After reading this post about night-time training on Yahoo’s website, I wanted to share my thoughts on how some kids just can’t be night-time trained. Our 2 year old is already training herself and our oldest child was night-trained at 20 months, but then our other children took much longer… and that’s OK!
So, many of you (when I say “many” I mean a TON!) have asked me how to help older children that are still wetting the bed, so today I am sharing an awesome tip from my friend, Kristy’s, pediatrician.
First, let me tell you how I was amazed at how quickly I was able to night-train our first child to use the potty. He was very young (almost two). It took only a few night and that was it- he never used a diaper again. So, I assumed that they would all be this easy.
Once our second son was born, he was potty trained in three days, as well (in the daytime). He was not quite two and I was sure that his nights would be as easy as our first child. I was wrong.
He had accidents every night.
Fast forward four years… he still wet the bed. I wouldn’t even call them accidents, because he isn’t just going once or twice. No, it is more like every few hours. He was soaking his diaper every night. As often as he goes in the day, that is how often he was going at night.
Now, I have NEVER been a pull-up person (as you know from my book, I don’t use pull-ups because I have never seen a need for them.) I don’t buy them. So, I use full diapers at night- they hold more, in my opinion, and you can pull them down just as easily if you put them on just a tad bit looser.
Ok… so what did I do to stop the night-wetting? Well, our pediatrician told us that we didn’t need to worry about it until he was 8. She said that we could give him medicine, which I was not willing to do. She said that they could do surgery down the road, if it is still an issue, but I am hoping to help him overcome this with without medical intervention.
That’s when I talked to my dear friend. Her daughter is the same age and is doing the same thing. Her daughter’s pediatrician gave her different advice and I LOVE It!
Here is what I WAS doing:
1- no drinks after dinner.
2- carrying him to the bathroom at midnight to go (or before we went to bed).
Here is the NEW advice that we are going to try:
1- Still no drinks after dinner
2- Instead of carrying him to the bathroom, wake him up!
Have him get out of bed, by himself.
Have him walk to the bathroom, by himself.
Have him wash his hands, by himself (well- you need to stay close to your child, because they are drowsy and could fall, but they are doing the rest.
Do not carry them. You WANT them to remember waking up to go by themselves. In the past, so many times I would ask our son “Do you remember Mommy taking you to the potty last night?” and he would say “No.”
This new way is different… You want them to know what is going on.
The reason that you are waking him? This is causing his body to recognize that he needs to physically wake up and walk himself to the bathroom. He is creating a habit of waking up at night. He is telling his body: “I need to wake up and go to the bathroom.” He is making all of the effort on his part, so his body is learning to wake up.
The doctor also said this… “IT WILL TAKE 6-8 WEEKS FOR THIS TO HAPPEN WITHOUT YOUR HELP… 6 -8 weeks to see real results (dry diapers or sheets in the morning).”
Yes, it will take some effort, but in the end, it will be worth it.
Good luck!
So, tell me… what advice have you received? What have you been trying?
Ps- if your child has a sleepover- here is some advice to help in that area (because accidents can be embarrassing).
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
A Baker says
I just came across this article on Pinterest and I find it pretty helpful. I have a 6 ½ yr old daughter who, within the past few months) has started sleepwalking and bedwetting. We have no idea what started it and she is a very very deep sleeper so it is surprising to us. I am losing my mind over it!
She wakes at least once a night, sometimes stays in bed and begins to talk, other times she gets up and stands in her bedroom and pees right in the middle of the floor (her eyes are closed, she’s asleep). Other times she walks aimlessly around the house and then just randomly pees somewhere. Tonight she went to the kitchen, sat on a chair and peed all over it then got up and was going to go back to bed.
When you attempt to guide her to the bathroom or talk to her she does not understand or comprehend ANYTHING you are saying to her. She will not wake up fully, its like sleepwalking. She doesn’t even remember when you successfully walk her to her bedroom. The times she has soaked her mattress and sees us cleaning it the next day, she claims she doesn’t remember – then she will make a comment like “I slept against the wall after I peed so i didn’t get wet”. So now we know sometimes she DOES know she’s doing it, she just doesn’t tell anyone.
