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Last week, I shared a post about raising our sons and I wrote “Teaching our sons to be gentlemen”  to which I saw MANY comments that said “Why does it have to be sons?  Why can’t it be “teaching our sons & daughters”  or “Why did you put teaching young kids to be kind?”   (ps- yes I already have that post, too!)

I was disappointed for two reasons:

1-That they didn’t take the time to even read it before commenting.

2- That they weren’t open minded enough to understand how wonderful it is to be happy with your gender and embrace it fully.

I have always been the kind of girl that loved to fix my hair, put on makeup, play dress up… but at the same time, I love to run my business from home, workout every day and look at cars with our sons (mostly to make them happy).

It is OK to have things “just for boys” and “just for girls” … and here is why:

just for boys

In 2015, why is it that when I post something about “for boys” or “for girls”, I am asked “Why does it have to be gender specific?”    Well- because we have BOYS and we have GIRLS and they are different.   THEY. ARE. DIFFERENT.  

I feel like I am missing something.  I WANT our boys to do boy things and our girls to do girl things.     (Women are amazing- I mean, we can actually give birth to another human being!  So- just because I didn’t play football and had no interest in it at all, does not mean that I couldn’t do something just as strong.    I did play rugby, in college, by the way…  On a GIRLS team.  I ran, with the boys, for track.  I play tennis, next to boys and girls.)   Why would I feel the need to prove it by being unfeminine?   I don’t have to.   I can be strong and still want to dress up in my favorite heels.  

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest if one of our kids does something that the other gender wants to do.  I could care less if our son carries around a baby or if our daughter plays with trucks, because it happens in our house.   However, I would also love our daughter to do ballet and our son to play baseball… because it would make them happy.

just for boys

We can have gender specific things, even if it is 2015…  It doesn’t put us back 50 years. 

I want our daughter’s boyfriend to open the car door for her.
I want our three sons’ to use their money to pay for their dates (like my husband did when we were dating).
I want my husband to continue helping me down icy stairs.
I like packing lunches for our kids and putting a little note in there as a surprise.
I enjoy being a stay at home mom, even if it is “old-fashioned”.
I want our sons to protect their wives.
I want our daughter to have someone that is going to protect her, too. (I am only 4’11, so I don’t see her being much taller!)
I want our daughter to know that she can also protect herself, but that it is nice to know that someone else is watching out for you.
I want to know that every day, someone is going to tell our daughter that she is beautiful, inside & out.
I want to know that every day, someone is going to tell our sons that they are handsome, inside & out.

I just don’t understand why, just because it is 2015, we want to go to the extreme so much, as to asking why I would write “for boys”.

Do they think that if we are the ones that cook dinner, we can’t also be the ones to take care of finances? (because I do both)

Do they think that if I let him open the door for me, I am letting him take control of my life? (because I’m not).

Do they think that if our daughter does dance and plays dress-up, she is any less-likely to be able to run a successful corporation one day?  (because she’s not).

Do they think that if I encourage football for our sons, they are any less likely to be a caring father or husband?  (because they aren’t).

just for girls

So…   If I share a funny joke here on yourmodernfamily that “boys will love” it is because OUR BOYS LOVE THEM.   If I share something great that would be “awesome for little girls”  it is because my daughter and nieces LOVE THEM!  I’m not saying that it is “only for boys” or “only for girls”.  I am saying that I created it with them in mind, because they are different.   Wonderfully made in their own uniqueness.


teaching daughters to be ladies

sons to be men
please stop plastering teachers notes all over the internet

Hi there!

I’m Becky, a former elementary school teacher turned certified child development therapist and blogger. I work at home with my husband and together we are raising (and partially homeschooling) our four children in the Carolinas. I love diet coke, ice cream, and spending time with my family.

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  1. YES YES YES! I love this! I have one girly girl and one not girly girl, and one who falls somewhere in between, they are all beautiful and unique and amazing in their own ways. I look at dinosaurs and spiders and play with building blocks for my little girl who LOVES these things, and I do sewing and nails and makeup and hairstyles for my little girl who loves these things, and I do videos and minecraft and crafts with my eldest who loves these things. They all get interested in each others interests from time to time but gravitate back to their own. I get annoyed with people telling me I should encourage my girly girl to be less girly, why? WHY? She loves being girly and pretty, then people look at me funny when I catch a spider for my other little girl, like I shouldnt encourage it? I should encourage her to be scared of spiders? Why? She loves spiders! Let them be them and forget society telling us who we should be, gender neutrality is not something I encourage, all my children know they are girls, and love being girls.

    1. Thank you for leaving this comment!! ps- You sound just like my dearest friend!

      1. I think this whole gender neutrality thing is doing kids a disservice…. a child I know was in total devastation (cried for hours) when he realized he would never have a baby. I said of course he will, he can be a dad if he wants to! His mum says no, he realized he cant give birth, he wants to, its really upset him. This family raises their kids extremely gender neutral. All good thats their choice, my personal take on it, is “male” and “female” are a massive part of our identity. A little boy can play with dolls, he can be mummy, he can be daddy, he can be all of it, but his identity as BOY cements in his head that one day he can be MAN and DAD and ALL the wonderful things he chooses to make that person be. Thinking even though you have a penis you might be able to give birth one day I think it sets them up to be confused. Being decidedly male does not mean you cannot be gentle, loving and kind, being decidedly female does not mean you cannot be tough, strong and ambitious. I think people get a little too caught up in that genders are fixed. They fear girls will feel inferior if we tell them they are girls. But IMO the only thing that makes our girls feel inferior is being told that they are. The feminists in general won that particular battle a long time ago. I love looking around at school pick up and drop off now and seeing SO MANY DADS!!!! I love that the lines in the home as to who does what role is blurring. But don’t tell me dads have any confusion that they are a man, or mums have any confusion that they are a woman. Being a male or female makes up a huge part of who we are and going gender neutral is just making it harder for them in the long run I personally feel. (This is nothing to do with transgender people which is a whole other novel lol)

        1. 🙂 haha! (your comment on the novel).
          I know- it is hard for them if they don’t have even some gender-rules or gender role-models.

  2. Thank you for sharing this! SO good, and so important especially in these crazy times we live in.