child and I.  (We have four kids, so this one-on-one time is not as often as you might think).  I cherish those moments, just like I cherish the ones where we are together, as a family.
A group of kids standing in front of a fence with text above them.

When I find myself in that moment, I use the opportunity to ask my kids for advice… on being a mom.  I want to know how they are seeing things, how they feel, how we can improve things.

Here is what I ask:
Is there anything that you would want to change about how we are doing things at home?   

Our 6 year old gives answers like “Well- I would like it if you would lay with me EVERY night and not just some nights.”

Our 8 year old has said:  I wish that I could do homework in a room with just you, where it was quiet and everyone else wasn’t being loud.

Our 4 year old says:  No, I love you and Dad.

I ask…
Is there anything that you want to change about me or the way that I am a mommy?

6 year old:  Remember how in the summertime you let us have one piece of candy from the candy jar every day?  I do want you to do that again.

8 year old:  I want you to read with me every night, not just as a family, but just with me.  I want to play board games with you more, too.   I want to play tennis, too… just me and you.

4 year old:  I want you and dad to “shweep with me”  (haha!!  This is what he says when he wants us to lay with him in his bed before he falls asleep).

I ask…
Do you ever wish that I wasn’t as busy?

6 year old: No, I don’t think you are too busy.

8 year old:  Yes, sometimes I wish that you didn’t have so much to do.  I don’t like to go to the gym with you, because I want to stay home to play outside.    I don’t like when you have to do stuff right after school, like run to the store.

4 year old:   I was busy at school today!  I went down the slide three times with Ruby.  (his friend)

I take these into account and I take them to heart and I analyze them… and then I improve on them.   What I am getting from our oldest child is that he needs MORE one-on-one time, so I bump it up for him.   What I am getting from our 6 year old is that he needs a few extra cuddles every day (he has always been a ‘touch’ type of person- he could let me scratch his back all day, every day).
What I take from our 4 year old’s words… he is pretty content just as things are.

I try to do this at least once a month because I think that it is really important to find out how our kids are feeling.

ps- This would be great to do with your spouse, as well.

If you haven’t read these posts (mentioned in the post), you might want to read them.  They are a few of my favorites.

A sign
nd this one: 
one on one time

What do your kids REALLY need from you? 
what do kids want most from their parents

Hi there!

I’m Becky, a former elementary school teacher turned certified child development therapist and blogger. I work at home with my husband and together we are raising (and partially homeschooling) our four children in the Carolinas. I love diet coke, ice cream, and spending time with my family.

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