I stop her fluid intake at 7pm (she goes to bed at 9pm) and we have been doing this since she was potty trained at age 3. If we hear her talking to herself in her sleep or moving a lot, we go in and make her go to the bathroom. But, the times she is unresponsive and just plain cannot comprehend what we are saying to her I’m assuming she is sleep walking – those are the times she just pees on the floor standing up (or doing something else). My next step is the doctor. I don’t know what else to do 🙁
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
They told me not to worry until he was 8. I know that it is so hard to wait…
Darlene says
My now 8 yr old had the same problem in Kindergarten. She would actually get out of bed and then not be awake enough to know what to do from there. She’d stand there in her room and pee on the floor and then she’d cry because she was distraught about it IN her sleep. Scared me to death. She got a little older and started being able to open doors which made me even more freaked out. She walked out of a hotel room one night while she was staying with her dad and stepmom. Now that terrified me. A lot. :/
I learned to reduce her liquids toward the evening and she has to go to the bathroom right before she lays down to sleep (no exceptions) and later before I go to bed I go check on her to see if she rouses any at all when I sneak in the room. If so, I guide her to the bathroom and assist her to go potty. Also, any noises can rouse their functions to go. So maybe a fan running in the room can keep them from hearing noises that set off their need to go potty. Like when we wake up in the morning and need to go. It’s similar. I noticed that during the deep sleeps, this is the most problematic. So during her first deep sleep cycle, I try to fill those gaps with me still being up before I go to bed and then checking her before I do to insure that she is not squirming around in her sleep. Hope you find that notch that works for your household. 🙂
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Thanks!!
Tove stakkestad says
Our 7 year old boy still wets the bed, but his 5 year old brother is dry every night. Our pediatrician also said for us not to worry for another few years. But I like the advice of waking them up and teaching them to recognize the signs that they need to go. Thank you for reminding me to do this while we are in the middle of summer – perfect time to start this.
I DO love that the pediatrician’s are telling parents not to worry – so the days of shaming your kids because of bedwetting are far behind us – those things happened to lots of my friends growing up – and it’s so sad.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
yes, that is such a great point (about not shaming them, because they are embarrassed enough already. They know that they don’t want to be doing it, but can’t seem to help it.)
MJ says
Our paed said not to worry too. My son is 6, heavily wets overnight, has high functioning autism and honestly no desire at the moment to night train :/ His sister has been night trained since she was 3 (this time last year). Not a big enough issue to cause a fuss over yet, we might give night training a go in summer (it’s the middle of winter here now), and if I can get his father on board – complex custody issues.
Definitely not alone in this issue!!
Elina says
I have a six and a half yr old who wets the bed every night. I moved to pull-ups with him because diapers make him feel embarrassed since he is aware they are used for babies, (he has a younger sister) but he is such a deep sleeper he doesn’t wake up and often also soaks through several layers of bedding (including padding meant for bed wetting). His doctor also told us that it is still normal and not to worry which I think is a good thing but sometimes I feel they are almost too laid back. I don’t want medication, but more practical advice on how to stop this cycle. He is getting to the age now that I’m afraid it will start affecting his self-esteem. I bought an alarm for bed wetting and I’m going to try that on Christmas break to see if it will help. I’m planning on sleeping in his room for a week so I can get up every time the alarm goes off and help him wake up to go the bathroom. That’s the plan for now.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Come back & let me know how it works!
Elizabeth says
I have a 6 yr old son, who has been potty trained since he was 2. He was easy to train. He would even wake him self up at night to go. After about a year he started having accidents frequently and always wet the bed. I made sure he didn’t have anything to drink after supper and I started getting him up every night, and taking him to the potty. I didn’t want to put a pull-up on him, fearful that it would embarrass or discourage him. 3 yrs later and one ruined mattress, this mom is at her wits end! He is now wearing pull-ups and still wets through them on occasion.
I haven’t tried completely waking him up. Hopefully this will do the trick! Thank you so much for your articles! I love them:)
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Good luck!
ps- thank you!
