The 10 most important lessons from my mom

I read a quote once that said, “If I can turn into my mother, I’ll consider my life a success.” I couldn’t agree more. My mom is happy, helpful, generous, loving, and kind-hearted. On top of that, her children and grandchildren think the world of her!

Update: I wrote this post several years ago, but it still holds true today.

Here are ten lessons that I have learned from my Mom…

1) Love your spouse.

My parents have been married for over 35 years. They get along really well- they laugh with each other, hug each other, share everything, spend time together, and treat each other with respect.  

When my husband & I got married, my Dad said, “Remember that if it is important to one of you, it is important.”  I see my parents living this every day.   (As I share in my tips for a happy marriage)

2) Be a parent first & in the end, you will be their best friend.

My Mom and I have a great relationship.  She is truly my best friend.  I feel like I can tell her anything!  There were times when I can remember getting in little arguments with her as a teenager, and then there were times when I really relied on her at that same age.

Even at a young age, she talked to me about everything (even if it was a touchy or embarrassing subject, at the time).  She held me to high standards, and she taught me right from wrong.  

I can still remember gossiping about a girl in middle school, and my mom overhearing the conversation. She didn’t yell—she just said, “I’m so disappointed.” That moment stuck with me. I remember how it felt to let her down, and from then on, I thought twice before speaking about others. Now, as a parent,I hope my kids see me the same way—that they’ll think twice before doing wrong, not wanting to let me down, and that it helps them become their best selves.

3) Be generous

My Mom is so giving.  She gives her time, money, and possessions- she really lives by the “what’s mine is yours” rule, especially with her family.   When our kids were not yet in school, she would watch them one day a week.  She has been a SHINING example of what a volunteer looks like (Hospice House, Meals on Wheels, American Cancer Society, etc). She was a nurse, so even her job involved helping people.

(When I was young, I dressed up like my Mom, a nurse, for Trick or Treating. )

4) Be smart with your money.

While my Dad studied finance, among other things, I still turn to my Mom for money-saving tips!  If you think I am a good saver, you should see my Mom.   She & my Dad live debt-free & mortgage-free in a beautiful home on the lake.  They have the lifestyle they want because they saved when they were younger.

They have always watched their money (similar to what Dave Ramsey talks about… but much before Dave Ramsey-type programs were even popular!)  They didn’t buy things that they couldn’t afford, and they lived below their means to be able to save.

My Mom only shops the sale racks, she buys things on clearance (even though they can afford more, she watches what they spend and I’m sure she always will).   She doesn’t waste it.  As I said, she is a generous person, and I think that those things come full circle.

5) Go to church

My Mom has always had us up on Sunday morning, going to church.   It didn’t matter if we were tired, if it was cold outside, or if there was something else to do; we went to church.  It was important that we kept God first & foremost in our lives, and we went to mass every week.  

 It is an important value to teach our children.

No, going to church doesn’t make you a better Christian, but it teaches us things about God, reminds us of the truth, instills values, and helps us have a renewed connection with Christ and our family.

6) Family First

We always had dinner together when I was little.   My husband and I do this today with our own children (Here is my post on what studies say about eating dinner together as a family.)  

It is important to eat together because you really “talk” (try not to eat in front of the TV so that you can use that time to just connect… here are 10 topics to get conversations started at the dinner table.)

We knew that our family came first when we were little.  If we had something to do, our family was always involved.   We went on family vacations, spent birthdays and holidays with our families, and kept our family first.

7) Greet your child at the door.

My Mom was always waiting for us when we came home.  It is important to give your child your full attention when they see you after being away- let them know that you’ve missed them!  

Whether it be when you pick them up from preschool or daycare, or if you are seeing them when they come home from school, give them your full attention.

I can remember her being happy when we came home- She always had a snack ready for us.  (I can remember my brother having those little white powdered doughnuts & a glass of Sprite every afternoon- which would shock those that know him now because he is such a healthy eater!)

After school, my Mom would ask us about our days, while reminding us to put our backpacks, shoes & coats away.  

I think it’s important because they are willing to talk when they get home. I can see how quickly they “forget” what they did that day if I can’t get it out of them immediately.

8). Listen to your children

I watched an episode on Oprah once, where Maya Angelou told Oprah that one time her son brought her a picture that he had made, and when he showed it to her, she didn’t give him her full attention and just said something like “it’s nice”.  
He then took the picture, ripped it, and threw it away.  When she asked him why, he said it was because she didn’t like it.  She vowed then & there to pay attention to everything he showed her.

He truly valued her opinion, as I know that our children are valuing ours.  I always felt like I had my Mom’s full attention, and I still do.   I know that if I am talking to her, she is listening.  What a wonderful feeling to know that someone cares about you enough to really LISTEN.

9) Be your child’s biggest fan!

When I was in high school and on the homecoming court, my Mom gave me a card BEFORE the ceremony that said, “You will always be a queen in our eyes.” It has been almost 15 years, and I can still see her handwriting on that card.
The outcome didn’t matter— they gave me the card BEFORE the ceremony.

She and my Dad have always been our biggest fans.  They have supported our dreams, no matter what they are, and have listened to us (even when I would go “on & on & on” about the same things over & over), and they helped us.  

They have encouraged us in our education, our marriages, our dreams, our jobs, our parenting, and other big & small things in our everyday lives.

I see them encouraging our children now and being their biggest fans.  My Mom talks about all of her grandchildren with such pride and love.  I pray that I continue this with our own children.

10) Be happy with what you have and live each moment.  

This lesson was from my Grandma, passed on to my Mom.   My Grandma always said, “Are we having fun?”  She lived a relatively simple life: a little house, on the ocean, with family being the center of her life.  She was the happiest woman that I had ever met.  

Her life is one that I strive to live… being happy with what you have.  Make the most of your life.  Surround yourself with those who love you.  Live every minute to its fullest.   As my Mom says, one day, when we are old, we will have plenty of time to rest, and when that time comes, we will wish that we weren’t resting, so let’s make the most of the moments that we have. 

ONE MORE LESSON…

Here is one more important lesson that I have learned, not only from my mom, but also just from my own motherhood journey…  when our kids ask “Mommy, will you lay with me?”

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