Talia says
I’m clicking here from your Quick Fix for changing sheets article (fabulous advice there as well). I absolutely love the idea of waking my daughter up and having her go to the bathroom before I go to bed. Definitely will be trying that. Thank you!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Oh great – good luck!
Shel says
My son is 5 1/2. He potty trained very early and was out of diapers. Before he was two. This last year he has started wetting the bed. We wake him before we turn I. And he gets no drinks after dinner. He knows it happens and gets up and rushes in to the rest room. When I ask what happened he says he didn’t want to get up he wanted to sleep. I don’t want to resort to diapers. And I’ve done all the suggestions.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our doctor told us to just “give it time” and they will outgrow it before they are 8 years old and not to worry until then.
Sasha says
Our pediatrician explained that the hormones help regulate urination during the night. Perhaps that is why some say 8 years old as the hormone levels begin to change (we were told it should by teen years and I read many parents say that was when it just stopped, nothing had to be done about it.) There is a difference between not waking up to urinate and wetting the bed occasionally. Couple things to keep in mind – has child ever really been dry at night? Is there any one else in the family with similar childhood experience? The reality is that you can walk or carry them to the bathroom as much as you like but their body will get there at the time it is ready. It is completely normal but doesn’t meet our expectations of normal. Once we accept that our children are growing differently rather than abnormally we can take the stress and pressure of night waking. Rather than interrupt our son’s sleep night after night for months (and not seeing any change) we realized that it wasn’t the best thing we could do for him. Not to mention the feeling he had of not being able to “be normal.” (His much younger brother trained quickly and never wore pull ups and we did nothing differently – they are physically different) best of luck to everyone!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Hmm… that makes sense!
Lisa says
My daughter was almost 8 when I took her to a pediatric urologist because she was wetting about once a month. They recommended an elimination recognition training regimen for her as well and it worked fantastically. Every 2 hours we had to remind her to go during the day, and the same as is described here for nighttime. She has not had an accident since.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Awesome!
CAnderson says
My daughter is 8.5 and still wets the bed every night. I have cut her off from drinks by 7:30pm. She then gets ready for bed and goes pee at 9pm. I wake her up at 11pm and 1am and she again pees both times. When I wake her at night she gets up and walks there herself as I have been not been able to carry her for years now. Some morning she is dry but others she is wet even after going twice in the night. I took her to the doctor and she was tested for juvenile diabetes and they also did an ultrasound of her bladder and kidneys to check how they function. Every test came back normal and the doctor just suggested again limiting liquids after a certain time and even getting a calender and sticks to make the dry nights in hopes of boosting her confidence. Nothing I have tired has seem to work and it only seems to be getting worse. I am at my wits end and so is she. If anyone has any suggestions or comments I would love to hear them. Thank you
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our doctor told us not to worry until they are ten years old (I just asked last week).
emma says
My son is 7 1/2 and still wets frequently. Sometimes twice a night. We are on our second attempt at the alarm but not seeing much progress 🙁 We thought at first it was working but I think he just gets used to it! He is a very lazy drinker which we are trying to encourage him to drink more throughout the day as we have been told this will increase his bladder size and what he can hold through the night. We have been advised our next option is medication which really concerns me.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
Our doctor told us that until they were between 8 & 10, we shouldn’t worry and that SO MANY parents deal with it, but are embarrassed to say anything, so only the dr. hears the many complaints, but it isn’t something that parents talk about with one another.
Tabitha Teeter says
We were also told everything was normal when my 6 1/2 yo was still wetting the bed half the week. But I did notice it immediately stopped when we removed the foods she was sensitive or intolerant to. Just wanted to throw that out there if these strategies still don’t stop the bedwetting after a couple months. She’s 13 now and has those foods but the bed wetting hasn’t returned.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
OH- thank you, Tabitha! That will be really helpful to so many parents!
Mervat says
What foods was she sensitive to?
Sierra says
Hello, thank you for your post. I have a 7 year old daughter who heavily wets the bed and I haven’t done a thing yet, we also do pull ups. She is frustrated about it and I try to let her know her time will come and I will help with whatever she wants.
As a child I was a bedwetter. It was alfull and not something I wanted. Sleepovers were fun but also hard. Just wanted to tell you all to keep up your awesome attitude toward your children it really makes a difference. My mom never once got upset and always helped me out. She was very patient. It took me a long time to finally have dry nights. It was the summer after I graduated hight school and was about to leave for college. Childhood nights were rough, but the love, understanding and kindness my mom and dad showed made all the difference in the world.
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
I was, too (& my mom was so patient & sweet about it, as well – it really helped me to not feel bad about it).
Victoria says
My stepdaughter is 8. Pees day and night. We constantly remind her to go about every 30 to an hour. Wake her up at night. Her mother has taken her to different physicians, they have tried several different meds and have now diagnosed her ADHD. And she is not!! She is a normal 8 yr old girl that pees. She is a middle child at both homes. Her mother has gotten her one of the bed alarms and will put her in pull ups, which I don’t agree with. We are out of ideas 🙁
Becky Smith says
Psh I’ve been doing this with my daughter for 6+ months (the whole wake up and make her walk to bathroom) and it has done no good.
Janice says
I agree. My mom woke me up and took me to the bathroom for YEARS and it didn’t help. I still wet the bed every couple nights it seems like until I was about 13 or 14. I just had to grow out of it.
Lauren says
This is all good advice, but coming from a neurological standpoint- this is actually disturbing his neuro development!
Heather says
I just wondered how many times a night we should get the kids up to go (we were doing before we went to bed and 1x throughout the night)….or does it matter if when we wake them up their pull-ups are already wet (I.e. Should we try to wake them up an hour earlier if so)….
Any help would be great!
VtMama says
PLEASE try the the Nytone alarm!! It is a little clip that attaches to your kids underwear and an alarm goes off at the first sign of wetness. My boy was wetting every night past his 6th birthday, sometimes more than once. It was tough. First night with the Nytone (which he personalised with one of the cool stickers they send with it) and he woke up right away when the alarm went off, went to the bathroom, and all was good! After a few nights, less than a week, he was totally dry all night!! And it stayed this way with only one period of relapse so far (the week he started 1st grade). We put the alarm back on and he got right back to dry nights again in a few days. I can still not believe how well it worked for him! Please try it!!
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Erin says
Thanks for writing this! You really know how keep someone engaged in your writing.
I shared this on Twitter and my friends enjoyed reading it too.
Helpful reader says
I don’t think you can really train a child to not wet the bed since a good portion of children don’t wet the bed. Waking up dry is just something that happens when the nerves in a child’s bladder sends signal to brain, which naturally wakes up the child.
I’m no expert on bed wetting, nor do I have children. However, I am interested in child development, so I have read information on the subject. Other than limiting his beverage intake, I would make sure he is not constipated, which can interfere with the nerve signals in the bladder. There have even ben studies that link between vitamin B12 and folate. I encourage you to research on your own since doctors don’t always have the answers. If this continues past the age of eight his doctor should start doing more test to find out what is the medical reason behind his bed wetting.
Just remember this to shall pass, and remind him that every one is different, and every thing happens in its own time. Remind him of all his the things he’s is able to do to improve his self esteem. Praise him for how he is handling the situation even if he feels ashamed. Teach him about problems that other children have, like motion sickness. Just like a child can’t help it if a car ride upsets his stomach, he can’t help if his bladder isn’t sending the signal to his brain.
Carol says
Having 3 bedwetters has presented its challenges to us. We’ve tried alarms, night waking, lifting everything but medications as we feel its not a good idea to medicate. After spending a lot on disposable pants for all 3 we finally settled on a good cloth diaper with a cover. This has worked so well for us meaning virtually no leaks ever and the kids getting a good nights uninterrupted sleep. Our oldest stopped wetting at night 3 1/2 months ago and has stayed dry since. So now we have 2 wetters still wetting the bed every night. The diaper and cover insuring them a good nights sleep and a brighter happier kid waking up.
Danielle says
I don’t give my six year old anything to drink after dinner but I can’t get him to stop opening his mouth in the shower/bath. He wets the bed almost every night. I get him up at night and make him walk to the bathroom but he won’t go, just cries. He’s a really deep sleeper. He has a development delay but has been training during the day since three. I don’t know what else to try.
Trula says
I hope you’ve had some “luck”/ seen improvement in Thebes wetting arena! My 6 yo. child also has developmental delays and she is wetting the bed at night – also happens to cry and get upset about getting up to go but I think also hates sitting in her urine. She’s been way better at going during the day- but for some reason she’s been going through phases of absolutely refusing to keep on any pants and will wake up upset that she wet the bed again. I think she is so tired she doesn’t want to get up but also doesn’t want to be wet and has a hard time understanding the need to give a little- (prioritizing being dry over laying down). I wish I could figure out how to get her to understand it’s worth it. So far rewards only work for short times and there’s only so much we can afford to offer- especially when she won’t really communicate to us to barter!
Trula says
My daughter is almost 7 and autistic and has adhd We have to make her drink water- and no other liquids after 5 so I know it’s not that. She still will pee a lot in bed. Lately she’s been great at using the toilet during the day but at night refuses to wear diapers and will move towels (I don’t know if we would have hope of the disposable mats staying put). I try to get her to the toilet at night- have found her without pants and tell her to get up and half the time she will urinate right there just looking at me and she get’s mad as I tell her to get up. (I literally can’t get her out of bed). I felt bad putting wet diapers back on her when that happens and for the next week we are out of diapers, blankets, sheets, and money (to replace/do laundry..wish we had or own w/d) Her room smells like vinegar and urine (since I’m not going to treat her bed in the middle of the night). We only give her melatonin which hardly seems to help her sleep. Problem is she will be super tired and almost asleep- wake herself up peeing and not want to move. I find her awake and wet and angry, but she’s either peed in her diaper and thrown it off or worse had taken it off after I had assumed she was asleep. (I swear she does take it off in her sleep). There’s no way I could keep one on her without restraining her hips/hands and I don’t want to do that in any way. We also literally can’t afford to have this reoccurring problem. Let alone it’s got to be unhealthy for her to end up lying in her urine almost every night. We were considering medication for her adhd because it’s pretty bad but I wouldn’t want to make this problem worse and deal with side effects!!!
Becky (Your Modern Family) says
We ordered a bed-wetting alarm for one of our kids & it worked SO well.
Kerri says
We have had issues with my step children bed wetting because at their moms they wear pull ups to bed (7 and 6 years old) when they are here for 5 days we have one or two nights of wetting, the rest are dry and we do not use pull ups. They are extremely embarrassed to talk about it but they also hide it from us which then leads to them sleeping in soiled sheets. We have tried to communicate with mom about the issue but she didn’t respond, months later mom took both kids to the Dr and the Dr put them on desmopressin which father argued was not a good idea and that mother need only to stop putting them in pull ups.
I 100% agree with your post that it takes a little bit of work and some nights will have accidents and some won’t but you have to let their body become aware of what is happening, bladder control is learned not given.
Mother is lazy and only wants to do what is easiest for her. At our home we wake them before we head to bed and make them go to the bathroom, this has helped tremendously. When asked, both kids say mom doesn’t wake them at her home because she is sleeping, yet she thinks putting them on a medication that basically shuts down the kidney is the answer. Oi
Corrine J. says
Our daughter is 13 and going thru puberty that is causing her to bedwet. I did some research and found that it is ‘normal’ for some girls to wet the bed during puberty as their bodies change.Her doctor told me that there is really nothing that can be done about it,that she will out grow in in time. She has been wearing cloth diapers and plastic pants[aka-rubberpants] to bed since her bedwetting started and she is fine with them.She understands that we are not polluting the landfill with disposable diapers or goodnites.I use regular diaper pins with her cloth diapers and also baby powder and lotion when i do her diapering.Her rubberpants are adult size and fit her blousy for comfort and being a ‘girly’ girl her rubberpants are in pastel colors and some with babyprints on them.
Lindsay Ingram says
Thank you for sharing 🙂